In Her Footsteps (DEMO 03/21/15 UPDATE)

Discussion in 'Games In Development' started by SpiralSigil, Mar 2, 2015.

  1. SpiralSigil

    SpiralSigil Veteran Veteran

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    Overview / History Of Project:
    So, quick overview; I've been tinkering with RPG Maker programs since 2000 was still the newest thing, and I've always wanted to actually finish a game - And I dont count the 2-hour long really REALLY awfully mapped out mess called "Dragon's Quest" I made as a starting project (Before I knew that was an actual game title, because I was a kid and didnt know any better, and thank GOD that thing never saw the light of day and is buried in my memories...) Because I always have tons of ideas for storylines and characters, but never the drive to finish.  Then when I got really into using RM2K3, I had a spoofy story idea that I thought would really work out well, and put in days and weeks and months of work into making the graphics for it, all the inside and meta jokes, a skit system (Because I'm a huge Tales of fanatic) and so forth.  Then the harddrive and ultimately computer failure lost ALL of that (Lesson folks; always do backups!) And utterly killed my enthusiasm.
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    Enter VX ACE, which I totally bought before I ever realized Steam sales were a thing and sunk full price into it.  Because I'm just a genius like that.  Well this time I've decided I'm going to finish what I started, (And get my dayum moneys worth out of what is actually turning out to be a really good purchase) but since my RM2K3 idea wouldnt really work now (I mean, MAYBE it would.  But many of the jokes rely on people who used and played RM2K/2K3 games and got all the concepts and inside jokes about it specifically, which may not be the case anymore) I've basically started from scratch.  And here we are! 
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    As a forenote; all characters, maps, and most everything will either be RTP, edits or styles of RTP, or as close to it as possible.  This includes most character sprites, tilesets, and most everything you'll see.  This is done for two reasons; one because I havent fully decided if this game will go commercial or not when its done, and I want to keep my options open (I still have to double and triple check every script and resource I have found to ensure theyre okay to use with credit given) and secondly because my goal for this game is to make an RPG that can grip me just like the ones I used to play.  RPGs nowadays are awful, plain and simple.  The days of grand storytelling in games exist only in communities like this, or indie titles.  Triple A cant hit it anymore, and thats just sad.  So this game will be making homages and even direct references to some of the best RPGs ive ever played.  As well as trying to inspire the same character depth, and storylines, as those used to.  I'm not badmouthing all the AMAZING tile and sprite work people here do, nor saying theyre sacrificing their stories to achieve the beauty they capture with their games either.  Im simply saying that, for my game, I want to make the MOST with the LEAST and see how it turns out.
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    Yanfly - Oh so many Yanfly scripts​
    Mog - Title screen (I'm NOT 100% sold on it yet though, hence no screenshot.  But I can always change the title screen later... / Also a weather script!​
    Galv - Several scripts~!​
    Shadowmaster 9000 - Besitary (I hope that's his proper name, its what is listed IN the script itself :p )​
    Woratana - Fog Script​
    Hime - Screenshot taker Script​
    sumptuaryspade - Item Popup for chests​
    AND ITS NOT A SCRIPT BUT HUUUUUUUGE SHOUTOUT TO DIVISIONHEAVEN FOR BEING AMAZING WITH RTP CAST ART.  YOU ARE LITERALLY ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS IM MAKING THIS GAME AT ALL <3​
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    Backstory;
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    When the world was still young, the Creator granted life to both the Human and Elven races.  They were destined to be as equals, co-existing alongside one another in peace and harmony.  Indeed all was as the Creator intended, until fifty years ago.
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    The Imperial Capital of Hothar launched a sudden attack against the Elven people, slaughtering thousands.  Those that survived turned their magic, their unique gift, against their aggressors in a brutal counterattack.
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    Though a war was forthcoming, Hothar's superior numbers proved too much for the Elven magic to overcome, and in the end it was humanity that reigned supreme.  Rather than face the subjugation of the Humans, the Elven peoples hid themselves away, and have all but become a memory in recent times.
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    The world has become peaceful once more, though it is an unstable peace at best.
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    Current Story;
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    Serenthia lives a pretty carefree life.  She does odd jobs around Cabbani village for money - though the community is so close knit that most are open-minded about assisting and giving to one another - And genuinely gets along with most of the people in the village.  The villagers, in return, adore her, both for her kind and gentle nature, as well as her strong will, and the repore her father garnered for them both before he passed away.  She's also good friends with the Halfling Esk, who lives just beyond the village, despite constantly pleas from others to leave her be and ignore her.  However word spreads of an upcoming visit from the capital, with imperial Knights embarking to check on the state of the soldiers, as well as some other hidden agenda.  Serenthia herself is asked by the head of the stationed soldiers to request Esk's assistance in the matter.  Despite Serenthia's outrage that they'd even ask such a thing from someone they seem so much to despise, she eventually agrees - Already well aware that Esk absolutely loves to help people and would agree regardless of circumstance.
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    Eventually, the Knights arrive, and the girls are introduced to Darius, the high commander of the knights, and Rail, one of his men.  They explain that their task is to investigate an odd glow from within the tower that various patrols have reported on - One that Esk, as well as the villagers themselves never claimed to see - And uncover its source.  Esk agrees on the condition that Serenthia be allowed to join, as in their youth she expressed interest in seeing the tower for herself.  Despite warnings of danger, Darius granted permission and the four depart for the tower.
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    Inside, Esk reveals that magic is needed to even enter any of the inner chambers, lest they go no further from the entrance itself.  She transports them all several floors up, before revealing that the way forward from there is blocked by a heavy door and must be opened by an odd, archaic mechanism.  The party splits up into pairs, each needing to find its own switch to proceed further, with both Rail and Serenthia not at all pleased at being stuck together.  Regardless they proceed, and after discovering monsters within the tower, Rail takes the lead to protect Serenthia, who cant fight weaponless (Or at all, really).
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    Eventually, Serenthia finds a weapon all her own, and gains the confidence to defend herself.  However, at the top of the tower, after the group is reunited once more, they discover the source of the glow, and everything grows worse from there...
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    Isle of Pos Vosh;
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    A small island far to the south of the mainland, and the kingdom of Hothar.  It houses the lone village of Cabbani, as well as an ancient Elven tower that has long since been abandoned.  The capital maintains a strong presence within the village through its soldiers, which patrol and protect the citizenry, who are all too happy for the protection.  Unlike the rest of the rest of the world monsters dont seem to appear upon the island but the people remain ever unnerved by the presence of the Elven tower.
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    Imperial Mainland Hothar;
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    One of the largest continents in the world, and named for the capital city itself, the mainland of Hothar itself is home to most of the people of the known world.  Hundreds upon thousands of lives dwell within the city walls, drawn there both by the protection offered by the soldiers and knights, as well as the guidance of the church of the Creator.  Beyond the city lies another ancient, cryptic tower, and one the Knights keep under firm supervision.  The Lokken Mountain range expanses far into the south, and beyond that, the grand amass of trees known as the Spirit Woods - Rumored to be the last known resting place of the Creator herself.
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    (More to come as the rest of the world is made)​
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    Name: Serenthia Tallis
    Age: 19
    Weapon of Choice: Bladed-Shield (An exotic form of weapon that looks like a shield but with a spike on the bottom for stabbing attacks)
    Skillset: N/A (She starts off with "Hide", and it doesnt escalate much from there)
    Voice: Not Yet Chosen
    Game;
    Serenthia is the main heroine of the story, though you'd never guess that from her fighting ability.  Most RPG protagonists know how to swing a sword, use powerful magic, or maybe even both - Serenthia can do none of those things.  Shes just an ordinary village girl swept up in events that far propel her from her normal, everyday life.  Indeed the entire reason she even ventures away from her island home in the first place is to watch out for her closest friend, Esk, and make sure she's safe.  Shes kind, warm-hearted, and giving, but absolutely no pushover when it comes to an arguement.  Her sassy, sarcastic quips have made several of her fellow villagers think twice about picking a fight with her.  In combat, however, shes likely to be delegated to item detail, as for a very long time you have no dedicated healer, and her attack power is abysmal.  Due to the nature of her weapon (When she eventually picks one up that is...) Her defense better then most.  Just dont expect her to do much damage.
    Meta; 
    Serenthia's personality is partially modelled after my own (Being that im extremely sarcastic when it comes to dealing with people) but also kind of the person that I wish more people were actually like (A kind, warm person that you instinctively feel drawn towards).  Shes not a master swordsman or a powerful mage, shes just an average woman out exploring the bright new world she's never known beyond her island home.
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    Name: Rail Vickers
    Age: 22
    Weapon of Choice: Sword 
