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trouble time

Victorious
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Alright, so I wanted to talk about my own project for a bit. Mainly the characters.
53921-2d38139852d78dff432003c32eb24bcf.jpg
Iii is a demi-goddess, as evidenced by her size compared to mortals. Most demi-gods are in some way extensions of their divine parent's wills and a sign of their power, but Iii has no idea who her parents are.

Iii was found by the high ranking knigChaplain Wrather while she was wandering the cursed Scathacth Forest alone. Iii was warmly welcomed into the knightly order on Wrather's recommendation. She's the youngest and in a few ways the most childish of the party due to her naive black and white worldview. She sees herself as a champion of justice instead of an instrument of divine wrath, and she wants to protect everyone she can. She has only ever been around shining examples of the best humanity has had to offer in her knightly order, the Veil Knights, and the events of the game will take the party to the dark underbelly of a city falling to corruption and vice. Everything around her challenges the way she knows the world works and she'll have to rely on the support of her friends as her values are tested in the brutal campaign to uncover a conspiracy surrounding an invasion from the outer realms where demons dwell.

Rue is a demi-goddes born of the goddess of knowledge and a hommunculus born from the cells of an ancient king. Due to her strange heritage, she is rejected by other demi-gods with the exception of her honor-sister Iii. Unlike Iii, Rue sees mortals as interchangeable for the most part, with very few exceptions. As the divine reject her and the mortals disinterest her, Rue lives in a state of a single minded drive for knowledge and magical power. While physically frail for a demi-goddess, Rue has magical abilities that more than make up for it. Her mastery of offensive magic is second to none. She is detached from the world and cares very little for politics or war, but she will always follow her honor-sister into combat if asked. Rue recently came upon ancient texts that suggested the possibility of worlds beyond the one she knew, and overcome by her hunger for knowledge she disappeared while investigating what she believed were the first signs of an invasion from beyond.

The Lich race are naturally ethereal, insentient, immortal beings, but at some point in the past they began to bind themselves to artificial bodies and gained sentience in the process. Organizing into a feudal society based on clans known as Courts, the Lich race soon found their home in the inhospitable, frozen North of the world.

Laura was a libertine who severed her ties with her court to become a Freeblade while chasing her lover to the city the game takes place in. While liberated from most of her responsibilities of her former Court, she was still indebted to them, and as a Freeblade could be drafted to fight alongside the Lich Courts when they went to war. Laura specialized in blood magic, and was the right combination of skilled and disposable to be sent to infiltrate a powerful enemy's castle along with Imperial and Veil Knight forces. When the groups teleportation spell failed they found themselves scattered and Laura found herself wandering the castle alone until she came across the titanic battle between the castles owner and Iii. Inexplicably Laura found herself attacking the enemy and was killed for her troubles. Hours later she awoke, her immaterial spirit was bound to a phylactery beforehand that allowed her to be transferred into a new, and much smaller, body. While attempting to cope with her new form, a very grateful Iii appears at her home to thank her and the two become friends. Not everything goes well however, her girlfriend hates her new form and she due to an improper binding process she can't change it without dying again, and something seems to have changed for the worse about the city's character. Hoping to save her relationship, her city, and to help her friend, Laura joins Iii on her quest.

The Adenne Elves are defectors from the High Elf race who settled into the dangerous Adenne Forest. The forest is home to all manner of terrible and powerful monsters such as giant wolves and even dragons, and the Adenne Elves were stubborn enough to give no ground even in these circumstances.

Merry joined her homeland's military as soon as she was old enough and rose through the ranks at breakneck speed. Her skill with firearms was remarkable even among the world renowned Adenne infantry, and she was given a chance to joined the most elite mounted infantry unit to ever be formed, the Adenne Hunters. She trained hard to join the ranks of the elite, perfecting her skill riding the Hunters signature mount, the Adenne Great Wolf. Despite all her training, it turned out it was for naught, while she did complete her training, officially she was not transferred to the Adenne Hunters before the High Elves decided that they were entitled to the land the Adenne Elves had managed pacify. The Elven War lasted only a few years, and the entire time Merry fought with her original unit instead of the Hunters. In the end, both Elven subraces settled on a treaty after several bloody battles uniting them into one nation. Merry saw this as a betrayal of the Adenne Elves independent spirit, and capitulation to an enemy. To make matters worse, the Hunters were all but wiped out in the battle. Merry went into self imposed exile and became a wandering mercenary. At one point, Merry offered her services to Iii when she was on a quest alone, and has since become Iii's "favorite" mercenary. Merry is a cynical and rough woman, though she clearly delineates between work and off time. When she's drinking at the bar she's more friendly and jovial, but she can snap back to cold and pragmatic at a moment's notice. She sees herself as something of a big sister figure to Iii and is willing to do the dirty work without letting Iii know so she can remain innocent.

UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN UNKNOWN

EDIT: I'm an idiot, i forget to actually ask any questions. I was wondering what people thought about the character designs and backstories.
 
