Plot and Character Feedback

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IndigoAir

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@DeadlyObsession; I don't think your summary has made it sound uninteresting, just a bit scattered maybe.

What effect do the characters' allignments have on them? Can they use certain elements or certain powers (or some other such thing) depending on what daeva they are matched with? And how are these connections determined? Are there other Daevas that exist and just haven't re-awoken, and if so are there people out there alligned with these ones as well?

I think that's all I shall inquire about for now.
 

Dark Phoenix

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Well, way back in the day when I actually did this sort of thing (not like now, when I don't ever seem to do anything), I would create lots of documents like these:

http://crystalsanctuary.rpgsource.net/games/projectx/Characters/px-characters.pdf

http://crystalsanctuary.rpgsource.net/games/project_untitled/game_details/brainstorm.htm

http://crystalsanctuary.rpgsource.net/games/project_untitled/game_details/brainstorm%202.htm

http://crystalsanctuary.rpgsource.net/games/project_untitled/game_details/untitled-info.htm

http://crystalsanctuary.rpgsource.net/games/puntitled/world_info/brainstorm%203.htm

http://crystalsanctuary.rpgsource.net/games/puntitled/world_info/plot_ideas.html

http://crystalsanctuary.rpgsource.net/games/project_untitled/artwork/untitled-countrymap.jpg

(and meh at the bad gimping of uncredited artwork; I tended to do that at the start of writing ideas to give myself a mental picture of sorts to start from)

Most of this is an idea I had 5 or 6 years ago, which I chose to try and forget and not touch since.
 

Sam T. Eagle

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There's something in my game's lore that I'm not too sure will roll well with players. My game's setting takes place long after a huge war, and one of the nations involved was an industrial power that created huge amounts of pollution because it manufactured so many war machines, which created huge "poison swamps" that never went away. But I notice that a lot of people are tired anti-pollution/anti-nuclear messages, and though my game isn't Captain Planet, I'm afraid that showing industrial pollution causing problems in my game's story might make my game seem preachy and cause distractions from the main storyline. Should I even mention pollution in my game, or should I get rid of it?
 

IndigoAir

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@Dark Phoenix: I have tons of documents like that kicking around, too! There is even one game I have where I literally went through and calculated the stats for several of my characters. I didn't make it through all of them because there were 9 available party members in the game, but regardless. I put quite a bit of effort into it. (I would still very much like to make it though, I just do not think it is possible with the current makers... certainly not with my skill level, at least.)

@Phlegethonyarre: Personally, I would say go ahead and use that theme. I haven't played too many games with that message (in fact the only one I can think of that comes close is Sonic...) so I wouldn't have a problem with it, but of course I can't speak for anyone else.

The trick, I think, to avoiding sounding preachy is to not make it obvious that you are referring to something in our own world. It's all about suspension of disbelief. Keep us distracted with YOUR world and YOUR characters, and while we are distracted the message will seep into our minds without us even knowing.

As an example, the game Tales of the Abyss has a very strong message regarding religion. They don't beat us over the head by using a pre-existing religion and blatantly stating their point over and over again, they created their own religion, and a whole world of people who are affected by it's hold over the world, in all sorts of different ways. They don't shy away from the topic in the slightest, they just dress it up extremely well.
 

Dark Phoenix

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Well, since I am playing with the idea of actually doing the game instead of letting it fester on my hard drive for years, I'll post what I have about Feline Of The 9 Elements for feeback.

World maps:

http://crystalsanctu...k/map-upper.jpg

http://crystalsanctu...k/map-lower.jpg

(Yes, before anyone asks, I rather crappily sketched it out in a notepad and never really bothered to go back and clean it up)

Character motivations and minor details:

http://crystalsanctu...s/fot9einfo.rtf

(Some of this is absolutely terrible and it's going to be gone)

Detailed character bios:

http://crystalsanctu.../characters.doc

Loose timeline of events in the game:

http://crystalsanctu...t9etimeline.rtf

Edit: Wow, everyone's speechless! I guess that means it's awesome :D (Yes, I'm being sarcastic)
 
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Lunarea

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@Phlegethonyarre:

If the pollution explains elements of your game's world and it's important to the story, you should include it instead of trying to skirt around it. While players may be tired of a particular idea/concept in general, they usually don't mind when it's integrated into an engaging story. :)

@Dark Phoenix:

That's a lot of stuff to read through ... :blink:

When I find some free time, I'll read through it and let you know what I think. :)
 
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Lenath is the young Prince of the destroyed kingdom of Leistar, he and two low level soldiers are the only survivors of their race, and the warlord who destroyed them has done to this young prince what he has done to many others he wishes to control. Using a magical thread said to come from the Spider who made the world, he sews the boys mouth shut and gifts him with a Soul Stone, the only way to continue living, as now he can no longer eat or drink, is to kill and use the Soul Stone to consume the souls of those killed. Unlike so many before him who were treated this way, Lenath uses the stone, and with every use is pushed further and further into the Warlords control. All Lenath wants is to destroy the Warlord.

