Is it ok if I talk about this?

chungsie

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I know there are more people out there making games that have their own struggles. I just don't feel hip today for some reason.

I have schizophrenia, and alot of people fear those diagnosed with it, as being unpredictable, unreliable, hostile, bizarre...

If you ask anyone in my class from earlier in life, I was always bright, smart. I was in my second year of college, taking business law, analytical geometry and physics, when I became isolated and withdrawn, and afraid people were stalking me. At one point I tried to kill myself because I thought it's what I was told to do.

When I started treatment, my creativity was affected adversly I would say. and my ability to see patterns and relations in mathematics fell sharply, at least for learning new concepts. I can still kind of understand things like flux, or induction and silicon :p but not really the stuff I did not already learn before treatment.

I guess it's affected my ability to learn new things quite a bit. On a given day I may have lots of thoughts about an idea, but organizing is something I overdo in order to remember, and well not every though is note worthy. But then sometimes there are the moments when I hallucinate without cause.

I really doubt my ability to use ace anymore, not to say I ever could really use it. But that I feel like my progress is painfully slow. And with all these wonderful titles being produced by indie teams and devs, I'm just left in amazement.

My medicine put me at risk for diabetes, and now I have type 2.

Somedays I feel real ambitious to learn something new, and I am unable to locate the proper resources for allowing me to do so, and then I'm left feeling terrible about the situation. THe prozac helps, but I just feel so worthless at times.

Work is not an easy thing for me, and well I want to contribute... My skills feel limited in general.

Anyways, I wanted to talk about this with the community. Hope you all have a wonderful day :)
 

Tea's Jams

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I have quite a few family members with schizophrenia, it runs on both sides of my family. It's so tragic being hit by such a thief as schizophrenia. I feel for you. :(
 

Lornsteyn

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I have some mental problems too, nothing I want to share right now, but I feel with you.
I never thought people with schizophrenia are weird maniacs.
We live in a world full of scared and silly people which dont care for psychological problems of others, its just sad.
 

HexMozart88

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Well, I don't know anyone personally who has it, I don't either, however I've never thought of people who have it as maniacs, and even if I did, I wouldn't really have grounds to say anything 'cause sometimes I think I'm even crazier, LOL. I think everyone is a little schizophrenic at times, and I figure it'd be hard if it affects your whole life like that. I don't think I have anything specifically, but even my fear of everything and my constantly decreasing self-esteem certainly took its toll on me in school, and in life. I feel you man, I really do.
 

DarkEspeon

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I was deemed schizophrenic for having a tulpa and believing to be an otherkin. I still believe that, but doctors in russia don't know what tulpae are and just labelled me as a delusional maniac even though I never hurt anyone or anything. It's fun living here. I feel ya buddy, stay strong
 

KayZaman

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.......I had autism. Never thought my parents called me 'special child' coz I thought I have something special but turns out I'm autism. Almost like schizophrenia, I'm acting weird, less talk, don't know to communicate and hard to learn. But I learnt fast with something fun and easy like watching cartoon, playing video games, asking 'what is this' and 'what is that'. Toys are something really made my imaginations grow.
 

Tea's Jams

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@KayZaman My daughter has autism and I agree that it has some similarities with schizophrenia, yet it's also distinctly different.
 

Orb

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I have quite a few family members with schizophrenia, it runs on both sides of my family. It's so tragic being hit by such a thief as schizophrenia. I feel for you. :(
quite a few family members sounds like a weird high number, have all of your relatives been diagnosed as such by a professional? I'm just curious, since there's little evidence to suggest that Schizophrenia is entirely hereditary (the chances are incredibly small, not impossible though).

Mental disorders are amongst the most common problems in Western countries, and probably one of the most underrated (hence the reason why I studied Psychology). Nonetheless, part of that issue is the fact that many people label themselves with some sort of mental disorder (e.g. social anxiety or depression) when, in fact, they're just going through a rough emotional phase that should not be confused with a formal disorder. An increasing and alarming number of psychologists are actually diagnosing illnesses that their patients don't really have, and this misuse of terms can, ironically, cause the disorder that the person didn't have in the first place.

