Children - Love them or Loathe them?

[Alexander Amnell]

   This is a hard one to answer... but I think what it boils down to is I love my kids, I really do, but only my kids. (and most of the kids of family members/family friends.)

   I like order and discipline, chaos and disorder bother me greatly and nothing bothers me more than being around a child that is acting a fool while his/her mom/dad sit by ignoring their child, not bothering to discipline in the slightest though you know if someone else around tries to fill the vacuum they'll ***** and scream for hours about how that person had no right and their kid is just fine the way he/she is and other cutesy self-esteem nonsense that only someone who does not understand human development at all would be inclined to believe.

   Children are people and develop along the same line as any other person. They learn as children the same way that adults learn, but at an improved rate at younger ages because the brain is actually more readily able to process and learn new ideas. For some reason though we choose to stroke their ego and their pride (self-esteem) while sheltering them from all the other spectrum of emotion or thought process that are required for a healthy and well-balanced mind. Then we're baffled when they grow up to become a generation of unstable fools who don't know how to properly cope with the real world (or just a complete rear end in a top hat if they come from money.)

   If more people viewed their kids as people and not some mysterious and fragile creature that needs to be kept away from anything that might hurt his/her feeling, and allowed them to grow and learn and treated them with the respect deserving of all humans at any age so as to encourage them the proper outlet to push their boundaries and expand their horizons then I would probably love being around those kids. As it stands most kids are not like that, if they aren't sheltered than they are pushed to hard where the discipline becomes abuse and that causes problems as well, though of an entirely different variety. The main problem in both cases however is that the parents can't get past their children being children and see them as an individual with their own personality, dreams and fears. You have to let that person grow naturally, even if that means letting go a bit and letting them get a little bit hurt, otherwise they never learn and ignorant people are no fun to be around in most cases. That means you cannot shelter them from everything that is wrong in the world until the day they come of age, and you cannot force them like a dog on a leash every step of the way towards whatever goals you believe are best for them all the time. Yes as a parent you are responsible for them and have to guide them, at times even a little forcefully... but you have to remember that they are people and while you require their respect you also have to earn theirs as well and continuously prove yourself worthy of it, because they will test you often. If your child doesn't respect you (whether you think it's necessary or not) that will leave you pretty much with only the options of sheltering them or forcing them along every step of the way, and neither lead to happy children or well-behaved children in the long run.

(Sorry that by the third paragraph I got off topic, passionate subjects and all...)

See, and while they do frustrate me (I know, I have to teach some of them), I feel sorry for them at the same time.  Is it their fault they do not know how to show respect?  They weren't taught, they aren't born knowing.  I feel bad for them that people despise them for something not of their own doing.  It makes me angry at the parents. 

Completely correct, parents are just not doing their jobs and then they blame it on the child, saying that he/she is just a problem child and they don't know what to do. The kid is a problem because you aren't teaching him/her otherwise. Bad people aren't born, they are a product of several factors some of the strongest being their family life and environment growing up. While some scenarios are unavoidable and I'm not condemning everyone who's ever had a problem child 90% of the time these unavoidable situations don't exist and it's the parents not doing their job.

Oh, and to actually answer the question finally... kids that have been brought up decently are a wonderful blessing on any household. It's a joy to talk with my daughter over whatever fancies she has gotten going round in her head at the time and to share some of the milder ones of my own and hear her take on the matter. To witness her face light up as she hops in the saddle or her determination as she prepares to spar another kid in her Taekwondo class or discussing in great detail whatever book we've picked as our monthly book to each read and discuss in our own little family book club. I could go on and on and make this the paragraph that never end but I'll end it by saying that children are great but that parents let them get out of hand far to often. It isn't children that I hate, it's anyone that is unruly and obnoxious and most times the kids like that tend to grow into adults of the same breed, because again it'll be all they know.

 

[Touchfuzzy]

Kids are what they've always been. Even "good" kids are going to have their moments where they are obnoxious. Judging anyone by the snapshot of seeing them in public for 2 minutes is ridiculous.

 

[Alexander Amnell]

There are two kinds of fools in this world, those that accept criticism and learn and those that refuse it and repeat themselves... everyone in existence is one of these and it's usually determined in childhood which one you will be. (though anyone can always change, but it's a lot harder when you are grown and set in your ways.)

 

[Alkorri]

Alexander, I appreciate the very detailed replies! Especially the part about being worthy of the child's respect, and boundaries, and giving the child room to flesh out their personality.

The only misgiving I have is not having the--what's the word--willpower? discipline? to enforce those boundaries, because I'm kinda laidback irl ;P 

I liked what you said about the joys and blessings a child of yours bring. Thank you for painting a very vivid picture! Perhaps someday I will be as lucky  

 

[Neverward]

I really like kids :3 I don't know really how to act around them but I like to play pretend and teach kids. So maybe I'd be a better teacher then a parent? Who knows.

 

[Athryl]

I wouldn't say I hate kids, but I am not comfortable around them.  I don't have that natural ability to interact with them and just feel awkward, even with my own nieces & nephews.  I think part of it is that I was the youngest by 6 years and lived pretty far away from anyone with young kids too growing up.  I never wanted kids of my own either and didn't like to babysit...That said though I love my nieces & nephews, enjoy seeing them even if I feel out of place, and don't automatically hate other people's kids by any means - I just am unlikely to interact with them more than a quick hello.  Thankfully my husband is great with kids so they usually latch onto him and I can just take a back seat, make snacks, etc.  

