Soulrender

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This post is not for any type of advertisement, but in general, all people who played my demo complained about English I've written a game synopsis and dialogues, today I've found a very useful tool that would help me to correct text - Grammarly - I decided to give it a shot and I corrected my synopsis with it, so my question would be pointed for people who natively speaks English, is this now correct?
Spellzone is a classic RPG game where the player by controlling a team of heroes explores Tulneau island. The preserved balance between talk, battles, and exploration provides the player with comfortable game-play and while the game uses a standard turn battle system, battles will require some tactical approach to fight enemies. A rich database of useful items (not equipment) which can be looted will help you survive in this unpleasant environment.

Tulneau Island is a land where people travel to sign up to various guilds to be rich and famous. One of them was Acretia, a very skilled and cold-hearted sorceress who wished to attain greatness beyond human comprehension, one day, leader of a guild where Acretia was signed, Tehrin allied with other top-rated guild leaders sent her to complete one of the most difficult missions which so far no one completed... Many years passed since that day, and Acretia never returned to the guild's HQ. Years after that accident high-rated sorceress, Arvena noticed a very violent mana flow disturbance, almost every magician on the island is losing their powers and lives, except the main protagonist, Tallanar.

Tallanar was called to Tehrin's office to discuss that matter and ask him to investigate this issue and help save people from death. Tallanar agrees to take this job, but in return, he asks to release his friend, Telthos, from prison. Soon after, both heroes travel through the land of Tulneau searching for the person responsible for causing such mayhem on the island.

I've talked with several people who would correct my text (paid, not on this forum), but since that day passed over three months and no one even started to do their job...

The point of this topic is if you tell the text in a spoiler now is without grammar errors I use it (premium version) to correct text, without asking people for help. Thank you for your time.
 

NaosoX

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There are still errors. Incomplete and run-on sentences.
First sentence: Spellzone is a classic RPG game where the player by controlling a team of heroes explores Tulneau island.

May have different direction depending on what you are trying to convey.
Example1:
[Add information]
Spellzone is a classic RPG game where the player (DOES SOMETHING) by controlling a team of heroes exploring Tulneau island.

Example2:
[Re-structure]
Spellzone is a classic RPG game where the player controls a team of heroes to explore Tulneau island.

Example3:
[Add comma]
Spellzone is a classic RPG game where the player, by controlling a team of heroes, explores Tulneau island.

Hope you can get it the way you like it soon! :cutesmile:
 
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rpgLord69

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Well, if you're willing to pay for it (like you mentioned) then if you do some googling I think you'll quickly find some big sites where people offer affordable English proof-reading services (among other things). And they won't take 3 months to begin or even complete the work.
 

Soulrender

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Yeah, some people said that first game ever made it doesn't need to be something spectacular, but in my case I've already invested some money (MV license, plugins, tilesets), so it would be a shame If I wouldn't complete it now, especially when game is in very advanced state of development. So in other words, it's better to avoid such tools, like this Grammarly?
 

rpgLord69

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I actually don't even know what Grammarly is, but if after using it, you still have to check every sentence with a human being, then I'm not sure what the point is (in your case)? Particularly since you said you'd be willing to pay for the job. I don't know if I can write web sites here, but I can PM you a big website where people offer these kind of services (among other things) and give a fixed schedule.
 

Soulrender

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Well the point is, if the people failed me, then I thought I would give a shot a software, you know, some money would be saved and text will be corrected, but, yeah, you can PM me @rpgLord69

Edit:\\

Actually, I found someone very talented proofreader who would want to help me, kiyasu (I dare you to check out her projects as well!!) I didn't want to ask her because she looks like a very busy woman, and her projects look like a big deal while my project is.... Piece of Crap.... so that's why I started this thread instead but turns out she would actually want to help me. please go check her out if you need her help. She seems to be an incredible woman! I recommend people hire her for English stuff... she's really worth the time and very talented.
 
