Hollow's Dump O' Art + Writing

[Hollow]

So I'm just going to dump my art and the occasional written piece here~ ^_^

Ahhhh unfortunately, I don't have much to post at the moment, and even then they're both just sketchy things kdjvlgadb

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This is just a doodle thing.

Aaaand this is just a doodle/color scheme plan for the protagonist of one of my projects.

 

[TDS]

They look pretty nice and I like the drawing style.

 

[Hollow]

Thank you! :lol:

Welp, here's a couple of other things~

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Some really crappy fan art of Fenris from Dragon Age 2.

And here's a piece of concept art for a sci-fi thing a friend and I are working on. ^_^

...This is really starting to make me realize how many pointy-eared people I draw orz

 

[Apple]

Your art style looks really cool. The second sketch in the first post has some anatomy error with the neck though (it looks kinda weird), but I'd really like to see more of your art <3

And elf-ear is just too smexy to not abuse them in every drawings So you have my thumb-ups there OvO

 

[Hollow]

Oh, yeah... In that sketch, I ended up drawing the shoulders a tad too low, but by the time I realized it I just...was lazy and didn't want to fix it LOL

It's a good thing it's just a doodle, though~

And I whole-heartedly agree with you on that! I have a huge thing for characters with long ears * o *

Thank you for checking out my art (and enjoying it, too~)! <3

I hope you'll check it out again once I get a few more things up.

 

[Millas]

Ughhhhh jelly of ur skills Must cut off hollows hands and sew to mine then i'll the POWERrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

[Hollow]

I...don't think...having four hands will give you too much in the art department LOL

But here's me dumping some more junk here:

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A character of mine for a roleplay.

Endou from Inazuma Eleven *o*

Aaaand a little .gif I made a while ago~ It's an inside joke between some friends and myself. :lol:

 

[RyanA]

I...don't think...having four hands will give you too much in the art department LOL

But here's me dumping some more junk here:

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Aaaand a little .gif I made a while ago~ It's an inside joke between some friends and myself. :lol:

All of your stuff is adorable, but I love that gif!! Many <3 and :3 to you!

 

[Hollow]

Thanks, RyanA! Many <3s to you, too! c':

Welp, I haven't updated this in a bit, so here's something new~ It's not very good...but it's practice, so hopefully I'll get better ; v ;

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Oh! And I just found something kind of old that I wrote last year, but I haven't posted any written work here yet... So, after a bit of editing (although, admittedly, it's still pretty bad //sigh), here's a piece of a prologue for a story that may or may not be turning into a comic. u v u)b

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Morèkar stood straight at the edge of the cavernous chamber's central pool. The black waves lapped against his ankles as if to entice him further into its depths. A shiver wracked his body at the cool touch. He glanced over his shoulder where the Priests of Verkas kneeled in rows behind him. Each priest wore robes of dark violet--all except for one, who was clad in black leather breeches and a hood that shrouded his face.

Morèkar could not see the priest's face, but the heavy gaze still burned into his back. Another chill danced down his spine, this time from the weight of the unrelenting stare. With an audible gulp, the young warrior turned back to face the water.

As the priests climbed to their feet, the rustling of their robes echoed eerily throughout the cavern. One of the six High Priests sang out a single note. The ominous chant that followed forced Morèkar's heart to pound within the confines of his rib cage.

The time had come.

The snarling visage of a monstrous statue on the far side of the pool did little to help calm the unease constricting his chest. Morèkar inhaled deeply, trembling fingers hovering just above the clasp of the cloak covering his body.

What would become of him after this? Of course, he knew. However, he still could not quell the overwhelming fear of failure looming over him. What if all of his hard work was for naught?

Steeling himself, the warrior bit his lip. He could do it. It was his sole purpose in life. He would be successful.

...He hoped.

Anxious butterflies wreaked havoc within his stomach even as his back straightened in false confidence. Undoing the clasp, Morèkar let the smooth fabric slide from his shoulders and drop to his feet. He quivered as the cave's cold air caressed his bare skin. The priests' voices reverberated within the chamber as the ritual truly went underway. As if with a mind of their own, the waves grew in size as they crashed vigorously around Morèkar's ankles.