 

[Omnimental]

For me, it all depends on the kids.  Some have been the most entertaining delightful people I've ever played with, others make my head hurt within minutes of being around them.  Based on personal experiences, I find boys infinitely easier to deal with then girls.

Either way, I take the uncle approach to kids.  I'll play with them, talk to them, and teach them stuff, but if they start to annoy me I'm passing them back to their parents.

 

[cosmickitty]

This is a hard one to answer... but I think what it boils down to is I love my kids, I really do, but only my kids. (and most of the kids of family members/family friends.)

I so agree with that! I think my child is adorable and perfect... but other children are nasty dirty little things.

 

[zacheatscrackers]

I can tolerate kids for the most part (bless their hearts), but some can be incredibly annoying little pricks. I'll say that much.

 

[Minnow]

I don't mind kids as long as at the end of the day I can hand them back to their parents and leave. One of my closest friends just had a baby a few weeks ago and he is the most perfect thing I've ever seen, I know I'm going to be very involved in his life and I'm excited to be, but I'm never going to be the one changing his diaper or waking up 4 times a night to feed him. Kids have always loved me too (probably because I never grew up) but I've known for a long time that I never want my own. Finding them cute and enjoying playing with them is not the same as being responsible for them for 18 years. No thank you. I don't even trust myself with a goldfish let alone a human being.

 

[Alkorri]

No thank you. I don't even trust myself with a goldfish let alone a human being.

Yeah I already have my hands full taking care of my own self ;D 

 

[Eschaton]

I am legally disallowed from getting a vasectomy until I turn 35.  They think I'll change my mind in nine years.  They're wrong.

 

[神族宝]

(I’m Chinese.I'm not good at English)

I hate babies,but I love 正太s.

I don't know how to express this word.

正太 is a boy with his age between 8 and 14.

I'm a 正太控.

I admire you because "you'er going to be a step parent to an utterly sweet seven-year-old boy".

 

[echo]

Being the youngest in my family, I've never really been around kids.  I once had to work in a nursery for a week and I was so awkward I kept asking them what they thought about the weather and the current economic climate.  They were two.

Generally, I like them for a bit, then I give them back to their parents.  That is as much as I can deal with for the next ten years.  I mean I can hardly keep myself alive, never mind someone else.

 

[Black Vodka]

Loathe children. Always will.

 

[Sketcy-Sketch]

I'm an elementary school teacher. I love kids (though surprisingly I've found that a large number of teachers don't--and even go the other way as to bullying children. Pretty much, if you look back and remember a teacher being a jerk when you were a kid but thought that was just you looking at it from kid-vision, you're wrong. 90% chance, that teacher really was a jerk. But don't get me wrong, there are a lot of awesome teachers out there, even if some are strict. There's a difference between strict and purely unreasonable).

But, looking at the world through a kid's eyes is so much fun (and oh-my-word, they say the funniest, craziest things! Some little boy last week asked me if they had invented time machines yet in the 1980's~lol) Yes, they can be wild--thanks to the Dr. Spock idea of raising children gone viral.  But overall, sometimes I wish I could look at the world through their eyes again. Once you grow up and you SEE the world, you can't really UN-see it, if you know what I mean.

I think it's normal that a lot of guys don't like kids, or don't feel comfortable around them because they don't know what to do around them. I think it would be different if it were their kids. However, it's definitely different with someone else's. I think it's kinda hard to say you "loathe" children, as everyone was a child at some point and, funniness and jokes set aside, they are just kids. Nightmarish children are 100% their parents fault. Kids use to be a lot better behaved because they knew there were consequences for their actions. No one is teaching kids that today--and imagine when they grow up. We're looking at a new, upcoming generation of to-be adults who think no one can tell them what to do and that it is alright to do whatever you want so long as you get what you want (the equivalent of what looks like now children not listening, screaming until they get their way in grocery stores, running around restaurants playing because they don't feel like sitting in their seats, and hitting their mothers when they don't get their way).

Those are some scary-butt future adults!

 

[Povincci]

Oh, I love children, most especially toddlers. They're particularly cute and fun to play with. (Yes, I play with them.)

There are exceptions though. You know, mood swings and extreme boisterousness and stubbornness...

 

[Seacliff]

Even when I was a kid, I didn't like kids...

But it's more of a problem on my part, I'm not very good with kids.

 

[Lulladie]

Children love me.

I'd rather they didn't. D:  Honestly, the thought of being pregnant and giving birth makes me feel nauseated.

I think, in my honest opinion, as long as you're honest to the kids, treat them with civility, but not let them walk all over you, you'll be okay.  As for your future-stepson with asperger's, well...One of my closest friends has that, and generally, they're probably going to like their private time, and the best way to speak will be as I said -- completely honest, and try to speak logically rather than emotionally.  

 

[Alkorri]

Thank you everyone for all your responses. It's refreshing to hear different people's opinions! 

@Sketchy-Sketch, my new stepson does like the say the funniest things! With ADD and Aspergers he's at that age where he's learning about boundaries and sensitivity to other people's feelings and the joy of chores (thank God for Choremonster).

He's a very sweet boy, which is helping me a lot in learning how to deal with this small human

@Lulladie - I'm beginning to realize that too: Be honest and treat them decently.

Although I probably troll him perhaps a tad too much, like loudly announcing I'm gonna eat his food he leaves lying around and he runs over with this wide-eyed, No-no-no-don't-eat-my-food! look.

Yes, I'm a horrible person He likes that, he seems to appreciate the humor tho