RachelTheSeeker

RachelTheSeeker

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Let there be fire 31 From Lockport, NY
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  • RachelTheSeeker
    I'm saying this here because it's been screaming to get out of my head.

    I am retiring from RPG Maker. I've put off being an author long enough by my own insecurities, and I can't have both. I keep coming back to RM but truth be told, I'm no indie dev. I don't see a point in wasting time with efforts that feel fruitless. I care more about the stories I return, to again and again, than their actual gameplay.
    RachelTheSeeker
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    The Stranger
    You know, i have fond memories of my first game too. Sure, it wasn't great, but it was a finished game that was full of passion. It wasn't bogged down by trying to make it more than it was - a fun hobby project.
    The Stranger
    Our dreams and ambitions have a nasty way of distracting us from the here and now. Why bother with these trivial things when we could be working towards our dream? We rarely, however, achieve such dreams even should we spend the rest of our days pursuing them, but we do miss out on so many little moments because of them. I think you should go ahead and make that little game. :)
    cthulhusquid
    cthulhusquid
    I never finished my first game, in fact the only thing I've ever finished was for the One Map Challenge. It wasn't a game, more like a cutscene, but at least it got completed.
    I've been very busy with another one of my hobbies this past week or 2, so I haven't had much time to work on my game projects. However, I will again starting today.
    RachelTheSeeker
    You thought you were cured? There's a reason it's called a disability, dear. This is "cured" as much as a wheelchair-bound paralytic is.
    • Sad
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    Philosophus Vagus
    Philosophus Vagus
    Depends on the disability and depends on your perspective. I worked very hard and went through a lot of **** to get to a place where I now feel that my disability doesn't actively interfere with my ability to earn a living or to adapt to the world around me...maybe 'cured' is the wrong word, but I don't feel that I need to lean on my so-called disability as a crutch anymore either.
    Philosophus Vagus
    Philosophus Vagus
    Which isn't to say that it doesn't exist any longer, but I feel that I've worked really hard to get to the place that I am and that thinking of myself as actively disabled is a bit disingenuous in my own mind at this point even if as a younger adult I was literally on disability ssi for it and incapable of holding down a job or even staying in school because of it.
    Philosophus Vagus
    Philosophus Vagus
    But that's just me and aspergers/anxiety disorder, and nothing about my personal perspective on myself is meant to be a judgement on anyone else. Just the perspective I've come through over time, not voiced as a means of discrediting your perspective but just demonstrating that perspectives and circumstances can differ on this topic.
    RachelTheSeeker
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    The Stranger
    You'll get there... one day. lol. I've pretty much given up on my game. It no longer interested me, and I came to realise I actually didn't enjoy making games as much as I thought. Chalk it up to a sunk cost fallacy that I kept at it for this long.
    RachelTheSeeker
    RachelTheSeeker
    @The Stranger Ack, I'm sorry to hear that about your own game. I definitely get that feeling about sunk cost. Truth be told, I'd like to try and make a different game starring my main OC, instead of trying to make the same big game twice. That said, I've got smaller projects before then. And I still can't decide if I wanna make games or be a writer. I can't seem to give up either.
    The Stranger
    Yeah, it can be hard to give up things we've poured so much time and effort into. I gave up game making because I realised I enjoyed the writing and design stuff (characters, places, etc) far, far more than putting it all together into the game. In fact, I hated eventing, balancing battles, and all that tedious crap. So now I'm focusing on my 3D art, even got commissioned twice so far, something I wasn't expecting.
    RachelTheSeeker
    I present to you all my crackpot theory. That Black Magic in FF2 might literally be "black magic" -- evil, or at least "dark". Faboo.

    (EDIT: Holy cow, I didn't wanna spam the whole Reddit post, forum. :x)
    RachelTheSeeker
    Cutting content ain't easy. But come 2022, I intend to get my rear in gear once more to tell a more concise story. Much as I wanted it to be my magnum opus, I will happily settle for a rough start to a great series if I can.
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    RachelTheSeeker
    RachelTheSeeker
    Agreed. Very, very agreed. Usually I'm forced to for game jams I've completed, and not being able to cut stuff was the reason why I failed other ones. It's definitely hard to do when you don't have a hard deadline. ;-;
    Prescott
    Prescott
    That's what I'm going to have to do with my game as well. End of 2022 is when my cut off is for actually adding things (not fixing them, want to still have things work). I've been working on it since 2015.
    I have never had a project I wanted to work on for so long so I think it got a little out of control xD
    KazukiT
    KazukiT
    I sometimes have trouble with this too, my mind wonders why something is the way it is in the game world and I keep mentally answering it. Then next thing I know the game is bigger than I thought.
    RachelTheSeeker
    So, after refreshing myself on my first ever game, cringe as it is? ...uh, is it bad I wanna incorporate bits and pieces into a modern project?
    RachelTheSeeker
    Tell it to me straight, doc. If I've been trying to piece together a "shorter" game to learn stuff outside of game jams... am I just running away from my WIP? :v
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    alice_gristle
    alice_gristle
    Aww, I said that all wrong then! :kaoswt: Basically I tried to say, working on the smaller game is okay and ignoring the WIP is okay... Ahh, dammit, sorry, I knew I shouldn't have opened my mouth. :frown:
    RachelTheSeeker
    RachelTheSeeker
    @alice_gristle It's whatever. It's not like I didn't wanna assume the worst anyway. It's also not like I've been trying to retire from this hobby for the past couple months too. You're not doing anything wrong. I'm just too angry at myself to figure it out.
    Lornsteyn
    Lornsteyn
    Well, at least you completed some games.^^
    If you have an idea for a longer game, than "just do it". No fear! xD
    Nothing wrong doing a short game so, but If you are dreaming of doing a big project have the idea and skill to do it, then I wouldnt wait any longer.
    RachelTheSeeker
    "Yeah. It's been a rough road lately. But that's the thing about the Rangers. It doesn't matter how hard it gets, or how many of them fall. They never stop fighting. The Rangers NEVER stop fighting".

