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chalkdust
chalkdust
Move to your dream city, far enough away that you only have to see them on rare occasions.
Shaz
Shaz
That's the plan, but due to my dad being sick and me being the only one who actually wants to help him, I have to hang around here for as long as he needs me.
Shaz
Shaz
I don't actually see them very often - there's just facebook, and phones.  What I'd really like is a nice way to lose contact with all of them without actually moving.
MadMaus
MadMaus
Well it's hard to think logically, judge and try to find solutions for other people's life over the internet but since you rarely see them you could try to avoid most contact over social networks and phones, unless strictly necessary (Like unfollowing them on social networks, setting your network status as "appear offline", not answering calls when you're doing something else, that's what I do...). On the other hand, if they keep coming to you with silly issues or trying to mess up your life, you won't have another choice other than try to argue with them uprightly. If that doesn't work... I really don't know.

It need a lot of will, but may work for you.
ALTERED STATE ?
ALTERED STATE ?
My toxic family lives right across the field and I don't want to move but my mom and sister does, we don't talk at all and we are in a situation like you, my grandpa is sick and almost everyone in my family is only helping to make them selves look good.


Block them? Get a new phone number or... A retaining order


What if I am a clone of you?
Shaz
Shaz
lol - the argument is happening right now :)   I'm so tired of them saying one thing to my face then making accusations and telling lies to everyone else when I'm not around ... as if they think I'll never talk to the other person.


I've thought of blocking them on facebook and blocking their phones, but we do need a way to contact each other due to dad.


@Altered State - only helping to make themselves look good - you've got it spot on there, buddy!  They don't even help - they organize other people but don't do anything themselves, and then tell everyone how great they are.  Or they make excuses for why everyone else can't help either.
chalkdust
chalkdust
Facebook has some intermediate options to unfollow someone so you stay "friends" but won't see them in your feed anymore. I've done that with most of my family since I'm so culturally different from them (they're all US Southern redneck types and I'm more of an academic and scientist) and we don't get along much. There are also apps that'll silence calls from specific numbers you specify and just give you a notification.
MadMaus
MadMaus
You have ways to show to other people they are telling those lies and everything?

Besides, you don't need to call them or permanently block them forever. You have just to ignore. They are the problem, not you. Let them come for you when they need and that's all. I think this type of people just do what they do for attention, and the worst thing to do to one who begs for attention is not to give it.
Shaz
Shaz
The real discussion was had via facebook, so I have proof of what was said between the two of us.  What I don't have proof of was the verbal conversation that was had between the other parties, where the lies and the accusations were made, and of course that's going to become a "he said, she said" event - according to her, she never said those things at all, and he's just remembering it all wrong.  But I know she says things like that to me about other people (including other family members), and he has no issues remembering things that he and I do or talk about, so I know she's lying.  It would be fun to get them both into a room together and just have her explain again, in front of him, how she didn't say those things and he's got it all wrong and he's forgetting things.  But I don't want to see all hell break loose today :)
taarna23
taarna23
Yeah, I just stay away from family I can't stand. My sister's husband is one of those people that thinks they know everything and likes to explain computer stuff to me. You know, the college graduate, with a job? Bah, what do I know, right?


My sister still acts like she's so much better than I am. She was the family favourite for a long time, simply because she was a better liar. Now I'm the one that actually graduated school and am working in the field in which I trained. However, she still presents this misplaced moral superiority. So, I just stay away, and be thankful that I can.
taarna23
taarna23
Off topic: Shaz, your siggy image is borked!
Shaz
Shaz
mmm - looks okay to me?  I don't even know where to change it - can't see a Signature option in profile edit ...
Simon D. Aelsi
Simon D. Aelsi
If they're family, they still have to know that they way they treat you is NOT okay. If they're EXTENDED family, they need to know that if they continue to disrespect you, then (insert your own things here).  


For me, it was "You've lost all my respect. Just because you're old doesn't give you the right or license to run my life and tell me what to aspire to do for a living.
Shaz
Shaz
Sadly, my extended family (Mark's family) are all amazing and supportive of each other in EVERY aspect.  Wish MY family could be just a LITTLE bit like them.

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