It looks to me like you need to keep your shadows soft, large, and not very contrasted and your highlights small, extremely bright with hard edges, lots of contrast and right next to shadows. It looks like reflected light is going to be a big deal too. The pink jacket's a good example of reflected light, you see how it, even though it's in shadow, it actually gets a little brighter right next to her neck and the pink of the coat is a lot closer to the skin color. What's happening is the light is bouncing off the skin and reflecting onto the coat.
I think you should tone down the hue shifting, just for the shadows and make them a little less saturated. Also, pick a shade that's closer to the base color, you've gone too many steps away with that dark blue. That first attempt had some nice detailing that I think you should try to do with less contrast and no highlight. Also think a little about how the outfit is constructed. Where are the seams? Remember that the edges will be slightly bulkier because of the hem. Stuff like that. Your highlights are too big still, make them much more thin. You're also being lazy with the light source, I know you can do better with that. Right now the legs look flat and like they each have a different light source because you're focusing too much on what it looks like and not placing it well. Those legs are in completely different positions, they should not have the same balance of shadow and light.
