Milennin

"With a bang and a boom!"
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Played to the end of the demo. Didn't write any comments while I was playing, because honestly I didn't expect me to really like it that much (prefer traditional RPGs). The first 30 minutes or so felt alright, but a bit too much walking around looking for nothing. Had to use the walkthrough at one point, but got bored of the game at that point. Came back to it the next day, because I think the game's atmosphere was quite well done (I like the music), and I was a bit curious what would happen next in the world. It started to get pretty interesting around the 1 hour mark with more stuff happening. The part in the building where you experience the various diary entries by Sophia were really good, especially Clockwork's entry. After reaching the end of the demo (2 and a half hours) I still don't understand much of what's going on, but kinda looking forward to an update of the game to see how it's going to end.


The strong points were definitely creating atmosphere, the unique tilesets, original art that looks very nice (I liked the drawings in the Lonely Princess story), music and sound effects. Didn't come across any bugs or glitches, but there were a fair amount of typos... would be nice to get those fixed at some point.
 
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GreyInvidia

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Hm... If i remember correctly there are 3 more events in the city, after collecting Kaoru's event. Nonethless thanks for that review. I'm pretty much aware that first part of the game (so called wanderfest) can be quite discouraging. That's why I understand why you get bored of it on the first try. I'm also happy that you get grasp of atmosphere of the game - that certain thing was my priority in this game - creating atmosphere that could really move the player in some way. About not understanding the story, to be honest at that point of the game (without getting three events mentioned before) guessing the plot may be quite impossible. There is some plot, whatsoever. I also wanted to make that game as mysterious as possible - that's why it seems so hm... cryptic. As for typos, I'm very much aware of them, but as english ain't my primary language and I've learned it by myself, rather than in school, it is quite hard for me to spot any typos. My wife helps me here a bit, but she isn't really that certain of her linguistic skills as well and copying whole game into google translate just seems like a drag. I posted request for help in that matter somewhere, but there was no reply so far, sadly.

Anyway once again thanks for review. If you'd have any suggestions as for how to improve game, I'd gladly hear them.
 

Milennin

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If you want I can help with the English, just fixing the errors.

As for a suggestion... well, I did think of one, but I don't know if it would be a good one. Make it a relatively small chance (like, 1/10, up to you to decide) for the player to end up in the street for the next clue. This could help players wandering around to get to clues a little easier.

Another suggestion I thought of was to come up with a way to change push-to-sprint to a toggle-sprint. After a while my finger got tired of constantly having to hold shift, and default walk speed is pretty slow, lol. That's just 2 things that would be nice, but it's up to you.
 

GreyInvidia

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Yeah, about second thing I considered that as well. However I've also met with opinions that some ppl prefer dash option, instead of 'toggle dash'. I'll still consider that one. As for first idea, that's actually pretty neat idea. Not only it would make the gameplay easier for some, but also include certain mindf*ck factor, which would be pretty much welcome.

And as for typos n stuff, I'll gladly accept any help. If you stumble upon any of these, notify me please. Of course I'll include you in credits for that.
 

Milennin

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Okay, this post could get pretty long.

I'll add the location of the text in bold, then the corrected text under it.

How to play message

Press ESC to open the menu, where you can check clues that you've collected and save or exit the game.

Street plates

Look for street plates to learn where you currently are.

Gaming experience

For a better gaming experience, play in dark, with your headphones on.

Note in room with Map

I believe that I've mapped most of it.

With this in mind, I can't guarantee that this map's accuracy, but still, it's better than nothing..."

With this in mind, I can't guarantee that this map's accuracy, but it's still better than nothing..." (can use either)

Map

Is this the map mentioned in that note...?

Notepad after writing on wall

"I've found this notepad and pencil in an empty room that I am in right now.

"How long have I been wandering around already?

Even if I can't tell how much time has passed,

At least a sign of another being would be fine. As long as there would be someone who could give me some hope.

the owner of this notepad, and the one who wrote that sentence on the wall.

