Comments on Profile Post by Parallax Panda

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  2. slimmmeiske2
    slimmmeiske2
    I've noticed that as a "solution" I cycle through my interests/hobbies. Which makes it impossible to get very far with some of them ^^;
    Mar 13, 2018
  3. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @Chiara Exactly like you say. The fact that I'm a perfectionist doesn't make it any better, since that only makes everything even more time & resource consuming (ensuring that I'll never finish anything unless I really, really focus). Gah! I really need to sort though this part of myself.
    Mar 13, 2018
  4. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @The Stranger Exactly. I'm trying to think about my interests reasonably and ask myself, "which ones will be best for me in the long run", but the answer isn't always so obvious - and rarely the one you'd want to hear. RM-deving for example is something that takes LOTS of time... and I enjoy it but... I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't pour this much time into something like this?
    Mar 13, 2018
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  5. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @slimmmeiske2 Same as me, I've been cycling though hobbies for many, many years. Add to that my sense of perfectionism and the result is me never finishing ANYTHING. I'm seriously messed up and I need to do something about this because it's making me miserable and I desperately need to change.
    Mar 13, 2018
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  6. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    ...I've nothing to show for all the thousands(!) of hours I've spent on my hobbies. I draw, but I don't have an online gallery (not even a dA account). I write, but I don't have a blog. I've 1359 hours logged into RPG maker MV (not counting VxAce or XP)... and I've not finished a single game. Not one. Come to think of it, I've not even shared a single screenshot of a game online. Everything I do, it's the same.
    Mar 13, 2018
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  7. Chiara
    Chiara
    If it distresses you this much, you could try and cut some of them out for a while at first. Just to see what life without them would be like. I tried that myself, and I now know even if I don't necessarily have much to show for (some of) it, I can't live without drawing, writing and making games.
    Mar 13, 2018
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  8. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @Chiara I think that's what I might have to do, but I've a hard time sacrificing anything. Visual art is probably my highest priority among my interests, and since the year started I've succeeded in drawing (a little) EVERY day. It's is a nice achievement considering it's been 72 days (and counting!), but it's mostly scribbles and doodles. Hardly anything worthy of showing to the world.
    Mar 13, 2018
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  9. The Stranger
    The Stranger
    It's as you've said, @Parallax Panda, the answer is rarely the one you want to hear. We sometimes pour so much time, money and energy into something, that we can't bear the thought of giving it up, even if in doing so we would improve our lives in the long run. It's also scary how similar you sound to me. xD
    Mar 13, 2018
  10. The Stranger
    The Stranger
    I've finished a single game, but never shared it. I seem to never finish anything, and it has taken me years to even accept that this is a real problem which I need help to overcome. I think it's good that you've recognised that you need to make changes, but now you need to work towards making those changes happen. It wont be quick, and may not be easy, but you recognise that it must be done for your own good.
    Mar 13, 2018
  11. Matseb2611
    Matseb2611
    A big trade-off of life. A masterful specialist in one field or a so-so generalist in many. If I may suggest - give yourself some goals. Set it up as checkpoints so that you start with moderate goals rather than asking what will be useful 10 years from now. E.g. with RM, you can aim to have a short game done within a few months and release it no matter how imperfect it is. Then up the challenge for the next one.
    Mar 13, 2018
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  12. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @Chiara But taking all that into consideration, drawing is most likely not one of the things I ought to stop doing. RPG maker on the other hand, might be. But even just considering it pains me since I've invested so much time, energy and even money into this hobby already. To leave it like this without ever have finished anything wouldn't feel right. But, it might still be the right thing to do. I don't know.
    Mar 13, 2018
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  13. slimmmeiske2
    slimmmeiske2
    As for the finishing anything: I find setting small goals helps. It also helps if I post them somewhere public (like on this forum). Joining jams and contests is another good way; I made my first complete game during IGMC 2017 and after nearly a year of not working on my main game, I finished 5 maps during the Release Something event.
