After an entire day of fiddling with MV, PIXI, TexturePacker, Crunch and Powershell, I finally managed to get DXT textures loading in RPG Maker. They work in both .DDS (uncompressed) and .CRN (crunch compression) formats.
Only downside is crunch compression is lossy, so pixel art spritesheets don't look as nice, while .DDS looks perfect but the file size is quite a bit more than optimized PNGs.
The Loco-Motion song pre-dates the dance. Meaning the lyrics are kinda misleading. "Everybody's doing a brand new dance now"... No they weren't, you just used peer pressure to trick everyone into going along with it.