Plot and Character Feedback

[fathippie]

@Teacher Beak

That's some fantastic story telling! And it sounds like a great treat for your students. I would've been thrilled had a teacher made a video game for us when I was still in school.

I'm imagining you're wanting some feedback. Since you posted it here.

Couple of recommendations:

Use a World name the students will get. Like, "Imagi Nation"...I doubt they'll get the FFX reference.

Make the Land of Imagination a place the "Heroes" don't want to leave until they discover that it's also in the Imagination that Nightmares are formed. The Lord of Imagination has an Evil Twin Brother; The Lord of Nightmares!!! Or maybe they're one in the same! A fun little twist for the end. 

You could also have each student draw a monster which you could then scan and use as the battlers! 

Anyways, great idea! Your students are going to love it. 

 

[Beak]

Thanks for the feedback! 

All year the kids have been governing and working on their own fake world that they actually named Bevelle themselves. Half of the excitement of the game is the very fact that it's based in "their" Bevelle. (Although I do love your "Imagi Nation" name!)

I didn't consider the children's motivation to leave Bevelle, so thanks for bringing that to my attention! I'll just change that. Also, that actually WAS my plan to have the Lord of Imagination be in charge of "bad" imaginary things as well. Also he gradually drains away imagination, and turns the children into "the most boring, dull and pathetic creatures ever.... ADULTS!"

FINALLY: great idea about getting the kids to draw monsters, but I'm intending on having this finished by Thursday, so no time!! If I ever do this again I might do that though!

Again, thank you very much!

 

[fathippie]

@Beak

Hey, no problem.

I didn't realize the students would know about FFX. They weren't even alive when the game came out! You must be a really great teacher! Haha.

I think the idea that Lord Imagination is actually taking their imaginations away from them is a great twist. I just thought that the game was portraying that imaginations are bad but didn't know you were going with Lord Imagination being some crusty old adult who is stealing imagination because he doesn't have any of his own. I like that much more than Mr. Nightmare. Keeps it simple. And as you say, the game is due on Thursday!!!

You better get cracking! Good luck with the project.  

 

[Bropocalypse]

Poof

 

[StrawberrySmiles]

I want to make a light-hearted RPG - especially since I keep coming up abilities.

Basically I want the protagonist to be a female Cherub or a Wisp that came to the world to complete some form of mission in order to become a full-fledged Angel or a Star.

So she lives among the "mortals" of the world until that mission is complete.

It's simple for now, but it's all I have.

 

[fathippie]

@Strawberrii, I'd start with that mission. If you can come up with that you'll be a whole lot further along!

 

[blueperiod]

I've been kicking around an idea about an episodic game that revolves around a female detective, kind of like gender-swapped Sherlock Holmes. Every episode would be something like Crowquill & The Vanishing Dragon or Crowquill & The Red Ghost or something like that. Like every episode would be a separate mystery, which an over-arching "myth arc" to tie them all together.


The main character, Crowquill, would be like a razor-witted former professor who is now a detective, and she'd be like super-brilliant but also completely selfish and super-mean to people. It'd be fun, I think. Would make for some interesting character development.


What do you guys think?

 

[monkeynohito]

I had an idea for a game involving time travel elements like Time Hollow, No One Has to Die or 999, but thought it might be clever to tie that to a boardgame mechanic like Mario Party. Would that be too frustrating? Even on a single playthrough, it would make sense that a person would have to run the board a few times trying to hit key spots. But it makes a nice metaphor.

 

[Kondibon]

I've been kicking around an idea about an episodic game that revolves around a female detective, kind of like gender-swapped Sherlock Holmes. Every episode would be something like Crowquill & The Vanishing Dragon or Crowquill & The Red Ghost or something like that. Like every episode would be a separate mystery, which an over-arching "myth arc" to tie them all together.


The main character, Crowquill, would be like a razor-witted former professor who is now a detective, and she'd be like super-brilliant but also completely selfish and super-mean to people. It'd be fun, I think. Would make for some interesting character development. Also, more mystery games are always welcome to me.


What do you guys think?

