How do you overcome chronic quitting?

[Alexander Amnell]

   Not really sure how to phrase it, but I've always had a problem with leaving things undone. Probably about to give up on my fourth game attempt, it itself an adaptation of a long abandoned attempt to write a novel. I've quit every job I've ever had within a couple of years, barely made it through college (after quitting once and coming back) only to quit the career track it put me on before it ever began and have seen pretty much every other hobby I've ever cared about fade into the past long ago for various reasons, though if I'm being honest most of those reasons are really just excuses I come up with to justify my penchant for walking away.


   I don't know what's wrong with me, it's not an organizational problem as I've gotten thousands of pages of drafts, infosheets and timelines buried in a graveyard of looseleaf, CDs, flashdrives and floppy disks at this point and it's not really laziness as when I'm inspired I'll work like crazy, to the point of neglecting meals and sleep even at times and pretty much every job I've ever held loved me at first and I have no problem getting offered promotions...until I suddenly lose interest and from there it's either coasting along till I'm fired or more often than not quitting in advance of that. I've tried setting deadlines (which seem to make me quit even faster, then spend half the deadline moping about the fact I'm failing to live up to my commitments), scaling back my expectations to be more manageable (though they've never really been unrealistically grand to begin with, outside of the fact I don't ever finish them) and all the other usual self-help steps you get when you depressingly google the above question to no avail.


   I have a drive to do this, I've wanted to make games since childhood and at this point it's really the only selfish part left of my psyche, the last vestiges of a time where my dreams were all my own rather than dreams for my children and I don't want to let that go. But I can't help but think at this point that maybe I really need to, as I'm not making progress and the continued trying to force myself to care enough to be productive again is just depressing me at this point. Then that makes me wonder if surrendering this last remnant of a lifetime of surrender will just continue the cycle, and that my investment in my kids futures could very well inadvertently be the next thing in line for me to allow myself to quit, a thought which truly terrifies me. But even if I don't let myself give up officially, the drive is gone once again, and once it's gone I can't ever seem to get it back, it just stagnates into obscurity within my own mind until I see no viable options but to revamp/start over.


   I'm sorry for the late night pity post, not exactly my most lucid moment but I'm sitting here alone staring at the project I've not made any strides in in months, lacking the usual excuses I use to comfort myself; saying that there's just to much to do in the day to day with family to get anything done. Yet they're all 300+ miles away right now, and of course nothing has changed because they were never the problem, just my newest excuse to ignore the problem and keep myself from spiraling back into anxiety and self-loathing because of it. Has anyone else out there been there and managed to overcome such a nonsensical and idiotic idiosyncrasy? How do you combat something like that, where one day you just wake up and realize you have no desire whatsoever to continue and nothing short of starting over from scratch can revive your motivation no matter how long you cling on and hope you'll get it back one day?

 

[Leon Kennedy]

Try to keep your goals and the reasons you started the game to begin with in mind. It's very normal to get burnt out on working a ton on a project, try to do it in moderation and take a bunch of breaks. Maybe try to get some people to work with you on your project as other people are always good motivating factors. I'm not sure if your game will be commercial but it's hard to stay focused when there isn't a obvious higher goal such as money which can easily encourage people to spend lots of time on something of course. But yeah those are my suggestions that may help good luck.

 

[Caitlin]

My advice is to 'have fun', just create things for you... even if they are short and full of nonsense and then, share it.  Don't have deadlines and work on it slowly.  Just remember, if you wrote a page a day, you'd have a novel at the end of the year.  I have a problem with focus, if something becomes boring (my brain works against me at night, because I'll dream of awesome ideas) and I'll run off to start that .. This time, it's different, because I am working on my graphics, working on characters before I start running off with a million and one maps, adding the story as I go along. Now, this is my problem and what might be the trigger for you can be something else. But definitely a couple of breaks won't hurt, and you'll come back full of energy.  Just ask yourself a question, why did you want to make a game to begin with?  Was it because you had a story to tell?  Was it because you wanted to share you thoughts with the world?  If you remember that, I am certain you'll find your inspiration again.  Just don't work yourself too hard or be too hard on yourself.  We ALL have given up on projects...