By accident he comes across a young Healer, Seraphina, who at first tries to help him, but when she learns who he is she turns him away, believing him a heartless servant of the Warlord. Lenath returns to his two fellow Leistarens and make plans to kidnap the girl and force her to remove the Thread. But running from the Warlord causes Lenath a great amount of pain and he must rely even more upon his two companions and the Healer.

To cut the thread, Seraphina believes they must find the Scissors of the Fates, said to be strong enough to cut even the Spiders thread. However for a time she deliberately leads them in the wrong direction until she is confronted with the truth of the Warlord and the level of his control over the ailing Lenath. When Lenath manages to fight through the control the Warlord has over him, shocking the warlord enough to allow them to escape.

Along the way to the Scissors at last they are joined by many others seeking to take on the Warlord and slowly mass a group that might be able to truly stand up against him. Along the way Seraphina and Lenath begin to slowly fall in love and Lenath learns how to be more than just a tool of the Warlord. When they finally cut the thread and free Lenath from the Warlords control they all go forth to defeat the Warlord once and for all.

------------------------------

Thats all I have thus far on a game I want to start after I finish Storm Twins, but I would appreciate your feedback about it before I start. I want this one to be a lot longer than Storm Twins, which is looking to be no more than 5 hours gameplay at most. I would love to make a story close in length to a final fantasy game, and with a story as engaging. So yes, feedback would be awesome, thank you.
 

Velex

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@Phlegethonyarre:

I think what's most important is that you look at it as a real issue. Don't treat it as a black and white issue of look how evil pollution is, but rather the sociological issue of how cultures and people adapt to living in a post-industrial and polluted world. Just be honest to the characters of your world, not the characters of our world and it'll turn out swimmingly. :)
 

Dark Phoenix

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Okay, sorry about the dead links. You can find the stuff here:

World maps:

http://rpgmaker.net/users/Dark_Phoenix/locker/mapupper.jpg

http://rpgmaker.net/users/Dark_Phoenix/locker/maplower.jpg

(Yes, before anyone asks, I rather crappily sketched it out in a notepad and never really bothered to go back and clean it up)

Character motivations and minor details:

http://rpgmaker.net/users/Dark_Phoenix/locker/fot9einfo.rtf

(Some of this is absolutely terrible and it's going to be gone)

Detailed character bios:

http://rpgmaker.net/users/Dark_Phoenix/locker/characters.doc

Loose timeline of events in the game:

http://rpgmaker.net/users/Dark_Phoenix/locker/fot9etimeline.rtf
 
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The world is ever changing, but one thing remains constant. Death.

People die, it’s tragic, heartbreaking and sometimes senseless, but it’s a fact of life. You’re born, you live and you die.

But what if someone found a way to stop death, to keep living forever.

Well, that would just throw a huge spanner in the works wouldn’t it?

It would put DEATH right out of a job.

Oh, and the world would become a stale and constant place, ruled over by the same people for all eternity and soon the population would grow to ridiculous proportions until at last the world itself would smother, and wither and beg for a death that could never be granted.

And DEATH would be out of a job, which is of course the most important point here.

So DEATH, in between collecting the souls of the dead, seeking out those who refuse to die, hanging on desperately to their last breath, goes out to destroy all of those pesky ‘immortality’ things, The fountain of Youth (now a water feature in his garden); the Philosophers stone (hanging from a rather attractive chain round his lovers throat); Vampires… well, he’s still working on finding the first vampire, but he’ll reap the souls of all the others he comes across.

And Necromancers… Don’t even get him started on Necromancers…

But now there is rumour of a spell known as Eternal Awakening, which is said to not only grant immortality to the caster or whoever it is being cast on, but will also revive the dead, restoring them to full life, and grant them immortality. DEATH is not liking this one bit, especially as he now has to take time from his busy schedule to traipse all across the land in search of the person who created this spell.

