Gaming and a kid

[Gonor]

Hi there,
I've been having something on my mind for quite some time now and as the reason for it is coming closer I figured I'd ask someone who might relate to my situation. Unfortunately, I don't know anyone who'd fit the description... I'm sort of alone with my passion for gaming. Neither my friends nor family are into gaming.
Except, then I thought I could ask you.

The situation is this:
I'm in the lucky position to becoming a dad in about two months and I'm really hyped about it. Now, the thing is that I've been playing video games my entire life (I started at around 10 and I'm 32 now, so yeah, that's basically my entire life).
Since being together with my wife (about 9 years) I've been gaming a lot less because she frankly doesn't have a clue why I so enjoy it. And I don't have a problem with that at all. If I had to choose between my wife and my computer I'd always pick my wife without any thought (as it should be).
And I know with a kid there's gonna be less opportunities to spend time alone with my wife and even less time for me to play video games or working on my project.

My question now is: Those of you who have a wife/husband and kids how do/did you handle this? It's not like I'm looking for a way to escape my family because I've always wanted to start one of my own. It's more like I'm sort of afraid of loosing a part of me that has always been there for as long as I can remember. Plus, I'm a little nervous about being a parent.
You might think "Hey, dude. Why not talk to your wife about this?" and you're right. I've already done that and she agrees with me that there'll be less time for anything besides the kid for quite a while but we should still try to be a couple and an individual person. Maybe it's all just the excitement of becoming a dad and everything will be easier than I think it'll be.
Still, I'd be grateful for any kind of advice or sharing of experience.

So, yeah, that's my question. Maybe not the easiest one to answer but asking couldn't hurt, is what I figured.

P.S. I hope it's okay to post a question such as this. If not, just delete or lock the topic.

 

[Ms Littlefish]

I don't know if I can offer a truly insightful answer because I do not have children, but having less time for games has never made me less of a gamer. Sure, it's always tough having less time and/or energy for things we're truly passionate about, but life gets more complicated and learning the new balance is challenging. It isn't always immediately clear, either. I complete far fewer games, but if anything I've learned to pick the games I absolutely frickin' want to play and savor them.

I'd guess a lot of this is the nerves you're having. There aren't many ways to truly prepare for how life changes, especially a change like this. You're probably going to have to play a lot of this by ear, but it seems like your wife is supportive of the fact that you'll both need to strike that new balance with your hobbies to have the clear heads needed to be good parents. I'd go in with the mindset that things will be pretty chaotic at first. Try not to draw any quick conclusions. Allow yourself the time you need to feel all sorts of emotions either which way about all these circumstances. You don't get to become "Dad" every day, now do you? So be excited about that and before you know it, your kid's gonna be old enough to play games with.

Congratulations!

 

[Frogboy]

If you're the type of person who wants to take an active role in raising your kid, and my gut tells me you are, you will have little time for much else for the first couple years. As your child gets older, you'll get more free time to game and stuff. They will probably also become a gamer themselves and you'll have that as an extra bond. RPG Maker is actually a shared interest between myself and my son who just turned ten a couple days ago.

You probably won't miss your brief time away too much because you'll be enjoying the wonders of fatherhood and yeah, won't really have time to miss it. You'll be back, though.

 

[Pikheat]

You will see. I am in that situation right now, little princess is about 6 months now.
I not playing so much right now, more focused on the maker. But i do it when everyone else is sleeping. 2-3 hours a day?
On weekends i play more, i stay up really late and don´t sleep that much, but i can handle it.
So it will all work out, your focus will change and so will you.
And like Frogboy say´s , someday they maybe gamers too. So you got that joker

 

[Henryetha]

Well, my youngest son is 8 years old and even has down syndrome (so I'd assume he generally needs more attention than a usual child).
Some things have changed in the past years..
One thing is, I don't play anymore with headset on, when my son is at home. Also.. when I play while my son is at home, then only stuff I can interrupt anytime. Meaning.. no ranked PvP battles, no raids, etc (they can be done, when the child is at school etc or sleeping)

I think it's forgiveable to generally play videogames also with having kids, as long as you keep paying attention to it and are willing to leave the PC/console anytime when the kid asks for sth. Sure, should be selfunderstood, but for many it isn't.

What also is important - doing as a parent the first step, to spend also time with the kid, not only when it asks for it. So the child will feel "wanted" and sees u are enjoying your time with him/her. If you only begin to play with the kid, when it asks for it, the kid probably will keep trying to get your attention, which is unhealthy for both of you.

As with your wife.. I don't know.
My husband is just gamer aswell, so we don't have any issues.. and still we also go out together from time to time, just not so often.

