Character Feedback

[RPGmorpho]

instead of describing, I can just show you, I've been looking for feedback on Jared Bright, the main antagonist of the game. I've already made the game, here it is http://forums.rpgmakerweb.com/index.php?/topic/3324-united-cell-3-the-quest-for-white/

 

[Tenda Slime]

I'll post their portrait too, but you don't need to comment them.

The setting is a medieval settings mainly. The Empire have unified nearly all the world and follow the way of the goddess, Itelnedia. Supporting it are five Generals.

The general in charge of the intelligence is the heroine father, Gildar :

Spoiler

Gildar

He usually acts like a weirdo.

He is overprotective when he thought about her, but sometimes seems to forget her completely...

His main role is explaining how Lidya became what she is.

He may also be a comic relief

In this game she would have her first spy mission where she have to investigate about an evil cult that took control of one of the region... She will see a lot of terrible things commited by the evil cult... (not trying to be original here,

Now here's Lydia :

Spoiler

Lydia :

She is pretty distant toward her father, because she didn't know how to handle him.

She is pretty distant toward others.uses a lot of deadpan humor

She is a skilled agent.

She is pretty smart,and can easily detect a trap...

She uses a boomerang who can hit every ennemy for lesser damage.

Her stats are pretty balanced.

She uses skills that inflicts bad states.

Now since it's her first real adventure, I have some problems about the orientation she will take :

Should she show some emotion or stay distant toward the events... She is skilled and trained for this sort of events, but it's first real mission...

I hope this post wasn't too much confusing...

Thanks for any reply !

 

[Solistra]

Should she show some emotion or stay distant toward the events... She is skilled and trained for this sort of events, but it's first real mission...

Both. Firstly, distance from an event isn't necessarily a lack of emotion about it -- it shows a willingness to separate emotion from the situation at hand, but that doesn't mean that emotion becomes completely irrelevant. Internalized, maybe, but not irrelevant. Secondly, I'd be more interested in watching a character that struggles to keep their distance from a situation upon their first encounter with it than I would be with some callous, sociopathic child that just doesn't care. Characters that show absolutely no struggle are dull and monotonous and very hard to relate to, whereas characters that show a reluctance to have their emotions sway them could be far more interesting (especially once they get into a situation in the story that is very emotionally affecting to them, which you should absolutely do to tell a decent story).

 

[Tenda Slime]

@ Solistra : Thank you really much ! I have a better idea about what to do with her...

Well the first dungeon is a forest corrupted and zombified by the evil cult, and she will face some personnal or ethic way along the way.

In fact, the goal of the story is to show why she will chose her future path :

Spoiler

She will distance herself from the others and will travel alone to complete a Book of Monsters.She will leave completely the Empire, and more generally the modern world.

Not completely related to the subject, but what do you think of the uses of internal monologue ?

For people who can't express these opinions to others, that seems a good alternative, but that can easily be seen as forced or boring...

Thank you !

 

[Solistra]

Internal monologues (which are actually soliloquies, not monologues) are fine in my opinion -- assuming they're well-written and make sense given the character they represent. Some people consider the writing of a soliloquy or monologue evidence of weak writing, but that doesn't really apply in the RM game design sphere in my opinion (it's not like you have a potentially limitless capacity to write detailed description and action, and it's not a visual medium that can make subtle use of blocking and actors to fill in the character nuances).

 

[JANK]

I wonder why this section is so dead? Having awesome characters is one the most important thing to having an awesome rpg in my opinion. So I guess I'll give my protagonist a shot here.

My game is heavily inspired by the Breath of Fire series, especially BoF3, and so is the main character inspired by Ryu.

His name is Archer (and his sprite looks like a theif )

He is a Healer/White Mage and also a Warrior who uses a sword (so I guess a paladin or sorts)

He can also

Spoiler

Transform into a berserk werewolf similar to Rei from BoF3

Story wise he's sort of a young cocky guy who thinks he can take on the world,

that is until...

Spoiler

he finds out that he's a werewolf.

Werewolf lore in my game is much different than traditional lore.

Again he's more like Rei in that he can transform at will.

In my game with the working title "The Last Werewolf" when one thinks of a werewolf they always think of the legendary werewolf king Darius the Great who brought peace between the wolfmen (kobolts) and humans, the two races that hated each other the most and united all the races of the world together under

his empire, until one night he went berserk and began killing everyone. After that he was hunted down and killed, and the new (human) king ordered a massacre of the wolf people (again not the same as werewolves) in fear that another werewolf would rise up. The surviving wolfmen fled to the woods and caves for refuge and have been despised by all races ever since.

After Archer finds out about spoiler #1 (and others find out as well) his whole world changes. Can he use his powers to bring back peace for the spoiler #2 people, or will he wreak havoc? This is his inner struggle and dilemma.

Let me know what you think.

 

[Carillon Nightmares]

The story takes place in a fantasy world. (If you've seen the screenshots, you'd know it's full fairytale fantasy). There's a dark atmosphere to the game. There's lots of death and sad moments. The main storyline is: The nymphs were mysteriously wiped out 12 years ago and the elves are working to bring the population back. The nymphs are the green-haired sylphlike creatures that take care of the forest and help it grown and without them, the forest would die out and many other races would die with them, including the many spirits that protect the forest and other parts of the world. (*Note, All the nymphs have green hair. All the elves have blonde or brown.) One of which happens to be a great dragon that is respected by many cultures in their region and without him, the other dragons of the world would be rendered powerless. The four dragons keep the balance of life and this would also cause trouble in other nations.

Enough blabbering, here is the prince of the forest elves and heir to the throne Kalevi:





Yeah, I know the one on the lower left is screwed up, fixing that now.

When he was young, he ventured out into the woods, hoping to find a life outside of the castle. He was never allowed to leave or have any friends. He always was forced to study, study, study. The only thing the little elf wanted was to have some adventure. In the woods, he was met up by a pack of angry wolves, and Aria (Second Character) saved him from the pack of wolves, and thus, they became friends. After that, the Queen granted Kalevi permission to leave the castle as long as he was with Aria, knowing that she would protect him.

And here is Aria:





Aria, a young nymph, the first daughter of the leader of her village, is a fun-loving, adventurous heroine (Hope I spelled that right!) As mentioned in the last paragraph, she is the friend of Kalevi. Little does Kalevi know, that Aria is in love with him, however, in the next 14 days she is going to be forced to be married to a stuck-up nymph named Lyrith the II from the Nuithian Province on her 21st birthday. Not wanting this, she has plans of running away from home, leaving everything she loved behind. Her 4 brothers and her 3 sisters. Her parents. Everything.She knows that if she leaves, The Queen will send out a search party, looking for her son's guard, and she knows if she stays, she will live an unhappy life with someone she doesn't love. What will her decision be?

(I'm a professional storywriter. I do this all the time). Some of this was made as I was typing it.