    Skillset: Sword-based attack skills, battle cries, and knights honor-code abilities.
    Voice: Not Yet Chosen
    Game;
    Though you *technically* have Esk join you before Rail, he's the first party member besides Serenthia you actually get to make use of.  Rail is brash but truly confident in his skills.  Becoming a Knight is no easy task, and he wears his title with honor.  Despite his abilities, and his training, he can be hot-headed at times, often butting heads with others (mostly Serenthia and her sarcasm) though at heart he's a good person.  Among the party members he's one of the most knowledgeable about the world itself, as being a Knight sends him off to all manner of places, and his skills and strength make him a strong asset to the team.
    Meta; 
    Rail begins as your stereotypical "i know whats best so shut your hole and get in line" arrogant man, but quickly evolves passed that after his rash behavior leads the party into trouble.  From there he really starts to grow and realize achieving knighthood does not mean he can stop growing as a person.  I gave Rail a stronger personality, but also one that will clash with various people (Kind of looking at you, Richter) because it felt more real.  Everyone has that friend that they think the world of, but maybe that friend doesnt really see eye-to-eye with another friend of yours.  That's Rail.
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    Name: Esk La'Eth
    Age: 20
    Weapon of Choice: Staff/Wand
    Skillset: Offensive Elemental Magic Spells
    Voice: Caitlynn French (I'm still so amazed she volunteered to join me on this ;_; thanks buddy!)
    Game;
    Esk is a Halfling - The product of Human and Elven relations.  It's made her a pariah amongst the villagers of Cabbani, but she's long since adapted to dealing with it.  Though Halflings bear none of the physical semblances of Elves, thus making them hard to find out, Esk's naive nature led her to using magic out in the open, and thus exposing her true power.  Only Serenthia and her father remained to befriend Esk's family, until she too lost her father as well.  With only Serenthia's friendship to help her troubled and constantly abused mind, Esk went through a manner of breakdown, and simply stopped hearing and registering all the negativity in her life.  The insults and constantly negativity from the villagers and soldiers became deafened, and she heard only their praise in its place.  She took to speaking in quirky tones and ways, giving nicknames to people to better chum up to them easier, and is always seeking new friends.  In battle, she's one of the strongest members of the team, as MANY enemies have weaknesses to at least one element - Or, failing that, can fall prey to an ailment left behind by a burn or ice shard.  She's no tank, however, and will fall after just a few good hits.  Nevertheless her output more then makes up for it, as while most characters have to steadily raise their TP through focusing or attacking (Which is even slower) Esk can blast foes right from the get go with no waiting.  
    Meta; 
    Esk is probably my favorite character to write for, as it becomes not a matter of "how would someone respond to this?" as it does "okay now whats the OPPOSITE of a normal reaction to this?" She's spacey and unfocused, silly and constantly speaking in third person, but shes very dear and charming in her own way.  She's very clearly a sheltered girl, and fails even to see the danger in strolling into the very capital that wiped out most of her race.  Despite all of that, shes incredibly loyal, and though she may not always remember her goals, she'll always strive to do the right thing.
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    Name: Darius Holt
    Age: 37
    Weapon of Choice: Knight Swords (A larger, heavier, but stronger variant of blade then Rail uses)
    Skillset: Swordplay styled abilities, and kngihts honor code skills.
    Voice: None Chosen Yet
    Game;
    Darius is the high commander of the Hothar Imperial Knights - Making him the second most important person in the entire kingdom.  All knights and soldiers, regardless of status or duty fall under his orders, and his power in battle is said to be unmatched.  His demeanor, however, is anything then what you'd expect from such an esteemed man.  Darius is quiet and reserved, not at all the type to seek out an opponent.  He'd rather take the time to calmly and explicitly talk things out before escalating things to a fight, and is always absolutely precise in carrying out his orders.  Though he may not always agree with them, Darius follows his king's wishes to the letter, and knows the man well enough to interpret even the most cryptic of requests.
    Meta; 
    Due to the way the story line plays out (Trying not to spoil anything here) I havent had a great deal of scenes for Darius yet, but he always seems to add that much needed "respectable" figure to the party.  He's by far the most level-headed of the group, and can ease any tensions among the others with a few, soft-spoken words.  In essence, I kind of modeled him after how I saw Kratos in the early parts of Tales of Symphonia - He was there to guide the party, not rule them.
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    Name: Veranna Reklash
    Age: 22
    Weapon of Choice: Longbow
    Skillset: Various status inflicting arrows, as well as techniques that involve ranged combat or tracking
    Voice: None Chosen Yet
    Game;
    Veranna works as a guide for the Spirit Woods - A dense expanse of forest that stretches the entirely of the southern half of the mainland of Hothar.  She's well versed in tracking and hunting, and knows the forest exceptionally well, yet always receives the fewest clients due to her flaws.  She abhors blood to the point where seeing it spilled can make her freeze up and unresponsive - though she flatly refuses to discuss why.  She's also against the killing of other people, even bandits or others with evil-intent as she sees it a waste of a life.  After Darius shes likely the most level-headed and sensible of the group, curbing Rail's rash behavior and Serenthia's sarcastic quips. (And Esk's quirky craziness)  In battle her skills and weapon make her an asset as there are several flyers to prey on and make short work of, and after Rail she's one of the only decent attackers you have (For the time)
    Meta; 
    Despite one of the newer additions ive done scenes for, Veranna is growing on me as a character (I actually started off disliking her design, and used it out of necessity and needing a bow user, but now I ADORE it) She's a great "friend" character to the rest - And I get that may be a weird way to word it.  Like, take Lavitz from Legend of Dragoon - He really encapsulated a great "best friend" character, one that, after the battle, would share a laugh and a drink.  I've seen so many RPGs lately where it feels like the party members are literally together out of forced necessity and NOTHING more and it bugs me.  Veranna fills that niche nicely as being the sensible one and the one that'll still be there for you once its all over.
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    Name: Richter Loghain
    Age: 24
    Weapon of Choice: Axe
    Skillset: Various combat skills (counter attack, self-attack buffs, etc) as well as heavy-hitting single target attacks
    Voice: None Chosen Yet
    Game;
    Richter is the powerhouse, plain and simple.  If Esk is the glass cannon for magic, he's the same for physical skills.  He's constantly pushing himself against tougher and tougher foes to better increase his strength in order to make a name, and eventually a legend, for himself.  He aspires to claim the title of Arena champion, and has tried countless times to achieve just that.  Despite his lust for battle, he's a sweet, simple man at heart.  He's friendly and quick to chum up to anyone who gives him the time of day, as outside of a fight he sees no point in wasted aggression.  His own philosophy is that even if he becomes the best, theres little point if everyone hates him anyway.
    Meta; 
    Though there are still 2-3 more main heroes left, Richter is the last one I've worked on with as far as I've gotten, and thus, little has been worked with him so far.  I've given him a casual form of speech compared to most of the others (Besides Esk, whose an exception to ALOT of rules I've noticed o_O; ) but not to an annoying, immersion-breaking degree.  He's a confident fighter, similair to Rail, but also fancies himself much kinder and easier to talk to.  He casually flirts about, but as most tend not to take his advances seriously, has little idea what to actually DO after that.  In a sense, he's kind of simple, but sometimes the party needs that.  Not EVERYTHING has to be serious.
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    (There are 2 more characters in the main cast, but I still need to flesh them out better.  There's also a bunch of side characters, or temporary allies, but they probably wont be listed here)
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    "I don't care that you came to deliver an important message, answer the dayum question!"​
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    Some characters have certain bonuses or passives, while others are just better at certain things!​
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    "I realize that we hate you, and because we hate you that the people here hate you, but we need your help.  Pleasssseeeee?"​
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    A Tales-of styled Skit system!  I'm actually really happy about this and yes, skits WILL be voiced.​
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    Rail can be blunt.  He can also be a jerk.​
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    Exploring an ancient, abandoned Elven tower is one thing, but what *exactly* did you just insinuate?​
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    Yanflys battle scripts have given the game a bit more "oomph" for battles, and as much as I'd like to use side-battlers, I've had the least issues using this so...  Here we go~!​
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    Now here's a BIG mapshot of the starting area, Cabbani village.  I'm against using the same sprites within the confines of the same area, for NPCs so ANY duplicate sprites you may see on screen (besides soldiers, naturally) are meant to be the same person, only seperate times of meeting them.  Since most characters change dialogue and activites as the story progresses.  (The sleeping maid on the inn?  She has 3 different actions inside as you progress, then ultimately falls asleep outside, poor thing!)​
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    Esk's cabin.  It's meant to look a bit ramshackled and homely, as its fallen somewhat into disarray with her living alone.  The inside is far worse for this, but for the outside I wanted to try and convey it as well.​
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    Now, this is old, and I've done a fair bit of revisions and changes since I recorded it, but here's an old preview video for the first rough hour of the game, to give a feel of some maps and npcs and the like as well.