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Paralysis

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I guess I'll post too. what I have is still in the very early stages of development. I'm not even sure I have a full story yet. here's what I do have though:


Main character: sub-par family life
isolated little town
hard time making friends with residents cause their either too old or dont have any common interests
big dreams of travel to fix the problem
can't because of financial problems that are partially his fault
has a magic pendant passed down from famiru
He doesnt know it yet but it lets you turn a world of fiction real when you sleep



finds a visual novel he likes identifies with one of the guys on there on a seriously emotional level starts to prefer being alone, even in public so he can pretend it's just the two of them



sleeps one day and magical bs that has yet to be named happens where he wakes up in an area of the VN that his hasubando is in. Aside from being a VN the game is also a large open world, so he wakes up quite far from the nearest person he "knows" in a rather dangerous area with rather strong enemies abound. to make matters worse, he never actually completed the game so he find himself getting lost.

that's all I have for now.

Questions?
 

BreadInc

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this is just me, but i think she would look cool with short, red hair. like a dark crimson. and maybe a streak of some other color. but you did say that her hair color changes depending on something, so i'm not sure if this was very helpful.

Actually, this could work! Out of curiosity, were you thinking of a bob-type hairstyle or a pixie? But now I'm thinking maybe if she has a streak in her hair, I could change that rather than the entire hair colour. Make life easier for myself, haha.
 

gigaswardblade

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Actually, this could work! Out of curiosity, were you thinking of a bob-type hairstyle or a pixie? But now I'm thinking maybe if she has a streak in her hair, I could change that rather than the entire hair colour. Make life easier for myself, haha.

i thought just a shorter version of her current hair style would work. also, just plain red would work. no need to get fancy with streaks and stuff.
 

BreadInc

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i thought just a shorter version of her current hair style would work. also, just plain red would work. no need to get fancy with streaks and stuff.
Getting fancy's part of the fun! But seriously, thanks for the help.
 

gigaswardblade

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Getting fancy's part of the fun! But seriously, thanks for the help.

np. if im not getting feedback on my characters yet, i might as well give feedback on others while i wait.
 

gigaswardblade

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well, despite the fact that i haven't got any more feedback on my characters, im gonna keep putting more and more up here until i eventually get told to stop. one thing i do wanna know is if there can be more roles other than tank, healer and damage dealer. because there isn't really much more than those 3 that i can think of. and at this rate, ill have 12 of each of those 3 that i just named. so if anyone can let me know if there is more to a party than just those 3, let me know. i think i'll do just 1 character this time, since its getting late and i don't have a second bio left in me.

name: riano amakali (ree-ah-no ah-mah-kah-lee)
age: 16
race: beastkin (cat)
class: gunslinger
element: fire

riano is the princess of the ama'kaali kingdom in the mistmoss woods where only animals, or races that are part animal, can find their way around. riano is a polite and caring cat girl with a playful and mischievous side. she acts a little shy towards people she doesn't know too well, since A: shes insecure about her huge stature, and B: because beastkin are still viewed as freaks of nature in some areas. but she's really bright and cheerful when she gets to know people. she sometimes likes to play practical jokes on people, but never takes things too far. and if she does, she gets really apologetic. when her friends feel sad, she tries to cheer them up by cuddling them and wrapping her tail around them. she does frighten easily however, and would do what you'd expect a scared giant cat girl to do.

she is first found in the oal woodlands miles away from her kingdom passed out in and completely alone. when she first comes to, pretends to have amnesia as a joke, and everyone ends up falling for it, which she apologies for soon after. she then explains how she and her bodyguards were going to make peace with the ahn'tlo (which are full on animal people instead of just half like the beastkin) but were ambushed by an orcan platoon and was knocked out and left in the woods. when ciel sees her, she instantly falls in love with her and asks if she can keep her as if she were a stray cat. she gets kidnapped while they're trying to bring her home at the start of chapter 2. she says that she is tired of being defenseless and wants to be trained how to fight like the rest of the team.

riao is the tallest and curviest female character in the entire game. she has long scarlet red hair with cat ears instead of human ears, and a long fluffy tail. her left eye is blue while her right eye is greenish blue. ahn'tlo and beastkin have colored eyes depending on their parents. the left is always the same as the mothers and the right is always the same as the fathers. she wears a white frilly blouse that have arm straps at the top of her arms with puffed out sleeves that stay puffed out at all times with a red ribbon around the collar and a small pink poncho thingy on her solders that have white frills. on her lower half is a pink mini skirt and long white stalkings that have a lacy design and a strap leading under the skirt. and she wears red heels.

her class was chosen for her by camino because she thought it might be easy for someone of her... *ahem* "build". she pretty quickly starts to get the hang of using guns as a weapon. she does prefer quieter guns since beastkin have stronger hearing. she mostly stays stationary when fighting since she's kinda slow because of her... ah screw it, SHE GOTS HUGE BEWBZ!:kaojoy: shes somewhat of a tanky character who can use some supportive abilities. her element is fire, which allows her to inflict burn onto enemies and turn her guns into blaze shooters. both of her special moves are still being worked on.

side note: i really hope that she doesn't come off as a mary sue. i'm just not that fond of forcing negative traits onto my characters. hopefully what i've written about her so far doesn't make her look like one.

ps i changed her name from riao to riano just now.
 