Of course, he can’t shirk all his duties and sometimes there’s just that lonely, lost soul that needs his help crossing over.
 

vociferocity

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@dragons_fire: so you play as death, questing to find the person who invented the immortality spell? that sounds like a fun concept! I'd definitely like to see where you go with that
 
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@dragons_fire: so you play as death, questing to find the person who invented the immortality spell? that sounds like a fun concept! I'd definitely like to see where you go with that
Yep, that is essentially the whole plot of the game, of course he won't be questing alone, he's got his lover, ELF (for the moment all my characters are simply named for what they are), a fierce warrior who died in the bloodiest of all civil wars between the elves, and FAIRY who seems dead set on becoming DEATHS apprentice.

And of course you've got the sidequests of Vampire and Necromancer hunting, helping lost souls find their way and making sure last wishes are resolved, becauser the last thing you want is a ghost hanging round because of an unresolved final wish, their always so much hassel to round up.

Glad you though it sounded interesting. I'm mostly doing it for my brother who thought the idea was amusing, its my one chance to get him to play a fantasy themed game, he's promised to give it a go when I'm finished (whenever that may be).
 

RavenTDA

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@Phlegethonyarre

Sounds realistic to me if there's tons of pollution in a futuristic setting. The real world is basically going to end up in that direction to some extent anyways if people don't get a move on about recycling. I think it'll roll fine depending how you present it. Since you're already aware of that pitfall, I don't think you should have any problems with it. Sounds pretty good imo. Although a swamp isn't really the first thing that comes to mind since I feel like air pollution would be the most prominent, but I think you're having landfills in mind...? Idk... another thing to think about is different forms of radiation being placed underground could eventually cause environment problems on the surface. Why not look into differnt forms of pollution now-a-days and ponder about that if you are running into any creative blocks.

@dragons_fire

Sounds like a rather different idea... but what's wrong if Death doesn't have a job? Does it really matter somehow? Would he "die" or cease to exist if there is no use for him? To me since he's got a lover and all why wouldn't he be like pfffff work let me vacation with my gal all day long... ya know? Or maybe he has to reap so many souls before he can go to heaven himself or what-have-you. That's more or less the plot of "Dead like me" which was a good series about grim reapers. Gotta be something to threaten him I think or else you kinda end up with a plot hole or stuff that doesn't really add up.
 

Ruby

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Okay, I'm here to discuss my worlds setting. As in what it's about and what will be featured in it. Let me start by saying that this will be a fantasy harvest moon game.

It is fantasy because of the creatures in it, but only harvest moon because you will be a farmer to increase the country's supply in money and because you will be allowed to get married. Plot: You have to save the Princess of the Sky, she is the one who directs the magic in the island, if you do not save her in time the land will plunder to the ground below and that is a scary thought for the villagers. The king of the land is holding her in a birdcage under his castle. Building friendships and hope will strengthen her as her people unite as one and will allow her to break free. The only thing keeping the island in the sky is her magic (which she place in colorful rainbows) the king is abusing that magic through his sky pirates who are extracting this magic through their rainbow gun extractors, making the island weak.
Kirish is a huge floating landmass that sits high above the clouds. Due to the teleportation circles many more people are finding out about it's existence. However it keeps well enough protected for one to have yet to see it float in the sky. This land is filled with beautiful architecture, giant flowers, floating fish, gentle and fearsome creatures, and Fae (Or Faeries). The land holds pride in their precious color, and their perfectly flowing rainbows. The people that occupy this land have a lot to do, whether they are pirates that sail through the skies, rainbow collectors that collect the colors from spent rainbows and dispose of them, or simply a scholar that knows all there is to know about their land. Kirish holds itself to high standards and the government rarely does a thing unplanned.

Climate: Kirish is generally free from many types of storms, including Sandstorms and Tornadoes/Hurricanes. However, they do have the occasional Blizzard and Rainstorm, but that doesn't happen very often. While they do have rain, it is man-made and generally only to help after a drought or dry season. When it does rain in other places around Laia, a thick cloud of mist and fog settles in to the island. Generally, the floating island is mild in the first two seasons, and cold in the last two. Children enjoy playing in the snow in the winter.

Seasonal Climate: Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter

Spring: The spring season in Kirish is warm and breezy. Only a light sweater is needed for those nice, cool days where you just enjoy the outside and the breeze just wisks your troubles away and leaves you with peace in your mind. However, there are much warmer days when you get towards the start of Summer. And many (Kirish) Natural Disasters are said to happen around this time, such as Volcanic Eruptions. Rain is more frequent in this season than any other.

Summer: The island of Kirish tends to be very dry this season. With the exception of man-made rains, there is no other rain that comes from the sky. Luckily Kirish has many magical properties that protects the lakes and rivers, and ponds from drying up. The days here in Kirish are mainly clear and warm.