This sounds like a great idea. Just try not to make the main character TOO mean, lest she end up being unlikable even post character development. Though if she's based of Sherlock Holmes I can see where this is going and can imagine her being pretty amusing.

I had an idea for a game involving time travel elements like Time Hollow, No One Has to Die or 999, but thought it might be clever to tie that to a boardgame mechanic like Mario Party. Would that be too frustrating? Even on a single playthrough, it would make sense that a person would have to run the board a few times trying to hit key spots. But it makes a nice metaphor.

I haven't played any of those but I'm certainly interested in the concept of combining time travel with board game mechanics. Do you think you could elaborate?

 

[Misuto]

This is a plot idea for my first game, as well as some other ideas I'd put into it. Please give me some feedback!

Things happen whether or not you want them to. Friends and family members die, pets go missing and wind up dead. But what if you could cheat death, while you’re dying yourself? In the near future, a large city named Divinae has finally become the biggest city on the planet, and all around there has been news spouting of the cities greatest accomplishments. In Divinae, once a child is born, a device called the Cheater is engraved into a small section of their forearm. The Cheater gives everyone a chance to live one more time, given you can surpass the monstrous challenges ahead, and surpass death itself. 

 

When the Player Character, Jade, dies from a tumor on her lungs, her conscience has been sent into a different world, giving her the chance to find the Mask. However, she will face death constantly, and doing one thing wrong has the ability to kill her permanently. When arriving in this new world, she is given one hint, and that is that the Mask is hidden somewhere in a cave. However, on Jade’s way there, she will encounter many strange people, some of which will try to help her, and others that will try to kill her before she can wear the Mask.

 

That was the basic plot, and as for characters, I have the three main characters set up, just not the looks of them. There are some twists that go along with two of the characters, as well. 

 

Gender: Female

Name: Jade Withers

Age: 22

Personality/Bio: Jade is simply a young woman who is trying to grant herself a second chance of life after dying from a tumor on her lungs. She is a brave, cunning, and typically a nice woman to come by overall. She has a strong determination in finding the mask, and she is also the character you will play as throughout the game. 

__

Gender: Male

Name: Gilbert

Age: Unknown, however he looks to be in his twenties

Personality/Bio: Gilbert is a mysterious person, and he rarely gives away too much information about himself. He is the type of person that doesn't like to upset others, and he will try very hard to be liked by almost everyone. He is kind, sweet, and also very sensitive around the subject of death. When Jade meets him, he tries his best to show her that he is a trustworthy person. He wants to tag along with her, and wouldn't want her to feel uncomfortable around him. Spoilers: Gilbert never truly died. In fact, he was never a real person. The world where Jade’s conscience was sent to is highly infected by her frame of mind, as well as her imagination. Everything she encounters had something to do with her previous memories, including Gilbert. Gilbert was created by her own thoughts and wishes to be around someone kind, who will be helpful to her. This, however, isn't known until the near end of the game. 

(For those who might be confused about this last part, the entire world is not a figment of her imagination, it's just that Gilbert is and some of the monsters are taken from her fears.)

__

Gender: Male

Name: Ares

Age: Unknown, looks to be in his late twenties.

Personality/Bio: When Jade and Gilbert first meet Ares in the VILLAGE, he comes off as a nice, welcoming type of person. However, Gilbert has his suspicions about the man. He tells Jade that he didn’t like the look of Ares, because he seemed too fake. Later on in the game, Ares is angered by Gilbert’s suspicion towards him, and while they are alone, and Jade is off trying to solve a puzzle, Ares takes a knife to Gilbert. However, Jade walks in at the right moment, giving her the advantage. Battle with Ares ensues. After the battle, Ares explains to the Player Character, that he resembles Death, and was sent to kill them. 


I'm still working out details about Ares, and about the battle sequence there will be. 

The game will only have one large battle, and that is when fighting Ares. All other parts in the game are puzzles, and running away from monsters when you have to. Instead of battles, there will be times in the game where you must find a certain clue or item to do away with the enemy. 

 

[cabfe]

I'm still defining the characters for my game and I was wondering :

Having a very mean NPC, someone you'll come to hate easily, but is not an enemy (can even be on your side), is that a good idea or just annoying to the player ?