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gigaswardblade

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Alright, so I wanted to talk about my own project for a bit. Mainly the characters.
53921-2d38139852d78dff432003c32eb24bcf.jpg

i didnt read all their backstories, but i do really like their designs. im not sure if merry has red or brown hair though. but other than that, they all look great. one thing you could do is to add 1 more character, just to even out the party. maybe a more wild looking character for contrast. like an amazon or something.
 

Applesaws

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well, despite the fact that i haven't got any more feedback on my characters, im gonna keep putting more and more up here until i eventually get told to stop. one thing i do wanna know is if there can be more roles other than tank, healer and damage dealer. because there isn't really much more than those 3 that i can think of. and at this rate, ill have 12 of each of those 3 that i just named. so if anyone can let me know if there is more to a party than just those 3, let me know. i think i'll do just 1 character this time, since its getting late and i don't have a second bio left in me.

name: riao amakali (still haven't decided. ah-mah-kah-lee)
age: 16
race: beastkin
class: gunslinger
element: electricity

riao is the princess of the ama'kaali kingdom in the mistmoss woods where only animals, or races that are part animal, can find their way around. riao is a polite and caring cat girl with a playful and mischievous side. she acts a little shy towards people she doesn't know too well, since A: shes insecure about her huge stature, and B: because beastkin are still viewed as freaks of nature in some areas. but she's really bright and cheerful when she gets to know people. she sometimes likes to play practical jokes on people, but never takes things too far. and if she does, she gets really apologetic. when her friends feel sad, she tries to cheer them up by cuddling them and wrapping her tail around them. she does frighten easily however, and would do what you'd expect a scared giant cat girl to do.

she is first found in the oal woodlands miles away from her kingdom passed out in and completely alone. when she first comes to, pretends to have amnesia as a joke, and everyone ends up falling for it, which she apologies for soon after. she then explains how she and her bodyguards were going to make peace with the ahn'tlo (which are full on animal people instead of just half like the beastkin) but were ambushed by an orcan platoon and was knocked out and left in the woods. when ciel sees her, she instantly falls in love with her and asks if she can keep her as if she were a stray cat. she gets kidnapped while they're trying to bring her home at the start of chapter 2. she says that she is tired of being defenseless and wants to be trained how to fight like the rest of the team.

riao is the tallest and curviest character in the entire game. she has long scarlet red hair with cat ears instead of human ears, and a long fluffy tail. her left eye is blue while her right eye is green. ahn'tlo and beastkin have colored eyes depending on their parents. the left is always the same as the mothers and the right is always the same as the fathers. she wears a white frilly blouse that have arm straps at the top of her arms with puffed out sleeves that stay puffed out at all times with a red ribbon around the collar and a small pink poncho thingy ala highschool dxd on her solders that have white frills. on her lower half is a pink mini skirt and long white stalkings that have a lacy design and a strap leading under the skirt. and she wears red heels.

her class was chosen for her by camino because she thought it might be easy for someone of her... *ahem* "build". she pretty quickly starts to get the hang of using guns as a weapon. she does prefer quieter guns since beastkin have stronger hearing. she mostly stays stationary when fighting since she's kinda slow because of her... ah screw it, SHE GOTS HUGE BEWBZ!:kaojoy: shes somewhat of a tanky character who can use some supportive abilities. her element is lightning, which gives her stuns, and aoe attacks. (and frizzy hair) both of her special moves are still being worked on.

side note: i really hope that she doesn't come off as a mary sue. i'm just not that fond of forcing negative traits onto my characters. hopefully what i've written about her so far doesn't make her look like one.
First I'd like to say the fact that instead of a small, waify cat girl you made her the opposite is cool. It's a nice change on what you usually get and makes sense for a character who's a hybrid of animal and human.

Since she's a the tallest character and beastkin I would assume she'd be some kind of physical attack class like a warrior/barbarian/something primal like that. Plus someone who is royalty of a woodlands type place seems like they'd
be rather removed from tech like guns (however I don't know the ins and outs of your game's world I'm just going off the
usual representations of woodland life in RPGs). Continuing off that her outfit doesn't really make sense from the type of isolated
woods with only animals and non-human races you describe but again like I said I only know a little about your world.

Also if you're going to make characters for an rpg, don't just use check boxes like "oh I need a tank, damage dealer, healer, ect." and get dead set on that. You don't really have to fit by any guideline. Plus shaking it up a bit keeps things from being "JRPG-esque turn based battle game #12343423 now let me attack attack attack heal attack and go on and on until the enemy is dead".
 

trouble time

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i didnt read all their backstories, but i do really like their designs. im not sure if merry has red or brown hair though. but other than that, they all look great. one thing you could do is to add 1 more character, just to even out the party. maybe a more wild looking character for contrast. like an amazon or something.
Well, Merry's hair is brown, the artist I hired ,Mayuen, hasn't actually finished the coloring fully yet so that may be the cause of the confusion. I have considered more characters for the party, but the main problem is that each character has a very established place in the story and in their battlefield roles and that makes it difficult to add more.

On the subject of your characters though
I agree with you that he sort of sounds like a bit of a scoundrel of a main character, but then again there are plenty of roguish heroes so I don't see it being too big a problem if he changes over time.

