Magic Tale: Demo Released

Discussion in 'Games In Development' started by NarikoStudios, Jan 4, 2016.

  1. NarikoStudios

    NarikoStudios Lover of Catgirls Veteran

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    [​IMG]
    Two Worlds 9 Elemental scrolls who will get them all before the two worlds are destroyed by darkness

    Magic Tale has been cancelled because of financial and development problems thanks everyone who supported sorry if you were looking forward to it



    Synopsis:


    In a world of Magic that has a Japanese twist to it that was separated from Astrea the modern world Felia is a world filled with magic as a young Swordsman Yuito sets out on his journey to save his friend Kameko from the darkness that she once stole in the form of a scroll from his village joined later by Nariko a catgirl with Thunder and Lightning magic and many of there other magical friends they meet along the way the hero's then set out to stop Kameko obtaining all 9 scrolls and covering both worlds in Darkness becoming a unstoppable magic user


    Bios:



    Yuito: A Swordsman without magic who created the special skill Katana Arts


    [​IMG]Nariko: A Catgirl who uses the Scroll of Thunder


    [​IMG]Kameko: Uses the Scroll of Darkness and wants to use it to cover the world in darkness


    [​IMG]Sayuri: Uses the magical element of Water


    [​IMG]Astra: Sayuri's little sister who uses Teleportation Magic


    [​IMG]Akari: A Blacksmith who uses the special ability of her craft to make items in battle


    [​IMG]Titan: A arrogant and cocky Dagger dual wielder


    [​IMG]Shika: A Monk who uses the magical element of Lava


    [​IMG]Kitsune: a Fox who uses the magical element of Nature


    [​IMG]Akane: Nariko's classmate who uses the magical element of Fire


    [​IMG]Mitsuki: Uses the magical element of Ice


    [​IMG]Yousuke: Yuito's grandfather and his and Kameko's teacher the previous user of all 9 scrolls before they were given to guardians again


    [​IMG]Megumi: Nariko's mother who uses the Magical element of Explosions unlike Nariko she doesn't have cat features


    I'm going to reveal 1 of the 9 Guardians of the Scrolls as she's in the demo


    [​IMG]Hikari: The Earth Elf she is the guardian of the Scroll of Earth and the Forest Library


    Screenshots:


    The screenshots are outdated as they have old names in them.



    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]


    Features:


    ◦Genre: Epic Fantasy, Modern


    ◦Main Concept / Premise: Yuito enters the magic world of Felia to find all 9 scrolls and defeat the guardians that protect them with Nariko along with all there other magic friends to stop Kameko from covering the world in darkness


    ◦Type of Combat: Side View Battle System with built in Limit Break(will be included in later versions) and unqiue skill types like Blacksmithing, Spell book summoning, Teleporting and Magic changing skills for example do one skill and unlock a finisher move or do one skill and unlock other skills that weren't available before or lastly do one skill and have it changed to work different next turn so it works on the user as a Powerup but then next turn it's now a attack skill


    ◦Number of People: 2 in the Demo TBA


    ◦Maturity Level/Warnings: PG15 violence


    ◦Expected Date of Demo/Completion: TBA


    Demo:


    http://www.mediafire.com/file/9q292q8ttoj7em0/Magic+Tale.rar


    Credits:

    Spoiler





    Kadokawa/Enterbrain


    Plugins:
    Himeworks - side view actor enemies


    Resources:


    Bokou - Samurai Shorts


    Sinweaver - Rooftop Battleback


    Pandamaru - Trees


    Falcon AT - Realistic Skin Tone Gradients for Generator


    Cover Art Characters Pack - Katana


    Portraits, Mapping, Effects and Logo - Terrorchan


    Logo in thread - Yuuta


    Character Design:


    NarikoStudios(Me)


    Story:


    NarikoStudios(Me)


    Minori - Reboot idea for Story, Art and Kameko


    Testing and Design:


    Titan - Playtesting and Game Design


    All Rights of the Characters and Story of Magic Tale belong to me NarikoStudios (c) Please don't take or use any of my characters anywhere thankyou



    Afterword:


