Plot and Character Feedback

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Sky Usanin

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@Lt. Ulquiorra: I've already heard part of this story somewhere else.. but yet, you've managed to create some unique aspects. I like it, but since you came up with that idea 10 minutes before you posted it, I guess there's still a lot to be created/modified. It's nice, so far!

Well, hello, everyone. A friend and I are developing a game series called "Bounty Hunters" (BH), in which the first episode is called "BH Mei". I'm going to give a bit of the plot as I describe the protagonist, Mei Kimura. (Click the Spoiler below, since the text is too long and I don't want it to cover this entire page).

Mei Kimura
Gender: Female
Age: Unknown
--Description--
Mei is the main protagonist of the series. She is a Bounty Hunter that lives in the region of Ninsio, where she does most of the requested jobs, if the payment is worth it.
Mei has the appearance and the voice of a little girl, but her age is unknown by everyone. She is often called a little girl and underestimated because of that, which is why she hates being called a little girl.
Mei is one of the members of a "society" of Bounty Hunters, in which each member is in a different location around the world, to avoid conflicts. She has managed to befriend all the members of this "society", although one of them is annoying for her.
Mei lives alone, since her parents possibly passed away when she was 2 and her older brother left her alone when she was 8. She really liked her brother, and still hopes to find him someday.

Loves:
  • Rainy nights. Every night is rainy in Ninsio, so she is always seen walking around the street at night with her little umbrella.
  • Tea.
  • Her older brother.
Likes

  • Getting paid.
  • Challenging fights.
Dislikes

  • Not getting paid (of course)
  • Failing
  • Her Rival Bounty Hunter
Hates:

  • Being called a little girl. "I am not a little girl. My appearance and voice are not my age.
  • Thieves. "They are the disgrace for us, Bounty Hunters."
  • Storm. "Rainy nights are really beautiful, but the storm ruins everything with its intensity and noise."
And this was our dear protagonist. I might come up with other characters or parts of the story so you guys can get to know more about it, but let me know what you think!
 

Lt. Ulquiorra

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@Skyninja

Thanks! I'm still trying to think of the list of te remaining clans, why the war began, why the supernatural beings allied with the humans, and how he will regain his memories. There is also the issue with the characters. I haven't really written any profile for any of them. I still have to make a list of abilities and technologies that will be used there. There are also things that are too many to mention.

---

Anyway, I kind of liked yours. It is pretty interesting to me. How will the bounty hunting system work? Are the heads to be hunted classified in different rankings? How does one become hunted? We're they all criminals? I am also interested in her mysterious rival (well, the rival is mysterious right now :D ). I want to know more! ^_^

Btw, do they hunt people at all? Or we're the hunted supernatural beings?
 

Sky Usanin

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@Lt. Ulquiorra: Bounty Hunting System? No, no. I forgot to explain the game's mechanics, it's going to be a sideview platformer (yes, it will require a lot of Eventing if I want to avoid Scripts). Your missions will work as sidequests, until a Thief (Thieves are all main antagonists in this game) deceives you by requesting a fake mission. This is where the actual game story begins, since you'll fight really hard enemies, which, at a certain point of the game, will also include her rival. Her rival is actually just an annoying anti-heroic character that will work as three things: comic relief, a character that always gets on the way to interrupt your hunt and even help (once).

Most of the Bounty Hunters are technically not criminals, since they've never actually done a job requested from a villain. Bounty Hunters do hunt people, a lot of them. In Mei's case, she will have to deal with a lot, A LOT of androids built by the game's main antagonist (not a Thief, but possibly someone helping them).
 

Lt. Ulquiorra

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Cool... I never knew platformers are possible in RPGMAker
 

pirateheart

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This is a revised version of a story I posted a while ago. It was on hold for a while but now that RPG Maker MV is coming out, I've decided to start working on it again.

Hellbound

The Dione Platform is a massive spacefaring research station. It is owned by Epsilon Technology Corporation. The Dione Platform conducts research into a wide variety of disciplines and applications including weapons, engineering, chemistry, robotics, genetics and many others. The scientists have been making progress in personnel teleportation technology. It works much in the same way that hyperjump drives for spacerafts work, taking a person into an adjacent dimension (hyperspace) who would then exit back into real space at a different teleportation device.

Multiple successful teleportation experiments have been conducted, with people being teleported between Dione Platform and its military escort ship, the SBS Endeavour. The last experiment did not go as smoothly as the previous attempts. Dr. Gemma Cross, the last subject, took a bit longer to teleport than others, taking two seconds before reappearing, as opposed to the normal near-instantaneous travel time. When she reappeared, she was unconscious and had a high fever. Upon waking up, she screamed for hours about having been transported to a hellish plane while she was in hyperspace. Naturally, everybody dismissed her claims, believing that she was simply sick. She was taken off the project and was allowed to rest and recuperate while scientists studied the effects of teleportation on her. The very next day, she was feeling a whole lot better, her fever had gone and she seemed completely lucid, although she then claimed of having no recollection of what happened while she was in hyperspace.

