Hit me with some jokes

[BenSD]

To take a break from the monotony of thinking about starting to get ready to maybe work on my game, let's have some funnies.

What are y'alls favorite jokes?

I really like this one:
"What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?"

Now make me laugh! (pls)

 

[Oddball]

This is one i just made up when reading the title of the thread

What do you call a dungeon master for dungeons and dragons that makes their own setting and mechanics? An RPG maker

 

[Alador]

sorry mate jokes aren't... a physical object I can't hit you with some! also that'd probably land me some time in jail!!

( )

 

[Ronyun_Deren]

Every new rpg maker engine released, you always spend 1000+ hours on it, but no a single game ever released.

 

[Willibab]

What do you call someone with one arm and one leg?

 

[alice_gristle]

@Willibab I got no clue honey, hit me!

This one is summat like 1800s but here goes!

A young woman's beau was on a long journey. People were chiding the woman for not writing any letters to her sweetheart. Her answer? "My sweetheart took the pen with him, leaving me only the inkstand!"

 

[Willibab]

@Willibab I got no clue honey, hit me!

This one is summat like 1800s but here goes!

A young woman's beau was on a long journey. People were chiding the woman for not writing any letters to her sweetheart. Her answer? "My sweetheart took the pen with him, leaving me only the inkstand!"

Whatever the person's name happens to be.

 

[alice_gristle]

Okay @Willibab that pretty good, altho you tole it wrong. I forgive ya tho!

Y'all into dead baby jokes? I found one that's pretty good:

So why did a dead baby cross the road?
'Cuz it was stapled to a chicken.

 

[Willibab]

Okay @Willibab that pretty good, altho you tole it wrong. I forgive ya tho!

Y'all into dead baby jokes? I found one that's pretty good:

So why did a dead baby cross the road?
'Cuz it was stapled to a chicken.

What is the right way to say it?

I like jokes about any subject, as long as its funny xD
One of my favorite stand up comedians is Anthony Jeselnik. He has some pretty dark **** xD

 

[TinyRecorder]

Here's a joke for ya:

@TinyRecorder

 

[alice_gristle]

Imho:

What do you call someone with one arm and one leg?
Fred.

(I know linguistically that don't make sense but it's got better dissonance when it's snappier.)

Okay, this ain't a joke but more of a funny anecdote:

There was this Swedish band who were tryina reinvent themselves, and they wuz thinkin' hard, what can we play? What would people like to hear? And some of them were foolin' around with some dansband musik (kinda like Swedish schlagers, I guess) until one band member roared, "STOP IT WITH THAT LARZ KRISTERZ STUFF!"

The rest of the band was like, hey, not a bad name for a band?

Spoiler: Punchline

Probs makes no sense unless ya Swedish...

 

[gstv87]

there was two drunken fishermen on a boat, in the middle of a lake.
they've been there for a while, waiting for a catch...
suddenly one of them catches a bottle in the water, reels it in, opens it and out comes a genie.
"Fortunate you!" says the genie, "I'll grant you one wish!"
the two fishermen argue for a bit "You call it", "No, you call it", "No, you!"... "Ok" says one, "I want the lake to turn into BEER!"
"Your wish is my command!" says the genie, and POOF! disappears, and all of a sudden the lake turns into a bubbling pond of beer.
the other fisherman goes "No, you dummy! Now we gotta pee IN THE BOAT!"

 

[StarCrunchRPG]

Two guys walk into a metal bar. They both screech in pain.

Two guys leave a mental hospital. They get dragged back in.

Oh wait! I got one that's even better!

 

[RivalRamen_Games]

Okay, so...
"Did you hear about the short psychic that escaped from prison?"
"Yeah! She's a small medium at large!"

---

Q: A plane crashes in between Florida and Alabama... Where do you bury the survivors?
A: You don't... bury... survivors...???

---

So Teletubbies are a product of time and money...

Time = Money...

Money is the root of all evil...

Therefore... TELETUBBIES ARE EVIL!! (I knew Lala was plotting something... Why else would the sun have a baby face?!)

 

[Julijewels]

Okay so here's some jokes I used for an engineer gnome in DND

First a little song that was just the base for entering a kitchen



If only you could hear their voices

 

[Darth Equus]

What's brown and sticky?
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A stick.

 

[TabletopWeeb]

Bit of an old "dirty" WWII joke that my grandfather mentioned in passing, but it always gets a giggle out of me.

After the war, a veteran pilot is talking about his service during the war to a group of school children. "Oh, the situation was very grim," he starts, "We were escorting bombers into Germany when, out of the clouds, came a squadron of Fokkers!"

The children giggle amongst themselves, but the veteran continues.

"I looked up, and right above me was one of them. I aimed my guns at him and shot him down. They were everywhere! I realized then another Fokker was behind me."

Again, the students giggle much to the consternation of the teacher. So she stands up says, "I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of a German-Dutch aircraft company."

"That is true," agrees the pilot, "but these Fokkers were flying Messerschmitt's!"

 

[alice_gristle]

I just had to get out of reddit 'cuz my belly hurts. For the sake of old lady love, Imma share this with y'all!

So an old lady goes to see her friend. When she arrives, her friend asks: "Ethel, did you come on the bus?" To which Ethel replies: "Why yes! But I made it look like an asthma attack!"

 

[TabletopWeeb]

I just had to get out of reddit 'cuz my belly hurts. For the sake of old lady love, Imma share this with y'all!

So an old lady goes to see her friend. When she arrives, her friend asks: "Ethel, did you come on the bus?" To which Ethel replies: "Why yes! But I made it look like an asthma attack!"

That one is great! Going to have to write that one down.

 

[AssumedPseudonym]

I mean, I could tell you the one about the broken dagger, but there’s no point to it. The one about the crossbow might be worth a shot, though…