I do like the idea of a guy who fights like a big bruiser being a bit of a dork, its something I did too with Iii and her youthful naivete and love of anything cute. In fact they both kinda have religious parents since she was raised by a zealous Knight-Chaplain. I am kinda wondering why his class is listed as gladiator though, I always consider this a class for a fighter suited toward crowd-pleasing rather than what seems like a simple brutal fighting style.

Well, as you can probably tell I'm a fan of pigtails, and of the tsundere character type when done well, though I'd advise tsundere is a slippery slope and a lot of how likable they are is dependent on the tone of their scenes, and though it's not really a personal pet peeve of mine, physical retaliation is something a lot of people hate, but I think it can be used if the one getting hit is the cause of their own suffering rather than it being something the tsundere does based on an accident.The character kinda reminds me in description of Louise from Zero no Tsukaima, except it seems she's good at magic. I'm wondering what really led to her being a tsundere though, for the aforementioned Louise it was rooted in her inability to use magic, as all nobles should be able to use magic and her insecurities led her to lash out.

Her name sounds like pyjamas. I understand the use of sexual themes in a character, and I admit I like the idea of dryads as a race, especially since they seem to have a sort of Malfurion Stormrage aesthetic which I love. I am a bit confused why a character would dress as you describe if they don't understand their attractiveness, then I remeber she's a dryad and I start yelling to no one "SHE BREATHES THROUGH HER SKIN" (at least this was the explaination given for Quiet and she photosynthesized like I imagine a Dryad being plantlike would.) While loyalty is a virtue, I think it'd be good if this was used against her some way by the enemy.

Kung fu and a arm mounted bow reminds me of a a character from the game Elsword which I used to ply until I couldn't stand the community anymore. I do get a somewhat bad feeling from a dark elf pervert, but that's Warhammer 40k's fault with their idea of Dark Eldar and Warhammer Fantasy's dark elves. Does she have a goal beyond getting stronger for its own sake? I also noticed that you mentioned she's bad with magic, but does she have any ki abilites or anything like that.

So is she or Pijami the tallest as both are noted as being the tallest, and about how huge is she. Iii, the tallest character in my game is 8'9" tall since she's a demi-goddess. I don't really think the character comes across as a mary sue, really I don't think a lack of flaws is the main qualifier for a Mary sue it's more how the narrative treats the character. I honestly think you're far from writing a Mary sue with the character. I also find it funny that you have the character being slow due to her bust as the bustiest character in my own game is the fastest, though a game I love, Bunny Must Die, made bunny a lot slower and bustier when she transformed into the Dynamite Body. I'm also wondering if by a quieter gun you mean a gun with subsonic ammunition. It's not as deadly as a supersonic round, but there's no sonic boom so it's much quiter.

EDIT: Also I agree to this

Continuing off that her outfit doesn't really make sense from the type of isolated woods with only animals and non-human races you describe but again like I said I only know a little about your world.
She could just be naked.
 
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Redeye

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well, despite the fact that i haven't got any more feedback on my characters, im gonna keep putting more and more up here until i eventually get told to stop. one thing i do wanna know is if there can be more roles other than tank, healer and damage dealer. because there isn't really much more than those 3 that i can think of. and at this rate, ill have 12 of each of those 3 that i just named. so if anyone can let me know if there is more to a party than just those 3, let me know. i think i'll do just 1 character this time, since its getting late and i don't have a second bio left in me.

I find the holy trinity to be a bit too broad. I typically try to create more than just a trinity when it comes to character roles, but in my current plans for one of my games, I have 8 party members, each having their own roles in combat. Multiple roles, actually.

My main character is a hybrid between a DPS and a Buffer. He is the only character capable of casting fire magic, in which all of his fire attacks have high, randomized damage variance that makes his damage output very unpredictable. All of his non-fire attacks focus on landing reactive counterattacks rather than proactive abilities, and he has a multitude of buffs and boons that improve the performance of his allies.

My main character's sidekick is a glass cannon. She focuses heavily on dealing massive single-target damage, and she also has an array of self-buffs and dark-elemental spells to improve her dps even further.

My main heroine is a more interesting DPS. She's a ranged fighter who focuses on Tank Melting and a little bit of healing on the side. Her attacks are primarily oriented towards taking out tanky enemies who guard, taunt, and cast protective barriers on their allies.

My next character is a dude who focuses on inflicting Crowd Control effects on his foes. He is the only character who can cast ice magic, which heavily hinders enemy movement, skill cooldowns, and can even drain enemy MP and TP. He has access to water magic as well, which is mainly supportive. His unique set of spells, though, involve abilities that nullify enemy buffs and debuffs, i.e. Dispel abilities, and he also has access to Silence (Nullify Spells) and Disarm (Nullify Physical Skills).

My secondary protagonist is an interesting fellow. He has access to Lightning and Holy magic, making him more of an elementalist compared to everyone else. He can tank blows quite well, but not as effective as the primary tank of the group. He also has access to a few support and healing abilities.