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    Well, I'll admit I dont have a TON of features thus far, as I'm just trying to make progress itself...  But here goes~​
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    • A deeply involving and character-driven plot, one akin to the ones of older RPGs that inspired me in the past.  (I hope.)
    • A Tales-Of styled Skit system with rewatchable skits for all your favorites!
    • Voiced characters (NOT for the entire game.  It would bog down the game with a massive amount of extra data to download for players, which isnt cool.  Voices are primarily for the skit system, and certain battle abilities to give the game slightly more personality (Or tons more, given the talent involved)
    • For those that would count this, RTP graphics, woot~
    • Flavor text EVERYWHERE.  Click on nearly any object to get some kind of a reaction, I'm really trying to make the world memorable!  (Also tons of references are hidden in this way as well~!)
    • More to come, as I'm still tinkering with ALOT of stuff.
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    DEMO UPDATED MARCH 21, 2015
    Sadly, those that have save files *will* need to re-play from the start as I've done ALOT of database work since last time...​
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    UPDATED WITH THE NEXT TWO AREAS, AS WELL AS AN ENTIRE SLEW OF BALANCING AND TWEAKING TO THE ENTIRE GAME ITSELF!​
    Nearly everything in the demo is interactable (By which I mean Serenthia will react to clicking on it) Besides the bookshelves.  The reason for this is I have an idea I want to incorporate for them, which will come in at a later date.  Skits have been left in, though they are not voiced just yet (In fact the only voice clips you'll hear are on Esk's spells)​
    Enjoy!​
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    Now naturally I credit everyone listed under "Scripts" for helping this game in their own ways, as each new script, or system, or inspiration, or whatever makes it better then what it was 10 minutes before.  However as for the actual work on the game itself?  It's...  Literally just me.  By all accounts this is my first honest to god attempt at a game and trying hard to finish it.  So yeah, there we go.​
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    However, anyone who joins up as a Voice Actor for the game obviously needs to be creditted (and thanked so dayum much!!) So...​
    SpiralSigil/Me - Pretty much everything as far as making this game is concerned​
    Caitlynn French - Voice of Esk (And massive supporter!)​
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    Now, I read the rules a couple times to make sure I didnt mess this topic up, but if I did PLEASE let me know and I'll fix it immediately!  Thanks in advance for any support or critiques, and I'll be getting a demo to you all as soon as possible.  For the time being, critiques on the maps, the story, the characters, anything, have right at'er!  I'm always looking for things to improve on!​
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 22, 2015
    #1
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  2. JAD94

    JAD94 The lunar knight Veteran

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    This game looks awesome! What's your planned/anticipated release date?
     
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  3. Kes

    Kes Global Moderators Global Mod

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    Interesting.  Are you putting up a demo to get feedback?  
     
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  4. SpiralSigil

    SpiralSigil Veteran Veteran

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    I most certainly am!  I'm actually striving to do that currently.  As far as maps and progress is concerned, I have enough for a demo right NOW, but I'm trying to give the demo players a bit more by adding flavor text to nearly EVERYTHING (Because I love it when games for that little extra mile and make nearly every object interactable in some way) Which isnt taking as long as one might think.  But I'd also ideally like to get at least the first 4 characters voiced for the skits that you unlock (They lack that little oomph otherwise)

    Of course, if THAT part takes too long then I'll do a demo without the skits included for the time being just so how it all off :)
     
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  5. Haydeos

    Haydeos The Dragon Veteran

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    I'm impressed by the screen shots! The big village map looks quite nice! The dialogue seems fine. The "backstory" seems a bit overdone (creator makes everything perfect, then things become ruined) but the "Current Story" seems to pick things up a bit.

