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Philosophus Vagus
Philosophus Vagus
Took me eleven years before I visited my dad's grave, and even then I was only there because I was attending my grandfather's burial in the same cemetery.

For some reason I'm an ******* when it comes to sentimental/memorial stuff, I can't make myself feel anything for it, positive or negative.
Philosophus Vagus
Philosophus Vagus
Wish I could've smiled. Instead I just stood there for a few minutes feeling like a dick over the fact I didn't feel anything at all, then left.
samkfj
samkfj
I don't like visiting it... I don't like to imagine the human body is at rest. I like to--imagine, maybe even pretend... that my dad is having the time of his afterlife somewhere.

I mostly don't like to visit--because I don't like to be sad. I hate sadness more than any feeling in the world. But today--I managed to smile, maybe--I finally let go today.
Philosophus Vagus
Philosophus Vagus
It's nice to be at peace even in the midst of loss. I spent a lot of years letting my losses hold me back, blaming them for my refusal to grow as a person. Then again, perhaps that's simply the difference in how a child processes the loss of a loved on and how an adult does it.
Philosophus Vagus
Philosophus Vagus
I honestly think I finally let go of the loss of my father when my dog died (the dog who had been with me since before that loss), I've never grieved anything in life the way I did when he past but as guilty as I felt at the time about that fact the more I think about it I realize that was the first time I've ever really grieved at all and I think there was a lot more tied into those feelings than just my dog.
samkfj
samkfj
Yeah--I understand. It's something we as humans need to do eventually--to just let it happen. To grieve when we have to--not when anyone else tells us we should--but when we're ready to let go. I dunno, but am glad you could finally do it.
Philosophus Vagus
Philosophus Vagus
Sorry if all that was too...I don't know, insensitive? Accentuated? I started out just trying to show my empathy with your status but then got all retrospective and wistful and shifted the conversation entirely.
samkfj
samkfj
No, bro. Don't worry. That's what I live for. To find common ground with my pals, and keep the conversations going. It's in my nature to listen.
BadLittleSeed
BadLittleSeed
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
samkfj
samkfj
The last two lines of that poem are what I want on my grave. My girl already knows.
BadLittleSeed
BadLittleSeed
I've always been fond of that poem.

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