TV

This should be a place full of other beings...

They may love each other, they may sometimes hate each other, but they would always be there for each other, supporting themselves, so nobody would experience the torment of solitude.

It seems to not be working anymore...

Bed in room with Book of Genesis

I'm not feeling sleepy or tired.

Book of Genesis

Does it mean that God looks like a human being?

Mirror

It hurts a bit when I touch it...

Key

What is that? A key?

Story Book

A long, long time ago, in a land faraway, there was a certain kingdom.

In that kingdom there was a great tower, rising up above the clouds.

That tower was the place from which a princess was ruling over her loyal subjects.

The princess was truly loved by her people.

From the top of the tower she could hear how her people enjoyed their every day - all thanks to her efforts.

For so long she had to fight the urge to leave, that one time - despite restriction put on her - she decided to visit her people.

She opened the doors to the throne room and ran down the stairs to the very bottom of the tower, just to see her followers.

After leaving the tower she instantly went into the city, in hope to find her subjects.

in hope to find all these people she would hear from above, glorifying her name.

But not matter how long she was walking around, looking around for anybody, she couldn't find anyone.

"It seems that... a Lord's place is not among the people, but on a throne, from which one can rule."

Book of Wails

A book? In a place like this?

Eye

It's... a gigantic eye...?

Innocent

Why did this happen to me?

I've lead a good and happy life, when without warning everything instantly ended.

I had yet so many things to do, such a bright future...yet it was taken away from me...

What have I done wrong to suffer such a fate?

It was a fruitful life indeed.

I've helped others, trying to secure a bright future for them.

So why... why had I to end like this?

Nobody's a saint - I'm aware of that.

Nonetheless, aren't our lives supposed to be balanced between good and evil?

With all honesty, I've done bad things... but still, I've always tried to be good.

Is this supposed to be judgment we were told about?

I had a very ordinary life - loving family, decent job...

Did I really deserve this kind of sentence?

I could've fallen in love, get married, have children... I could've lead an amazing life... (I don't understand why he says this... assuming this is the same person talking. Earlier he said he had a loving family, and now he wishes he had fallen in love, to get married etc. -- I suppose it gets somewhat explained by the text following up this part)

Everything... was taken away from right in front of me... like teasing me...

Text on ground

What does it mean... and who wrote it?

Sophia's Diary

I wonder how it is to sleep, to dream...

EVEN IF FOR JUST A MOMENT!"

Perhaps the only kind of sleep I can is that of the dead ones..."

Did she escape from here?

Cinderalla's Entry

Individuality is hated, as well as those who signs of it.

I was no longer ridiculed, but a hollow feeling started to grow, devouring me from inside...

I've decided to just lock myself in here...

I won't have use for it anymore, and you may need it to manage yourself in this twisted world.

or at least keeping her facade good enough to fool them."

forced to stay away from those around her."

Not in a world like this at least..."

"Today was probably the last time I could speak with her. She gave up. That's why I decided to write this down. As a memento.

It's a page from Sophia's Diary. One of the torn out pages...

Someone living in a completely difference place than this one.

Kaoru's Entry

I was designated as a guide for those who are lost, yet haven't lost their reason to exist.

Here, those who have lost their reason to live are sentenced to wander blindly.

You seem to have a vague idea, but nonetheless you can't really tell what it is.

Beyond it you should find that what you're looking for.

I also have a feeling that we'll meet again.

I was expecting another boring, unproductive lecture.

Honestly, upcoming visits appear to be something that I'll be greatly enjoying.

He must've been very important to her, if she wrote a whole entry about this meeting.

Somehow... it's soothing to find out that there are people like him in her world.

Clockwork's Entry

An untameable being, which only we were able to capture!

However, with my superb skills, I was able to capture this monster and make it obey all my orders without complaint.

We have all the time in the world!

The tormentor is no more.

You gave me an opportunity to fight those who oppressed me.

