RMVXA Enslaving Divinity (One map visual novelish fantasy whodunnit)

Discussion in 'Ideas and Prototypes' started by pandadodod, Apr 29, 2018.

  1. pandadodod

    pandadodod Wannabe of all trades Veteran

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    You play as Marion, a goddess who has been deep in slumber for many years in a statue on a mountain. She was suddenly awakened by a ritual that aims to enslave her for her power. As she awakens she finds five mortals and one of them is the one trying to enslave her. A fairy explains that for the ritual to be stopped, Marion needs to determine who the culprit is. Failure to do so will result to her being enslaved via the ritual for the entirety of the summoner’s life. She will have to cross-examine and talk with the five people trapped with her to arrive at a correct answer.

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    Protagonist.

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    Marion- "Who dare awaken me?"

    A goddess who was sleeping in a statue on a mountain’s summit. She planned to be awakened by someone after 98 more years; but was abruptly awoke by a person trying to summon and enslave her.

    The ritual has severely weakened her godly powers via being interrupted; causing her current form to be that of a child. Her powers should return if she stops the ritual.


    Suspects.
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    Peter
    - " Do I have to answer you?"

    A commoner who is quickly rising up as one of the leaders of the rebellion against the kingdom of Rochart. He does not use correct speech and is considered by many to be rude. His reasons for joining the rebellion are unknown.


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    Angela dol Rochart
    - "Our kingdom has its resources and history as pride"

    The eighth princess of Rochart kingdom. She is active in its domestic and diplomatic affairs and has a Pacifist stance towards war. She treats everyone politely and is liked by most of the people in her kingdom.


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    Sir Richmond dol Mcran
    - "I can't believe a kid calling herself a goddess"

    The son of Rochart’s prime minister. He comes from a militaristic lineage of nobles. He is proud of his family and king and country.

    He does not trust others and has an aggressive personality.


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    Damie- "Umm. Where am I?"

    A beast girl who is a daughter of the beast men tribe union’s leader. She wants to make Rochart a place where both beast men and humans have an equal standing.

    Her actions can be described as flighty with her absentminded personality, but she is very loving to those she cares about.


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    Alcy- "Hello, dear divine"

    An Arch priestess of the Goddess Althiena religion of the Rochart region. An orphan.

    She is a soft spoken and introverted individual.

    She has strong roots in her faith and has an almost true Pacifist nature.



    Extra Character

    Fairy/ Lunalie- "You must be surprised goddess..."

    A long-lived fairy in service to Marion. She and of her brethren were saved by the goddess in the past. One of the remaining ancient fairies, she supervises a fairy colony trusted to safeguard the Marion’s place of slumber against mortals.

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    NOTE: Outdated screenshots below. Game need to be remapped.
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    Sorry. This is under construction.


    [Note]
    This game is to be developed for the one map game challenge here in the forums.
    The game will be set in one map and limited events, variables, and switches.


    What I need Feedback on
    - Characters.
    - The Narrative


    You can be a part of this little step in my gamedev wannabe journey!

    [How can you help]
    -PM me and I can send you the current dialogue( twice edited) and you can give more feedback.
    -Tell me if you feel that the game is boring and how can I amend it.
    - Play the prototype (when it's out) and tell me your impressions!
    -Encourage me?

    P.S. Those who gave help will be credited and/or thanked in the credits
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2018
    #1
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  2. Rehjul

    Rehjul not a good person Member

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    This seems pretty cool! Reading whodunnit, I'd expected to still see a very noir-esque or steampunkish story, but the idea of a high-fantasy whodunnit's very intriguing. If you'd like, feel free to send me the dialogue you're hoping to receive feedback on, and I'll happily provide my opinions on it.
     
    #2
  3. pandadodod

    pandadodod Wannabe of all trades Veteran

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    @Rehjul wow, thanks! Will do shortly
     
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  4. Rehjul

    Rehjul not a good person Member

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    Great! I got back to you on the first five or so pages, and if you feel the critique was useful/not overbearing, I'll continue to add more comments over the next couple of days - it's a lot to sift through, lol. The general idea of the story so far sounds good, but I believe that fleshing out the characters and dialogue a bit more will definitely help your project stand out.
     
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  5. pandadodod

    pandadodod Wannabe of all trades Veteran

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    Yes, that's what I want. To flesh them out I suppose. They are bland at the moment. :) Kind of stuck actually but I'm steadily watching stuff on youtube like tips for writing characters...
     
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  6. Owltears

    Owltears I use my phone's WiFi Veteran

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    Ohh I'd like to help, I've never heard of a fantasy whodunit, this seems very interesting! I like the idea of everyone being trapped and who knows maybe the fairy did it!
     
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  7. pandadodod

    pandadodod Wannabe of all trades Veteran

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    Yay! Thank you @Owltears... the story is in shambles haha.. the dialogue as stiff as ..oh nevermind..but will pm you the script(draft) if that's okay and get some hardcore feedback :)
     
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  8. Owltears

    Owltears I use my phone's WiFi Veteran

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    Sure, I don't mind how long it is I got the day off from work, so I can read while I listen to music. I'd love to help dude ^u^b Do you want help with English spelling/grammar as well? Or just story feedback? (I can do both if you'd like)
     
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  9. pandadodod

    pandadodod Wannabe of all trades Veteran

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    Update: Will maybe make the place instead inside a crypt or a dungeon. The prospect partner writer suggested that. What do you think guys? If you have a better idea to present the game that there will be barriers or obstacles in the place, pm me!
     
    #9
  10. Kes

    Kes Global Moderators Global Mod

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    Depending on your mapping ability, a crypt or dungeon could be more visually interesting. It would be easier to have side sections where suspects could be 'hiding' so that the player has to do a bit of exploring to find everyone. Be aware, though, that you might end up having to use a couple of your 10 events for lighting effects, as you cannot have natural lighting - though a lighting overlay would get round that limitation, assuming that you have an opening, controlling event.
     
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  11. pandadodod

    pandadodod Wannabe of all trades Veteran

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    Oh, that would be interesting to implement. Thanks for the suggestion @Kes
     
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  12. pandadodod

    pandadodod Wannabe of all trades Veteran

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    Updated!
     
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