    Looking forward to a demo of some sort!
     
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  6. SpiralSigil

    SpiralSigil Veteran Veteran

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    God never seems to get anything right when it comes to RPGs, you know?  That's why so many of them end up with the heroes fighting him/her or some manifestation of them :p

    Thank you very much for the compliments on the shots, and I'm honestly leaning towards just sealing off a few things for demo purposes and making one up for everyone.  I feel bad posting a topic with essentially pictures and nothing else so I'm really pushing for that right now.  If I opt for this, a demo should be only days (maybe even today) away as I've long since mapped, coded, and story-lined passed the inital hour (At least, my playthrough went about an hour with minimal leveling or monster fighting, just because I was running around talking to people and objects)  So I might have something sooner than expected.

    And as far as the story goes, I *really* hope it impresses.  That is the one thing im striving for! ^.^

    Ninja Edit: DEMO IS UP.  Let me know if there is any issue with the download and I'll fix it post-haste.  Apologies to those that don't like Mediafire, but I'll upload it somewhere else if you've a suggestion!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 4, 2015
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  7. Kes

    Kes Global Moderators Global Mod

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    I've tried out a chunk of your demo - not the full thing, for reasons which will become clear in the notes.  These notes were written as I went along, therefore they give the impression I had at the time, which may be modified later.  There is an Overall Assessment at the end.

    Nice animated title screen.

    Not a great fan of text based intros.  This one is relatively short, and enlivened by some use of cut scenes, but I wonder if all that info could have been incorporated into the telling of the story, though dialogue e.g. one playable character saying to another imparting bits of info?

    Opening piece of dialogue text and the most noticeable feature is its use of assorted brackets.  Why is Serenthia’s name in square brackets?  It’s not necessary and, to my mind, looks ugly and clutters the text up.  I assume that having the text in round brackets is to indicate that she’s thinking rather than speaking.  The combination of the 2 does not - in my opinion - look good.  Again, imo, using "dim" background for thinking works better.

    Serenthia’s sprite is tiny, absolutely miniscule.  She’s smaller than her teddy bear.  If she is small to indicate that she is an elf, then all her furniture would be scaled down too, so that relatively speaking, you wouldn’t notice she is small until she meets e.g. a human or an animal.  At the moment I think it looks a bit silly that she is so much smaller than the things which are supposed to be hers.

    As everything is going to be interactive, I think it would be a good idea to give the player the option of having instant text, rather than text which appears slowly and can take for ever to work its way through to the end.  e.g. having the same double box of text on all crates.  I don’t want crawling text for everything.  Am I ever going to find stuff in the objects/items?  If not, then I, like many other players, will stop clicking on anything – especially if I’m stuck with slow text, so all this interactivity will be wasted.

    Have you thought about doing some of this interactive text using common events?  Common events are your friends.  If your crates called up a common event instead of having individual text, then the first one could give the whole thing about her father having a lot of stuff, and she needs to sort through it, but not today.  That is not something that anyone would keep repeating to themselves, so on the common event have the first instance activate a switch and after that have something like “More stuff to sort. It seems endless!”  With the box in the shop, if you don’t want to use a common event, have a self switch, because again no one would repeat all that stuff to themselves.  On the second page just have a single line remark, e.g. “Why do people love big boxes?”  Personally, I think you either have to use a common event, or have different opening remarks on each box.  I think if you’re going to have interactivity (a good thing) it also needs to be varied, which is why it is a pain to do properly.  You can’t just have the thing repeating, the player will get bored with it.  Self switches with 2 pages, maybe even three, is probably the only way you will keep the player’s interest in clicking on everything if you’re never going to give an item (and you haven’t so far). 

    I go to save, and the save menu opens, but it refuses to save, as if it has been disabled – but it’s not greyed out in the menu, and I can access it, so I’m not at all clear what is happening here.  Ah, just met the Save Fairy.  If that’s the only way of saving, then it should not be an active item in the menu.  And the fairy is bigger than Serenthia.  This isn’t making sense.

    Interior mapping – could be reduced in size a bit so that there wasn’t so much empty space.  Downstairs hallways doesn’t have to be big, make it narrower by taking a tile off the height.  Corridors, especially basement ones, are usually narrow.  The main room is far too big.  If you rearranged your furniture this could be about half its present size.  The empty space feels even bigger because of the tiny sprite.

    Now I see that she’s tiny compared to all other sprites.  This is (so far, at least) a weird design decision which I, the player, cannot fathom.

    You have made your long grass tile inpassible.  I’ve not seen this done before, and I suppose it might make sense if you’re really the size of a large ant, but it makes moving around the map a pain.  Talking of moving around – auto dash would be wonderful.  Holding down ‘shift’ for a whole game is not enticing.  If you used e.g. Yanfly’s System Options script, that would also give the player the choice of instant text as well.

    Inn – the kitchen up 2 floors?  No kitchen serving the public is going to be so far away from where the public is i.e. down on the entrance level.

    Soldier at the gate.  To see the other dialogue options I should not have to sit through the whole opening dialogue about the soldier sleeping.  In the event, have a jump command so that at the end of one lot of dialogue, I am presented with the choices again so that I can choose directly.  Also, the first dialogue option assumes that the inspection will be news to me.  But it might not be.  I might not speak to this soldier until after I’ve spoken to the Captain, so you need a conditional to deal with that eventuality.

    Margaret’s house – you have all that empty space, but obvious things are missing.  Margaret refers to Polith (her husband? Son?) who presumably lives there.  Why is there no second chair/stool for him to sit on?  Does this village not have winter?  There is no fireplace to warm the house.

    When Serenthia calls Mandy “little girl” this is silly, as Mandy towers over her.  And that dialogue is a prime example of where you should have used a self switch so that the whole thing is not repeated.  People simply do not go through that sort of dialogue again.  Maybe Serenthia says “Nope, not going to speak to someone like that again.” Or “I think you should learn a bit of respect!” (Mandy) “No respect due, none given.” Or something.  The same applies to Madeline, they are not going to have that identical conversation twice, and Candice.  With Candice, I’d have the roses on a switch.  When Candice asked Serenthia if she had noticed the roses, Serenthia replied yes, but I hadn’t checked them yet.  A conditional branch there would sort that one out.  If I have checked them, then the dialogue as it stands, if not, then something like “How could you have missed them? They’re right there on the table!” followed by the bit about Lanios.

    I can see beyond the village wall, and I don’t think that Mack round trees blend well with Celianna’s, though I accept that tastes may differ on that.

    Is the conversation with Soldier Kent on a switch so that it changes if Serenthia has already spoken to the Captain?  One of the many disadvantages of not having save anywhere is that it makes testing different options well nigh impossible without a lot more free time than I have.

    When I’m on the world map, the choice is given about the village to Enter or to leave.  As I’m already outside it, asking me if I want to leave is a bit odd.  If you mean to give the choice to stay put instead of entering, then choose another word e.g. Stay, Don’t, Remain here.