He will come to your aid when you'll be in need.

I hope we'll meet again someday.

"The last incident didn't teach them anything, as expected. It seems that their egoistic nature is stronger than their feeling of guilt.

"Some girl who doesn't really stand out.

All alone in this wicked place, she was the ideal candidate to be the next target of violence and ridicule.

"It didn't take that much time until they could do literally anything to this poor girl.

"Waiting for an opportunity to change the world is just an excuse. (not sure why instantly was there...)

If you want to change everything, start with small deeds.

You'll gain the trust of others,

Last time I watched my friend slowly being eaten.

that is my resolve.

When I got these, however, I saw her fighting back her oppressors. Because she wasn't alone anymore she had become more confident."

She knew how to fight, and because of what she went through, she was making sure that nobody in her surrounding would go through the same."

People could fight for that.

Milene's Entry

I haven't had any guests for a long, long time.

People usually seem very, hm...

You start to believe that you can deal with everything by yourself.

You become obsessed about it...

people are quite, hm...

In any of them.

I just rarely have the occasion to speak so freely with somebody.

Anyway, if you'd like, why won't you stay for the night?

It is quite a big place after all.

Well then, when you want to go to sleep, just go to the empty room on the first floor.

Afraid of this monster?

I'm going to slaughter you.

You're going to slaughter me?

In my eyes you are definitely not the monster which you think you are.

Despite... of what you saw?

We all make mistakes in our own course of life. I won't judge someone because of their past.

And I think you are more human than those who claim such title as theirs.

What I know is that you aren't a monster. (end sentence - leaving out the part after it to avoid repetition)

"A peculiar character got my attention lately - a girl that seemed to be completely alienated from others."

"It seemed as if nobody has even acknowledged her existence.

"She wasn't however opporessed by anyone.

"I can understand. However, if not for that facade, she'd be devoured by them long ago.

When she realized that I mean no harm she opened up to me." (not sure if you go with English or American spelling in your game, as you seem to use either spelling at random)

As I learned later on, it's like a double-edged sword - it protects her, but also eats her from inside."

"Living a solitary life, being afraid of others..."

So... Milene was yet another... victim after all?

She wasn't abused in a way Cinderella or Clockwork were, but still they managed to harm her...

she would probably go through the same thing as those two before...

Blood trail

The trail ends here...

World's End Diary

This is the date when the world ended.

the true past."

"However, the world begins and ends as in a cycle, and this will continue for as long as there will be ambitious people seek power and desire to satisfy their curiosity."

The world disappears until she won't dream it again."

her and the whole world, until I won't find a way to break this cycle of madness.

I will also write down any circumstances that lead to the Apocalypse, so I can think of ways of preventing it in the future."

"This time a group of scientists decided to search for the so-called "God Entity". They've found her in White Desert, or so media told us.

"Again, I was too late. This time I don't even know who and where they found her. I can say for sure that it wasn't in White Desert. In this world there wasn't even a place named like that."

Instead of searching in deserts, I've started to search for ancient towers and their ruins."

I've pulled out a blade from her chest, and...

"As predicted, she resting in one of the ruins of an ancient tower. I set camp there and started to guard the place."

"For a long time it was going smooth, but one day, an army found the tower and insisted on researching it.

They tried to take her out of the ruins, and well..."

Like scientists from previous worlds, they also wanted to find this "God Entity". Because of great conflict between the church and the science world, they wanted to disprove once and for all that a being like God doesn't exist.

"We found God a few years later.

Salomon's Note

SHE CAN'T SEE ME, UNTIL I BECOME MYSELF AGAIN.

Note III

"When she creates a new world, the whole Void serves her as her clay

To create a new world in a way she wants."

"Maybe because I had a will strong enough to survive right before merging into that mass.