Having strong willed characters is good, but that may be too much.

 

[monkeynohito]

K, Kondi, let's say the real meat of the game is a visual novel, characters stand around and talk to each other a lot. During conversation sequences, I'm thinking choices could still pop up, but it's mostly for flavor or maybe give you some bonuses in the time travel. To send the story in totally new directions, you have to go back and follow actual branching paths in the board game section that represents you traveling through time and exploring its various possibilities. I thought of it as a way to lampshade the process of going back to see alternate paths in games like that. Time travel in games also tend to leave you with a cutscene at best and you don't get to actually do anything.

 

[Kondibon]

This is a plot idea for my first game, as well as some other ideas I'd put into it. Please give me some feedback!

-snip-

That sounds pretty cool and there's lots of potential for twists. I like twists. Since you say there isn't going to be much fighting, and the whole afterlife motif, is it going to be a horror game? I feel like having an actual battle might break the tone a bit if it's only going to happen once. Unless of course it's a puzzle battle, which could work fine. o wo

I'm still defining the characters for my game and I was wondering :

Having a very mean NPC, someone you'll come to hate easily, but is not an enemy (can even be on your side), is that a good idea or just annoying to the player ?

Having strong willed characters is good, but that may be too much.

I'm in the same boat. Like you have a character who's mean but isn't an enemy. So far the best I've come up with is simply to have her be conscious of and acknowledge the way she's acting and recognize when she needs to just swallow her pride. Nothing grinds my gears more than when a bully character takes old petty arguments seriously in an obviously life threatening situation. "ain't nobody got no time fo dat"

K, Kondi, let's say the real meat of the game is a visual novel, characters stand around and talk to each other a lot. During conversation sequences, I'm thinking choices could still pop up, but it's mostly for flavor or maybe give you some bonuses in the time travel. To send the story in totally new directions, you have to go back and follow actual branching paths in the board game section that represents you traveling through time and exploring its various possibilities. I thought of it as a way to lampshade the process of going back to see alternate paths in games like that. Time travel in games also tend to leave you with a cutscene at best and you don't get to actually do anything.

This sounds amazing! I think it would be cool to have it start at or near the end with the main character wanting to change whatever happened and maybe requiring knowledge from multiple paths to fix (if they can fix it at all). If you've ever seen (Or played in the later case I guess) Madoka Magicka or Stein's Gate then

Spoiler

something like what Homura and Okabe went through. Reliving the same events over and over to save someone or something, would be cool

.
It might be interesting to work the whole board game thing into the story by having it be some sort of actual board game ala Jumanji.

I'm getting ahead of myself though. It's your idea. XD

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While I'm here I might as well post my own ideas for the project I'm working on.

The Setting:

The world is an alternate earth called Tellus, in the year 1784 P.D. (Post Decent) , where Humans and other sapient species, such as the winged Lemurians, and feline Gaudians, live. A substance called the "Aether" permeates the world allowing those with the knowledge, skill, and a source of energy, to perform feats of magic. Thanks to the advances in aetheric technologies, the fields of robotics, artificial intelligence, and neural interfacing have taken leaps and bounds; Neural interfacing is common enough that almost everyone uses a neural computer. For obvious security and safety reasons many of these neural computers and interfaces require a physical connection.

The story takes place on Noel Island, a famous tourist and vacation spot nestled in a fjord. Known for it's beautiful canals, cozy hot springs, and the Library Tower, an ancient monolith jutting out of the mountains.

Things aren't quite right however. There have been terrorist attacks throughout the city, though no one knows who is committing them or why. There are rumors of machines acting on their own, and people disappearing only to show up later... acting strangely at best, and violently at worst. Dubbed the "Marionette" virus by those on the net, for the way it controls machines, cases are cropping up out of nowhere at an alarming rate despite the requirement of a direct connection for neural interfacing.