    I checked the soldier at the gate to see if anything has changed in the dialogue.  It hasn’t, so this reinforces the need for conditionals and self switches.  I shouldn’t be getting the ‘news’ about the inspection when I’m standing there with Esk.

    The skits are nice, but there is a problem about timing.  For example, I accessed ‘Esk’s excitement’ for the first time after I got to the village.  Maybe some of them need to be triggered by you, rather than wait for the player?  So taking this one as an example, on the transfer event, have a conditional which, the first time puts the skit into the inventory and runs it, then transfers the player.  Subsequent exits just transfer.

    Ah, Serenthia is normal sized.  I think what must have happened is that you started her off with her small overworld sprite, and it wasn’t until I did some transfers that the ‘real’ sprite appeared.  Now that I’m normal sized, having inpassible long grass is even more inexplicable.

    I get the “I need money” dialogue even though I’ve found 1,500 gold already.  I’d have a conditional which checks how much gold I’ve got before you add the 1,000 and depending on how much I’ve got, have her ‘think’ something appropriate.  E.g. small amount (can’t remember the smallest – 100g maybe?) “I won’t mention that I’ve got a tiny bit of money.  It’s so little.” Then something for an intermediate amount, and if I’ve got a lot “I’m glad I didn’t mention that I’ve already got this much/more than this.  I should be able to get anything I want now.”

    Good that the dialogue with the guard outside the prison changes now that Rail is in the party. But the dialogue about weapons with the shop keeper must run only once.  After that you need something like “You heard what I said, I’m not doing it!”  Candice’s new dialogue is excellent, but again, just once, then something else.

    Nice selection of items to find when re-exploring the village, especially that Elven drink.  I can walk right through the maid upstairs in the inn.  You don’t need ‘through’ on until you get to the end of her route move when you change her graphic to none, as Serenthia will only need to walk through her then.  This means that you could give her a bit of dialogue if S. interacts with her. E.g. “Excuse me, I have work to do.”  Then when she re-appears, you can take ‘through’ off.

    I think you might have to reconsider the pricing of your items; your status cures are hugely expensive, and if I hadn’t found so much money, I think I would be anxious at how little I could buy.  For a poison cure to cost twice as much as an HP healing item seems way over the top.

    I’ve got to where the party divides.  I think if you’re going to have only save points you need to rethink how often you are providing them.  So far the only one is in the village.  I can guarantee you that players will want one nearer than that.  The outpost is one such place, particularly as it looks as if there is no way back out until the tower is complete, or maybe after the switches have been thrown and the party unites.  Save points only can work well, can be enjoyable, but not if the player loses a lot of game play time because there isn’t one at the beginning of a section.

    I ran the new skit where the first save fairy is in the tower and at the end of it there was a brief flash of the map without the screen tinting.  This is true for other skits.

    6 turns to beat a bat?  Something wrong here – either too much DEF or too much HP.  If they’re all going to be like this, battles will quickly become tedious.

    Hmm, fighting the slimes used up 10 small HP healing items, that’s 500g worth.  I’ve already had to use 2 poison heals, that’s 200g, so 2 fights has cost me 700g.  Fighting battles is going to lead to quick bankruptcy.  Also, at this rate I’m going to run out of items long before we get to the top of this tower.

    I’m stopping.  I’m fighting wisps which if both hit the same character take over a third of HP, I’ve got no TP to start with, and even if I had, the stunner skill appears to do no more damage than an ordinary attack, it takes at least 3 hits to get one wisp, and there are 2 of them, so 6 turns during which I’m being hammered.  In a word, no.

    Typos.  I wasn't really checking for them.  Here are a few that I noticed.

    Chair in hallway “…I was just to lazy…” should be “too lazy”

    Speaking to Astor “message recieved" should be “message received”  Receive incorrect elsewhere e.g. Marcus.  The rule is “i before e except after c”.

    Lucina after Rail joins the party “So, you’re too accompany the knights” should be “to accompany”

    Hunter Eyre – “Hothar was the wars victor” should be “war’s victor”

    Rail (talking to Lester) “I’ve chosen not to take offence to her abrupt behaviour” should be “take offence at her abrupt behaviour” or “chosen not to be offended by her..”

    Serenthia talking to Rail while Esk gets her staff “…because shes of Elven blood” should be “because she’s of”

    Talking in the skit about slimes “seeing alot more” should be “a lot”
    Overall assessment

    First things first.  I didn't meet with any bugs except the size of the sprite, so congratulations on that.

    Story/dialogues

    A lot of your dialogue is good, and is definitely making for character development.  The story looks like it could be interesting.  It is, however, being undermined by the things that I've mentioned, especially crawling texts (not helped by a generous use of ellipses and pauses) pointless repetitions where there should be self switches and lack of conditional switches.  It's great that you have interactivity on objects, but again, repetitions don't help.  Interactivity requires a lot more work to pull off successfully.  You've got the foundations in, but now you have to add the second and third layers to it.  Your characters are shaping up well to be interesting and already have distinctive personalities, so well done on that.

    Mapping.

    Your exterior map in the village is good, as is the one around Esk's cabin.  Your interior maps could do with some more work.  With the exception of Esk's cabin, they tend to be too big and empty.  Reduce the size rather than just throw stuff in to fill up the space.  But also consider what things are missing.  I've mentioned fireplaces and enough seating.  If you have a fireplace, perhaps another chair or 2 in front of it?  You might want to think about the number and positioning of cupboards.  Your dark room in the Tower is maybe too dark.  As you're using Celianna's tiles for the exterior, might it not be better to use them for the interior of the houses as well so that everything blends together well?  Your carpets in the soldiers' HQ look far too expensive for such a location.  They are civilian, not military.

    Battles

    Hmm, balancing.  That's all I'll say.  You got my reactions above.

    This shows definite promise, but you need to follow through your design decisions about dialogues and flavour text so that it works better.  Although frustrating at times I enjoyed what I saw here, and think this could be a good game if you worked on it further to polish everything up. I see that you've been tinkering with games for a long while but never finished one.  My advice would be to amend things as you go along, when each thing is relatively small, rather than saving everything up to the end. when it becomes huge and probably too big to manage.
     
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  8. JAD94

    JAD94 The lunar knight Veteran

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    @ksjp17

    Excellent feedback, very thorough and helpful. When I post my demo up I'd love your feedback.
     
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  9. SpiralSigil

    SpiralSigil Veteran Veteran

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    Firstly, WOW. Thank you very much for the huge, in depth review. It is incredibly helpful as an indie delevoper to have people actually say what needs to be fixed rather then just saying "this blows" and calling it a day. While i am a little embarassed you didnt see fit to finish the demo (as to me that screams i did a bad job) you left a fantastic list with which to fix whatever stopped you from going further. if you dont mind ill address things point by point and then do the fixes once im home from work tonight (which will mean a tweaked demo update for tommorow for anyone else whod liked to try)

    Im glad you liked the animated title, as im still quite unsure of it myself. Im still on the fence about even keeping it at all. As for the intro its... not set in stone. I needed SOMETHING to explain a bit of history and im not really a fan of npcs dumping exposition on characters who already know something so big and important. I shall strive to make it more interesting (and add a skip option for repeat testers and players)

    The square brackets are basically where the characters name goes. i honestly never thought thatd be called into question because it looked so natural to me. perhaps ill look into a nice messagebox script, provided it doesnt involve changing every text box ive already done. As there is a TON. Brackets are for thoughts and quotations are for speech but i can definatly look into making that more obvious with dimmed textboxes as you suggested!

