Basic storyline for a game, would like some feedback.

[Sylvor]

So I'm busy working on a demo for a game, but I'm not too sure wether the storyline will be liked by others.

So here's a quick rundown of it. Please do leave some critique!

Storyline:

You are the founder of the Xivanthian Empire, a nation spanning around 1/4 of the world. They are on the brink of war with the Sahnan Emirate, whom have been threatening with war for 5 years, mainly out of fear for the power the Xivanthian Empire holds. Tensions have come to a boiling point on newly settled island, which has, because of the recent skirmishes, been called 'Strife Isle'. 
This island will be the starting point of the game, as the Xivanthian citizens of Strife Isle have requested help to deal with the Sahnan deathsquads plagueing the local forest. As you are quite an accomplished warrior and field commander, you will initially be succesfull. During the battle for Strife Tower however, which is the hotspot of the skirmishes, you will be met with an equal in strength among the Sahnan ranks and end up neither losing nor winning the battle, but see Strife Isle utterly destroyed by the war anyways. 
Out of fear for this new opponent, you go in search of an artifact known as 'The Chronicle of Lenisvan'. It's an artifact that is said to give enormeous power to it's owner, at the cost of slow but steady corruption. Since your only desire as emperor is to protect the people of the Xivanthian Empire, you disregard the threat it poses and claim it, and as such start to fall into corruption... 
Your fall and slow corruption as emperor will be the center theme of the game.

Location:

The world where the game takes place is called Meinan. It consists of many nations, but two of these nations are considered to be superpowers: the Sahnan Emirate and the Xivanthian Empire. Of course, since you're the Emperor of the Xivanthian Empire, a big part of the story will take place on Xivanthian soil, although not all of it. I'm still busy figuring out the names of other nations and tribes, and am playing with the idea of opportunist trying to build new nations using the no-man's land created by the Sahnan-Xivanthian skirmishes.

 

[cabfe]

What kind of game will it be?

I mean, is it a classic RPG where you lead a party? A strategy game? (hard, but not impossible to do with RPG Maker)

Or something else?

 

[Tokumei No]

It sounds really interesting, especially the theme of corruption. I suggest you to exploit it maximally, also in order to explore the main character's changing psichology. I would really like to play this game    BD  

 

[Sylvor]

What kind of game will it be?

I mean, is it a classic RPG where you lead a party? A strategy game? (hard, but not impossible to do with RPG Maker)

Or something else?

I'm planning to make it a RPG, but with some strategy elements in it, to simulate you actually running an empire.

For example:

A nearby nomad tribe attacks one of your rural settlements. You'll have the choice to:

A.) Ignore it.

B.) Charge them head on.

C.) Send two fast mobile divisions to attack the enemy from behind.

D.) Lay an ambush.

It'll affect your empire if a strategic decision, and how you'll face the enemy if you have to go fight them yourself (eg how strong they are, how many, ...).

It sounds really interesting, especially the theme of corruption. I suggest you to exploit it maximally, also in order to explore the main character's changing psichology. I would really like to play this game    BD  

Thanks mate!

 

[Victor_Roland]

Hmm, sounds like the lovechild of Shakespeare and Tolkien. I like. I would be careful on how to play with the corruption-by-artifact gimmick, though. It sounds like it could be either great or derivative. Try to focus of how the Emperor's corruption effects his court and friends, as well as his people and the nation. A morality system would be an excellent idea, ala. Fable, allowing you to play the hero, the villain, or somewhere in-between. Take the psychological approach and get in the character's head. I'd love to see a character like Coriolanus slowly turning into Gollum though, that would be sweet.

Best of luck! 

 

[-Rylan]

I'm intrigued by the story - let me know when the earliest test of the game is released and i'll gladly try it out for you.

 

[wigglyfingers]

It seems interesting and original, going through with a character as he slowly falls into ruins. Kinda reminds me of Viva la Vida by Coldplay ;P

 

[Sylvor]

So I've been trying to make a small demo for the game, but it just isn't working. I'm going to need to rely on other resources for this to work the way I want it to work. Put on hold, at least for now. :/

 

[IRHP]

Sounds like a fine Final Fantasy draft. Some generic sounding names but nothing bad at all. I'd play.

 

[DianteC]

I think this game is an amazing start, but I do think that the main character could start as like a right hand guard to the emperor and as you were sent to settle the skirmish of the island your ship gets recked and over half your crew is killed off. Then while the remainder of the crew set up a main camp you follow the story from there as you said. But also being the emperor is also a great idea.

 

[Takuto]

Sounds like a fine Final Fantasy draft. Some generic sounding names but nothing bad at all. I'd play.

What? I've played almost every Final Fantasy and never heard of a storyline like this. I guess Garnet from IX? But not really? It sounds much closer to Fable, honestly.

I really like this idea. As Victor_Roland said, focusing on the moral outcomes would make for really interesting gameplay and plot.

 

[Sylvor]

I think this game is an amazing start, but I do think that the main character could start as like a right hand guard to the emperor and as you were sent to settle the skirmish of the island your ship gets recked and over half your crew is killed off. Then while the remainder of the crew set up a main camp you follow the story from there as you said. But also being the emperor is also a great idea.

The problem with this is, that he already is the Emperor because he united the Xivanthian Clans under his rule 5 years ago. It's something I came up with a long time ago and such a hard fact in the lore of the story I'm writing, I'm kind of unwilling to step away from it. Yeah, I'm a stubborn arse

What? I've played almost every Final Fantasy and never heard of a storyline like this. I guess Garnet from IX? But not really? It sounds much closer to Fable, honestly.

I really like this idea. As Victor_Roland said, focusing on the moral outcomes would make for really interesting gameplay and plot.

The idea is that the moral outcomes will be at the center of the story, along with how fear has driven the MC to making those moral choices. The Empire itself is going to be a reflection of the MC's fall to darkness, ascension to light, or the grey line in between.

 

[RampartCratylus]

I like it- because the setting is interesting to explore in its own right and yet simultaneously has room for interesting plot exploration. I like it- the setting is really key to this project it seems, and I love that.

 

[DianteC]

The problem with this is, that he already is the Emperor because he united the Xivanthian Clans under his rule 5 years ago. It's something I came up with a long time ago and such a hard fact in the lore of the story I'm writing, I'm kind of unwilling to step away from it. Yeah, I'm a stubborn arse

The idea is that the moral outcomes will be at the center of the story, along with how fear has driven the MC to making those moral choices. The Empire itself is going to be a reflection of the MC's fall to darkness, ascension to light, or the grey line in between.

Well the story is still great either  way so keep pushing

 

[RampartCratylus]

I think you'll want to emphasize the trepidation that comes with making such a moral decision. For example, do you take the perhaps less 'effective solution' that's safer, or the more 'risky' one that possibly endangers more? Are you the kind of leader that believes the ends justify the means, or do you become too ridden with potential guilt or fear that you don't do anything?

The good thing about doing some things like this is that both reflect 'decay' in a sense if taken to their logical extremes. If you are too averse to taking risks or endangering others, instability will rise and you'll be seen as ineffective. On the other hand, too much of the 'lion' of war will make you the target of hatred and a perfect enemy to unite against. 

The moral choice is thus colored by the fact that both are indeed 'good' options. But without a balance between them, you might end up accelerating the decay.