Fairy Tales of Seyrn

[TriceratopsX]

I'm currently in the process of writing some in-universe fairy tales for the game I'm making, and I thought I'd post 'em here because... Eh why not? So feel free to give me some feedback, tell me what you think of the stories, tell me if I'm using improper grammar or punctuation, and feel free to ask away if you have any questions!


So without further ado~ Here are the first four pages from my first story: The Boy and the Dragon.








Thanks to @GoodSelf for sharing the book sprite used for this! Link here:http://forums.rpgmakerweb.com/index.php?/topic/66504-evented-book-reading/#comment-641111


Proper credits:


Dougit Design Devinatart
http://dougitdesign.deviantart.com/art/open-book-template-PSD-198829525


Open Book Creative Commons License
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/


 Changes made:


Added custom text to the image


Edit: Changed a single word on the first page and added the third and fourth pages, and fixed a typo on the first page

 

[GoodSelf]

 I love the story! How many pages do you want to be? There's a lot of detail there, and I can see it evolving into something much more than a fairytale! I did notice some punctuation errors in your book, and I would recommend in the future to post the word document to check for any errors before converting it to the book.


 I'd be happy to send you all the punctuation errors tomorrow, I'm just gonna be really busy because I'm moving that day. 


Last thing, I appreciate you crediting me, but the credit belongs to the artist who made the book image, you can find their credentials on that same forum post.


Once again, great fairytale! I can't wait to read more of your work!

 

[TriceratopsX]

 I love the story! How many pages do you want to be? There's a lot of detail there, and I can see it evolving into something much more than a fairytale! I did notice some punctuation errors in your book, and I would recommend in the future to post the word document to check for any errors before converting it to the book.


 I'd be happy to send you all the punctuation errors tomorrow, I'm just gonna be really busy because I'm moving that day. 


Last thing, I appreciate you crediting me, but the credit belongs to the artist who made the book image, you can find their credentials on that same forum post.


Once again, great fairytale! I can't wait to read more of your work!

I actually have the whole story already written out (I wrote it a while ago actually), I think it should only be maybe somewhere around 6-8 of these pages?


Ah punctuation, my old foe rears its ugly head. Thanks I'd appreciate it, but I wouldn't want to trouble you if you're otherwise busy 


Technically I said you shared it, not made it, but I'll edit my original post to include proper credits as I (In hindsight) should have done that from the start.


I'm gonna TRY not to let that get to my head  BD  too much.

 

[Canini]

Aha, so someone else except me is using that book sprite. Very nice, I love world-building!

 

[TriceratopsX]

Aha, so someone else except me is using that book sprite. Very nice, I love world-building!

World building is the best isn't it?   I love adding little details into my game to just expand upon the world I'm building and to help draw players in, it's so fun~ XD


This story was originally all on one page (kinda wall of text-y though  ) so it's kinda hard for me to make it all fit to the pages without massively re-writing it, and keeping the pace without having the page end awkwardly is... Harder than I thought it would be.

 

[slimmmeiske2]

The first two pages of the story (so the first image) reads a lot more like a legend, than like a fairytale. It changes when you actually get to the boy part, but I feel like there's a lot of backstory of the place (Syn/Ifrath, Seyrn), which isn't something fairytales do. It names too many things, which is why I got a "this is a legend" vibe from it. 


(Please let me know if I'm making no sense at all ^^; )


The story's interesting and world building is great though

 

[Canini]

The first two pages of the story (so the first image) reads a lot more like a legend, than like a fairytale.

That is actually a very good point!


If you remember the specifics it could still be a fairytale based on something that actually happened Seyrn (Which I guess is what you were going for?).

 

[TriceratopsX]

The first two pages of the story (so the first image) reads a lot more like a legend, than like a fairytale. It changes when you actually get to the boy part, but I feel like there's a lot of backstory of the place (Syn/Ifrath, Seyrn), which isn't something fairytales do. It names too many things, which is why I got a "this is a legend" vibe from it. 


(Please let me know if I'm making no sense at all ^^; )


The story's interesting and world building is great though

Yeah, I think I get what you're saying, this story IS more of a folk-tale/legend rather than a fairytale (But I like the sound of Fairytales of Seyrn  )

If you remember the specifics it could still be a fairytale based on something that actually happened Seyrn (Which I guess is what you were going for?).

Yeah, though I don't want to spoil what it's based on just yet