    For so long in your review i was baffled by your constantly reference to serenthia being tiny - until you indicated her sprite must have been swapped for her overworld one. I have no sweet clue why it set her to that so i MUST fix this. I even tested both versions once they were compiled so... im at a loss. But ill double check and add in precautions to catch this odd occurance.

    As for the interactivity, you are 100% correct that further additions should be in place. Espescially for longer item checking. I will definatly make this a priority as I WANT people to check around for flavor and atmosphere. Items, as you may have noticed upon getting Esk, will always be indicated thanks to her. This is so people who dont much care for exploration still dont miss out.

    The text wait critic is perhaps the one that hits hardest as i find the text works well,but never considered it as something that someone would get annoyed by. I really find it more natural to read with the slight pauses between sentences. However if i were to add in yanflys system options as you suggested that would amend the issue right? Basically making everyone happy by giving them the option of auto text boxes? If so thats awesome and its going in right away!

    Auto dash as well, as i see what you mean about holding shift. No reason not to have that.

    Saving. I do have saving disabled everywhere but the world map (where you can anywhere) but the menu is still lit up. i guess because loading is still a viable option. Once im home ill check to see of yanflys saving script has a disable or hide switch. If so problem solved.

    As for the interior mapping. Ill be the first to admit my skills at mapping arent the best. So i know they need work. Ill continue to improve. The inns kitchen is... well i finished the inn before realizing that the outside totally indicates a third floor. But didnt wanna actually MAKE the third floor. So i figured the kitchen idea would fly. Clearly it has not and ill amend that in the update.

    Every single spelling issue will be fixed and im grateful for you noting them. Im norotious for missing them.

    The impassable grass was more of a design choice but i guess one that didnt really make sense. It works more in the forest dungeon later where you get ambushed by snakes and stuff but not so in the village. Ill need to adjust that.

    Yes more dialogue based on party members is coming. Espescially cranky lanios regarding Esk. nice catch.

    The needing money cutscene was actually written long before i added chests and search points. So i merely forgot to adjust it. Ill add a variable into the scene to make more sense.

    For the inn maids passability i actually ran into quite a few issues with her when making her movement. Shed randomly stop or get caught on things and the way she is now was the only way to fix that. I rationalized it by saying she merely sidesteps you but i guess that doesnt work if youre noting it. i may just remove that one entirely and have her do something else.

    i cant recall offhand did i have tonics in the starting shop? Ill have to check. When you actually account for how weak herbs are for healing its slightly more rational that antidotes cost more. however if i stupidly priced them higher then tonics then thats getting fixed. i hate trying to economize a world. my prices always skew weirdly.

    when you mentioned the placement of save points were you counting being able to save on the overworld map? If not then i think theyre well spaced. But if so then im a little unsure, as it seems youd be wanting save points nearly every screen. I do think i should mention overworld saving the first time serenthia goes outside the game though.

    As far as enemy hp is concerned it is a tad higher. ill lower it. not sure why i did that. Rails stunner move SHOULD do more damage so ill tweak the formula.

    As for the skits tweaking the screentones... thats something i have no clue how to actually fix. The way the skits work is the item triggers a common event which in turns turns off whatever screentone or lighting is on the current map, then turns it back on when the skit ends. Sadly that leaves a bit of jarring transition for the lighting. Im open to suggestions,naturally. the skit system is a big deal to me so i wanna make it tops!

    I think i got anything but if you noticed anything else id love to hear it. As i said ill be adjusting nearly everything for a fixer update tommorow. This isnt with an expectation youll jump on it and redownload, merely to fix things for other players. Your review was astoundingly helpful and i hope the issues you had wont stop you from playing a future release. people like you will really help me make this game great. Thanks so much!
     
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  10. Kes

    Kes Global Moderators Global Mod

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    Ah, saving on the world map - didn't think of that.  I've become so used to save anywhere or save points that I forgot there could be a hybrid.  If, as you suggest, you mention that Serenthia can save there, then problem solved.

    For the kitchen issue - why not have it as the staff quarters that S won't go into, like she won't go into peoples' bedrooms?

    For names and such like, I use Yanfly's Message System which puts the name in its own little box directly above the dialogue box, but you're right, it would mean going back to all your dialogue boxes where there are names, deleting those names and putting in \n<name>.  I was faced with the same choice in my first game, but decided to make the change, and I'm glad I did.  But there's no disguising the fact that it was about several hours' work, solid at it.

    If the save file is compatible with your new upload I shall see if I can find time to continue on from where I was, though I'm not promising anything, as my free time fluctuates.
     
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  11. SpiralSigil

    SpiralSigil Veteran Veteran

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    100% understandable. As someone who has never done demos before im not sure how to ensure it would be compatible. is there some special trick involved or is it simply a matter of not changing a certain thing?
     
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  12. Kes

    Kes Global Moderators Global Mod

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    It all depends on the data base.  If the database remains totally unchanged, then everything is sweet and dandy.  If you change/add/delete stuff from the database, and especially if you add/delete scripts, then depending what it is, there may be no problem or it could lead to a crash.  I can't remember if Yanfly's System script, for example, needs a new game or whether one can continue.  However, I think it's better to get your scripts in now, and not worry about carrying save files forward.
     
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  13. SpiralSigil

    SpiralSigil Veteran Veteran

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    Very true. And as you do make a fair point about the message system perhaps ill check into that at the same time. Ill run a few tests tonight and see. If its just a matter of adding the name space coding thats not horrible. Time consuming, but doable. Im more worried about having to respace every text box haha.
     
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  14. SpiralSigil

    SpiralSigil Veteran Veteran

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    Crap, stupid double post. Delete please~
     
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  15. Kes

    Kes Global Moderators Global Mod

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    I had a short bit of free time, so did some more of the demo.  I’ve done up until they all join together again.

    I think I’ve seen one of the reasons why there is a problem getting TP.  None is being given when Serenthia guards or when either she or Rail take any damage.  For Serenthia, because she cannot attack, she never builds up any TP so can never use her Hide skill.  For Rail, I seem to just get 3TP each time he attacks, so I cannot get enough TP to use his only skill until almost the end of the battle.  This TP allocation seems very low compared to the cost of the skills.  Though actually every once in a while Rail gets 11TP for one hit.  Don’t know what’s happening there.

    At the save fairy after the dark room – she tells me about the jar of water and then when I check it, Serenthia acts all surprised as if it were news to her.  You need a switch and have conditional branches on both the jar and the fairy.  This would also prevent both Serenthia and the fairy repeat their dialogue as if they didn’t know it already.

    Ah, I’ve now had the TP tutorial which tells me that I only get a miniscule amount for attacking.  However, that doesn’t explain why I’m not getting anything for taking damage.  That is an unusual choice, and I think most players will be left wondering why that is.

