RMVXA Feedback on Untitled Witch/Sea Witch RPG?

Discussion in 'Ideas and Prototypes' started by RaynRayn, Jun 25, 2018.

  1. RaynRayn

    RaynRayn Queen Lesbian Member

    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    100
    Location:
    Missouri
    First Language:
    English
    Primarily Uses:
    RMVXA
    I have already begun development for this game, but I'm not confident enough to post screenshots since it's only VERY early development that's been made. But, I have fleshed out an entire plot, its surrounding characters, twists, etc.

    My two artists are INCREDIBLY talented (see their IGs, @/viaviolets, @/meeksfox), but they have not begun art for it either since I am currently unable to finish concept artwork of my own. Once they have some sprites done I will tease them here with their permission.

    Now, onto everything:

    Synopsis

    Young witch-in-training Jayn boards the train to Nova Academy, a renowned witching school for aspiring young students. However, when she arrives, she is presented with the ashen ruins of the school going up in flames. Suddenly, another student comes her way to protect her from the monsters that approach.

    Plot (SPOILER ALERT)

    The MC, Jayn, comes across her witching school, Nova Academy, going up in flames. A young boy comes her way to protect her from the bats that surround the academy, and the two head into battle.

    Afterwards, they go to fetch the boy's familiar, and search for survivors. During their search, however, they come across two mysterious figures who discuss the topic of "witch traps" and "witch hunters".

    After hiding from the mysterious figures, they come across a survivor of the fire. She informs them that she used to work for a witch hunting organization known as the Red Sea, a small band of sea witches set on the intent of capturing regular witches in devices known as witch traps to seal off power and corrupt the ocean. The girl believes that the two mysterious figures from earlier were from that organization.

    She then says that the most likely place to be keeping the witch traps would be scattered among the many islands that dot their ocean, since keeping them in one place would be too easy. After venturing to Apple Island to obtain her familiar, the three witches and two familiars set off to locate the witch traps.

    Along their journey, they encounter various enemies set on the intent to hinder their quest and prevent them from saving the witches. Eventually, if you make it far enough into the game, you will encounter Red Sea generals and leaders, of whom you must battle to move on. At this point in the game, you will be underwater, in the Red Sea, as you attempt to completely stop the source of all the witch-trapping.

    The rest of the plot contains plot twists/spoilers, which I will cover in the next section.

    Plot Twists

    I advise you only to read if you either have no intent of playing the game or if you are keen on giving criticism and feedback.

    Some time ago, one sea lived in harmony and peace. They were known as the Sleeping Sea, and its inhabitants were among sea creatures, mermaids, sea witches, and familiars.

    One day, their king and queen birthed two daughters, one of which was destined to be the next queen of the sea kingdom. The two princesses grew up closely, spending little of their time apart from one another. The sisters were treated with utmost respect, and some say that they were spoiled.

    However, one princess grew a darkness in her heart, one created by the most sinister being known to man. In this world, witches may become corrupt if they suffer too much or if they have too much darkness in them.

    The princess grew to be very depressed and anxious for no feasible reason. She isolated herself from her parents and sister, spending more and more time alone, using unhealthy methods to cope with her sadness.

    Eventually, the king and queen misunderstood what she was feeling and emotionally abused her, telling her to get over it and blaming it on the fact that she was not going to be queen, ensuing the idea that she was merely jealous of her sister, when, in fact, the princess had a mere psychological problem.

    Eventually, the princess became so distraught that she began to despise everyone, including her sister, who, although sympathized with her, did not do much to help. This is when the poor princess became corrupt, and she soon vowed to see revenge bled upon the Sleeping Sea, and vanished.

    Upon her disappearance, she gathered all sea witches who were corrupt and created what we know today as "witch traps", trapping non-corrupted witches, draining their powers, and using that magic to corrupt parts of the ocean here and there, creating a new sea kingdom, the Red Sea.

    The Sleeping Sea was no more, and what was left earned the nickname of the Blue Sea, to counter that of the Red. The two kingdoms raged a war, of which all land witches were oblivious to.


    The first princess, the one destined to be queen, was Jayn. The second, who became corrupted, was named Kotsu.