He stood frozen at the edge of the water for several long moments. His breathing became labored as some of the confidence he had built up before slipped away.

A familiar glare bored into him from behind.

With his back stiffening once more, Morèkar stepped into the black pool. Thin tendrils of water snaked up his calf with each wave that passed, urging him onwards. Faint voices called to him below the melody of the priests' song. Were these things just in his imagination?

As he waded further into the depths, the warrior no longer felt that he was alone within the pool. Just beneath the surface, dark figures circled around him, flashes of red in his peripheral vision further alerting him to their presence.

He knew what they were: demons--Verkas's cruel minions. It would be they to either take him to Karfüs, World of the Damned, or to slaughter him and devour his remains.

A nervous tremble slowly made its way down his body at the latter thought.

At last, Morèkar arrived at the pool's deepest portion which rose only to his waist. Around him, the demons continued to form. He stopped. The waves lapping against the pool's banks, the priests' enchantments emanating from behind him--everything stopped.

Now, he could only wait.

With each passing moment, the monsters drew nearer and nearer to the warrior. With each passing moment, he felt more and more that he was unworthy. He was going to die.

The would-be vessel's lower lip began to tremble at that conclusion, and he clenched his fists at his sides in a vain attempt to calm his fear.

All at once, the demons lunged for him. Their claws latched into the musculature of his thighs, his calves, anywhere they could reach. With a single, violent pull, Morèkar was dragged beneath the surface of the water. Freezing liquid filled his lungs as he gasped for air.

He struggled against the creatures' grip, knowing now for certain that they were going to tear his body to shreds. The demons were unrelenting in their hold, however, and they would not let him go.

Many long, agonizing seconds passed. Morèkar grew weak, his limbs drifting upwards lifelessly as the monsters continued to pull him much farther down than the waist-deep he had once thought the pool to be.

This is the end, he thought. I have failed...

The warrior's vision grew hazy as his eardrums pounded from the water pressure. Even through the throbbing, maniacal laughter emanated from the blackness all around him, rising in volume the deeper they went.

Soon, the piercing cackles became unbearable--not even the ringing in Morèkar's ears could drown it out. Darkness surrounded him, blocking any light that had filtered through from the surface. The laughter transformed into blood-curdling screams. His brain throbbed within his skull.

Then, all was silent.

 

[Hollow]

So, I got Dragon Age: Origins yesterday and it's FANTASTIC ASDJK. But. I can't play it as much as I'd like 'cause I'm babysitting. u 3 u

Ah, but here's a little doodle of my Warden (who's--you guessed it--an elf orz) as practice for a different coloring style. c:

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[alwaysivy]

Wow, your art is amazing! Everything is so beautiful!

 

[Lunarea]

I have got to stop thinking I've commented on something without actually commenting. I meant to comment, I swear! XD

I really love the cute little GIF. You should definitely do more of them. And your coloring is very lovely. Keep up the great work!

 

[Hollow]

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh you guys are too nice omg ///////

But thank you so much! ; // v // ; <3

And Luna, I definitely would make some more of those gifs if I had any ideas of what to make u A u

Ah, but here's the bigger version of my new icon:

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[Elements]

Good stuff.

 

[kingmakerspider]

you have great artwork here, Hollow... and the piece of prologue you posted was very well written as well... It actually sent chills up my spine. I am a musician myself and when I write I know it's good when the chill comes. This would be a first for prose though. Very well-done, indeed.

 

[Solistra]

I am a musician myself and when I write I know it's good when the chill comes. This would be a first for prose though.

You haven't been reading decent prose, then.

As for your art, Hollow, I really can't comment on it -- I'm not an artist, and anything that I have to say would more or less just echo what everyone else has already said here, which is less than helpful. At the least, if I'm going to comment on something, I want to point out both what works and what doesn't so that you can get better at your craft -- but when it comes to art, I'm really at a loss.

Your writing, on the other hand, is my particular area of expertise.

Edit: This post ended up a lot longer than I thought it was, so my comments on the writing are under the spoiler for now. If you don't want to read it, Hollow, you don't have to -- but at least know that I enjoyed what you wrote, but have a number of comments that I think could really help you strengthen your writing. Read them if you'd like.