    Angela Deth, you are a hero of mine. Sorry for my first run of Wasteland 3.
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    Philosophus Vagus
    Philosophus Vagus
    Man did wasteland 3 really botch her character bad in places though, not sure if it was intentional 'you either die a hero or live long enough to become a villain' stuff or maybe she's supposed to be crazy from all the losses in the prior games but a lot of her roll in wasteland 3 made absolutely no sense for her character or even just in general.
    RachelTheSeeker
    RachelTheSeeker
    That, sadly, I do agree with. I guess they were aiming for PTSD getting to her after the prior game's events. I couldn't side with her plan as presented. Apparently if you go for the golden ending -- which I am this second time through -- you can course-correct her plans.
    RachelTheSeeker
    I'm sorry. I have a bad feeling I've been manic the past couple of days. Antidepressants have only been making things worse somehow -- too drowsy to function, followed by insomnia. Why not making me go crazy to boot?
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    The Stranger
    @Sharm Probably for the best, to be honest. I currently have to take my antidepressants because if I don't I'm subjected to uncomfortable brain shocks and other nasty effects. However, taking them also causes problems. It's just a lose-lose situation. Been thinking about reducing doses until I'm off them completely, because they're not doing a thing for me; the past week is proof of that.
    TheGentlemanLoser
    TheGentlemanLoser
    WaywardMartian
    WaywardMartian
    Antidepressants have helped me a lot, but it's different for everyone and I got lucky that the first type of meds I tried worked for me. If you haven't been on them long, they do mess you up for the first few weeks. If it's been a while, talk to your doctor since they're not working for you. I hope you do find what does work for you.
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    RachelTheSeeker
    Sharing my past was a mistake. Will delete the post when I get access to a working internet connection again.
    RachelTheSeeker
    The more I read Calvin and Hobbes as an adult, the more I deeply respect Bill Watterson. Plenty of stuff flew over my head, but now that I'm old enough to appreciate the viewpoints he shared with the fun and imagination? I am grateful that C&H was basically my early childhood.
    RachelTheSeeker
    2021 has been the runner-up for the worst year of my life. 2015 may take that title, but '21 is pushing it. Excuses really don't justify how much of a jerk I've been this year to a lot of people.

    I'm sorry. I don't intend to be a jerk forever, but I'd rather back up my intent with actions, not words.
    RachelTheSeeker
    I've gotten far enough to show off most of my intro dungeon, barring the opening boss fight. Meet Raziya, heroine of A Lion in Scarlet. See her beat up and incinerate goblins, and explain game mechanics!
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    Kes
    Kes
    Nice, but I do find your text difficult to read, there is so little contrast with the window skin.
    RachelTheSeeker
    RachelTheSeeker
    @Kes Ah, duly noted. Do you think it was the text itself, the window skin color, or something else?
    Kes
    Kes
    For me this issue was that the font colour was, if not actually identical, almost identical with the window skin colour. That just left the font outline to do all the heavy lifting of separating the letters out from the background.
    RachelTheSeeker
    So something kinda cool happened in Final Fantasy Tactics today while streaming. Saved for posterity. Not safe anywhere a sudden vulgar shout could get you in trouble.

    EDIT: No idea why the link isn't working?
    RachelTheSeeker
    RMN 14th birthday game is completed! If interested, check it out at this page under my account AtiyaTheSeeker! Is a scavenger hunt game with some dialogue, took me about 15-20 minutes to play.
    BirfdayYeen.png
    RachelTheSeeker
    I think I've got the RMN birthday game ~80% finished, at least before playtesting and any victory lap additions. And likely more playtesting after, in case I break something. For now?
    1622919974070.png
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