    This is my First game I've made a previous demo on RPG Maker VX Ace and worked on Game Maker before but this is the first I've made on MV and posted


    Inspired by Fairy Tail and Sword Art Online


    Also thanks to everyone that helped me with requests


    I made this as I've always wanted to make games and work in Game Development since well ages my first game I played and really loved was Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and still a big Sonic fan and so I've always wanted to make a game and that's why I've made this as it's my own original project and i'm aiming to reach my dream with this game
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2017
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  2. NarikoStudios

    NarikoStudios Lover of Catgirls Veteran

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    Could I have some feedback if anyone's played the demo or if they like the screenshots

    I've seen that theres been a lot of views but nobody has commented

    Thanks
     
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  3. Adventurer_inc.

    Adventurer_inc. Technically a Programmer Veteran

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    Presentation Review:

    The reason might be because of the wall of text and grammar in your presentation post. The long chain of screen shots are not helping either.

    "A great story and awesome game-play is meaningless if no one to picks up the game."

    I suggest:

    - Grammar fixes. (Copy/Paste it in Microsoft Word will fix some of them.)

    - Spoiler tag the character bios. (They take up space when there are many characters and creates an unintentional wall of text.)

    - Lower your screenshots number. (Less is more. The less screen shots you have the more each one is worth.)

    - 1k+ MB download... (Wow, just wow)

    With that said, I will give the demo a try on my free time. I will edit this post with the review:

    Game-play Review:

    Demo Playtime: 30 minutes? 

    Pros:

    + I didn't crash, which means you played through it at least once, hopefully.

    + The story was interesting.

    Cons:

    - Grammar and spelling mistakes everywhere. I'd list them but they are in every single text box in the game.

    - Combat Balance needs a lot of work. I had to micro my Z key when I got to Fairy Dragon and went to grab a something to eat. Something that does literally 0.5% of your health per hit should not have an hp over 50,000 when your damage is in the 100s. 

    - Song changes very quickly and unnecessarily. The amount of songs contributed to the massive file size.

    - I am not a writer, so I can't really comment on the story flow, but the story needs a bit of work.

    It looks like you did spent a good amount of time on it. Looking forward to where the game is headed.

    - Adventurer_inc
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 13, 2016
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  4. NarikoStudios

    NarikoStudios Lover of Catgirls Veteran

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    The spoiler tags didn't work for the screenshots or the character bios
    It only worked for text
    I'll get rid of half the screenshots and I didn't know about the grammer fixes so Thankyou for telling me

    I didn't know how to post a demo as this is my first game and I saw other MV games in the forum using Google Drive so that's what I used aswell as another post said that I should post it using what others have

    Also is this better?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 12, 2016
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  5. NarikoStudios

    NarikoStudios Lover of Catgirls Veteran

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    I only just saw your review as I took a couple weeks off after finishing the demo
    I'm glad that it didn't seem too long as I wanted to atleast show the beginning of the game to get a idea for the story and the world of Felia a little


    like showing a brief difference of the modern area of Japan and then the separate magic world
    I've played it through myself more than once as I play test it everytime I do something and then I play the whole thing start to finish to see if it all works


    I'm also glad you enjoyed the story the beginning has been changed but the overall story is the same


    About the cons


    I'll check my grammer when I rebuild the game as I've now having to start again unfortunately when I bought MV of the website my steam game was still there so I copied everything to a standalone copy so I didn't have to use steam anymore but then the game itself is now gone apart from the resources but i'll check the grammer for this time but thanks for letting me know


    I'm adding a lot to the combat later on so i'll look into that and I wasn't sure how to make a boss so I just did my best to see if it worked and I don't know how to use formula's for skills so they all do the same damage
    I tried to get music at all times so that it's never quiet and then trying to get the music to fit the moment but i'll also look into that and try and balance it out more


    The story's beginning has changed and Nariko(Azuki) is now kind of different in personality though she's the same person she's a bit more sassy and has her own strengths even without her full power and i'm thinking of ways to improve it as I write the story but then have trouble making it in game so i'm working on how I could write something that works but can also be made