Over the next few days, however, strange things started to occur. Gemma, who used to be friendly and easygoing, became more irritable and would often instigate fighting among the staff. Reports of vivid nightmares, insomnia, paranoia, anxiety, self-destructive behaviour, depression, increased aggression and hallucinations among the staff came up, especially from those who had spent a large amount of time around Gemma. Gemma herself had noticed a change in her, though she nor the scientists could not explain why. When a scientist went mad and stabbed another one to death, some of the staff suggested that Gemma had somehow caused it, though this was largely dismissed by most.

Strange events just continued from there. People around Gemma would faint spontaneously, losing chunks of their memories after waking up, and in some cases, their memories having been replaced by disturbing fake ones. A series of violent and fatal work-related accidents occured, of which the frequency increased as time went on. Mysterious fires would break out in multiple sections of the station. Lights going out, inexplicable loud noises, reports of objects moving or breaking on their own or even levitating, these unexplained events never let up. The mental states of the staff got worse, to the extent that some of them committed suicide, all the while Gemma seemed to not care much about it at all.

At this point, people have noted the physical change in Gemma. Her face had gradually turned sickly and gaunt while her voice had become hoarse and raspy. This scared some of the staff, who were convinced that when Gemma came back from hyperspace, she had also brought an evil entity with her. Seeing no other choice, this group plotted to kill Gemma. Sneaking into her room at night, the group tried to stab her in her sleep. The entity inside Gemma sensed the danger about to befall it. As the attackers were about to close in for the kill, the entity woke Gemma. The group rushed the frightened scientist who managed to dodge their initial attacks with supernatural precision. When one of the attackers finally connected a hit, digging his knife into Gemma's stomach, she let out a banshee-like wail. This reduced all of her attackers into fine red mist.

By this time, a small group of patrolling security guards have been made aware of the commotion in the room. They entered bedroom only to meet the same fate as the previous group, but not before alerting the rest of the security forces in the station about Gemma. After killing the guards, Gemma released a wave of energy that knocked out the communications equipment within the station. Gemma left her room and went on a rampage across the station. Levitating through its corridors, she melted the flesh off the bones of everyone she came across. After having taken out dozens of people and taking just as many bullets, Gemma was eventually brought down by security. The guards continued to shoot into Gemma as her body lay motionless. When their ammunition ran dry, the guards were sure that Gemma was no more. Suddenly, Gemma's body started convulsing. Fleshy tentacles shot out from her stomach and sliced and speared through the guards. As a last ditch effort to save itself, the weakened entity inside Gemma expended the last of its energy to drag the station in an alternate world, letting in all manner of demonic monsters into the station. This act put the entity in an unconscious, near-death state while it recovered.

When the realities merged, the tremendous amount of energy it released killed or knocked out everybody in the station, as well as wiping out the memories of those who survived. The influence of the alternate world changed the station into a darker, twisted reflection of its original self. Its layout was different, with spaces and distances fluctuating, bending and stretching apparently by itself and for no discernable reason. Its corridors became blanketed with sickly yellow fog and the stench of sulfur hung thickly in the air.

Meanwhile, people aboard the SBS Endeavour were completely perplexed when Dione Platform disappeared. Attempts at communications were totally fruitless and everyone was at a loss at what to do. A couple of days go by and the captain decided to authorize a small group of volunteers (player characters) comprising of elite soldiers, engineers and scientists to teleport into Dione Station with the hopes of solving whatever problem may be on board the station. The volunteers get in the teleporter but not everyone arrived to the station in one piece. Some arrived as a puddle of flesh. Some arrived as demon-possessed creatures. Some arrived as grotesque monsters composed of multiple human bodies. Only four were lucky enough to arrive intact, two soldiers, an engineer and a doctor. But really, their problems had just started.
 

LootHunter

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@pirateheart

Apart from being well... not the most original, the prologue is rather interesting. However I think that the entity is developing too quickly. I mean first it did nothing, but causing people go nuts, but suddenly it can annihilate everyone into red mist and merge dimensions?
 

pirateheart

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The way I was thinking it worked was that it was gathering strength while it was inside Gemma. It needs souls to consume in order to keep it tied into the human dimension and grow powerful. At first, it was weak so it was trying to kill people indirectly at first. However, once it realized that the jig was up, there was no need for stealth anymore so it had to show its true power to even stand a chance at surviving. It wasn't a case of "developing too quickly." It was always relatively powerful, but it was just that it decided not to show the full extent of its power so it can continue to gather souls surreptitiously until it was at full power. If it had its way, the entity wouldn't have merged realities until it was at full strength, which wouldn't have caused it to be in a near-death state that it is in now. 
 