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To be blunt, you have potential -- but there are a fair number of things that are severely weakening your writing (in this piece, at least; I obviously don't know about anything else you've written).Firstly, try to control your sentence fragments; they appear throughout this piece regularly and make for a somewhat unpleasant read as a result at times. In each case that I saw, the solution was nothing more than relatively simple editing -- basically just rearranging elements or changing punctuation for the most part.

Secondly, you're literally telling the reader what's going on too much. Reading this is almost like reading off of a checklist sometimes: "this happened, then this happened, then that happened." You're also telling us some things which could be strengthened with better description rather than outright explanation. Here's an example: "The warrior's vision grew hazy as his eardrums pounded from the water pressure." Don't tell us that it was the water pressure -- instead, tell us about the unbearable weight of the water surrounding him, crushing his skull with the patience of a slow vise, dulling his senses and shrouding him in the dire murk as his eyes refused to focus and he struggled to hear in vain. (My example just then was blatantly overdone, by the way, but I hope that you understand the point that I was making with it.)

Thirdly, I would love to see some more characterization. You've done a wonderful job of letting the reader know what the protagonist is feeling based on his actions, but that's still a relatively weak way of presenting who the main character is -- I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but just about anyone would be reacting with fear and animosity to the situation that he's been placed in (unless they're woefully overconfident). Even throwing us some little things would benefit this greatly -- some quirk, something that the character does that separates him from everyone else. Honestly, I'd also love to see more of the priests and their characters -- what are they doing the whole time that the protagonist is being assailed and drawn into the water? It's as if they were completely forgotten. Are they horrified? Smug? Pleased? Again, I think you get the point.

And lastly -- this is a matter of personal taste, by the way -- please try to avoid overused phrases and ideas like butterflies in the stomach. They're so common and understated that they work against the otherwise interesting atmosphere that you currently have going. Actually, I'd also like to point out that every description you have used to show the protagonist's fear and anxiety is understated in my personal opinion. For instance, I get butterflies in my stomach when I'm asked to speak in public -- but if I'm terrified of being dragged into the World of the Damned or being torn to pieces, I think I'd react with a bit more emotion.

With all of that said, though, you really do have great potential. Overall, you're good with description and atmosphere, and your pacing is quite good. It stumbles some, but that's hardly anything to concern yourself over. You show the reader what the characters are feeling the majority of the time, and your grammar is better than many.

Oh, and one last piece of advice: don't take criticism too harshly or try to fix everything that's pointed out to you. This is your story, and you get to write it how you want to. All I've done is try to point out what worked for me and what didn't, and how I think it could be improved. If you disagree with anything I said, you don't have to change it: part of being a writer is knowing when to listen to someone else's input, but also knowing when to ignore it.

With all of that said, good luck -- and I'd like to see some more of your writing in the future.

 

[Hollow]

Oh, goodness, I’ve been looking for someone to give me some good critique on my writing for a while! So first of all, Solistra, let me just say thanks for taking the time to write all that out for me.

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Ah, yes, the sentence fragments… I, too, felt they were a bit jarring as I was proofreading it, but I’m still unsure about how to fix them without sacrificing some of the tension build-up. I’ll take another look through them and see if I can figure something out.

You’re second point is something I admittedly struggle with. Most things I write tend to either be more telling or a carbon copy of your detailed example (maybe a tiny bit less exaggerated, but still close). I’m still trying to find a happy medium.

The characterization issue is more my own negligence. I was just so focused on getting a good atmosphere going that I didn’t pay as much attention to the characterization as I should have. However, you do have some good tips that I hadn’t thought about before. Even as I’m writing this, I’m thinking that it’s almost essential that I do give Morèkar some kind of character quirk, since besides the prologue and a very brief moment at the end of the story, he’s basically a different character, so he needs to make an impression.

As for how he reacts to the situation, it’s also something that I’ve had trouble with… You see, the priests took him in when he was still a baby, and his entire life has pretty much centered around this ritual. So, even though he is afraid of dieing, there’s still a sense of…acceptance, I guess? He’s come to terms with the fact that he’s going to die if the demons kill him or if he’s possessed. Because of all this, I just can’t find a suitable way that portrays this while still creating a really tense moment.

