RPG Maker Forums

I know there are more people out there making games that have their own struggles. I just don't feel hip today for some reason.

I have schizophrenia, and alot of people fear those diagnosed with it, as being unpredictable, unreliable, hostile, bizarre...

If you ask anyone in my class from earlier in life, I was always bright, smart. I was in my second year of college, taking business law, analytical geometry and physics, when I became isolated and withdrawn, and afraid people were stalking me. At one point I tried to kill myself because I thought it's what I was told to do.

When I started treatment, my creativity was affected adversly I would say. and my ability to see patterns and relations in mathematics fell sharply, at least for learning new concepts. I can still kind of understand things like flux, or induction and silicon but not really the stuff I did not already learn before treatment.

I guess it's affected my ability to learn new things quite a bit. On a given day I may have lots of thoughts about an idea, but organizing is something I overdo in order to remember, and well not every though is note worthy. But then sometimes there are the moments when I hallucinate without cause.

I really doubt my ability to use ace anymore, not to say I ever could really use it. But that I feel like my progress is painfully slow. And with all these wonderful titles being produced by indie teams and devs, I'm just left in amazement.

My medicine put me at risk for diabetes, and now I have type 2.

Somedays I feel real ambitious to learn something new, and I am unable to locate the proper resources for allowing me to do so, and then I'm left feeling terrible about the situation. THe prozac helps, but I just feel so worthless at times.

Work is not an easy thing for me, and well I want to contribute... My skills feel limited in general.

Anyways, I wanted to talk about this with the community. Hope you all have a wonderful day