Any good jokes?

[captainproton]

Why did the lobster blush?

Because the sea weed.

 

[Clee]

 

[Nebuerys]

Do you know the Olympic swimmer who had no arms and legs?


His name was Bob.

 

[Matombo]

A dad joke from my dad:

Why does a student get up at 7?

Spoiler

because the stores close at 8pm

 

[Deleted]

Here the joke about the crazy shoplifter?...... He robbed all the free gifts! 

 

[Jericho Swain]

THIS SOFTWARE IS A JOKE! YOU GET ALL INTO MAKING YOUR GAME AND THEN WHEN YOU PLAY TEST IT *BUMP* -Error- (Game Line # OMFG)

 

[captainproton]

What does an accountant do when he's constipated?

Work it out with a pencil.

 

[Nebuerys]

How do you leave the casino with 1 million dollars on you?

Enter the casino with a billion.

 

[Ultim]

I got the lamest joke in the world(It's funny in Arabic)

Spoiler

-Knock knock
-Who's there ?
-Uncle Turtle
Hahaha

 

[EtphTheElephant]

Pretty sure I'm gonna get in trouble for this but screw it


How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?


...change?

 

[Amysaurus]

A man walks into a bar and says: "Ouch!"

 

[Dalph]

 

Ok, this isn't really a joke but the sad truth...

Funny thing is that I didn't even create this with a meme generator, it was already on Google Image Search. D:

 

[VoxPopuli]

The one joke I know is indelicate, so I will not post it.


Here is the first joke my son told me when he was 5 years old:


Son: What do you do when you hurt your foot?


Me: I don't know.


Son: You call a Toe Truck

 

[captainproton]

An inflateable boy manages to get into an inflatable school with inflatable students and an inflatable headmaster. Things are going well, when one day, he goes crazy, running around with a push pin.

The headmaster calls him into his office and says, "you've let me down, you've let yourself down, you've let the whole school down!"

 

[Ultim]

Here you go :

 

[Onomotopoeia]

Here's one from another forum I am a member of; namely, the AlternityRPG.net forum, in a thread called "The Great Giggler" -- which has functioned just as this thread surely may.


This story is much too long for a simple spoiler; it is called the "Mutant Nazi Attack Squirrel of Death", which can originally be found here. If that link does not work, I have also copied it as a PDF, for archival purposes, into the "Collected Humor" folder of my Dropbox account. (Made minor alterations to spelling errors and fixed punctuation; nothing more drastic than this. All credit for the story goes to username Kleczak in the alternityrpg.net forum.)


I promise you, if you should happen to have any sense of humour, and should manage to read this account aloud to family or friends, you will not fail to end up laughing hysterically yourself. If not ... I don't know what to say.


In any case, the Great Giggler thread is the primary source for any humor I may share, henceforth. Within it can be found humor gained from world-wizened veterans. Feel free to browse it and see what tickles your funny-bone....