lukem123

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A True Love Story.

A poorly old man with a few hours left to live has his granddaughter read him his journal titled a true love story and relieves his greatest memories as if he was there once again. 

Gameplay features:

Live the memories of an old man and experience his memories for yourself.

Play through a heart warming story with an all cast of loving people.

No combat just pure storytelling.

Screenshots coming soon.

Feel free to comment
 
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lukem123

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Looking for some criticism please.
 

hiromu656

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I played through it, the demo was around 5 minutes long, so I didn't get much to critique besides story/dialogue, so I'll do just that:

For one, the story is a bit too direct, I notice you listed "Linear storyline" as a feature (strange enough), but I feel you're taking that a bit too far here. The character doesn't think twice about anything, demonstrate any sort of care or worry about the situation he's in and you're just taken from one scene to the next. Him meeting the girl trapped in the room seems like somewhere that you can try to present a bit more personality to your character, considering his relationship with his mother isn't developed and that she's taken out of the picture so quickly. Try to take your time with this, as harsh as this may come off, every piece of dialogue in this demo came off as awkward to me (grammatical errors aside). Oh, and there are grammatical errors that you should address, one of which you display in your 6th screenshot here ("know" instead of "no").

There is also only 1 song that plays throughout the demo, despite the near 200mb filesize, which is big, and downloaded very slow from the site you used to host it. So, 1 song plays when you're happy in your house, to when people want to break into your house, kidnap your mom, and when you realize that your building is on fire. That's not good. On the graphical/technical side of things, your menu shows a picture of one of the RTP characters, and you're listed as a Soldier (that's probably obvious). I for one would disable the menu until it's needed, so that you aren't spoiled of any future plot developments by seeing things like Fire Power and special abilities. The main character, Timmy, acts like a really young kid towards his mom, but after then his age is all over the place (I'm basing this on things like confidence, his actions and the way he talks). Another reason why the age of Timmy was something I was confused about was his character art, he looks maybe 13 or so, but around his mom he's like 8.

I'd be fine with trying any future demos you put out.
 

lukem123

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thanks for taking the time to play it, I will mess about with the dialogue and try to make the characters storys deeper, as for the song i just put that in there for the demo it will be changed later on, I will also change how he acts around his mum because he is supposed to be a teenager, the opening scene will be changed around and made longer, i will use the girl trapped in the room scene to get more info on the characters. all that aside what did you think of the mapping ? and when i compressed the game i accidently included the rtp. 
 

lukem123

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Have updated the demo.
 

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