The Story:

Spoiler

Beginning right after Jo's Crash. He awakens in a hospital, his memory still spotty. There's word that some of the patients have gone missing, and people are becoming uneasy. It soon becomes apparent that whatever is taking them is looking for Jo. He's pulled into a twisted alternate version of the hospital, a world known to some as Pandemonium, and stalked by a strange monster that seemingly wants to steal his body. But then, he's given a choice. A voice tells him that he can be saved, but only if he becomes a host for the voice instead... . And thus the story begins.

The story is going to be divided into Arcs, which are further divided into Chapters. The first arc will mostly be getting the party together, and some monster-of-the-week styled chapters, to allow the player to become familiar with the setting, the later arcs will begin expanding the story and revealing what's really going on. I'm hoping to keep a relatively light hearted Tone, despite the very dark things going on in the story, and light horror elements I want to include.

Some other ideas I have are for multiple endings that are based off more than a binary scale. Instead they'll be based off a combination of Jo's personality at the end of the game (via a dual axis personality chart), which characters like him, and the results of specific choices in the story (deciding to let someone live or not for example).

And finally

The Party Characters:

Spoiler

Full Name: Joseph Angelov

Nicknames: Fairy Boy, Jo

Species: Human

Nationality: Unknown

Gender: Male

Age: 20

Height: 5'2''

Hair Color: Platinum Blonde 

Hair Texture: Wavey

Eye Color: Salmon

Skin Tone: Olive

Occupation: Student

Residence: A house in the suburban district/Angelov Hostel

Personality Traits: Naive, Friendly, Coquettish, Colorful, Spoiled

Background: Jo Angelov has woken up as the sole survivor of a terrorist induced train crash without any memories of who he is. However thanks to the support of his friends and family he's readjusting. He lives in the suburban district with his parents and sister, who own a well known family hotel/cafe known as the Angelov Hostel.

Starting Weapon: Training Baton

Usable Weapons: Batons, Swords, Bows, 

Specific Mechanics: Adaptation. Jo's abilities allow him to react to various situations, gaining extra effects from fields, and having skills that react to states he has.

Full Name: Victoria Kaugummi

Nicknames: Tori, ElvenCyborgPirate.

Species: Half Elf

Nationality:  Columbian, North-East African.

Gender: Female

Age: 32

Height: 5'5''

Hair Color: Black with blonde streaks

Hair Texture: Straight

Eye Color: Green

Skin Tone: Mid Brown

Occupation: Hiking Guide

Residence: A townhouse in the city.

Personality Traits: Adventurous, Lively, Thoughtful, Closed Off, Mature

Background: One of Jo's closest friends. Outgoing and adventurous she takes life by the reins and isn't afraid to try new things or explore new places. This tends to get the two of them in a lot of trouble. Despite this, she can be very mature when she needs to and often surprises people when she suddenly acts her age. Because of an accident she was in several years ago both of her legs, one of her eyes, and her right arm are prosthetic, though she doesn't let that slow her down at all.

Starting Weapon: Sabre

Usable Weapons: Swords, Knuckles, Batons, Hammers

Specific Mechanics: Stealing. Not just items though, she's even able to steal things without a physical form, such as skills, buffs or even a creature's very essence, thanks to her powers.

Full Name: Milla Minn

Nicknames: Millie, 

Species: Android

Nationality: Colombian (?)

Gender: Identifies Female

Age: 9 and a half

Height: 5'8''

Hair Color: Lime Rind

Hair Texture: Frizzy

Eye Color: Lime

Skin Tone: Pasty

Occupation: Unknown, Begins working part time at the Angelov Hostel.

Residence: None, Stays at the Angelov Hostel

Personality Traits: Bubbly, Childish, Friendly, Distractible

Background: A Synthetic Human of questionable origin with the body of a young woman. She identifies as both female and human, something many Synths wouldn't even consider. She's childish and easily excitable, but has an oddly clinical way of speaking despite her personality and body language. She has a single mission, Get to the library tower basement, but has no idea what to do after that.

Starting Weapon: Compound Bow

Usable Weapons: Bows, Hammers, Batons, Knuckles

Specific Mechanics: Form shifting. Being more-or-less an android, milla has finer control over her body that most people, allowing her to focus her energy into, defense or offense.