Autumn: Very cool temperatures. This season is known as the most beautiful season in the land for it's warm orange and reds that fill the land. The coolness and dryness of the season color the grass from green to orange. The leaves from the trees generally have all of their magical properties drained in this season leaving them to turn colors from purple to brown.

Winter: All of the winter flowers go into full bloom in the beginning of this season. The land is turned white with the many blizzards the lower region tends to have that spreads the snow upwards. People of all ages adore this season for it's romantic atmosphere and fun festivals.

Everyone in Kirish is born with magical powers, and they use them for practically everything. Even the main character (who is not from the land) is granted some forms of magic powers that he will have to increase to become more influential in the village.
 

Leumas

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Lenath is the young Prince of the destroyed kingdom of Leistar...
I like it! I think the magical scissors thing seems a bit childish but I can't help liking the idea. I'm a bit unsure about Seraphina's intentions to lead him away from the scissors at first though, I didn't quite understand you.... Could you clear it up for me? Haha.

Okay, I'm here to discuss my worlds setting...
Ooh I love it, a lot better than a stereotypical harvest moon like game! I love how the weather is a huge part of the game.
 

Wolfie

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My worlds magic comes form Gods blessing (as in multiple God's), their magic are called blessings. Each person of a strong enough faith gains a blessing and the stronger their faith gets the stronger their blessings get as well as how many they have. Each God's blessings tend to deal with their dominions, what they are the God of, E.X God of life gives healing blessings mostly.

The story starts with a maiden of Evgor (one of the Gods) was sent to a newly found island where none of the Major faiths have reached yet, as such all want to sway the locals to join their faith.

During that time she not been doing her mission and Bryan, a young man in the faith is sent to the island to

A. find out why she has not been doing what she was told to

B. if for any reason she cant or wont he must either convince her to, or do it him self.

During the trip how ever things go wrong and ancient statures and stores show Evgor, as well as other God's, but they are not what they had been taught of their God's.

During the adventure events and tragedy’s will warp the party’s faith, and thoughts of what is right and wrong in till the very end when they must decide what they believe in.

As some may lose or gain faith they get stronger, should they at anytime lose their faith they will lose their blessings, a very powerful thing to lose, how ever some will become more powerful if certain things are done with them.

They lose faith by either seeing or hearing of events, you picked the people to go with you on the adventures, and you can also choice to lie to them when they asked what happen, how ever if they find out they will lose even more faith, or gain even more faith depending on when they find out and how.

In order to beat many of the monsters later in game you WILL need faith, but there are also monsters that require you to have none. (there are members who start with none)

You can also convert party members to another faith, Bascily their God decides their class to some extent.

And their faith in said God act's as their “level” (how the level is going to work I have not 100% decide, I'm thinking of events only, but may add fights to, unsure.
 

Samven

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Your focus on how the Faith system works makes this sound more like a gameplay mechanic than an actual plot.

Okay, sure, the Maiden is on missionary work but I'm not seeing a reason why she isn't doing her job: and thus not much of a reason why Bryan has to be sent there. Now, if word got out that she was actively doing something to go against her religion's teachings; like preaching that the gods she was supposedly sent by are actually false, then that would work.

I think you've also got to think about how these statues are going to figure more into the story. Is the plot going to be a MacGuffin hunt - wherein you get a vision from one statue that shows something from somewhere, so you go to the place you saw to learn the truth? Because that would work and fit in with the theme of what you're trying to do. After all, some people may not want to go on a dangerous pilgrimage to some place they saw in a crazy vision and want out: leading to the player needed to convince them.

This idea has potential for some nice theological challenges but it sounds like it needs more of a driving force to it.
 