    Thanks for your review i'm glad there were some pros and i'll look into the cons

    I did actually spend a lot of time so glad that's noticeable in the demo


    Also BUMP If possible i'd like some more opinions to see how this was so I know what to improve on when I rebuild it thanks
     
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 20, 2016
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  6. NarikoStudios

    NarikoStudios Lover of Catgirls Veteran

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    Edited the whole post to follow a guide I found
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2016
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  7. Alkorri

    Alkorri Proofreading Penguin Veteran

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    Hi, DragonSoftware! I'm honoured you updated your post before of my guide. Here are my thoughts:

    1. I don't usually look at anyone's list of Characters but this is one of the first posts where I actually bothered to see the characters. Kudos to you!
    2. Try to eliminate all the unnecessary spaces between sentences, so that your game thread looks more organised with less empty space in between. Make sense?
    3. Good choice of screenshots! All of them are relevant and easy to see.
    4. I know you are already aware of this, but try to find someone to correct some of the grammar, especially of your synopsis/summary which is one of the most important parts of your game thread :)  Let me know if you need me to polish it a bit. I don't mind helping with someone's synopsis.
    5. Here are a few lines I think you should bold to make them stand out a bit:
    • 9 Elemental scrolls who will get them all before the world is destroyed by darkness
    • Demo, and the link
    • In fact, I recommend that you Bold anything that is a Subject Title eg Synopsis, Bio, Afterword, all of it

    And there you go. Hope this gets you more visitors! :)  
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 30, 2016
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  8. NarikoStudios

    NarikoStudios Lover of Catgirls Veteran

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    Thanks the screenshots are the same that I posted from the start xD though I shortened them after that but I didn't touch them from the guide but I followed the rest of it and glad you like it


    Glad you liked the Bios tried to make them as interesting as possible thought they'd be a unique group of people and being interesting that a normal guy would go into a world of Magic to fight there guardians for the scrolls as he only has a sword and there masters of Magic and there own elements


    I made the words bold and got rid of the spaces hopefully it looks better
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2016
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  9. bgillisp

    bgillisp Global Moderators Global Mod

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    Couple early thoughts here:


    -Definitely cut down on the size of the demo. 1,000 MB? What did you do, put in every music file you own into the game? I'd cut that one down big time, as those on limited internet cannot even download and check out your game (and there are many people on these forums that this is true). Probably one of the factors slowing down feedback for your demo actually.


    -For the front page, have you considered using the spoiler tag? That would make it more readable. Just a thought.


    Anyways, downloading the demo now, as my internet can handle it, and I can do that while I work on my game. Hope to play it this week if all goes well *crosses fingers*
     
    #9
  10. NarikoStudios

    NarikoStudios Lover of Catgirls Veteran

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    I'm currently rebuilding the demo as I lost the original file and so far it looks and plays much better than the original and have improved from the first based on feedback so I'll try and make this one smaller


    The thing was that I exported the file and it put everything in it but then when I deleted all the rtp the demo no longer started so I kept it there the demo wouldn't work without the rtp so is there any ideas for this for next time so I don't make it too big again 


    Thanks for the feedback and giving me a idea why I haven't got many replies as I was getting really anxious nobody liked it and was wondering why nobody would tell me anything thanks


    Glad that it isn't because it's just bad and it's the file space xD


    Makes me feel much better


    Btw the new demo is different than the first so the screenshots are wrong and need updating apart from the 2 at the top everything else is outdated and nobody shows up in it apart from Yuito, Nariko, Kameko and Megumi but the same is with the original


    Making a mechanics demo afterwards though which will try to feature everyone to show the game play and there unique actions each having there own original story not in the full game to show them off 
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2016
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  11. NarikoStudios

    NarikoStudios Lover of Catgirls Veteran

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    BUMP


    New Update information is available
     
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  12.  Nova

     Nova Veteran Veteran

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    Where's your punctation? There's literally not one message box in the game that ends with a period.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 15, 2016
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  13. NarikoStudios

    NarikoStudios Lover of Catgirls Veteran

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    Thanks I'll keep that in mind but any feedback on the game itself? 


