How real life impacts gaming - heartbreak

[gvduck10]

I guess I'm just posting this to vent, but last week, while laying in bed, my partner of 3.5 yrs admitted to no longer being in love with me or really attracted to me - and admitted that, despite his and my efforts, he has felt this way for some time now.

In addition to struggling to eat, sleep and having to avoid being home as much as possible (since we are stuck living together for almost another year), I've had NO DESIRE whatsoever to play any games, online or on console or on my phone, and have had no desire to work on my RM project (probably made worse by the fact that it was a game about dating/falling in love!  ) 

I wonder what other people's experiences have been with bad breakups/divorces/separations. Many people report an increase in drinking (self-medication and also "getting back out there") and struggles with not eating enough or eating way too much.

At work, I involve myself with my job and that helps pass the time. But after that, all I want to do is go to a bar, and chat with guys online, and avoid being home. What do other people think??

 

[Paladin-Cleric of Awesome]

Not that I've expiriance s anything like this, but I do go through phases where I just can't work on my games for personal reasons.

You could also start a whole new game project and vent everything that pisses you off about this situation and see what comes out of it. It's normally interesting to find out just what you can come up with. You never know, it could be fun.

 

[Adam Ferrell]

Make an rpg maker game about what you're going through.
Watch sad movies to help speed up the "grieving" process.

Reinvent yourself. Try new things. Meet new people. Think of this as an awesome opportunity to become a better person.

My high school sweetheart broke up with me right before college and my freshman year was so amazing because instead of taxi'ing her all over the city I ended up meeting a lot of fun people and learning a lot about other cultures(I became president of my college's multicultural club). I also learned a lot about myself and this is only something that can happen in situations like what you're in.

 

[The Stranger]

It's natural to put your hobbies and interests on hold whilst you come to terms with loss\the ending of a relationship. You will carry on with the things you once loved (or find new things) in your own time. Everyone deals with loss in their own way. It can be a very lonely time, but try not to be afraid to call upon family and friends for support, if possible.

I used my own personal suffering as a source of inspiration for my first novel, and the projects I am working on currently.

 

[gvduck10]

Watch sad movies to help speed up the "grieving" process.

I never thought about this, listening to love songs, lots of which we used to sing to one another is very emotional, but I'm still kind of avoiding them. But maybe some intentional "sad time" isnt a bad idea!

As for the rest, I am already striking out in a big way - went to Chicago last weekend by myself to visit a friend and enjoy the city's huge scene. Been diving into a lot of my own music again.

I'm stuck right now trying to remember all the things about who I was before he came into my life. Clearly I was a person for 23 years before him, but it's been a long time (and I don't have a good memory!), and we shared EVERYTHING. Maybe it sounds strange, but a lot of it boils down to wondering what parts of things were originally a part of me, and what things only became a part of me because they were his interests. I don't feel like I explained that very well, but I tried!

 

[Mon Dez]

Gaming is usually my stress reliever and always have been although it got worse after my breakup with my girlfriend because she was moving to Florida. For some reason emotionally I felt nothing like no sadness or despair, but just emptiness. I guess gaming filled up majority of the void, but even then I played games a lot during my free time so you can say nothing has changed in my lifestyle.

I guess I got used to disappointments or failures so much that I got... what's the word... immune or disconnected from that reality on terms although I never looked back nor held it personal.

 

[Espon]

While it isn't related to a relationship issues, I do struggle with episodes of depression which impacts my desire to do things that I normally like doing.

I find it's best to try reaching out to other people such as family and friends.  Consider seeing your doctor if you think medication might help control your emotions.

 

[echo]

The only thing I've ever found really helpful is writing.  After my boyfriend died I tried medication, I tried throwing myself into my work, I tried to avoid everything that would remind me of him, but the feeling would always come back when I was alone or when I had nothing to do.  I guess the writing helped because it was a more active way of dealing with it, rather than just ignoring it and hoping it went away.  

Depressing as hell, but I got a few good poems out of it.  Might be worth a go if you're that way inclined. 

 

[gvduck10]

actually i am a writer, and i have produced several small books of poetry. but its hard to even concentrate long enough to write anything, and to be completely honest, I think I scared to do it, afraid of how difficult/painful it will be.

 

[Galenmereth]

27 year old here who has had two major break ups of entirely different kinds; the first I got dumped after three years, the second is my partner of five years finding out she needs time by herself to figure out where to go with her art, essentially a break up because she'll move to the other side of the country. It's a different kind of break up because we're open about it, talk about it and still have feelings for each other, but we have our relationship problems that a "pause" can either help fix or not.

Within that context I feel that I can honestly say that grief and sadness are extremely important "tools" to get over this. Do cry, do be sad, and do spend time going through all the good and bad memories, all the things you feel you could've done differently (or couldn't); go through all the pain and let it flow through you. Because this is the only way you can move on. Locking it away or ignoring it will come back to haunt you sooner rather than later These things hurt a lot, but the hurt will pass, and from it you'll learn a lot. Things that will help you in the future, and things that will drive your creativity. Sadness and hurt are necessary to be able to write honestly about love and happiness, after all.

I wish you all the best. Here's an internet hug from a stranger

 

[gvduck10]

  BD  

I've come to accept reality for what it is. I only have one real point of contention, which is that we stood up in front of all our families and friends and VOWED to spend our lives together, to overcome any challenge together, and to always be at each other's side. I take my word very seriously, but he has chosen to back out of those vows; I consider that to be a huge disgrace, dishonor, and disrespect to our families and friends, as well as to me. He knows that the animosity from that may never fade. I was convinced that our vows were real, and all he can say now is "I'm sorry, I can't keep that promise anymore".  

Beyond that, I'm not really angry or bitter at him... but maybe that's enough to be angry over! HA!

 

[Arisete™]

I've never had any problems with my gaming life.
In fact, my fiance is as much of a gamer as me (except when she's taking her college classes, she becomes serious with homework.)

I don't think I will have any impacts the way my life is at the moment since we're both gamers and we play games quite a lot.

 

[mithcd]

On the other side, I actually read an article somewhere that gamers perform better at work and sports. Since the mental reflexes are exercised, gamers are able to react to situations fast. 

 

[jaggernaut25]

It's amazing how supportive this RM community is. I'm new here, but it's great to see everyone coming to you in your time of need and it's even more amazing that you trust us all enough to share intimate details of your life like that. I truly and sincerely hope everything works out, I can't imagine what that feeling must be like. The best of look to you, stay strong and you'll be just fine.

 

[Madeleine]

The main thing about post breakup behavior to me is being scared of being alone. That's why participate in all these wild parties and do things that I don't usually do. First off, it helps me recover my self esteem; secondly, that's how I avoid being alone with my thoughts that are really depressive.

 

[Arisete™]

The main thing about post breakup behavior to me is being scared of being alone. That's why participate in all these wild parties and do things that I don't usually do. First off, it helps me recover my self esteem; secondly, that's how I avoid being alone with my thoughts that are really depressive.

o.0

In the past when I was broken up, I just went out and looked for someone else the day after.

 

[gvduck10]

not particularly healthy behavior... but there is a saying "the quickest way to get over someone, is to get under someone else"