I should really stop chanting 'JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!' to people walking over the freeway overpass from my 9th floor studio apartment. They say things like,"I'm just walking my dog or I'm just jogging." There isn't enough dark humor on this site.
My mom keeps sending me links to events I have no interest in. I told her to stop. But she keeps doing it. So I have 2 choices. Block my mom on FB.Or send her endless cat video from youtube. Gona go with 2.
Who remembers infamous peloton commercial? Here is how it should have ended... wife: "I got you something too". She points.Husband: "That's just our couch." She nods. Wife:That's where you'll be sleeping for the next 2 weeks for suggesting my 132 lb body needs to lose weight."
So I was at the dentist yesterday and she said,"I'm gonna propose to Dr. Anderson...(Then she paused as she thought what to say). And I said,"I think he is a little old for you." She laughed good naturedly. Then she jabbed sharp things in my mouth for the next 3 hours.
"Consider this a hostile takeover," the otherworldly villain know as The Acquirer began. He was dressed in a type of corporate suit and tie. "Your world will be liberated of thought and free will. We will keep you happy, healthy and give your life purpose," He reasoned. "I'm already serving my purpose," Alex said behind cover. She rose up and shot down one of the closest raptor drones before quickly ducking back down
So looks like the last Star Wars movie sucked. We feared George would kill his own legacy after Episode 1. But look like he handed off to others to put it out of its misery. Does that count as assisted suicide?
Finally found someone to make battlers for me. Just wants $50 for a small one. And $75 for a big one. So who wants to help me make a GoFundMe page? Scratch that. How much can I get for a kidney on the black market?
I had some asian girls in my mouth the other day. When the one assisting said,"We may look alike but we are completely different people." I didn't know if that was a remark about asian people looking alike or b/c they both had surgical masks on.