Full Name: [redacted]

Nicknames: Flora, Flo

Species: Human 

Nationality: Unknown

Gender: Female

Age: 20

Height: 5'2''

Hair Color: Platinum Blonde

Hair Texture: Wavey

Eye Color: Salmon

Skin Tone: Olive

Occupation: None

Residence: None, stays at the Angelov Hostel with Milla

Personality Traits: Blunt, sees things in black or white, Productive

Background: A young woman with a striking resemblance to Jo. She claims to be a knight from the Solunar Temple, and is the one who explains the situation to the party. Pragmatic, to the point, and secretive, she naturally clashes with Tori.

Starting Weapon: Pistol

Usable Weapons: Pistol, Baton, Hammer, Knuckles

Specific Mechanics: Summons and Tags. Flora is a talented conjurer able to call on spirits and fairies to help the party in their battles, using special throwing knives as anchors and he powers as an energy source.The knives serve a dual purpose, also allowing her to tag enemies for various effects.

Full Name: Danielle Angelov

Nicknames: Dan

Species: Human

Nationality: Mediterranean, northern european, columbian.

Gender: Female

Age: 27

Height: 5'4''

Hair Color: Brown

Hair Texture: Frizzy

Eye Color: Brown

Skin Tone: Light Olive

Occupation: Programmer/hacker

Residence: Angelov Hotel

Personality Traits: Soft-spoken, Snarky, No-nonsense

Background: Jo's sister. Sickly and bedridden since she was young she spent much of her life studying magic and robotics as a hobby. She's a passionate programmer and spends a lot of time on the net and knows a lot of what's going on around the city despite how rarely she's allowed out. While she's relatively polite, albeit sarcastic, in person, she's developed a very domineering web persona.

Starting Weapon: --

Usable Weapons: --

Specific Mechanics: Hacking. Like Tori's ability Danielle's goes above and beyond what the name implies. Through a combination of her existing ingenuity and her newfound powers she's able to hack the very fabric of space/time. While she can't join the party physically, thanks to her powers she's able to communicate with, and support them, even when they enter Pandemonium. Through her manipulation of space/time she can modify things such as number of turns, undo damage, and other effects.

I was about to add the profiles for some of the side characters but I realize this is probably enough. ;;

 

[monkeynohito]

Lol, Kondi, it's a bit hard to follow with all the info. Ummm...I take it this is sci fi horror with similar to the SCP stuff? I like the idea of a character's name being redacted but you'd have to keep in mind the other characters would know and prolly treat the name like any other, so that might take away from the mystique a bit, "Hey, [Redacted], feel like having burgers or hot dogs tonight?"

I was actually thinking it'd be nice to have the different possibilities open up after a 'full' playthrough like that. It all deals with a multi-dimensional universe where you can travel to other worlds that have some points of similarity to your own, but no paradoxical similarities like the same people existing (though why not in a couple instances? *shrug*) Traveling to alternate dimensions that are just different possibilities is just something you naturally do with the choices you make. At any rate, there's all these craay superpowered characters all over the place and I thought it would be cool if the hypernormal character with no powers or anything is the only one who can actually travel to these different possibilities, basically time-travel and be subject to quantum immortality. I don't want heavy science going on, but I would like it to make sense. Then again, I envision a goofy enough world, time travel and everything might just send everything off the rails.

 

[Kondibon]

Lol, Kondi, it's a bit hard to follow with all the info. Ummm...I take it this is sci fi horror with similar to the SCP stuff? I like the idea of a character's name being redacted but you'd have to keep in mind the other characters would know and prolly treat the name like any other, so that might take away from the mystique a bit, "Hey, [Redacted], feel like having burgers or hot dogs tonight?"

I'm sorry. I guess I did drop an infobomb. I might be better off making a project page soon. I'm aiming for a science-fantasy/dungeonpunk sort of setting, with light horror elements (it's hard to involve mind-stealing, emotion parasites seriously without at least a little horror), but I doubt it's going to be genuinely scary to any hardcore horror fans and it's going to be interspersed within plenty of light-hearted stuff too. I like the contrast, but I probably should have included in the summary that, jo can, infact, get out of pandemonium. The panimonum segments in the game would be "dungeons" so to speak. I've got a bit of a persona 3&4 influence. While I wouldn't really source SCP as an inspiration, there are probably going to be quite a few enemies based off cryptids and folk tales and a few chapters centered around in-universe urban legends.