    Also you don't usually talk and say full stop at the end of your sentences so I thought it would be wierd for them to talk like that in game


    I need this scroll full stop


    It says wierd as the message box is meant for talking and you don't say full stop at the end of sentences I'll keep it in mind though
     
    #13
  14. lemongreen

    lemongreen Veteran Veteran

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    Yeah, in spoken language it'd be weird to hear somebody say "period" or "full stop" after everything they say, but with written language (which is what your game characters are actually using) rules are usually a bit different.


    Now, I'll admit that I'm okay with lenient use of grammar rules (since language is actually pretty malleable)  except that I'm pretty sure most languages these days use some form of punctuation to end a sentence, which might be why it's pretty confusing. For people used to having a period at the end of a statement it can make something that doesn't feel extremely rushed, unfinished, or that the text is all one big run-on. It can also give the weird effect of making it seem like none of the characters ever need to breathe (because periods are used in written language to show a natural pause - along with commas, semi-colons, dashes, question marks, and exclamation marks. Basically, the whole reason punctuation exists is to show breathing and basic intonation in writing; it's evolved... a lot since its first use, but that's really what it's for)


    Sorry about writing all that; I'm actually a writer when I'm not trying my hand at game dev stuff, so I've kind of internalized all of that information over the years. I promise my review will come now:

    Okay, the lack of periods is a bit of a problem. Thankfully, I can kind of make out what's going on, but it's still pretty confusing. I expected the lack of periods to mean that at least individual sentences would get their own text box, but instead it really does just come off looking like a bunch of run-ons and that the characters never take a moment just to breathe (Especially since they never seem to stop talking; I'm pretty sure you could cut down on this dialogue)


    The story is at least... interesting from what I can make of it. I mean, I don't really feel like I have too good of a grasp because as mentioned before there are a lot of grammar errors and the lack of punctuation makes it hard to decipher sometimes.


    [​IMG]


    Here's an example of what I mean straight from the game. Azuki just asked this girl her name and because of the lack of periods (and occasionally other helpful punctuation) I honestly can't figure out if what she says here is actually her name or is a weird verbal tic for her character (that and since she was only asked for her name there really isn't much context behind the rest) Not to mention that since there isn't really any separation it seriously looks like she's saying the rest of this in one breath.


    Compare to something like "I'm Akane. I was planing to go myself once I found the entrance. You love him, don't you? Then you should go - take care, though." 


    With that, the pacing is really slow. Sure, there's the fight at the beginning against Kameko, but after that it feels like a bit of a slog because the player has to sit through an exposition speech of information they just got in the opening, and then more exposition at Azuki's school (which, by the way, where do her classmates on that map disappear to? That seems like a pretty bad graphical error and it makes it look like she's actually talking to an empty room for the whole scene) It doesn't help that a lot of these scenes have no player input whatsoever and when the characters do move it's pretty much at a snail's pace.


    Oh, and to add to that the characters also tend to repeat stuff. I already mentioned that Raku pretty much repeats all the information that was learned in the opening scenes (making them pointless if he's just going to repeat it all later) but there's also a good example after Azuki challenges him to a fight (which comes pretty much out of nowhere, but okay...) where after the fight most of the text boxes pretty much just state the same information over again (Seriously this text could've probably been reduced down to two text boxes that said, "Thanks for the fight! Now you know how strong I am." and "Yeah, same here." because that's the basic gist I got from all of it)


    I'm also with what was said earlier about the music changing way too much; there are points where the music switches before it can even fully get the emotion of the scene across, which really ruins the impact of some parts. Unless there's an important reason for the music to change (like a switch in mood or a change in the setting) there's no reason to switch the music. In fact, it feels like the game just doesn't want to be quiet, when really that can actually help add impact to moments (characters don't have to say things all the time and music doesn't have to play every second)


    I finally just turned the sound off on reaching the magic library (actually muting it through the volume mixer on my computer, not turning it down through the options) and stopped playing on reaching the Fairy Dragon (as mentioned before, this has serious balancing issues)


    One other thing I'd like to note is the fact that the player really gets very little control through out the game; scenes where it'd be interesting for the player to move around in (like going to the "forest temple" or moving Azuki around to school and the gate to the magic world) are done completely autonomously, and the parts that aren't are extremely linear and for the most part very short (I think the library is the only fairly long section, and it suffers from random battles with slimes almost every step; it'd be nice if there was more variation, but only slimes...)