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eomereolsson

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I will concede that professional proofreading by an actual person would be the best way to go. However if that is not possible for some reason, I would recommend trying https://www.deepl.com/en/translator
While playing D&D our DM would use this to translate flavor texts from an English adventure to German and we were always amazed how good these machine translations were.
 

JohnDoeNews

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If your English isn't great, which isn't strange if you're not from an English speaking country/region, then it might be a good idea to have an actual English/American person check your grammar.

I love how technology makes things easier, but even google translate makes written text all weird and confusing when it tries to translate without the help of actual humans.

It is nothing to be ashamed of. But people are right that the typo's and grammar needs to be checked before you release the game. Otherwise, the grammar alone might make your game look like a kids project. (Not saying you look like a kid, but kids make the same mistakes as people who are unfamiliar with the grammar)

I am not English speaking myself, and I am pretty sure this reply has some weird grammar errors too. :p
 

pawsplay

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There are still errors. Incomplete and run-on sentences.
First sentence: Spellzone is a classic RPG game where the player by controlling a team of heroes explores Tulneau island.

May have different direction depending on what you are trying to convey.
Example1:
[Add information]
Spellzone is a classic RPG game where the player (DOES SOMETHING) by controlling a team of heroes exploring Tulneau island.

Example2:
[Re-structure]
Spellzone is a classic RPG game where the player controls a team of heroes to explore Tulneau island.

Example3:
[Add comma]
Spellzone is a classic RPG game where the player, by controlling a team of heroes, explores Tulneau island.

Hope you can get it the way you like it soon! :cutesmile:

This isn't actually an error. However, it's not a sentence a modern native speaker of English is likely to write. Human translators and editors are important.
 

ATT_Turan

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Spellzone is a classic RPG game where the player by controlling a team of heroes explores Tulneau island.
This is incorrect. You would need to insert commas: "the player, by controlling a team of heroes, explores..." but then it still doesn't feel like what someone would say in a game description (controlling a team of heroes is implied by the JRPG genre).
The preserved balance between talk, battles, and exploration provides the player with comfortable game-play and while the game uses a standard turn battle system, battles will require some tactical approach to fight enemies.
This is understandable, but not good. You wouldn't say "The preserved balance," and you wouldn't say "comfortable gameplay". Something more along the lines of what you want to say would be "The combination of conversations, battles and exploration provides balanced gameplay"

You also wouldn't say "some approach" - you'd say something like "battles will require a tactical approach" or "battles will require some tactical thinking," depending on how strongly you're emphasizing the tactical aspect.

So I'm not going to continue through the entire description, but safe to say it does not meet your goal of professional-looking English.
 

Soulrender

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I will concede that professional proofreading by an actual person would be the best way to go. However if that is not possible for some reason, I would recommend trying https://www.deepl.com/en/translator
While playing D&D our DM would use this to translate flavor texts from an English adventure to German and we were always amazed how good these machine translations were.
I already have it installed, some things in my game's synopsis are the output results of this tool, but thank you anyway.
 

ThreeSixNine

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I wouldn't mind giving this a once over after work today.
 

riceyo84

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Where can I download this game of your?
 

Arctica

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I'm late to the party, but:
"Spellzone is a classic RPG where the player controls a team of heroes that explores the island of Tulneau. The preserved balance between dialogue, battles and exploration provides the player with comfortable gameplay and while the game uses a standard turn based battle system, the battles will require some tactical approach to fight enemies. It contains a rich database of useful items (not equipement) that can be looted and will help you survive in this unpleasant environment.

Tulneau Island is a land where people travel to sign up for various guilds in hopes of becoming rich and famous. One of which was Acretia, a very skilled and cold-hearted sorceress who wished to attain greatness beyond human comprehension,"
I made some changes. I'm a native speaker but suffering a bit from L1 attrition.
 

Soulrender

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Yes, but she's a very busy woman so I asked her to NOT prioritize my case since some unexpected huge expenses - very huge - came out recently. Also time-zones are making communication very unpleasant.
 
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