    ‘Battle Cry’ costs MP, but it’s in Rail’s ‘Special’ skill list, not in a magic skill list.  In fact, he doesn’t have one – at least in the Status menu.

    EDIT

    And here's the final bit.

    “Sent Pos Vosh to investigate the Tower..”  Huh?  What’s Pos Vosh?  Is it meant to be post-haste?  I can’t think of anything else.

    “I bare neither of you ill will”  should be “I bear neither of you”  (or, at least, I hope that’s what you mean!)

    Nice bit of writing to round it off.
     
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  16. SpiralSigil

    SpiralSigil Veteran Veteran

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    For TP, I originally had it set that the party would get it for taking damage, as opposed to giving it, but I've had some issues regarding TP as I do not want it being gained on the map.  It's 100% intentional that you start each fight without it so as to prevent an endless cycle of "begin battle - nuke enemy with strongest move, start next fight, repeat".  The tutorial is a little ways in, but by that point you havent had a terribly large amount of battles, thus it just shines a bit of light onto a mechanic that hasnt been touched on yet.  I guess for people used to RPG maker games it'll come across as an odd way to do it (Like it clearly is, as I'm sure you've played countless titles) but for people who havent played RPG Maker games, it hypothetically should flow easily enough.  I CAN (and will) however totally add in a bit of extra dialogue in the tutorial TP battle that explains why you don't get TP for getting hit, if the system remains the same.

    Actually I thought I had gotten to Skye's dialogue in the tower near the jar, but I guess I forgot.  Took a break from working on the game to play through South Park Stick of Truth and I guess I forgot what HAD been done and what NEEDED to be done.  Good catch! :)

    Battle Cry is intentionally a special skill, as opposed to magic as magic is strickly an Elven thing.  Thats mostly noted during the intro, as it states Elves have the unique gift of magic, but I guess I should really hammer that point home (I guess my brain is just to set to the "only elves get magic" mentality)  The reason I gave it an MP cost instead of a TP one is I didnt feel like a buff was something you should have to wait to get, as opposed to be able to use readily.  But that wasnt set in stone yet.  So if it makes no sense I can easily swap it to TP and just give it a low cost.

    And finally Pos Vosh is the island that the game begins on.  Now that you've questioned it it makes me realize that's probably never mentioned before that point though, so yes people would be confused by it.  I have to find SOME WAY to bring it up (Maybe in the scene where you meet Darius/Rail)  Another good catch, thank you ^_^

    EDIT: Updated the Demo with several changes - Most specifically were fixing WHATEVER caused you to spawn as the world map sprite (Still no idea on *that* one...) And Yanflys system options script.  If anyone has any issues please let me know.  I've also changed a few interior maps around to make them less bland and open, (Actually I'm glad this was mentioned, I like Serenthia's cabin interior WAY more now <3 ) And also threw self-switches over nearly everything.  Rail's abilities have been modified, Serenthia can now use "hide" freely, and there are other, smaller fixes as well.  I'd like to thank ksjp17 once more for his intensive review and I hope the modifications make people actually reach the end this time, haha.
     
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  17. Kes

    Kes Global Moderators Global Mod

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    I've seen that the demo is updated, so I'll download it and try and find time to give it a fast playthrough to see how it feels now.

    I've also just read the "test" that someone has just done on your game.  This is my personal opinion.  It is not the role of a tester to tell you to re-write every single character and change their fundamental characteristics so that it is no longer the story that you wish to tell.  A tester may say e.g. that dialogue drags, or is a bit stilted, or not very realistic, or unclear.  S/he may say that a character did not appeal because of factors X and Y.  But the aim should be to help you create a better presentation of your story, not to turn it into the tester's story.  Of course the tester's personal preferences will colour what the assessment is, but those preferences should not be the sole criterion.  I am not suggesting that you ignore anyone's feedback, but just because something is said does not mean that you have to follow it.
     
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  18. SpiralSigil

    SpiralSigil Veteran Veteran

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    Dont worry, Im pretty deadlocked in what ive made character-wise. I like how most everything is by this point. But thats definatly a good thing to hear, so thank you. Cant wait for your next review as you were incredibly helpful with your first one.
     
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  19. Kes

    Kes Global Moderators Global Mod

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    Here are my notes for the second run through.

    Long story short - much smoother.  Dialogue usually flows better and battles are more balanced now that the cost of Rail's skill has come down.  I picked up on a lot of typos and spelling mistakes.

    Now long story long.

    Interior maps are much better.

    Dialogues flow better e.g. the soldier at the gate and his options.

    Better use of second pages for items you interact with.  However, the crates outside the inn keep repeating the same text and as far as I can see it never changes. I don’t think she’d say the same thing several times.  Same with the inn sign.  I think after the first time it should just say Cabbani Inn.

    The man in the weapons shop asks Serenthia when she’s on her own if there is anything she needs.  Yet later on he will refuse to sell her a weapon.  Why, then, is he asking her if she wants anything now?  Maybe the dialogue should be turned round so that instead of it being Serenthia who says about not needing a weapon, it should be the shopkeeper?

    It’s good that there is now the info about saving on the world map.  However, I don’t think it’s a good idea to have it all in capitals.  I feel like I’m being shouted at.  Actually, most (all?) your narrator bits are in capitals.  Is there a particular reason for that?  It does seem a bit OTT. 

    I went through the outpost and, of course, got stopped by Biggins.  I then spoke to Biggins and the dialogue sort of assumes that I don’t know he’s there – but I’ve just been spoken to by him, so I do know.  It’s only on the last sentence that it reads as it should if I have tried to get through.  I think you probably need the conditional to come in earlier in the conversation.

    The 2nd skit refers to peoples’ scowly faces, etc.  But it is given, and is therefore accessible, on the outside of the village gate.  At that point Esk and Serenthia cannot have seen any faces to make these sorts of comments.  The skit needs to come just a little later.

    Hmm, I must have been a bit more thorough this time as I’ve got 1,800 before Rail gives me anything.

    I get the skit ‘Almost nice’ as soon as I’m out the door from Captain R.  While it’s true that it’s been said “Rail joins the party”, he and Esk are still physically down the hall through another door, so again the skit feels a bit premature.  How can S be talking with him when he’s still some distance away?

    Skit “Odd thoughts”

    Mentions that S says she does odd jobs.  I don’t think I’ve had that this play through.  Is it in the conditional branch for when S doesn’t have any money?

    Oren’s dialogue never varies.

    Battles are much smoother now that the TP cost for Stunner has been reduced and it does more damage than ordinary attack now.

    I'm still uncertain about the timing of the tutorial.  Maybe some of it could be covered in earlier battles?  

    For example, you know what your first two battles are going to be.  In the troop tab, on each of the other troops, have a short dialogue set to turn 0 and a switch.  Maybe S could ask a question like "Why do you spend time doing that focus thing? I want you to hit that rat before it bites me."  The switch ensures that she only asks this the first time.

    In the menu both S and R have MP bars.  Do they ever get spells which need it?  If not, then maybe remove them?