Arcmagik

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Hello!
 
For sometime now I have been working on framework for a story, though I have currently put the gameplay aspects on hold until RPG Maker MV releases, I figured I would post here with the concept. This will be a JRPG and a few additional tags to give you some idea would be Dark Fantasy, Civil War, Rebellion... I am sure there are more.
 
Video Game Inspirations: Suikoden (I-V), Ogre Battle, Dragonforce, Vandal Hearts, Dragon Age Inquisition... I am sure there are more games that central story theme is about war.
Book Inspirations: Game of Thrones, Legend of the Five Rings

Lejendra Saga
 
The Legendra Saga is set in an ancient world that is full of war and conflict. Nations rise from the ashes of fallen kingdoms and empires whose rulers couldn't hold them together. Hidden in the heart of all these conflict are the mysterious Vega Gems which pass through the world and leave destruction in their wake.
 
A labyrinthine political landscape plagues the nation of Auctori; secret alliances, provincial loyalties, and nefarious plots abound. Once held in a fragile peace under the strict rule of House Drugen, the nation would find themselves longing for that iron-held peace when the scions of House Drugen mysteriously vanished. This disappearance lead to the conniving leaders of House Saithe supplanting them.

Now the nation of Auctori is being pushed closer and closer to civil war by the continued machinations of the increasingly autocratic House Saithe. To the south, the Lords of Calegari who have long been enemies of House Saithe, fear such a war because their armies are fewer, their rolling hills and grasslands offer very little in the way of natural defenses, and their southern border lies along a stretch of wilderness infested with bandits and monsters.
 
If Auctori were to fall into a civil war, then it wouldn’t be long at all before the violent, opportunistic vultures to the south move to take advantage of Calegari’s problems. As the tension in the nation of Auctori rises some of the Lords of Calegari have begun to set in motion various political schemes…
 


Vega Gems.: Yes... these are similar to Suikoden Runes. I have the original write up for them from about 12 years ago so I can claim they aren't direct rips in concept!
 
Naming: I am not completely settled on names or concepts... Auctori is a country on the edge of civil war because it is a country originally forged of two nations... The Swordmasters of Calegari I have gone back and forth in concept on... Swordmages, Blademages, Swordmasters, Weaponmasters, Warmasters, Lords... Calegari is ruled by a Council of "Duelists" (Three Musketeers if they ruled the region).
 
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KeroTani

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My game is set at the beginning of a war. The survivors on the run from an invading force hide in a mountains range hoping to avoid death or capture. While there they find a cave that leads to a valley somewhere in the mountain range. Once there they decide to set up a new town. They later send a scout to learn the state of the war, The main character decide to go back as his brother was a mage of their kingdom and all mages are being rounded up. While he is trying to break his brother out of this camp they are caught but let go by the army's princess general as she feels the war is going too far and they have accomplished what they set out to do.

Also the reason for the invasion is because the home kingdom became a republic and the kingdom across the border is concerned this system will spread and he will be removed from power like home kingdom.    

I have some idea of stuff that happens in the middle of some of these events and a few for after but I'm unsure if it is a good story. Also I haven't come up with names for these places yet.
 
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TherainED

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I return. This time with an actual plot. Kinda.

In spoilers, to avoid taking up too much space.

Name: Dungeon Down

Tl;DR story: Twelve explorers find themselves trapped inside an old, abandoned fortress. The objective of the game is to get them out of the fortress by activating the shattered gate in the basement. That is done by finding opal shards inside randomly generated dungeons or defeating the Taint of Beldam.

Actual story: Everyone has heard of what happened to Lonreach. Overrun by monsters since the governor of the town called upon the aid of a sleeper, effectively waking it up and spreading a horrid curse across his lands. That's a stoy that happened long ago, a story that ended with a happy ending since, now, Lonreach is a rising city, saved by a Guild Taskmaster and his loyal companions.

What nobody really remembers is when that happened somewhere else. Beldam, a place that now lies buried under wards and spells to keep wanderers away and horrors inside. But what will happen when the creature that took over those lands awakes again? Nobody can tell. No one knows about Beldam, and those who know are either dead or corrupted by its tyrant.

To make matters worse, some adventurers have gone mission in the areas close to the land's limits, apparently attracted by the creature's curse. Whatever may they do in this dire situation remains to be seen.