The 6th character is the primary tank. Instead of orienting himself around guarding, though, he has a multitude of offensive abilities paired with a few skills that inflict damage-absorbing shields on his allies. That doesn't mean that he can't tank blows for his allies, though.

My 7th character is an engineer. She builds things, making her a Summoner who can deploy additional party members into the battle scene. She has a wide variety of machines that do different things. She is very quick, and also has the ability to steal not only items, but she can also steal buffs, HP, and MP from her foes.

My final character is another DPS that focuses on inflicting damage-over-time states through a unique way. She can steal HP from her foes, and can also use that HP to punish them even further. She has the ability to draw in all status ailments and debuffs from her allies into herself, and shoot them out towards her foes, acting like a non-tank of the sort.

So, as long as you try to make your characters have different playstyles, you'll be fine. Besides, each member of the Holy Trinity can be split up into even more categories. My favorite example of diverse classes would be Guild Wars.

First, Guild Wars had a lot of interesting classes. The Warrior was your go-to Juggernaut who dealt both big damage and tanked damage. You could go either way, really. The Monk was your typical healer class, but they also have a wide variety of punishing holy attacks. The Ranger was, of course, the ranger. Not only did they attack from range and utilize traps and poisons, but they also came with an animal companion that did most of the dirty work for them. The Elementalist was, obviously, the elementalist. They focused on exploiting enemy weaknesses, and acted as the ultimate glass cannon mage of the game. The Necromancer focused on inflicting curses and plagues on your foes, and also threw in a bit of summoning here and there. The Mesmer is my favorite concept of a class overall, in which they dealt damage indirectly, had the ability to interrupt and punish enemy attacks, hinder their movements through crowd control, and grant boons and buffs to their allies. The Assassin was a huge DPS that utilized shadowplay, poisons, and traps to their fullest potential. They were typically very nimble and dangerous. The Ritualist was a class dedicated to summoning creatures to help harm their foes, and also heal their allies through spirit magic. The Paragon was an interesting tank class that focused on dealing ranged damage and inflicting AoE buffs and enchantments on their allies. And then finally the Dervish, quite possibly my favorite form of DPS, was a great melee character that came with a huge array of self-buffs and AoE support abilities that the Dervish could then consume in order to add powerful bonus effects to their attacks.

So yeah, those are some inspirations that you could use. There's much more to classes than just the Holy Trinity, if you look deep enough.
 

Paralysis

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Alright, so I wanted to talk about my own project for a bit. Mainly the characters.
53921-2d38139852d78dff432003c32eb24bcf.jpg
Iii is a demi-goddess, as evidenced by her size compared to mortals. Most demi-gods are in some way extensions of their divine parent's wills and a sign of their power, but Iii has no idea who her parents are.

Iii was found by the high ranking knigChaplain Wrather while she was wandering the cursed Scathacth Forest alone. Iii was warmly welcomed into the knightly order on Wrather's recommendation. She's the youngest and in a few ways the most childish of the party due to her naive black and white worldview. She sees herself as a champion of justice instead of an instrument of divine wrath, and she wants to protect everyone she can. She has only ever been around shining examples of the best humanity has had to offer in her knightly order, the Veil Knights, and the events of the game will take the party to the dark underbelly of a city falling to corruption and vice. Everything around her challenges the way she knows the world works and she'll have to rely on the support of her friends as her values are tested in the brutal campaign to uncover a conspiracy surrounding an invasion from the outer realms where demons dwell.

Rue is a demi-goddes born of the goddess of knowledge and a hommunculus born from the cells of an ancient king. Due to her strange heritage, she is rejected by other demi-gods with the exception of her honor-sister Iii. Unlike Iii, Rue sees mortals as interchangeable for the most part, with very few exceptions. As the divine reject her and the mortals disinterest her, Rue lives in a state of a single minded drive for knowledge and magical power. While physically frail for a demi-goddess, Rue has magical abilities that more than make up for it. Her mastery of offensive magic is second to none. She is detached from the world and cares very little for politics or war, but she will always follow her honor-sister into combat if asked. Rue recently came upon ancient texts that suggested the possibility of worlds beyond the one she knew, and overcome by her hunger for knowledge she disappeared while investigating what she believed were the first signs of an invasion from beyond.

The Lich race are naturally ethereal, insentient, immortal beings, but at some point in the past they began to bind themselves to artificial bodies and gained sentience in the process. Organizing into a feudal society based on clans known as Courts, the Lich race soon found their home in the inhospitable, frozen North of the world.

Laura was a libertine who severed her ties with her court to become a Freeblade while chasing her lover to the city the game takes place in. While liberated from most of her responsibilities of her former Court, she was still indebted to them, and as a Freeblade could be drafted to fight alongside the Lich Courts when they went to war. Laura specialized in blood magic, and was the right combination of skilled and disposable to be sent to infiltrate a powerful enemy's castle along with Imperial and Veil Knight forces. When the groups teleportation spell failed they found themselves scattered and Laura found herself wandering the castle alone until she came across the titanic battle between the castles owner and Iii. Inexplicably Laura found herself attacking the enemy and was killed for her troubles. Hours later she awoke, her immaterial spirit was bound to a phylactery beforehand that allowed her to be transferred into a new, and much smaller, body. While attempting to cope with her new form, a very grateful Iii appears at her home to thank her and the two become friends. Not everything goes well however, her girlfriend hates her new form and she due to an improper binding process she can't change it without dying again, and something seems to have changed for the worse about the city's character. Hoping to save her relationship, her city, and to help her friend, Laura joins Iii on her quest.