Clues

-A simple blade, covered with red stains. (Blade)

-Notepad belonging to someone who's also trapped here. (Notepad)

-Mirror that showed me how I look like. (Mirror)

-Note saying: *I can hear them.* (Note)

-Book containing the lamentations of souls, forgotten by their God. (Book of Wails)

-A gigantic eye, watching over the shadows (Eye)

-Text saying *I love you*. A strange, red trail begins from here. (Text on the ground)

-Note saying: *Don't look at me.* (Note)

-Probably the only sign of someone being here. (Shadow)

-Worn out notebook. Half of it was torn out. It describes owner's futile attempts to fall asleep. (Sophia's Diary)

-Entry from Sophia's Diary. It somewhat describes the life of her friend, living as a scapegoat. (Cinderella's Entry)

-Entry from Sophia's Diary. It tells about Milene's struggle with solitude, which she chose to protect herself. (Milene's entry)

-Notepad serving as someone's diary. It describes circumstances of a few previous world's ends.
A lot of it is removing unnecessary commas, although I wasn't sure about all of them. Also a fair amount of cases of forgetting an a or the. There were some sentences I wasn't sure what to do with (didn't add them to list), and a few sentences that didn't make too much sense to me, so I left them.
 

GreyInvidia

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Many thanks for that! I was aware that in many cases it was simply adding coma where it wasn't supposed to be, but couldn't really pinpoint which were unnecessary. I'll edit all these soon.
 

GameBoyLovve

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Oh! This game ^_^ not that long ago I wondered what became of you and tada! I loved your first demo and showing of this game and I'm sure I'll love it again and be just as terrified in your new demo. I'm excited to see that this game wasn't lost forever and your level of talent clearly shows in your screenshots. I'll have to download it once more and give my full rant on it haha
 

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Heh,  glad to hear that :D . Anyway if anything, I'd suggest you to wait patiently for next demo, instead of downloading this one. I made few crucial changes and there will be quite more new content in upcoming demo.
 

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Kaje

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This looks quite promising, it reminds me a lot of Yume Nikki, which is also a very non-standard RM game. I also really like that you decided to make something very unique as opposed to most of the games I see here on the forums, and it's great that you put in the effort to make completely original artwork too. I really hope that we can start to see more creative uses of RPG Maker like this in the future. Good work.
 

GreyInvidia

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Heh, thanks :D . Also I was kinda inspired by Yume Nikki, so no wonder there could be some similiarity, or something. However, I guess that main difference between Yume Nikki and Divinity Fatum would be that my game actually have a plot.
 

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Want to make notice of a small update in which some bugs were taken care of:

First one, I spotted while watching fuandon's Let's Play of Divinity Fatum (check it out on YT, if you're curious). Basically, bug let player get to the 3rd act (or at least where it's supposed to be) withut getting all events. Technically clue "I Love you" and following ones were necessary to trigger events appearing later on in act 2 (that is "World Ends Diary" and following). Getting these is necessary to get different "ending", leading to mentioned act 3. Update solves that problem in such way, that getting these events isn't really needed in order to advance to act 2, but they must be get to unlock additional events in second act. 
Another thing happens after finishing "Stab Town" event. Basically, upon trying to reenter the room where diary entry lies, player doesn't get teleported back to the room, but instead send to the stab town once again. This problem was also taken care of. 

And well, that's all that was reported to me so far, considering all kinds of bugs n stuff. 
Now what I need to work on is scenario of 3rd act. I have certain parts that I want to put in there, as well as vague idea of what I want to happen, but connecting all these events seems to be problematic... which is not really anything new.


Anyway link to the updated demo stays the same. It's downloadable in first post.

Also, geez... this is such unloved game XD...
 

Zyoshiro

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Unloved? I'm enjoying this game so far  BD
 

GreyInvidia

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Thanks ^^. What I mean by 'unloved' is just that it doesn't get that much attention, despite having considerably good reviews.
 

Zyoshiro

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It can't be helped. Just because its good doesn't mean its popular. There are many games like that...and I have no idea how to increase popularity...I guess we call call your game a hidden gem?..
 

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