 

[RishigangiX]

There is no easy answer for this, every person has a different way that helps him stay motivated. It has to align with your personality type. For some people it is money, for some it is love, whereas some people do it just to achieve something.


I know this is not going to be a very popular answer, but the best way is to analyze yourself, and find out what keeps you motivated.


Your reason for starting doesn't necessarily have to be the reason that keeps you going.


For example, before I started weight training, I took pictures of myself, wrote down the stats on the picture and I said to myself "I am never going to be this skinny kid again".


I kept going, I experienced major progress, and after a few months when I looked back at my previous pics, it felt satisfaction with my achievement.


But years later, I don't need a reason to keep myself motivated, I just love doing it... Nothing could keep me out of the gym, not even a career threatening injury that almost cost me a leg.


Same is with RPG Maker, I simply love doing this. I love my characters, my world, and I will do anything I can to see them come to life.


Before you start with the project, you have to analyze yourself, "Why am I doing this? What is my goal?"


Also, a lot is affected by the way you think. Even if you have quit a project in the past, treat it as a learning experience instead of a failure. No one can take knowledge away from you, and it is indeed one of the most important things you can acquire in your journey. Try thinking "I have acquired XX knowledge in the past even if I've quit my projects, and I will use them in my next project."


Add that with the motivation that you've found, and you're good to go.

 

[Alexander Amnell]

  @gomiamiheat6804 I've given the thought of collaborating for motivation serious thought before, but the fact is with my track record it would be unfair to whoever I were to find if that's not enough to keep me going. I've quit a management position at Walmart's site to store two weeks before Christmas once, walked out of another job without warning and no more provocation than a petty argument over gloves and generally when I get to where I'm 'done' all the goodwill and desires not to be an rear end in a top hat in the world won't stop me from being, well...an rear end in a top hat.


   @CaitlinThat's what I try to do, this is supposed to be for me at the end of the day, a sort of sanctuary where I can just enjoy myself but that doesn't change the fact that when the drive is gone, it's gone and I don't understand how or why. It's not mere burnout, I'm just coming off of close to a month-long break where I haven't so much as opened the thing, and it's not even that I don't want to work on it because leading up to each attempt my mind is full of excitement and I can't put it out of my mind, but whenever I actually open it up it's like everything is suddenly jumbled and I can't make heads or tails of what I should be doing anymore.


   Ah...I know I'm not making any sense here, and I apologize for that because normally I pride myself on my rationality but I can't really rationalize this problem. It always sounds like nonsense whenever I try to analyze it, nothing but excuses and bemoaning.

 

[Uzuki]

I know where your coming from. I'm a chronic "do something for awhile, get really good/competent, feel like I'm not accomplishing anything and then quit" quitter. To be honest I feel like that with my current project. I think the best way to handle this is to step back and take breather. Forcing yourself to work is only going to intensify your feelings towards you and your project. As artsy fartsy as this sounds creating a good, or even decent, game requires passion and if the passion isn't there your only going to create something that you'll have animosity towards. Take a week away and either do some physical activates or make a side project. I've got a SMT influenced side project that I work on when I feel the love draining from my main project or when my writing starts getting sloppy. I think the best case for you would be to get something out on the forums, even if it's not your perfect dream game. I feel some constructive criticism would get you going and push you to make some progress. Maybe if you talk to someone when your feeling down that would help you through your mental blocks. I'm always up for a conversation if you ever need it.

 

[Diretooth]

I am very similar. I'll start an amazing concept, get it going for a while, then peter out and not work on it for a long time.


There is no simple solution, so I'll list out some actions you can take to potentially get **** on track.


1). First and foremost, I highly suggest you see a therapist, someone you can talk to who can help you figure out why you are like this. It could be anything from chemical imbalance to full-blown neurosis, Nobody likes to say they're going to a therapist to get things on track, primarily due to social stigma, but things like this can be helpful, and indeed may be exactly what you need.