The Adenne Elves are defectors from the High Elf race who settled into the dangerous Adenne Forest. The forest is home to all manner of terrible and powerful monsters such as giant wolves and even dragons, and the Adenne Elves were stubborn enough to give no ground even in these circumstances.

Merry joined her homeland's military as soon as she was old enough and rose through the ranks at breakneck speed. Her skill with firearms was remarkable even among the world renowned Adenne infantry, and she was given a chance to joined the most elite mounted infantry unit to ever be formed, thSe Adenne Hunters. he trained hard to join the ranks of the elite, perfecting her skill riding the Hunters signature mount, the Adenne Great Wolf. Despite all her training, it turned out it was for naught, while she did complete her training, officially she was not transferred to the Adenne Hunters before the High Elves decided that they were entitled to the land the Adenne Elves had managed pacify. The Elven War lasted only a few years, and the entire time Merry fought with her original unit instead of the Hunters. In the end, both Elven subraces settled on a treaty after several bloody battles uniting them into one nation. Merry saw this as a betrayal of the Adenne Elves independent spirit, and capitulation to an enemy. To make matters worse, the Hunters were all but wiped out in the battle. Merry went into self imposed exile and became a wandering mercenary. At one point, Merry offered her services to Iii when she was on a quest alone, and has since become Iii's "favorite" mercenary. Merry is a cynical and rough woman, though she clearly delineates between work and off time. When she's drinking at the bar she's more friendly and jovial, but she can snap back to cold and pragmatic at a moment's notice. She sees herself as something of a big sister figure to Iii and is willing to do the dirty work without letting Iii know so she can remain innocent.

A mysterious succubus who defected from the invading forces from beyond. Unlike most of the invaders ,who need some ritual so sustain their presence in realspace, Dia sustains herself through her own power. She has proven to be a valuable source of information on the invaders tactics, but ,besides the generally naive Iii, the party doesn't trust her. Dia is a prideful and vain woman who judges others around her on a whim. She believes that people are generally terrible, wretched things, but those that rise above their baser instincts are worthy rare and worthy of praise. She believes that the "wretched" ones are expendable and contemptible. While she won't actively harm them, Dia has no problem making use of them for her machinations. A a high ranking succubus Dia has an exceptionally powerful seductive aura she uses to tempt others toward corruption, and since the party was able to defeat her attempts, she decided they were virtuous people worthy her help, whether they want it or not. Her skills and knowledge come at a critical time for the party, as they learn the invaders plan to gather enough energy to summon their leader, a force beyond any they have faced, the Bale Princess.

EDIT: I'm an idiot, i forget to actually ask any questions. I was wondering what people thought about the character designs and backstories.

Regarding Iii, what might be a fun idea to explore is whether or not she has an identity crisis nagging at her. You said she doesnt know who her parents are and she has to know that a demigod is an extension of her parent's wills through Rue giving her that info. Also how did she come to adopt such a "this-or-that" worldview without parents? she had to have taken it from someone. How did she come into the influence of the Veil Knights?

This is probably just me, but I get a very "Thor/Loki" relationship and look between Iii and Rue

Who made the parents that would later form demi-gods? does that matter?

Why does Rue find humans so uninteresting? has she even so much as tried to associate herself with them?

What is the magic she's using exactly?

With Merry, is there a particular reason she joined the hunters? I can get behind it if she just likes the military but is there some other reason as well?

Does it ever cross Dia's mind that she's being a little unfair in judging when the aura around her person that is so potent and strong breaks the strongest of wills by merely existing in the same area as her and floods the victim with desire?

P.S everything about Laura just screams cool design to me. From the fashion to the character bio to the pretty Triangle pigtails. Simple yet so outstanding. Keep up the great work
 
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gigaswardblade

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i think i forgot to mention that riao's outfit was made for her by mystia to replace her torn up dress. i thought that it wasnt too important to add that, but apparently it was. she has silencers on her guns by the way. which reminds me, is it weird to have a world where automatic weapons are a thing yet a lot of people still use swords and bows?

speaking of mystia, i still havent thought of a justifiable reason for her to be a stuck up tsundere character quite yet. my current reasons are A: she cant control her darkness, and B: because shes under developed for her age. she does have her serious moments though. and its not like they ALWAYS make fun of her size. they know it upsets her, so its not brought up that often. especially konai, since he is also short for his age. so he sympathies with her a bit. she is not the kind of "you look like a perv so i will beat you up even though thats not what happened here, baka!" type of tsundere. trust me, i absolutely HATE those types of tsunderes. she just gets mad easily.

leori isnt technically a gladiator, thats just what his weapon and abilities fall under in my game. the gladiator class uses a flail and sheild. maybe crusader is a better name for his class.