    Mar 13, 2018
  14. slimmmeiske2
    slimmmeiske2
    As for sharing: While putting something out there (whether it's art or a game or a story) can be very scary, hearing the feedback people give is invaluable though. :) It can also be agreat source of motivation. If it wasn't for some people responding well to my game, I'd probably have scrapped it a while ago. So, I say go for it and share something :D
    Mar 13, 2018
  15. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @The Stranger RM is one of those things for me. Just considering putting this hobby behind me pains my soul, because of everything I've put into it over the years. But, RM is easily the most time consuming hobby I have, so if I'm to change myself it needs to at least be considered.
    Mar 13, 2018
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  16. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @The Stranger I love this community and the engine however, so I don't know. Maybe I should carry on? Or, maybe I should reset my focus on making resources for others instead of making my games? That could be another possibility, but I'm not sure if it's the right road to travel either. Finding an answer won't come quickly I fear.
    Mar 13, 2018
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  17. Chiara
    Chiara
    What both you and The Stranger said reminds me of the Sunk Cost Fallacy -- just look it up, I'm bad at explaining, maybe it'd put some things into perspective. At the end of the day, you need to find what brings you happiness and stuff. Also, yay for daily scribbles. It might sound like it's not much, but it is, speaking from experience.
    Mar 13, 2018
  18. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @Matseb2611 That's right. You can't be master of all things, unfortunately. And as of now I'm a Jack of all trades. Having more than one field of expertice could be OK, but I have to many (unrelated) things on my plate, making me "kinda bad" or at best mediocre at everything I know how to do. And that's just sad.
    Mar 13, 2018
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  19. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @Matseb2611 Regarding RM, I've actually tried doing exactly that for the last few months. But the perfectionist inside always gets the best of me, unfortunately. Last year I told myself 「Make a "quick" game. And consider putting RM on ice. That way you can always look back and feel you did accomplish something in that engine.」...and it sounds great, but, alas - I've failed at that too!
    Mar 13, 2018
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  20. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @slimmmeiske2 Everything you say is true. And in theory I very well know what I ought to do but I just don't seem to be able to manifest the results in practice. I think part of it is that I've failed/given up on so many things over the last ~15 years (yes... this has been going on for a long time), that I've strengthened some bad neurological connections in my brain. Learnt bad habits basically.
    Mar 13, 2018
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  21. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @Chiara Yes indeed, at least I can be a little proud over my daily scribbles. It's one of two accomplishments I've made in 2018 (the other being finding a new job). But that being said, it's not enough. I'm the kind of person who's haunted by my creativity. I NEED to work on a project, something that's bigger than just today's scribble. Hmm...Sunk Cost Fallacy? I'll look into it!
    Mar 13, 2018
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  22. Matseb2611
    Matseb2611
    Sunken cost fallacy means that you have to know how to cut your losses. You may justify going on because you've put in a lot of time and resources into something already, but if it's a failing endeavour, you can lose a lot more in the long term if you don't stop yourself in time. Of course, you have to ask yourself if this really is a failing endeavour.
    Mar 13, 2018
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  23. Matseb2611
    Matseb2611
    But from what you say, it sounds like the perfectionism in you might be a more general issue rather than RM specific. So it might be worth finding ways to combat it and gradually improve, and that giving up on RM isn't likely to solve this issue because you'll face it in other areas of life too.
    Mar 13, 2018
  24. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @Matseb2611 That's true. My perfectionism shines though in everything I do. It made me start over one week into last years NaNoWriMo which of course almost ensured that I wouldn't make it since I was several thousand words behind schedule.
    Mar 14, 2018
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  25. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @Matseb2611 But there is more to it than perfectionism, let's call it "expectations of experience". Take RM for example. All in all, I've probably put two or maybe three thousand hours into the early stages of game making. More than half of that time have probably been spent specifically on "mapping"...