2). Keep projects. It doesn't matter if you don't think you'll ever work on them again, one day, you might get a bug up your butt to work on it again, and find you're actually making progress.


3). Do things simply for the enjoyment of it. I've written so many stories that I've lost all count of them, simply because I love to write. Don't constrain yourself, be free to do what you need.


And most importantly, even when you feel like things won't get any better, keep striving for a good future, and remember to cry when you need to. Life is a bunch of shades of positive and negative, both are needed to maintain balance within oneself.

 

[Wookiee420]

See @Alexander Amnell, i totally feel where you are coming form and FOR ME I have figured it out and KINDA figured out how to work through this issue..My problem, which took wayyyyy too long to figure out, is that I am afraid to fail. In my mind not finishing is better than failing, because no one can tell you you suck, you have an excuse "Well I didnt finish so....." When in reality this is a self fulfilling prophecy. I used to be so afraid of failing that I would get to a position in work that I knew I could hold and like you sabotage it so I couldnt be expected to do more. With people I would be afraid to make friends or ask girls out because if I didnt try she wouldnt say no, or if I didnt try they wouldnt become friends and wouldnt be able to ditch me. I used to dj, and i sabotaged myself and worked it up in my head that no one wanted to see me so I stopped djing and I still 5 years later get asked about it...It finally took me till I really found my passion in cooking, I knew that I would sabotage myself and I knew of my fear of failure, and I wouldnt let myself think that way, even just thinking about my fear made it so I wouldnt let it happen, and for once I worked my way up from Line Cook, to Sous Chef, to GM in training (longggggggggggggg story why it didnt work out but still)...And then I made my first game, yea I followed Echo607's tutorial but I still made it my own, and before I could think to sabotage myself it was done being made, and I had people try it and got ZERO negativity about it, nothing but love...

TLDR I guess what I am trying to say is knowing that I have this crippling fear of failure, and starring it down, I am finally able to move past it (like Eleven and the monster).

 

[consolcwby]

This is going to sound strange, even bizarre, but trust me on this one: Take some Vitamin D. Seriously.


About a decade ago, I suddenly couldn't accomplish anything without feeling like quitting it. I also lost my attention span and felt pretty down. A friend of mine told me to see a therapist, but instead I went to see my doctor. He told me this is pretty common in people and to take Vitamin D. And after three weeks, it worked! Ever since I took that advice, whenever I feel like quitting and get depressed I down my Vitamins. I know it sounds crazy, but unless you're allergic - try it! Worse comes to worse, you'll be healthier! Other than that, most of the above advice it good ones! (Except the therapist. Take my advice - don't trust them! I may sound paranoid, but sometimes these people have an agenda outside helping others. Be careful!)

 

[Wookiee420]

@consolcwby i gotta try that

 

[Sausage_Boi]

Hey, you know where else you can get Vitamin D? By visiting the Sun. Outside. With your skin. It's natures way of saying "Get outdoors!" lol

 I may sound paranoid, but sometimes these people have an agenda outside helping others.

You know, I would call you paranoid, IF there weren't abundant evidence supporting this claim. I shudder when I think of the name Dr. Ewan Cameron. And what about all the doctors that are provably handing out free samples of drugs on behalf of the companies that make them? I remember D.A.R.E. class teaching me about pushers. And one thing that stood out clearly was, "They will always give you a free sample, so that you're hooked, and then you come back and buy more." Are we talking about street pushers or legal? Hard to tell.


I like to take time off from what I am doing and laugh. I like to watch funny things and I like to laugh until my eyes are watery and my stomach hurts. I also meditate. Not sitting with my legs folded and vibrating the word "om" until I can't sit any more, but just clearing my mind, and trying to get past all my emotions, positive and negative. Clear my head out and focus on the bigger picture, and the world at large. If I tunnel vision into my project I am at risk of abandoning it. I also like to do side projects. Whether that is hunting down a contest to participate in or just making a new project altogether. I also like to burn trees, but it's a little easier in Washington state where it's condoned by the residents, and less offensive to local Law.