Luminous Warrior

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My story is set in the fantasy world of Ardi'an (You get to name the continent but for now it's called Ardi'an). In this world, there are two major religious factions, each stemming from the same myth. "Long ago, the world was in chaos, and ruled over by a being only known as, the Ancient One. He had power over all the land, and gave a portion of this power to each of his eight generals. But, one day, his generals betrayed him, and stole the rest of his power. Using this power they brought peace to the land, and, after they were done, hid the power in eight artifacts, and scattered the across the land." The two sides interpret this myth differently, the Noriads revere the Eight Generals as heroes, while the Kaotins see them as villains who destroyed the natural order and usurped the true ruler. The heroes at the start of the game each receive a vision of the Eight Generals fighting a faceless evil, who is wielding the eight artifacts. One by one, the Generals fall, and as they fall, they grant their powers and blessing to the heroes. The main hero (whom the player can name, but for simplicity will be called Tank) decides to go and see Kana, a priest who has the power to interpret dreams and visions. When Tank and his childhood friend, Oros, who also had a this vision, reach Kana, she reveals that she too had the exact same vision. She interprets these visions as being insight into the future and the Eight Generals granting them their blessings to go out, and search for the Eight Artifacts before a branch of the Kaotins called the Kaos Cult, uses them to revive the Ancient One, who they believe is the faceless evil in their visions. Each of them is blessed by one of the Eight Generals, Oros is blessed by Rai, General of Thunder and Friendship, Kana is blessed by Kyra, General of Ice and Wisdom, and Tank is blessed by Pyra, General of Fire and Justice. On their quest they meet others who received this vision and were blessed by the Eight Generals. The perky wanderer Tina, blessed by Zara, General of Water and Magic. The mute warrior Drake, blessed by Tara, General of Earth and Strength. The mysterious and guilt-ridden entertainer Mark, blessed by Ari, General of Wind and Music. The elven princess with split-personality disorder Alice, blessed by Sol, General of Light and Peace. And the exiled thief Rita, blessed by Luna, General of Darkness and Vengeance. Together, they battle against the Kaos Cult and gather the eight artifacts.

BIG TIME PLOT SPOILER ALERT. THIS IS THE ENDING.

But, after they gather all of the artifacts, the Kaos Cult steals them and the leader uses them, not to revive the Ancient One, but to become an immortal monster. It turns out, that the myth was altered to make it sound more like a heroic tale. In reality, the Eight Generals were really the Ancient Ones daughters and the world was in no more chaos then as it is now. They convinced the Ancient One to use his power to help the mortals. But, the mortals became greedy and tried to steal the Ancient One's power. To stop them, the Ancient One gave his power to his daughters to hide, in the form of the eight artifacts. The leader of the Kaos Cult is the descent of the man who tried to steal the Ancient One's power. After what the Ancient One did, his ancestor sealed the Ancient One away, and made it to were the only way to open it was with the artifacts. After the heros defeat the leader of the Kaos Cult, they give the artifacts back to the Ancient Ones daughters, who used them to free their father. He then reveals the truth to the Noriads and the Kaotins, and leaves for his castle with his daughters.
If you think this is a good plot tell me, and tell me of any ways you think it could be better. Also, I plan on having it to were monsters don't drop gold, but they do drop items that can be sold for gold. If this sounds like a good idea, tell me, if not, tell me why not.
 

RyanA

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Well, I like the plot twist and the ending, but I think the rest might be a little bit cliche. Having characters 'blessed by legendary heroes' is rather overused, not saying it is bad, but there are much more creative story plots. For example, your heroes somehow wind up in some kind of adventure, stumbling across one of the artifacts, when they pick it up they get a vision of what happened to the previous holder and where the next one is.

Maybe, while on an adventure, the party finds some kind of ancient fountain, they drink from it and find it was the ancient heroes urine and receive their powers through it...I don't know @_@

Anyway, like the idea of monsters dropping items, I always found it strange finding gold on a bat. Although for humanoid badies, make sure they drop gold or whatever currency their race uses.
 
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:ph34r: Here is mine and please bare with me that i am not 100% sure about going with this story so it might be changed in the future.

Story

It is year ( number here ) and the US Goverment has lost there trade routes with other countrys with no other option they where thinking about forcing the other countrys to trade with them by means of war until another goverment made a deal with them that they could not refuse in return they get there trade routes back but little did anyone know there real plans where to win the war at all cost using there hidden bio weapon ( not sure how to explain the story without spoiling it )

Gameplay

Overkill system - each character in the party gets a LP SP and a Rage and Soul Gauge, unity gauge

LP ( Life Points ) - Once this hits 0 the character is knocked out

SP ( Spirital Points ) - Once this hits 0 the character can't use magic

Rage Gauge - When this is filled up to a degree the character can use a skill the rage gauge is filled by being attacked

Soul Gauge - When this is filled up the character can use special magic ( Still a idea in progress )

Unity Gauge - When all party members have full rage and soul gauge they can trigger the Unity Gauge and completely own the enemy with massive damage !

Secret Gauge - When you get to a part of the story there will be a Secret gauge ( I can't tell you what it is because its a spoiler )

Fighting style - the battles will be like that of star ocean or secret of mana

how skills and magic is learned - you do not learn skills and magic automaticly instead you need combat experince to learn any skills or magic and until you do all

characters SP will be 0 till magic is learned

Fatigue - when a character gets 100% Fatigue the character is unable to do any actions ( The rate this increase is still in the air )

* It can go past 100% but at a risk ) *
 
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