    Mar 14, 2018
  26. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @Matseb2611 ...with that much time you'll learn a lot and eventually become pretty good at what you're doing. But, that doesn't mean you'll get faster at it. On the contrary, because I've learned a lot I know many things I can do to improve the maps the process takes even longer! And because I'm also a perfectionist it's difficult to stop myself from not doing everything I can (which at this point, is quite a lot).
    Mar 14, 2018
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  27. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @Matseb2611 That being said. I'm not sure I should quit RM. It's an option (among other). What I have to do is consider what impact RM has on my life, if it's time well spent or not. At this point, I really don't know. I'll have to distance myself from my current project to clear my head before I can think about this seriously because I'm too close to it at the moment.
    Mar 14, 2018
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  28. starlight dream
    starlight dream
    I don't have time to read all the comments, so sorry about repetitions.
    You guys make me feel normal, thank you.
    It's something I struggle with as well.

    Panda, if letting a project go is too tough, leave it temporarily only. It doesn't have to be set in stone.
    Simply look at your current schedule and biggest interest and see what you can do that will be satisfying for the next few days, weeks or months.
    Mar 14, 2018
  29. starlight dream
    starlight dream
    You can take a break from game making. The work you've done on it, will be there for you later.
    And you can still spend time here, discussing whatever you're into. Or open an Art or Writing thread & get motivation for your other projects or goals.
    Mar 14, 2018
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  30. The Stranger
    The Stranger
    @starlight dream I believe that @Parallax Panda was thinking about giving up on RPG Maker entirely, due to having too many hobbies and interests. I feel him. I've been cutting out some of my own pursuits so i can focus on just a few - it almost felt like a breakup. Life is all about these sorts of decisions, though. They may seem trivial to others, but to the individual they can be life changing.
    Mar 14, 2018
  31. The Stranger
    The Stranger
    After all, no one wants to give up on something they've spent so much time, money and energy on. It can make you feel like you've wasted your time, and time is something you can never get back. I feel that it's good @Parallax Panda has wisdom enough to know when he should cut out certain activities, so as to devote more time to that which is dear to him.
    Mar 14, 2018
  32. starlight dream
    starlight dream
    @The Stranger Yes they're such personal decisions and the kind of stuff we often need to re-evaluate during our life. I understand the worries and feelings involved, even if each person's choices are different.
    It's not easy.
    Mar 14, 2018
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  33. starlight dream
    starlight dream
    @The Stranger The last couple of weeks I spend more time looking at my project lists, and trying to choose what to focus on than actually working on them.
    It's the type of decisions that I can't rush..
    Mar 14, 2018
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  34. The Stranger
    The Stranger
    @starlight dream It's very easy to do nowt but dream, and to spend your days deciding what to do. Time, however, waits for no man, and while we do naught but struggle against our own indecisiveness, the sands of time slowly trickle away and our days grow ever shorter. Not to sound melodramatic, or anything. :p
    Mar 14, 2018
  35. starlight dream
    starlight dream
    @The Stranger Quoting Lord Byron? No? That was all you? Awesome ;)
    True. Melodramatic, but true^^
    I'm kind of like Panda. Too many pursuits (writing, art, RM, comic-making). And I'm not able to juggle many things at once.
    Mar 14, 2018
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  36. The Stranger
    The Stranger
    @starlight dream All me, baby! xD I imagine that my words have been said countless throughout history, though.
    Mar 14, 2018
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  37. starlight dream
    starlight dream
    @The Stranger Yeah people from eras long gone, were prophesying your prose :p
    Mar 14, 2018
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  38. The Stranger
    The Stranger
    They were. :p All of human history has led up to this moment. This is THE turning point of our species. Not very impressive, eh?
    Mar 14, 2018
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  39. starlight dream
    starlight dream
    @The Stranger Thanks for pointing it out. I had completely missed the importance of this moment.^^
    Mar 14, 2018
    The Stranger likes this.