    Sorry if it seems like I'm being overly critical; on the plus side it means there's a lot of room for improvement (after all, the story is interesting, even if it is currently hard to follow and even though the balancing is off and, at least personally, it isn't very fun to play there's clearly thought put into it)

    Also semi-unrelated, have you thought to try this to possibly get the file size down? (just a thought for the next build; you could also try shrinking the PNG files, but I'm not sure how much that would help. Or there's also ways of reducing the individual size of the music files, but that gets really complex)
     
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 15, 2016
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  15. NarikoStudios

    NarikoStudios Lover of Catgirls Veteran

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    Thanks for your review the next version is out soon and it's nearly completely changed but the intro is alot longer and has more depth to understand and give the player the feel of Allium which was Felia and the beginning is half story half gameplay as like it begins off like getting a feel for the world through Yuito(Raku) and Nariko(Azuki) saying how the world has got to how it is and then has some foreshadowing and hints from later on in Nariko's house then there's a couple more cutscenes as it's the beginning of the next chapter and then chapter 2 is a boss battle with 3 phases and gameplay with Yuito having to reach Nariko who's fighting


    And then in between phase 2 and 3 you have to find the boss as they escaped to power up and you have to reach it so you can finish it off in the final phase 


    And then there is gameplay from then on with cutscenes spaced out more as you can explore the first town they reach and there's a event in the inn


    So I've mostly fixed everything from v.1 in v.2 and also the music isn't on all the time apart from the intro once chapter 2 starts it's quite quiet and just has SE's playing I'll go back and fix the pronunciation though so that's also done for v.2 but the player has to sit through a longer intro but the thing is that the intro has more of a meaning to the game than v.1 as it helps get a feel for the world and how things have ended up how they are and explaining important things for later on 


    So I've mostly fixed everything you said in v.2 


    I'll change the repeating though if there is any and the last thing was that Nariko (Azuki)'s classmates left the room as the bell rang but the SE didn't seem to play and Akane was outside the door as you could see her once she left the room so it's like Nariko deciding to go with Yuito or not and Akane heard her from outside so Tryed to help 


    The scenes are just as long as the scenes in v.1 but they have more meaning and importance and the balance of the first boss is now fixed and works better 


    So hopefully you'll enjoy the next demo more sorry it wasn't enjoyable I think maybe I spent too much time setting up the story and not as much with the gameplay whereas in v.2 I've focused on both and put them equally into the demo


    I'm considering having a choice at the beginning if you want to play the prologue or start from the current time 
     
    #15
  16. NarikoStudios

    NarikoStudios Lover of Catgirls Veteran

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    Added a new game update for the next demo V.2
     
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  17. Bakuda

    Bakuda The Music Man Veteran

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    I've been checking this out from time to time, thought I'd download the demo and see what it's all about =)


    I'll let you know what I think after i give it a playthrough.
     
    #17
  18. NarikoStudios

    NarikoStudios Lover of Catgirls Veteran

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    Thanks, awesome Sonic avatar I've seen you around and looked at your thread now and again


    Mostly because I thought your music would be like Sonic
     
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  19. Bakuda

    Bakuda The Music Man Veteran

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    Thanks!  A good friend of mine drew this.  I always liked it.  Well...Not all of my music is like Sonic, but I do hope you enjoyed it anyway =D
     
    #19
  20. NarikoStudios

    NarikoStudios Lover of Catgirls Veteran

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    Yeah your music's pretty good gives me a Starfox vibe like space shooters them scrolling ones you know


    Was like a arcade feel 


    Do let me know what you think of the demo? But like I've said before I have fixed everything in the next version it's just not finished yet


    The reason I keep saying this is because People keep telling me what's not working and I reply back and say it's fixed in the next version
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 19, 2016
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