It's hard to go through these problems, and you should know you're not alone, but I wanted to point this out because I think is important. Also, there's a lot of taboo surrounding mental problems; people might think that someone with schizophrenia is some kind of psycho and/or genius, when they're not really different from anyone else. Going to the psychologist because you're depressed is exactly the same thing as going to the physician because you have a cold. One should be able to skip a day at work/school if they don't feel emotionally stable, and our society (or at least most countries on this side of the map) are not quite ready to understand the importance of mental health.

I hope you guys all the best :)
 

Tea's Jams

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quite a few family members sounds like a weird high number, have all of your relatives been diagnosed as such by a professional? I'm just curious, since there's little evidence to suggest that Schizophrenia is entirely hereditary (the chances are incredibly small, not impossible though).
If it's not in fact influenced by factors of heredity, which I doubt, my family hit the lottery! :p I know what it is, in it's most extreme form, which includes delusional mania, attempted murder of family members, attempted suicides some by extremely violent means (such as a home made pipe bomb, used on train tracks... just in case the bomb didn't finish the job), extreme isolation and erratic speech patterns, if at the moment the person is willing to speak at all. (my grandfather once went 4 years essentially mute due to crippling anxiety), one was a resident of an insane asylum at the time when they were all shut down, and it's occupants given a couple dollars and a bagged lunch and turned out into the streets (yes, this is a true story). This is just scratching the surface.

I agree, there is a serious problem with diagnosis's being thrown around too liberally, but in my families case most of the people I'm referring to were DIAGNOSED before the diagnosis explosion.

I'm not personally offended by such a view point as the one you expressed in the quoted comment above. By I'm very hard to offend. You might want to be careful about claims like that since I doubt you have any idea the crippling, very real and very involuntary nature of such an illness. To be frank, you sound insensitive and arrogant. (like I said, I'm not personally offended, some people might be).
 

HexMozart88

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But I learnt fast with something fun and easy like watching cartoon, playing video games, asking 'what is this' and 'what is that'.
OwwwO I learn like that too! But people always looked at me like I was a weirdo when I said that. T_T
 

Orb

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I'm not personally offended by such a view point as the one you expressed in the quoted comment above. By I'm very hard to offend. You might want to be careful about claims like that since I doubt you have any idea the crippling, very real and very involuntary nature of such an illness. To be frank, you sound insensitive and arrogant. (like I said, I'm not personally offended, some people might be).
I wasn't expecting anybody to understand my point, as this is a very sensitive topic. I'm not calling you a liar (if that's what you think I said), I just found it interesting the fact that you have so many relatives with some sort of mental disorder, which is statistically unlikely (but, as I said, not impossible), which reminded me at the same time (but not as a connected idea to your case), of one of the biggest problems that the field is facing nowadays, which is over-diagnosis. Actually, from my second paragraph on I wasn't quoting your post at all. I do have experience with such problems as the ones you have listed (and many others that are particularly worse), but this is not a competition to see who's been going through the worst experiences. All I'm saying is, in very general terms, that apart from the serious problems people like you and your family may face, there's also the "diagnosis explosion", which needs to be approached with the same seriousness we approach actual illnesses.
 
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Philosophus Vagus

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I don't know what to tell you man. I've only known one person with schizophrenia personally and I failed him as surely as the world at large fails so many of those whose minds work differently than the cultural norms, the world demands conformity, whether most people will admit it or not that is how we feel and we show it through our actions, ostracizing those who don't fit whether intentionally or indirectly by indifference, pity or simply distraction in our own lives. Try and remember that people do care though, however jaded they may seem, we're all equally flawed deep down, some flaws are simply easier to mask than others are and easier to cope with publicly. Oftentimes as a social grouping we wear so many masks that nothing shows through, and it becomes far to easy to idealize others for a perceived stability that oftentimes isn't even their reality.

I can't relate to everything you are going to but can relate to the isolation at least, I've lived with aspergers, anxiety and paranoid personality disorder all of my life, and have had to rely on self-isolation for most of my adult life as a coping mechanism. I used to drive myself crazy by trying to 'beat' what was wrong with me, to overcome it and make real connections with people because I was convinced that I wanted normalcy, a bunch of friends and a spouse and kids eventually...but I was lying to myself. I'm not saying that your disorders have to define you but they do influence what is possible in your own life. For me balance comes though interacting with faceless people through the internet safe and secure in my own little room, spending much of my free time hiking in the most isolated environments I can find so as not to devolve into an agoraphobic as well and leaving my intentional face to face interactions with other humans to limited visits with my brother and his family and the catharsis of amateur cage matches to relieve me of the negative emotions that I worry could make me dangerous to myself or others if left unchecked overtime.

