RMVXA Enslaving Divinity (One map visual novelish fantasy whodunnit)

Discussion in 'Ideas and Prototypes' started by pandadodod, Apr 29, 2018.

  1. pandadodod

    pandadodod Wannabe of all trades Veteran

    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    131
    Location:
    Philippines
    First Language:
    Filipino
    Primarily Uses:
    RMVXA
    [​IMG]



    [​IMG]
    Trapped with five mortals in a summit of a mountain, newly awakened goddess Marion have to find out who tried to awaken and enslave her. Failure to do so and she will be enslaved. She have to interrogate these mortals to find information out of them.

    There are currently two endings- 1. She incorrectly guess who started the ritual and be enslaved and 2. Correctly guess who done it and free her and the bystanders.​

    [​IMG]
    Protagonist.

    [​IMG]
    Marion- "Who dare awaken me?"
    A sleeping goddess due to wake up in a hundred years. Awakened by a divinity enslavement ritual.
    Suspects.
    [​IMG]
    Pepe
    - " Do I have to answer you?"
    The rebellion's leader. Somewhat comes out as rude.
    [​IMG]
    Ank- "Our kingdom has its resources and history as pride"
    The first princess of the kingdom. She seems to be respectful.
    [​IMG]
    Nandy- "I can't believe a kid calling herself a goddess"
    The kingdom's prime mininster's son. Very proud of himself and his noble lineage
    [​IMG]
    Damie- "Umm. Where am I?"
    A beastgirl from a secluded tribe in the kingdom. Acts clumsily and disoriented.
    [​IMG]
    Alcy- "Hello, dear divine"
    A priestess from the sect of goddess Althiena. Prim, proper, and softspoken.

    Extra Character

    Fairy- "You must be surprised goddess..."
    An unnamed fairy explaining the divinity enslavement ritual.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    Sorry. This is under construction. The game prototype is under construction(45% done)


    [Note]
    This game is to be developed for the one map game challenge here in the forums.
    The game will be set in one map and limited events, variables, and switches.


    What I need Feedback on
    - Characters.
    - The Narrative


    You can be a part of this little step in my gamedev wannabe journey!

    [How can you help]
    -PM me and I can send you the current crunchy stiff dialogue and you can give feedback.
    -Tell me if you feel that the game is boring and how can I amend it.
    - Play the prototype (when it's out) and tell me your impressions!
    -Encourage me?

    P.S. Those who gave help will be credited and/or thanked in the credits
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2018
    #1
    Owltears likes this.
  2. Rehjul

    Rehjul not a good person Member

    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    43
    First Language:
    English
    Primarily Uses:
    RMMV
    This seems pretty cool! Reading whodunnit, I'd expected to still see a very noir-esque or steampunkish story, but the idea of a high-fantasy whodunnit's very intriguing. If you'd like, feel free to send me the dialogue you're hoping to receive feedback on, and I'll happily provide my opinions on it.
     
    #2
  3. pandadodod

    pandadodod Wannabe of all trades Veteran

    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    131
    Location:
    Philippines
    First Language:
    Filipino
    Primarily Uses:
    RMVXA
    @Rehjul wow, thanks! Will do shortly
     
    #3
  4. Rehjul

    Rehjul not a good person Member

    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    43
    First Language:
    English
    Primarily Uses:
    RMMV
    Great! I got back to you on the first five or so pages, and if you feel the critique was useful/not overbearing, I'll continue to add more comments over the next couple of days - it's a lot to sift through, lol. The general idea of the story so far sounds good, but I believe that fleshing out the characters and dialogue a bit more will definitely help your project stand out.
     
    #4
    pandadodod likes this.
  5. pandadodod

    pandadodod Wannabe of all trades Veteran

    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    131
    Location:
    Philippines
    First Language:
    Filipino
    Primarily Uses:
    RMVXA
    Yes, that's what I want. To flesh them out I suppose. They are bland at the moment. :) Kind of stuck actually but I'm steadily watching stuff on youtube like tips for writing characters...
     
    #5
  6. Owltears

    Owltears I use my phone's WiFi Veteran

    Messages:
    54
    Likes Received:
    226
    Location:
    Earth
    First Language:
    English
    Primarily Uses:
    Other
    Ohh I'd like to help, I've never heard of a fantasy whodunit, this seems very interesting! I like the idea of everyone being trapped and who knows maybe the fairy did it!
     
    #6
  7. pandadodod

    pandadodod Wannabe of all trades Veteran

    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    131
    Location:
    Philippines
    First Language:
    Filipino
    Primarily Uses:
    RMVXA
    Yay! Thank you @Owltears... the story is in shambles haha.. the dialogue as stiff as ..oh nevermind..but will pm you the script(draft) if that's okay and get some hardcore feedback :)
     
    #7
    Owltears likes this.
  8. Owltears

    Owltears I use my phone's WiFi Veteran

    Messages:
    54
    Likes Received:
    226
    Location:
    Earth
    First Language:
    English
    Primarily Uses:
    Other
    Sure, I don't mind how long it is I got the day off from work, so I can read while I listen to music. I'd love to help dude ^u^b Do you want help with English spelling/grammar as well? Or just story feedback? (I can do both if you'd like)
     
    #8
    pandadodod likes this.
  9. pandadodod

    pandadodod Wannabe of all trades Veteran

    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    131
    Location:
    Philippines
    First Language:
    Filipino
    Primarily Uses:
    RMVXA
    Update: Will maybe make the place instead inside a crypt or a dungeon. The prospect partner writer suggested that. What do you think guys? If you have a better idea to present the game that there will be barriers or obstacles in the place, pm me!
     
    #9
  10. Kes

    Kes Global Moderators Global Mod

    Messages:
    17,461
    Likes Received:
    9,101
    First Language:
    English
    Primarily Uses:
    RMVXA
    Depending on your mapping ability, a crypt or dungeon could be more visually interesting. It would be easier to have side sections where suspects could be 'hiding' so that the player has to do a bit of exploring to find everyone. Be aware, though, that you might end up having to use a couple of your 10 events for lighting effects, as you cannot have natural lighting - though a lighting overlay would get round that limitation, assuming that you have an opening, controlling event.
     
    #10
    Owltears and pandadodod like this.
  11. pandadodod

    pandadodod Wannabe of all trades Veteran

    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    131
    Location:
    Philippines
    First Language:
    Filipino
    Primarily Uses:
    RMVXA
    Oh, that would be interesting to implement. Thanks for the suggestion @Kes
     
    #11

Share This Page