 

[Diretooth]

(Except the therapist. Take my advice - don't trust them! I may sound paranoid, but sometimes these people have an agenda outside helping others. Be careful!)

That's why you go to ones that cannot prescribe medication. I have friends who go to therapists who, if they had not gone, they would either not be functioning in the real world (less serious) or would be dead. (Most serious.) Don't discount mental health professionals because some of them are drug pushers.


EDIT: I'd also like to note that distrusting an entire profession because some do push drugs does the ones that actually do good in their job zero justice. I have hellish anxiety, even mentioning this fricks me up a little. While meditation can help, and I would also recommend that, there is only so much it can do without extra assistance. (Because things can go very, very wrong if you delve a little too deep. (Though, that goes off into spiritual aspects.)
Even if it's going to someone to learn coping mechanisms, or getting **** off your chest that you can't do with friends and family, therapy can help out immensely.


EDIT 2: Also, while taking vitamins can help in general, sometimes it can be placebo effect, or perhaps it masks the underlying cause. While the placebo effect can work even if you know it's happening, if there is an underlying cause, again, perhaps chemical imbalance, that cause doesn't go away, it remains, lurking until you eventually slip up on the vitamin regimen.
As another note, taking in a vitamin that you do not need will only end up with you excreting the excess nutrition because you do not store vitamins and nutrients (To my knowledge).

 

[Alexander Amnell]

@RishigangiX  The hard part is figuring out what that motivation is then it would seem. Typically this is just something I do because I enjoy doing it, but I guess that's not enough to see it through to the end maybe? I guess it's pretty clear from above that I've never been particularly ambitious, fame and fortune don't interest me, I guess the adverse to that is that they can't motivate me either.


@Uzuki I appreciate the offer and fair warning I might actually take you up on it sometime. Maybe I should just put something out there, I actually have a two hour side project that's mostly done, but more than half of the maps are god-awful placeholders and, like everything else I've worked on once I'm done, I'm just done. I guess I could save up a bit and hire a mapper, at least then I'd have something finished and could get criticism based on the actual mechanics and story and all that that I love doing without the obligatory map hate that the current bland, open maps will surely garner to detract from that.


@Diretooth Some good advice there I guess, been seeing a therapist off and on for a couple years now. Sometimes it helps, most times it feels like a waste of time but it keeps it out there at least I suppose. I like how you end your post by the way, about maintaining balance. It just feels at time like these that the negative always waxes and the positives wane, but then I've always been a cynic.


@consolcwby Worth a shot I guess. Admittedly I'm a little skeptical because I tend to be fairly outdoorsy but I can't imagine adding a vitamin supplement temporarily just to see if it works could hurt much even if my intake is already sufficient. So next time I'm at the store I'll pick up a bottle.


@Wookiee420 My first thought upon reading your post was to dismiss it out of turn, but then I have to wonder, if not fear than why do I keep quitting things so habitually? What does cause me to sabotage myself whenever I have a job and eventually led to me simply shunning the workforce entirely? For that matter, why was my first reaction to dismiss your advice so quickly when I'm willing to entertain everything else with an open mind, even when I can't see how it actually relates to me? I haven't really felt afraid of much in my adult life, I've kind of been forced to face down all the big fears that keep men up at night like mortality and loneliness and the like but then, I certainly stay up fretting over this. ****, maybe...that's all this is, all it's ever been. That just makes me angry, I've lived through to much crap to be cowering over criticism, but then I've never really seen anything through professionally long enough to have to face criticism either. I'm thinking even more now that Uzuki is right, and that the best thing for me to do is to get something out there, even if I can't get it to the point that I'm satisfied with it.


@philteredkhaos: I'm probably as paranoid as either of you, but then the therapist I go to has no prescribing authority, and she's a freelancer so she doesn't even work with anyone who does. Believe me, a childhood growing up with Aspergers and anxiety have taught me the truth of what you and consolcwby are saying, but for the purposes of this discussion let's drop that subject, because it's not really relevant given my precautions. And no problems with burning trees where I'm at either, I try to have a bonfire every few months just because I like sitting outside in front of a fire.