@trouble time konai*. well, he starts out as a scoundrel, but later on he becomes a caring person who saves people not just so he can get a reward out of it.

dryad's do, in fact, breath through their skin with photosynthesis since they're plant people. plus, they dont really need to wear that much since they're covered in moss or something. also, pijami is slightly shorter than riao. like up to her nose or something. notice how i said "she's the tallest member of the party so far". shes something like 5'10 while riao is 6'0. if you were wondering why riao is taller than a literal tree person, its kuz she drank a lot of milk. not joking, thats the reason why. (also kuz her race is generally taller than most races)

i also havent thought that much about ciel's lack of magic power that much. like i said, i was thinking about removing her and saving her for my next game until i decided to rework her character into a power driven goku like tomboy.

my main problem with the whole trio of dps, tank, and healer is that i cant think of anything other than those 3. not that they are all that exists. but after reading your suggestions, i thought of a status inflicter, an interrupter, and so on. also i guess i forgot to finish this part the first time. sorry :v

thanks for finally giving me some feedback. i was starting to worry i was typing into nothingness.
 
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Paralysis

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i think i forgot to mention that riao's outfit was made for her by mystia to replace her torn up dress. i thought that it wasnt too important to add that, but apparently it was.
she has silencers on her guns by the way. which by the way, is it weird to have a world where automatic weapons are a thing yet a lot of people still use swords and bows?

speaking of mystia, i still havent thought of a justifiable reason for her to be a stuck up tsundere character quite yet. my current reasons are A: she cant control her darkness, and B: because shes under developed for her age. she does have her serious moments though. and its not like they ALWAYS make fun of her size. they know it upsets her, so its not brought up that often. especially konai, since he is also short for his age. so he sympathies with her a bit. she is not the kind of "you look like a perv so i will beat you up even though thats not what happened here, baka!" type of tsundere. trust me, i absolutely HATE those types of tsunderes. she just gets mad easily.

leori isnt technically a gladiator, thats just what his weapon and abilities fall under in my game. the gladiator class uses a flail and sheild. maybe crusader is a better name for his class.

@trouble time konai*. well, he starts out as a scoundrel, but later on he becomes a caring person who saves people not just so he can get a reward out of it.

also, pijami is slightly shorter than riao. like up to her nose or something. notice how i said "she's the tallest member of the party so far". shes something like 5'10 while riao is 6'0. if you were wondering why riao is taller than a literal tree person, its kuz she drank a lot of milk. not joking, thats the reason why.

im also havent thought that much about ciel's lack of magic power that much. like i said, i was thinking about removing her and saving her for my next game until i decided to rework her character into a power hungry goku like tomboy.

my main problem with the whole trio of dps, tank, and healer is that i cant

thanks for finally giving me some feedback. i was starting to worry i was typing into nothingness.

Your premise sounds silly and over the top. I love it.
 

trouble time

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@Redeye Personally I don't mind attacks with a bit of risk attached to them, so I don't mind attacks with a lot of damage variance, though some people do. I don't mind because with a little forward planning it's easy to mitigate or eliminate risks, but I've been told that this is beyond the pail for some people. I also really like the idea of very specialized characters, and I'd also like to add I feel it's greatly enhanced when you can switch party members mid battle as it allows for more design space when making encounters as you can assume the player always has this specialized role at their disposal.

@Paralysis This is a big one so I'll break it up a bit

.
1. Demi-gods are more socialized to be instruments of their parents wills rather than being literal avatars of their divine parent. Their parents do have some influence over them, mainly in the form of telepathic communication and guidance. Demi-gods that stray from the path are often punished in some way to push them toward following their divine parent's desires. As for the Thor/Loki vibe between the two, I can see it. Iii even wields a warhammer as her main weapon (though unlike Thor hers is properly made so she doesn't need special gloves to handle it). Though Iii and the stories Demi-gods in general are actually based more on the general idea of a Primarch from Warhammer 40k. Besides some very obvious influences from Robute Guilliman's Armor of Fate in her raiment, Iii is kind of like Horus Luprecal. Rue takes inspiration from Magnus the Red, though her hair is based on Leman Russ which is kinda a joke as Magnus and Russ hated one another.

2. To put it into perspective, the above mentioned Chaplain Wrather is actually a Grandmaster of the Veil Knights (actually he's one of the first Grandmasters, he's a strange folk hero who is somehow both a mortal man, but has appeared several times over thousands of years. He was a founding member of the Veil Knights), and after training her for a few years he introduced her to the them. It's actually being around the Veil Knight order that made her adopt her black and white view. The Veil Knights are pretty much the most disciplined group in the world, and Iii has only really been around them. She is disconnected from the world and only really leaves the fortresses of the Veil Knights to right wrongs and save the weak. Everything is very simple for her, her enemies are bad and need to be killed, this is how she got her black and white world view.

3. Rue simply believes mortals are beneath her. In general they're not helpful to her goals or even her immediate wants and needs. In fact she's not really that interested in other Demi-gods, she simply believes them to be more valuable overall. The only person she's really interested in is Iii who she actually does care for, despite the fact that Iii doesn't really forward her goals. Rue finds Iii's charming, she'd probably like more people if she was forced to get to know more people.