I didn’t write a lot about the priests on purpose. They come more in to play during the last part of the prologue once Verkas (in Morèkar’s body) returns, but I wanted the opening to be focused primarily on Morèkar since, like I said before, this scene is one of the only times the reader sees him. The scene is also written from his point of view, so I didn’t think it would make sense for him to be surrounded by a bunch of demons possibly about to tear him to bits, and then he suddenly looks back to the priests and describes them… Oh, or there could be like brief flashbacks of his life at the temple that talks about some of the priests or something. HMMM.

The last thing kind of goes back to my negligence and my uncertainty about how to properly portray Morèkar’s emotions. I could probably put a bit more thought into the phrases I use next time, though…

Wow, that came out really long, too… ANYWAY, I really cannot say thank you enough. I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to sit here and read through that and give such well-thought out critique. I hope that you’ll hang around my thread and give me yet another wonderful critique on the next piece of writing I post!

 

[Solistra]

Oh, goodness, I’ve been looking for someone to give me some good critique on my writing for a while! So first of all, Solistra, let me just say thanks for taking the time to write all that out for me.

Thank you for taking the time to read my comments and actually consider them. I can't even tell you how many times I've given someone extensive advice and had them carelessly brush it off, so it's refreshing to see someone who's actually interested in knowing how they can improve. So thank you, too, for actually being open to it and showing the desire to better your writing (which, by the way, isn't bad at all to begin with).

You’re second point is something I admittedly struggle with. Most things I write tend to either be more telling or a carbon copy of your detailed example (maybe a tiny bit less exaggerated, but still close). I’m still trying to find a happy medium.

The way you wrote in the protagonist's emotions was pretty much exactly what I would go for when describing events, too. In essence, this is how I would do it: instead of telling the reader that something happened, describe how it happened instead. Don't say that the protagonist was dragged into the water by demons, write the action of the demons grabbing him.

I can't tell if I'm getting this point across clearly or not, so if you need me to explain, just let me know.

Even as I’m writing this, I’m thinking that it’s almost essential that I do give Morèkar some kind of character quirk, since besides the prologue and a very brief moment at the end of the story, he’s basically a different character, so he needs to make an impression.

Or even just give him something that lets him move or guide the events in some way, or his own thought and commentary about what's happening. There are innumerable ways to insert characterization into a story like this, and the story overall will benefit greatly. Play around with some things and see what you think works best. As it is, Morèkar is basically just a meaningless pawn for what's happening around him instead of a character that's actually immersed in the situation. Immerse us with him.

As for how he reacts to the situation, it’s also something that I’ve had trouble with… You see, the priests took him in when he was still a baby, and his entire life has pretty much centered around this ritual. So, even though he is afraid of dieing, there’s still a sense of…acceptance, I guess?

In that case, I would rely on the greatest of human emotions to explore in the context of a story: internal conflict, or struggling with yourself. There's a sense of acceptance, but he knows he's going to die, so have him fight with that. In a way, this could make the ending of this segment far more emotional: did he accept that he will die gracefully, or does he struggle with it and realize that this is not what he wanted just moments before he falls? Either way, there's a much greater depth of emotion, and the ending will linger more with the reader -- and the character will reverberate in their minds. Show us his last thoughts and how he fights with them... I know that I, personally, would absolutely love to see that.

I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to sit here and read through that and give such well-thought out critique. I hope that you’ll hang around my thread and give me yet another wonderful critique on the next piece of writing I post!

Of course, I'd be happy to. I'm interested in seeing what else you've written, too.

 

[Hollow]

@Solistra: I'll definitely be sure to keep these things in mind the next time I write, so thank you again for all your help!

Ah, well here's a little something I did earlier today...er, yesterday technically. LOL I know they're a lot of things wrong with it at the moment, but I just really liked the lineart savkv (and I apologize for it being so big).

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[RyanA]

More wonderful art :3 I look forward to seeing some more! :3

Especially cats maybe? :3