    The boy who protected Jayn in the first scene was named Aziel, and he is actually a part of the Red Sea, and he erased Jayn's memories of being affiliated with any sea kingdoms.

    The two used to be childhood friends, albeit Aziel was corrupted at the time (he was simply hiding that fact), and before erasing her memories, abused her. After erasing her memories, he sent her up onto land where she was taken in by a baker. This led her to believe her parents perished somehow, and she had no memory of ever having a sister.

    Upon discovering her innate witch abilities, the baker had to hide her from the rest of the townsfolk (witching was illegal and punishable by death), and he sent her off to Nova Academy, where she made new friends.

    After a year of the academy, she went back to her town and hid her abilities, never practicing, making her rather weak in stature. Then, when the school year rolled around again, she took a train to the school, thus beginning our story...

    And now I'm kind of stuck. I really need feedback and ideas on this, so anything is appreciated!

    Characters (in order of appearance)

    JAYN- The main character. She's a peaceful and kind young girl, often being portrayed as gentle and content. Although weak when it comes to witching abilities, she's very determined in improving her skills and constantly works hard. Some of her flaws contain her nosiness and her childish gullibility and naivety.
    Female

    NAMI- Jayn's familiar. Compliments everyone a lot, especially Jayn. Is rumoured to have a crush on her.
    Female

    JANI- Jayn's witching friend. Was born mute and cannot speak, although is very kind.
    Female

    RASPBERRY- Jayn's friend and Jani's familiar. Is very cunning and clever; likes to tease her friends a lot.
    Female

    AZIEL- Supporting character. Protected Jayn from the bats that were present when she found the academy in flames. Is very serious, polite, gentlemanly, and stubborn.
    However, he is corrupt and works for the Red Sea. His background is unknown to the characters, although I will say that since in order for a witch to become corrupt, they must suffer quite a bit. Aziel's suffering has something to do with his many failed and toxic relationships.
    Male

    KO- Supporting character and Aziel's familiar. Is a narcissist and loves to talk about herself. Also very demanding and upfront about many things.
    Her true personality is that she is highly sadistic and loves to torture others to death. Her reason for being corrupt may be due to a past toxic relationship with her ex-witch.
    Female

    YUKI- Supporting character. Very mysterious and scary, used to work for the Red Sea. Became un-corrupted after many years of therapy and training. The reason why she is corrupted is a secret for now. Her motives are also a secret.
    Female

    TSU- Supporting character and Yuki's familiar. Extremely birdbrained and stupid, she has a tendency to forget things quickly/easily and does many things that are unsafe and dumb.
    Female

    RABBIT- A general for the Red Sea. Serious and demeaning.
    Male

    KOI- A general for the Red Sea. Personality unknown as of yet.
    Gender unknown

    KOTSU-
    Princess of the Red Sea. Very quiet and rarely speaks, although when she does, it is in this format: "LoReM iPsUm."
    Female

    Anyways, if I could have your feedback and criticism, it would mean a ton! Thank you for reading! <3
     
    #1
    drinkerofmilk and Canini like this.
  2. Canini

    Canini Veteran Veteran

    Messages:
    792
    Likes Received:
    491
    First Language:
    Swedish
    At first glance it looks rerally interesting. I like the "sea" theme naming for the groups!
     
    #2
    RaynRayn likes this.
  3. RaynRayn

    RaynRayn Queen Lesbian Member

    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    100
    Location:
    Missouri
    First Language:
    English
    Primarily Uses:
    RMVXA
    Thank you!
     
    #3
  4. drinkerofmilk

    drinkerofmilk lactic afficionado Member

    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    3
    First Language:
    English
    Primarily Uses:
    RMXP
    You have some nice world building going on with the witch-traps stuff. There may be some nice historical themes to tap in to, if you would like to take that route, also, like the Inquisition and witch-hunting in Cromwellian England.
     
    #4
  5. RaynRayn

    RaynRayn Queen Lesbian Member

    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    100
    Location:
    Missouri
    First Language:
    English
    Primarily Uses:
    RMVXA
    Thank you for the feedback! And yes, I do plan to tap into some historical aspects!
     
    #5

Share This Page