  40. The Stranger
    The Stranger
    Well, you had to remind me of my oh so important destiny. The greatest moment in the history of our world would never have happened without you. xD I think we're derailing poor Panda's status. :(
    Mar 14, 2018
  41. starlight dream
    starlight dream
    Sorry Panda.
    Mar 14, 2018
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  42. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    Wow, why I was sleeping you guys carried on! :)
    @starlight dream We have many hobbies in common it seems, art, writing, RM, comics making... the list goes on but the overlap seems great. I guess we're both creative people drawn visual expression and story telling? It's no surprise we struggle with similar problems. I hope you (and I) figure it out eventually.
    Mar 14, 2018
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  43. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @starlight dream But yes, it's like @The Stranger said, I'm considering not only taking a break but stop using RM altogether. But that would be a really big decision for me and not something I can take lightly. Taking a break as well as continuing on is also on the table. But if I continue with RM I'll have to give up on something else instead. Because something has to go so I can focus my time better.
    Mar 14, 2018
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  44. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @starlight dream It's also *maybe* possible to keep RM in my life but to kick it far, far down in the priority hierarchy. But the problem with that is that you need A LOT of time and energy to put into RM before you'll finish a game (which makes you feel good and proud about yourself). And if I could barely spend any time at all RM:ing... It might be more productive and less painful to not do it at all?
    Mar 14, 2018
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  45. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @The Stranger Maybe I have the wisdom to take notice of the problem but I might not have the wits to figure out the correct answer or the strength needed to execute the plan. Time will tell. I'm still running scenarios though my head, trying to come up with a good answer. But I think this is a good time in my life to do this, because I'm starting a new job and a lot of other things will also change for me shortly.
    Mar 14, 2018
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  46. starlight dream
    starlight dream
    @Parallax Panda We both enjoy many creative activities, it makes sense why I relate to your dilemma. I agree RM is very time-consuming, comics are a close second (depending on the length of course). And RM requires long-term focus on mechanics & different aspects.
    When schedules change it's a good time to rethink projects and goals, because a change in free time & energy level will alter your focus + progress.
    Mar 14, 2018
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  47. starlight dream
    starlight dream
    @Parallax Panda I read all your previous comments and I think finding a more positive mindframe will help you. Your past projects aren't failures, they are certainly learning experiences. Don't worry too much, you're young for the art fields & your confidence and success will grow over time.
    Mar 14, 2018
  48. starlight dream
    starlight dream
    @Parallax Panda BTW I remember I was going to do Nanowrimo alongside you. Then Nov.2 my dad was hospitalized and I never got to start. Didn't want to mention it at the time, but for once that I wanted to try it... xD
    Anyway good luck with your decisions and keep us in the loop!!;)
    Mar 14, 2018
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  49. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @starlight dream True. I just got my new work schedule e-mailed to me and it looks like I'll barely have ~2 hours free time each day at most (Mon-Fri). Some things such as my daily scribbles I can probably squeeze into my lunch break or get cracking at during my commute. RPG maker on the other hand, not really possible. But then there is the weekend of course.
    Mar 14, 2018
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  50. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @starlight dream Sorry to hear about your dad! Dealing with life's hardships isn't easy and I hope everything is better on that end. And regarding NaNoWriMo, there is always a next time! Speaking of, maybe you'll participate this year, hm? If so, and writing is still something I've kept in my life, we ought to have a new thread in the forums were we can fight it out together this November! :)
    Mar 14, 2018
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  51. Parallax Panda
    Parallax Panda
    @starlight dream It might not sound like it but I'm pretty optimistic about the future. So far this year have gone pretty well! And while all of those past shortcomings make me feel bad, I think most of the associated negativity would wash away if I would manage to get myself a "victory" or two. But it's kinda hard to not feel the weight of all my past projects when I don't have anything to balance it against.
    Mar 14, 2018