4. The way magic works in the game world is that every person is born with an affinity for certain magic disciplines, Rue has an aptitude for all magical disciplines that humans can use (meaning she can't use, for example, the Lich race specific Blood or Death magic). She prefers offensive magic over, she can use support magic, but usually doesn't. She's a walking magical weapons platform, not a force multiplier.

5. Merry joined the Hunters because, as a career soldier, she wants to be the best at it that she can be. The Hunters are the most prestigious unit in the Adenne Military, so she of course dreams of being one.

6. I mean, Dia's charm is actually strong enough that she herself is affected, but she can resist the urge to stare in the mirror all day, she just assumes no one is trying hard enough. She's also acquainted with other high ranking succubi, but she can resist all of them just fine. Not to mention the party is able to resist so it's not impossible. It also kinda hurts that she's a harsh woman who holds everyone to strict standards, even herself.

7. Thanks for the compliments on Laura

@gigaswardblade I don't think it's too weird to have characters use guns alongside medieval technology, but then again that's in my own game, and the only justification is that meele weapons more reliably damage enchanted armor and enchanting bullets is much more difficult as theres less space to engrave runes and you have to enchant each bullet individually. Also, I totally missed the "so far" on the height descriptions. As for the gladiator class name, considering his connections to a church Paladin may still fit. I also like the name Templar but that order required it's members to grow beards.
 
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gigaswardblade

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I don't think it's two weird to have characters use guns alongside medieval technology, but then again that's in my own game, and the only justification is that meele weapons more reliably damage enchanted armor and enchanting bullets is much more difficult as theres less space to engrave runes and you have to enchant each bullet individually. Also, I totally missed the "so far" on the height descriptions. As for the gladiator class name, considering his connections to a church Paladin may still fit. I also like the name Templar but that order required it's members to grow beards.

about the guns, they go from flintlock to straight up machine guns in this game. not every gun in my game is magic. some of them use normal ol' ammo and some use runic shards. and the types of guns range from pistols to machine guns to shotguns to grenade launchers to snipers to bazookas to miniguns and ect. a lot ofpeople with swords in this game do know how to super deflect bullets like raiden from mgr. and their shields are made to block bullets as well. and there are spells that stop incoming projectiles. plus bows are much quieter than guns, and you can reuse the arrows if they don't hit a target, unless they break. besides, its not like bows are useless now that guns exist. people to this day still use bows and crossbows.

as for the whole class renaming thing for leori, there are already 2 classes in my game named paladin and templar. in fact, the next character i was gonna post on here was gonna be a templar. templars use giant hammers/axes/claymores/whatever. and paladins use a lance and shield as a weapon. i guess crusader is really my only option left. i mean, johanna from diablo 3 is a crusader that uses a flail and shield like leori does, so i guess it is a fitting name. even if leori never does a DEUS VULT at any point in the game. its a much more fitting title than gladiator.

by the way, i forgot to add that riao is the tallest female character in the entire game. there is 1 male character thats taller than her since hes like a super buff man.

which reminds me. what do you people like better for her name's pronunciation? ree-ay-oh or ree-ow? ive had that name for a long time since it was the username i used to give to my female characters in mmos a long time ago. ree-ay-oh sounds more fantasy like but its kinda a pain to say. and ree-ow sounds like meow, which i realized after a while. she is a cat person, but it sounds really stupid. its like naming a human being "talk". maybe someone can think of something better.
 
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trouble time

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ree-ay-oh sounds more fantasy like but its kinda a pain to say. and ree-ow sounds like meow, which i realized after a while. she is a cat person, but it sounds really stupid. its like naming a human being "talk". maybe someone can think of something better.
Well in my head I've been saying ree-ow, take that for what you will.
 

gigaswardblade

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maybe i should change it to riano. i did have a lot of dumb usernames back in the day.

you know what? i actually do like the sound of riano better. i think ill change her name to that.
 
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Highschooler here just wanting feedback on a couple ideas but no full on plot ideas yet. Hopefully this is where I post them. If not please redirect me.

My first idea is part of the plot. Would setting the final boss and final dungeon in the same area that you start the game in be a good idea? For example, You start the game in a secluded area and are forced to leave it because of specific circumstances and cannot return. Well when you eventually can return you're home village is in ruins and a new dungeon is there in the same area. A castle or tower or something to fit the plot. Better than just being a good idea, would it be possible to do that through events and would it be interesting?

My second idea would be for easter eggs. Would they be amusing to put in? Just little stuff me and my friends that I sell my game to (or give if that's legal) are the only ones who know that it exists and or knows the meaning of. For example one of my friends is really into superhero's so in a random inn or at the beginning of the game or end, before the opening cutscene or after the end credits, The player is in a dream and fights an overpowered monster with no chance to win and then after you lose the fight the hero version of that friend swoops in and saves the day then there will be absolutely nothing else to involve that scenario after you wake up from the dream. Another one I had the idea of would have a secret way to get an item that is just weird and out of place that you cannot sell and cannot trash.
 

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@SageHeist I don't mind either idea in a game, but I like the first one a lot, bringing a character back to somewhere they've been for the final battle is really fun if there's a juxtaposition between the area's mood before and the mood after.
 

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