Did you have "good" or "bad" parents?

Discussion in 'General Lounge' started by hp4000, Aug 1, 2018.

  1. hp4000

    hp4000 Veteran Veteran

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    Looking back at your life, do you consider your parents/guardians to be "bad" or "good"? And why do you think that?
     
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  2. Finnuval

    Finnuval World (his)story builder and barrel of ideas Veteran

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    Both actually... Dad was an abusive, alcoholic, all-around evil-genius bad guy... Yet with some very "good" characteristics aswell
    Mom was basically forgiveness and passifism made flesh doing everything with a matle of love... yet with some flaws to.
    Luckily they divorced early in my life so no mayor drama there, but in general I would say they were both.
     
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  3. hp4000

    hp4000 Veteran Veteran

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    I think the best part, no matter what type of parents we had, are to learn from the good and bad times with our parents, and then when we start our own families to try to keep doing the good stuff, and doing our best to try and correct potentially bad stuff in our own parenting! :)
     
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  4. jonthefox

    jonthefox Veteran Veteran

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    Interesting topic. Like many things, I think it's rarely black or white.

    Earlier this year I read this book called "Running on Empty" which gave me a lot of insight into this topic. My parents are wonderful caring people with the best intentions - but they ultimately failed to provide me with the kind of emotional support I needed growing up. Some of it was due to being overly judgmental/critical/having high expectations/having a fixed mindset, and some of it was them not knowing how to correctly parent a kid that was as highly sensitive and cerebral as I was. But mostly, it was just them not being in tune with my feelings - so I felt very unseen and alone and not validated, which among other things led to severe self-esteem problems.
     
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  5. kaukusaki

    kaukusaki Awesome Programmer Extraordinaire Veteran

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    My parents were decent and did what they could with the resources they had. We were lower middle class living in a racist AF town. Mom was an English teacher dad was Science teacher and though I could get in the gifted program the folks decided I should stay with the normies and learn social skills (lolz did not work well).
    I got caned for fighting a lot in school and being truant (at the library) often. Later Mom became seriously ill and dad had to work 2 more jobs I saw little of him but the small moments counted when he wasn't sleep (like going for a ride when he went out to gas up the car or go hunting for things at the car wash or accompanying him to the junk yard and pocketing the widgets).
    Dad was a harsh disciplinarian yet kind and was friendly to many. Mom was uber religious but liberal and said I had to knock my own head once I turned 12 and she'll keep praying for me at that point (I didn't wise up until I got my last caning at 28 lol).
    Some folks would think I had it difficult growing up because we didn't consider ourselves poor (however according to society we pretty much were). I learned a lot of skills to survive in life from them.
     
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  6. Arisa

    Arisa definitely a tsundere Veteran

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    uh
    Mine weren't so bad per-say, I'm fine with my dad but my mom is pretty mental. She's not really mean but often suicidal and/or drugged up on God knows what :kaocry:
     
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  7. Astel

    Astel The (grey) knight with that funny look Veteran

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    Well, my culture is not very adept to judging parents... at least not while sober...

    My father was a very ahmm... singular man? I guess? He was adept to reading, to listen classical music, he also loved sci-fi and all things on the technology side, he was a thinker in a society that doesn't favor it that much. He was also a little on the weak side, leaving most responsabilities and decisions to my mother. Alway soft spoken and very out of touch with the common of the people, I never knew that he had any friends.

    My mother was the opposite, a very strong woman, who liked things done her way... so she was ok with my father leaving everything in her hands. However both of them, on different ways, were overprotective almost to a crippling degree, not letting me become a true adult, maybe to this very day...

    Still I love them both, my father passed away more than 20 years ago, and I still miss him... I would want him around to see all the techological wonders that we have this days...

    Were they good or bad? Neither... they were just human beings.
     
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  8. Henryetha

    Henryetha Veteran Veteran

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    I am too not much into judging parents or judging anyone.

    My mother has an ignorant attitude at times, which is driving me crazy. But in all I know she has the best intentions and is trying her best.
    It is just the way she is. And unconditionally loving we should accept each other like we are.

    My father had a hard life. I know he was very kind hearted inside and a way too sensible.
    However, the alcohol (addiction) made him be a difficult person to deal with..
    He was aggressive and violent at times, still.. today i don't care anymore, cuz I'm pretty certain, this wasn't him but the alcohol.
    Can't even blame him.. An addiction is like an illness and one needs help, like with depression etc, too. And he had noone who would help him.. And he tried hard to make the best of his life.. Despite the addiction he was hard working till the end.
    We had good times, too. It was him, teaching me the consoles, when I still was a small girl.
    I would never forget how we were playing Donkey Kong, Mario Kart or Zelda.. etc
    2001 he died due to a perforation of the stomach.
    It left me kind of releaved. I'm quite sure in the end he wasn't very happy.. The only thing I regret is that back then I wasn't able to see through him like I do today. We all get more experienced with the years.. and can follow certain behaviours easier.. or even reflect ourselves in them.
     
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  9. rue669

    rue669 Veteran Veteran

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    Always had good parents. Except when my dad drinks...because then he feels extremely entitled and it's just annoying. It's like reining in a wild horse. Or, in his case, a wild donkey.
     
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