 

[Diretooth]

That just makes me angry

Sometimes anger is good. It can be a driving force to push you through a trial, a focus in which to proceed without heed for fear, danger, or other barriers that keep you from going forward.


That aside, it sounds like you have some new perspective to (metaphorically) chew on.


With that said, I'll leave this tidbit: You can do it, I believe in you, you can do the thing!
 

Spoiler

 

[Uzuki]

By all means take me up on it. As long as you don't mind me gabbing your ear off in return


I do understand where your coming from though. Like I said I'm going through the same things your going through and is why I'm wide awake at three o'clock in the morning. I might joke around or come off as a snuddy know-it-all on the forums, but I'm an mental and emotional wreck that likes to help people where he can. If you don't have any profiles on any of the sites in my profile or sig, you can just shot me a PM and I'll make an profile wherever you feel comfortable. That goes for anyone who just wants someone to listen to you or just shoot the breeze. We need to stick together. If we can't talk to random strangers on the internet, how else are we going to function in this ghetto ass world?


As for your project, I say do it! The worst anyone can say is that they didn't like it. Believe me, even if you get that it'll do more good then harm.

 

[Sausage_Boi]

Heh... I meant, burning trees like Bob Marley burned trees... It's relaxing.


Also, I am not paranoid. I am just skeptically cautious. I don't distrust all mental health doctors and I don't distrust most. I am just saying if one starts offering free candies you might want to evaluate their position. Medically and scientifically speaking, nobody knows what those drugs do or how they work. There is no physical diagnostic test that can show a chemical imbalance. That is speculation. According to Harvard, and according to the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation. It is true though, that there have been a lot of people helped by many of these therapies, both chemical and socio-physiological. LSD therapy has even helped a great many people (NOT recreationally, but under professional supervision), before it was declared outright illegal.


But I am getting side tracked! We are trying to help our friend Alexander (and ourselves, in the process) examine what motivates our eagerness to abandon creative works.


It could just be fear of failure. I know I struggle with that oft-time. "Will my peers like it?" Sure, they say "make a game for yourself!" But honestly, I personally hate that advice. I made the game, I tested it billions of times while making it, and I already know what's going to happen, what to do and where to go. That's boring. I want someone else to try it out and give me their unfiltered feedback. I NEVER turn to my friends to critique my work. Hell, most of them don't even know of my creative pursuits. Lol, some friend I am, huh? 
@Uzuki is right, you should just push something out. Anything. ANYTHING. Hell, go get a DAW and try your hand at making music! there are a lot of free programs and its a lot of fun. Have you considered joining @Jackus ♪ Indie In A Week 5 contest? It's getting bigger everyday and you could get some honest, unbiased feedback from the judges! Do it! DO IT!

Spoiler

Damn it, just join already!

 

[IamGilgamesh]

With chronic dedication. Try something new. Try looking at the bigger picture. Try looking at the smaller picture. Look for solutions instead of problems. Look at you HAVE accomplished, be grateful for it, and remind yourself of why you're doing it in the first place.

 

[Uzuki]

@soɐɥʞpǝɹǝʇlıɥd

Spoiler

 

[Alexander Amnell]

@Diretooth That picture made my night, thank you for that.


@philteredKhaos: OH, Those Trees! I can't believe that flew right over my head, but then again it's almost 3 am. I used to burn those trees too and have no qualms with the idea of starting again, but yeah, unfortunately I had to give that up to start a family. Oh but how relaxing it is, I'd be peacefully asleep by now if I still did that no doubt. Ah well.


As for the contest...fine damn it! Just made an account over there, and as soon as my email validation goes through I'll join. Don't have a clue what I'm going to do for it, but my family's off in Colorado for the next two weeks anyway so no excuses.


PS: Oh and I didn't mean to call you paranoid, I've just found in life if you call yourself what people will try to dismiss you as anyway you sort of disarm them right of the bat. Like I said I both understand and agree with where you are coming from in regards to all that. Simply a habit, no offense intended.

 

[Leon Kennedy]

does your game have a project thread?