Anyway, I left out her real name because it's a giant spoiler, it's not really going to be "redacted" ingame, she's just not going to be telling the party, and people who know who she is aren't around to call her out. She doesn't actually tell anyone her real name until **** hits the fan so hard that it would be more detrimental for her to hide it. "Flora" is more like an alias or something.

I was actually thinking it'd be nice to have the different possibilities open up after a 'full' playthrough like that. It all deals with a multi-dimensional universe where you can travel to other worlds that have some points of similarity to your own, but no paradoxical similarities like the same people existing (though why not in a couple instances? *shrug*) Traveling to alternate dimensions that are just different possibilities is just something you naturally do with the choices you make. At any rate, there's all these craay superpowered characters all over the place and I thought it would be cool if the hypernormal character with no powers or anything is the only one who can actually travel to these different possibilities, basically time-travel and be subject to quantum immortality. I don't want heavy science going on, but I would like it to make sense. Then again, I envision a goofy enough world, time travel and everything might just send everything off the rails.

There's a lot of potential there. I really like games with that kind of replay value, especially when it simply isn't possible or is very difficult to do everything in one run. I was gonna suggest, that if the game is meant to be replayed having certain "events" that might happen only after a certain number of playthroughs, like meeting another time traveler, but if the main character is the only one that probably won't happen. It might still be cool to have some things happen slightly different between playthroughs, which seems to be what you were getting at. Maybe the player keeps some of their stuff when they start over and the character comments on it the first time? Either way, it sounds like it'll be cool.

 

[Tsumeshi]

Well, I was thinking of a plot, so here it is -

Spoiler

You're a mercanary. You help people with jobs, but... not very well. You're known in the town you live as being very carefree, goofy

and lazy. So you don't get much job requests (if any), so therefore, you don't have much silver to spend.

One day, you are assigned a mission to help transport food over from the cargo planes.

Sadly, you screw up. While you are transporting the town's beer and food supply, you are messing around, and then you trip over

a tree stump. The crates you are carrying fly into the river, their contents spilling out. As a result, when the townspeople hear of this,

they drive you out of the village. You are taken on a boat to a new land. You must explore this land. Prove your worth.

And eventually become... a hero.

Well, this is my current plan. Does anyone like it? :3

 

[LuckyLeafGames]

I really wish I had the guts to post on this thread because I want my ideas to be shared.  However I'd rather surprise people with my ideas when they see it in the 'Completed Games' board.  I will say this though: I'm doing a game about good luck.  

 

[West Mains]

Story/Gameplay idea:

Colourblind Yoso.

Main characer is Yoso, a budding warrior. He goes to a warrior academy where they train fighters in Transfiguration, the transformation into monsters to use their powers in battle, but Yoso can't do it. About to be expelled, he wonders the grounds. Before him, a red eye appears and offers a deal: Power for a favour. Yoso quickly accepts. 

In the game, because Yoso cant transform to get powers, he is given the ability to Steal them. The ONLY way to gain new abilities in the game is to literally kill another person and harvest their powers for yourself. The only attacks gained by levelling up are those that summon the Eye for aid, such as heals, or damage buffs, or whatever. 

When Yoso accepts this power, he then learns of its cost. The Eye demands that Yoso steal all the powers he can to get strong enough to fight the God-King Arius and steal his powers. Along the way Yoso meets many characters and forms a rag-tag group who all have their own motivations for wanting God-King Arius dead. Should he fail in his quest, the Eye promises to keep Yoso's soul forever.

What do you guys think? Killing for powers. SKILLS FOR KILLS, AGENT! 

 

[PixelLuchi]

@blueperiod: I like the sound of that. Do it. It would be great if it were a 'point and click' game too, where the player finds clues and such. Then throw in a visual-novel style of presentation and it could become rather great. Since you are a damn good writer.

 

[Tsumeshi]

Any opinions on mine?