Anyway, I'd say it can work out well, just always give the child the attention it needs.

As for my son, I can say, he is a very happy child.
And while he is very happy when we spend time together, he also can entertain himself.. sometimes he plays with his playmobil.. sometimes he makes "food" in his toy kitchen.. sometimes he is drawing pictures or singing or even dancing.. Looks to me like a healthy happy little boy.

Ah but I also include him in my activities.
When he was just beginning forming his first words, I was playing LoL and told him the names of every champ so he could repeat them. Was very fun for him (and for me ^^)
Now, as he is older, he can do more. Just yesterday when I ran the playtest on rpg maker, I showed him how he can walk with the character and showed him the things to interact with. And yea, he had alot of fun. Well.. once your child is 8, it will probably already be able to play on consoles with you together

 

[BrandedTales]

Great question! Very insightful of you to ask it... It would be misleading to say you are going to be able to keep going as you did before.

My wife and I have been married 8 years, and we have 3 little girls (5, 3, and 7 months).

During your first few weeks/months, not much is going to change drastically The baby is going to sleep a lot, and if your job gives you any time off work, you may find some odd hours to play while the wife is sleeping. You SHOULD spend that time sleeping (I'm not sure if "they" have told you that you will never sleep again soon... they aren't lying). But hey, we're gamers... We aren't going to sleep.

Somebody mentioned above the style of game you are going to play is going to have to change. I used to be hardcore Real-time strategy, very competitive... When I played MMO's, I'd be pursuing high-end raids and pushing the content of the game. These days, if I play an MMO, it is more just to play through the story ONE-TIME, with ONE CHARACTER. You don't get to max everything anymore. If I played RTS or MOBAS games, it's single player or VS AI. No more PVP. I need to be able to pause/drop group on a dime, so I can't afford to play anything competitive. Massive RPGs: Don't bother buying them when they come out. Wait until you've finished other stuff in your collection. When you do play, accept that you aren't going for 100% completion any more. You are going to get through the main storyline as best you can, and if you want to be more complete, get a guide because you don't have time for the trial-and-error any more. Or find a you-tube video and convince yourself it was you doing it.

It's hard. It's brutal. It's not fair and you are going to have plenty of times you miss your old life.

It's worth it.

Nowadays, if I get time to play, it's after everybody has gone to bed. Kids crash around 7:30-8:00, that lets me spend a couple quality hours with my wife so we can remember why we married each other (easy to lose that when you have kids). She goes to bed around 10... That gives me around 10:00-midnight for any games. Some nights we get a visitor that had a nightmare. Some nights the baby doesn't want to sleep. You can't grudge these things. Just take it in flow and push on. So when I do get that window to play, it's a question of: "Do I want to play or do I want to work on my game?" Usually I go with working on my game, but that work on top of a very full day job can wear me out... So every now and then I sneak in some actual gaming... Probably less than 3-5 hours a week though.

My 5-year old is quickly becoming a gamer. Right now she enjoys playing zoo tycoon, the sims 3, and (oddly enough) Heroes of the Storm. She also is very interested in RPGMaker at this point. I make little games where she is featured as the main character, and this really draws her interest. It also encourages her to read so she can see the story. I'm looking forward to all 3 being old enough to form an MMO dungeon party. The trick at this point is to feed the interest... Play what the kid wants to play; get involved and explore the passion with her (or him). Make sure she (and you wife!) know that gaming isn't just a medium for socially reclusive people. It can be a great way to spend quality time with your family... And who knows, maybe your wife will want to share that bond a little bit. Even if she doesn't, she'll be glad you are giving her some time to herself while you entertain the kiddo. It's possible that you'll get back to the kinds of games you want to play, but until then, take what you can get.

Hope this helps!

Congratulations!

 

[Gonor]

Thank you very much for all your insightful replies!
Exciting times are coming up and I'm really looking forward to them.
I want to be a good dad and I doubt that I'll put gaming before my son.

Sticking to games I can pause/save/quit any time won't be a problem. I'm a gamer but I've never been the most competitive one. I like online games but I've never really tried to be in the upper tiers of the ladder. I always thought that to be too much work for something I do for fun.

Even with all the experience and insights you shared I guess I will have to wait and see what happens. But that's okay. Your words really helped me see the possibilities that might open up in the future. Again, thanks a lot.
And a shared interest with my coming son (and maybe my wife as well) would be the greatest thing to happen, I believe. (Although that will clearly take a few years to happen.)

Anyways, I'm really looking forward to the times ahead and even if I weren't able to do some gaming at all, I'd be fine with that because there can never be anything more precious than having a family.