As much as you can, open yourself up to what you can do rather than worry about or trying to force the things you can't. That kind of balance can be a powerful thing, and can open up more possibilities than you might be able to imagine at first. That's really all the advice I can think of to give, but I hope you find enough balance between who you are and who you want to be to find peace, as I know the road inbetween can be an absolute nightmare at times.

@just1witness @Orb's point was a valid one, regardless of whether others take offense at it or not. The first doctor's diagnosis I received was for bipolar disorder, and because of this the medication I was prescribed as a child was antithetical to my well-being rather than a benefit. It took a brave school councilor unafraid of 'offending' others such as myself, my parents or even my doctor to really get me help that was actually...helpful and without that I'm honestly 100% certain I'd be dead right now, one way or another. No one can know us better than ourselves because no one else spends so much time with us, but sometimes we can be so mired with fixing ourselves and our loved ones that we focus on the wrong problems for a myriad of reasons. Because of this, I don't think that voicing such doubts should ever be taboo as long as it is done respectfully (as I believe Orb's was) and of course should be taken with a grain of salt, but there are times where such skepticism might be exactly what a person needs to hear. even doctors can be misguided or at times even intentionally misleading and if you never question what you are told about yourself you can easily believe something about yourself that may not be true.
 
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Tea's Jams

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@Orb @Philosophus Vagus

As I said, I didn't take it personally. I just like to advocate awareness since I've personally seen people hurt by the "well, are you diagnosed by a professional?/people are being over diagnosed statements.

Here's an example I can relate from personal experience. As I mentioned before my daughter is autistic. She wasn't diagnosed until she was 11. My ex would often harp on her for her (what he viewed as) rebellious behaviors. I would defend her and point out that she was obviously not on the same level as her siblings, but that all meant nothing to him until she was diagnosed...

But the question is, did she just suddenly become autistic because a professional said so? No, obviously not. But that was used as an excuse to mentally abuse her and not treat her according to her ability.

This is what I mean about sounding insensitive or arrogant, you may well be talking to someone who has had an experience like hers (which I doubt is uncommon) and deeply hurt their feelings. It effectively invalidates their struggle. It's just a friendly heads up. :)
 

HexMozart88

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I would defend her and point out that she was obviously not on the same level as her siblings, but that all meant nothing to him until she was diagnosed...
>.< I hate that. That's kind of a pet peeve of mine. Like, I can't stand it when people who aren't diagnosed with something aren't taken seriously for being different. Like, "You don't have anxiety, so stop worrying." If it's a part of your personality, one cannot simply change that. One thing I always get is, "You don't have autism, why do you always use that fidget spinner?" Because I'm trying not to snap at the annoying noises people make.
I'm going to try and get back on topic here, now my rant is done. Anyway, I can definitely relate to feeling worthless. I used to get extremely high grades, and then complicated garbage started happening, and now I'm just average, and so now I feel as though all of my teachers, sometimes my parents, think me as such. But you aren't worthless because of what you have. I know a song about a mother who has a kid with autism, and she calls him useless, but loves him nonetheless. What I've learned from that song is you aren't necessarily everything people think of you as, nor what your mind keeps nagging you with, and sometimes we just think up these names out of frustration. Don't let it get to you, and do things at your own pace.
 

Orb

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@just1witness I understand, but in this case the problem was not a misuse of the term (to the contrary, it was an effective diagnosis that led to a mutual understanding), but regardless of the diagnosis, no one should harm someone else for what it seems as an abnormal behaviour (just as @HexMozart88 said). In other words, authistic or not, your daughter shouldn't have been treated that way in the first place. I think we can all agree on the fact that mental health has to be approached, and labeled as required. I advocate awareness since I've personally seen people developing disorders they don't even have in the first place. I'm sorry if my post didn't express it that way (@Philosophus Vagus did a great job explaining it better than I did), but, again, this is not a personal statement nor an advice, just a side note to raise awareness about an offtopic issue, which is somewhat connected to the topic
 

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@just1witness I get that to and have met my fair share of people with that mindset, including the special education teacher at my middle school who was convinced that there was nothing wrong with me besides an "attitude problem". I just don't feel that orb's first post belongs in that connotation since he was neither dismissive of what your family was going through or condescending, rather he offered what I perceived to be sound concerns based on experiences he has seen or studied. I've been on both sides of that fence, and I get that the subtlety between sincere and scornful can be slim and oftentimes depends on the individual you are talking to. It is no one's business who isn't there alongside you to tell you what your problems are or aren't, but an honest concern voiced out of empathy where you see valid doubts can be life-changing for someone who is truly being guided in the wrong direction. Empathy is the key though, that differentiates honest concern from undue judgement. So I do agree with you that we should all strive for awareness and that those who throw those questions around like accusations show a lack of it and cause more harm than good, whether intentional or not.
 