    From the time they go into the top room until the end there is a huge amount of dialogue, varied only by a short walk to the village.  By the end it did feel a bit like an interactive novel rather than a rpg.  If that is what you intend, fine, but I think in that case you should amend your op to make it clear to potential players what it is like so that those who prefer something with a higher percentage of action can decide whether to play or not.

    Typos etc.

    There are a lot of them.  I recommend that you regularly proof read your text as you should really release a demo with this many in it.  There are also places where the text runs over the edge of the box.  I suggest you examine a couple of those instances and see exactly where text runs out of space, and use that as a guideline to avoid it happening again.

    Talking to the Save Fairy the first time

    “put me anymore at ease” should be “put me any more at ease”

    East and south exits before seeing the Captain

    “see what captain Rold wants”  should be “see what Captain Rold wants”

    Citizen Marcus

    “supposed to be recieving” should be “receiving”

    Amy’s house

    “Might be someones bedroom”  should be “someone’s bedroom”

    Examining the fish on the worktop in that house, the word “deserves” runs off the edge of the text box.

    Youth Mandy

    “You’re the one whose friends with”  should be “the one who’s friends”.  Who’s is an abbreviation for “who is”, while “whose” is the possessive pronoun.

    Soldier at the gate

    In the dialogue branch for the first question after you’ve seen the Captain, Captain Rold has a lower case c again.  Probably then this isn’t a typo, but a choice.  However, I think it would be better to give a capital C for his rank.  It is not necessary when, as in the next line, he is just being referred to as “the captain”, but when it’s name and rank together usually it has the upper case.  However, it would be worth checking, in case this is one of the many differences between US English usage and UK English.

    Talking to Biggins in the outpost

    “you still can’t go passed”.  Should be “can’t go past.”

    In the cut scene with the knights

    Darkius asks if they have been told anything

    Captain R : Apart from your destination?  No sir.

    (The “apart” might not be accurate, the rest is.)  The “No sir “ implies that the Captain is talking to Darius.  He should not, therefore, say “your destination” but “their destination.”

    First convo after Rail joins the party and S says she’s had a thought.

    “”I’ll trust thats  not a rare…” should be “that’s”

    In skit ‘Odd thoughts’

    “You sound dissapointed” should be “disappointed”

    Skit ‘Esk’s Home’

    The text about not changing the sheets or the linen runs off the edge of the box.  I would use linen singular, not plural, in this context.

    Skit “Head Hancho”

    Should be “Honcho” in the title and in the dialogue.

    Text “he showed me everything” runs off the edge of the box.

    Just before standing on the magic circle

    Rail “Oh nevermind” should be “never mind”

    Just after Darius says “Let’s do as miss Esk says”.  At least in UK usage, that would be Miss Esk, as it’s her name and title.

    After the teleport

    Darius “speaking of the switches “ neither switch is particularily close” should be “particularly”

    After they see the carpets

    “Esk hasn’t be here in awhile” should be “a while”

    The slime fight after the mimic

    “popped out of nowehere” should be “nowhere”

    When S is taking the blame for the mimic

    “warn me against being so foolhardly” should be “foolhardy”

    When taking the gem

    “sent Pos Vosh” should be “sent to Pos Vosh”
     
    #19
  20. SpiralSigil

    SpiralSigil Veteran Veteran

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    Woot, a bunch more typos to fix (And honestly, after the message box update I did a full run through to see about any text cut offs - thought I got them all but you'll never nail it 100% I guess :p  Thanks for all the catches~!)

    Everything you mentioned that needs a second page/third page will definatly get them.  That, too, was something I was looking to ensure I had covered.  Obviously I missed a few ^^)

    I did not even THINK of that thing for the weapon shop - But you make ALOT of sense.  I'll adjust that.

    Not a fan of the all caps huh?  I figured it would better serve to convey its importance and not be confused with actual dialogue.  I can see how it might off across as shouting but...  I might leave it in as it is, but theres an equally good chance I'll change it.  Thanks for your opinion (I'll check with a few others :) )
     

    Biggin's events should be tweaked to avoid such confusion, yes.  Another fine catch.

    I'll move the 2nd skit into the guardhouse, I think.  It'll make more sense that way.

    I kind of see what you mean about the skit in the guardhouse hall, but at the same time, from how you explained it, Rail/Esk ARE currently with you (When you move into a map and theyre already out waiting for you, its implied you stopped to have a cutscene like that)  Tons of older FF games did similair things to setup cutscenes, so I followed suit.

    The "Odd Jobs" skit definatly references dialogue that could be skipped entirely with more then enough gold.  I'll adjust that scene to make mention of Serenthia's odd jobs in both instances.

    I could definatly move the TP demo fight to an earlier one (And indeed if I do I'm likely bringing it up how you did, as it makes loads of sense) but I kind of like having it after Serenthia is actually able to fight.  Especially since Focus Energy explains what it does, (Gives TP) and Stunner has such a low cost now that a few attacks grant it as well.  Yes, people wouldnt get HOW theyre getting TP in the first place (Besides Focus Energy, which explains it) but likewise they only have a few battles before they would likely encounter the tutorial anyway.

    Still, you raise good points about it so I'll think about moving it (Deleting the Ooze fight entirely and doing as you suggested) So we'll see!

    Is there a way to remove MP bars for specific classes?  I'm not sure if I ever noticed a way to do that through a script or anything...  If so, for characters that simply NEVER get MP I'll try it (Though I feel like the Menu might look funny for characters that get BOTH TP and MP...)  

    Yeah, the end of the demo IS very story-heavy, but I dont really see an issue with that.  I feel like putting up front "You will encounter story and plot development" as a header to an RPG is kind of...  Well, stating the obvious.  I mean I guess to how most games nowadays are marketted, it makes some sense.  I dunno, it doesnt sit well with me though.  Its an RPG - one styled after classic FF games, Tales of stylings and so-forth.  People should expect RPGs to have stories (Hell they expect horror games to have stories...)  But likewise, I dont want you to think I'm flatly ignoring your counsel, especially when you've been exceedingly helpful in pointing out things to fix, so what would you best suggest as sort of a compromise?  Perhaps reference what kind of older RPGs I'm styling this after, to give them an idea of how much story involvement there will be?  I'd have no issue with that.

    And yes, my typos are terrible, but don't worry, as the game gets closer and closer to a final release (Still a long ways off, as I'm currently considering tearing down all the maps of my capital city, and shelling out $10 for those STUNNING medevial tilesets I saw on the downloads page.  Seriously, I want.) I've got a friend whose always triple-checking my writing for typos and the like who wants to scour my entire game start to finish for them.  In the meantine, I'll fix EVERY one you found again, and you've my gratitude ^_^

    As before, thank you so much for taking the time to play through it again, and I'm very happy you reached the ending this time (And my stupid battle unbalancing didnt put you off)  I'm actually MUCH happier having made those changes.  Honestly, will all the amazing advice you've given me, I'm likely going to add you to the credits, even if you do nothing more then just test and review it from time to time.  You're a true help :) )
     
    #20

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