Tea's Jams

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@Orb @Philosophus Vagus

Thank you guys for such a nice discussion even though I tend to be a tactless beast, lol.

@chungsie There are a lot of people out there who are understanding and empathetic of your struggles. I think your hip!
My heart aches for your medication situation, it really is a conundrum isn't it? I'm personally a bit terrified of most pharmaceutical meds. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have to sacrifice creativity, learning ability, and renal function for emotional stability.

Your openness about your struggles is a much more meaningful contribution than say, graphic art in my opinion. The more open people are about this, the less stigma and discrimination there will be in the long run. Thank you. :)
 

chungsie

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.......I had autism. Never thought my parents called me 'special child' coz I thought I have something special but turns out I'm autism. Almost like schizophrenia, I'm acting weird, less talk, don't know to communicate and hard to learn. But I learnt fast with something fun and easy like watching cartoon, playing video games, asking 'what is this' and 'what is that'. Toys are something really made my imaginations grow.
My brother was diagnosed Aspi first, then later Autistic, and now with schizo-effective disorder. He can express some things that seem off to me at times. I mean, it's hard for me to connect with him, so I can only imagine what's it like for you.

quite a few family members sounds like a weird high number, have all of your relatives been diagnosed as such by a professional? I'm just curious, since there's little evidence to suggest that Schizophrenia is entirely hereditary (the chances are incredibly small, not impossible though).

Mental disorders are amongst the most common problems in Western countries, and probably one of the most underrated (hence the reason why I studied Psychology). Nonetheless, part of that issue is the fact that many people label themselves with some sort of mental disorder (e.g. social anxiety or depression) when, in fact, they're just going through a rough emotional phase that should not be confused with a formal disorder. An increasing and alarming number of psychologists are actually diagnosing illnesses that their patients don't really have, and this misuse of terms can, ironically, cause the disorder that the person didn't have in the first place.

It's hard to go through these problems, and you should know you're not alone, but I wanted to point this out because I think is important. Also, there's a lot of taboo surrounding mental problems; people might think that someone with schizophrenia is some kind of psycho and/or genius, when they're not really different from anyone else. Going to the psychologist because you're depressed is exactly the same thing as going to the physician because you have a cold. One should be able to skip a day at work/school if they don't feel emotionally stable, and our society (or at least most countries on this side of the map) are not quite ready to understand the importance of mental health.

I hope you guys all the best :)
this reminds me of self proclaiming gurus that somehow overcame, through a product they are selling you, manic depression or chronic depression. according to the manual for diagnosis, schizophrenia has symptoms which have been current for at least 6 months. If they are there that long, then it could be schizophrenia. If it's not then it is something which looks like it. There are some cases people have things that look like schizophrenia and turn out to be something else entirely, but I would say it "looks" that they recovered completely, but it was really the medication and treatment having an effect.

if anyone was curious what it looks like without medication.

I actually had a fear that when I moved back to my hometown after living out west, the facility I needed services from would declare that I did not need the medicine because the meds were working and I had few to no noticeable symptoms at the time. This was because people I had met that had no clue who I was had made an assumption about my mental health and what my "treatment" should look like.

Sorry for the delay everyone, I did not realize I started my job today.
 

CleanWater

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@chungsie everyone have their limitations. Limitation comes in vary ways, but this doesn't mean that you can't do anything you really wish.

With patience and hard work you can achieve anything you want. I can affirm you that based on my own life experiences.

Throw away limiting thoughts such as: I can't do this, I'm useless, that someone over there is better than me on that.

Focus on your qualities. Disregard your hardships and focus on your victories, no matter how small they are. Soon you will realize that your victories are bigger than you thought.

Never give up. I wish you the best! :wink:
 

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