 

Lt. Ulquiorra

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A new idea ^_^

----

Four of the five Eternian crystals have been corrupted by darkness: fire, earth, wind, and water. Only void remains. The holder of the void crystal, MC, was tasked to purify the four corrupted crystal while at the same time liberating the towns and cities from darkness. Along the way, she will meet travelers who seek refuge and revenge to the beings that brought the corruption of the crystals, the Neils. However, what they didn't know was that the corruption was caused by the Holy empire of Remedia. This particular empire was not an ordinary empire. They weild the holy relics that was given by the gods when mankind first sought to defeat evil. They have the backing of the great Remedian church who once worshipped the great god Ima'l, but now worships the evil god Renoa.

The great God Ima'l have died on the last holy war, however, He has left something that will help our MC and her companions. Located in a secret monestery that only a handful of people know (they will meet one along the way) were 4 items that each holds a fraction of Ima'l: Ashbringer (the sword that was created from the metal used by the weapons of the Ima'l and the lower gods and the fire created and blessed by him); Frozen scepter (created with purified and blessed water of Ima'l and frozen with his icy breath); Grimoire of Heaven (written here is the chants for the spells of Ima'l that allows absolute control over void, life, and even death, only a natural void user with a strong affinity can read it); Pendant of Wisdom (grants absolute control over earth and light affinity for wind, water and wind, when worn). The monestery was being guarded by a powerful archangel who was tasked to protect it and act only if the

----

I will provid details about the holy relics later ^_^
 

Rule665

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Title: What Remains

Type: Fantasy RPG

Overview

What Remains is a story set in a world ravaged by large aggressive monsters.

To preserve humanity, small communities were formed though out the land, each protected by it's own band of hunters called Wardens.

Wardens are usually adults between the age of 18 to about 40.  Not all eligible candidates become Wardens.  Because of the nature of the world, children are raised by the community, not by an individual set of parents.  This explains why the protagonists (and by extension everyone else) don't have last names.

Protagonists:

Name: Ashur

Age: 23

Gender: Male

Weapon of choice: Axe

Insight: Ashur is an optimist.  He likes to see the good in people, but can be a bit naive at times.  His light hearted and care free nature gives him great confidence despite his lack of raw talent, which can at times balance each other out.

Name: Dianna

Age: 19

Gender: Female

Weapon of choice: Spear

Insight: Dianna is a realist.  She doesn't like to be slowed down by those she deems inferior.  While brash at times, she does care, especially for Ashur.  The relationship they share is not romantic however, but one of mutual respect because of their respective views.

More on the Wardens:

Each community's Wardens have at a minimum a Hunter's Hall, and a Hunter's Barracks.  

The Hunter's Hall is the meeting place of The Council.  This council is formed to oversee the success of both the Wardens and the community it serves.  The Council consists of 3 members:  

The Prime Warden, who is responsible for overall decision making;  

The Tactical Warden, who oversees training, armament, and deployment of the Wardens;

And the Elder Warden, (who doesn't need to be old) which has the ability to veto or force a vote on any decision made by either of the other council members.  In addition, the Elder Warden has the ability make decisions both civil and tactical, with the same risk of being vetoed by either of the other members. The  Prime Warden and Tactical Warden do not have the ability to veto or force vote each other, but can request the Elder Warden to consider it .

The Hunter's Barracks is the temporary living quarters for all recruits.  This is the place where they live, eat, sleep, and train together.  The relationships built here are meant to inspire better trust and ultimately a stronger community.
More on the threat:

Unknown to normal inhabitants of the world, the monsters that the Wardens battle on a day to day basis were once peaceful animals.  A rogue group of humans known as The Scourge, desired power, and obtained it by stealing magic through forceful means.  Because of the amount of power stolen, retained, and passed down through generations, their skin changed color over time.  Aside from gaining elemental abilities, an unexpected consequence of this magical power was the ability to influence animals which was used to drive out and crumble neighboring kingdoms.  Since then, these kingdoms remain abandoned and continue to be heavily guarded by dangerous creatures.
How The Scourge obtained the magic:

The Scourge discovered that a race of intelligent dragons possessing magical powers had been living high in the clouds above them.  Not long after, The Scourge would learn that the dragons occasionally perched on the highest mountain top, so they setup an ambush and forced the dragons to give up their power.  Outnumbered, the captured dragons reluctantly handed over their abilities, which unfortunately was tied to their physical body, and disintegrated soon after. Any remaining or reluctant dragons were either killed or captured. 

More on the the world:

There are 5 major kingdoms in the world.  2 of which are on one continent (where the Wardens preside),but were destroyed by The Scourge, 2 others on a separate continent are now home to The Scourge, and the final one is a floating kingdom of advanced technology and an unknown race that has recently been discovered by The Scourge, fueling a new campaign.
More on the unknown race:

The unknown race is feline/canine in appearance, has high intelligence, and extensive physical abilities.  They do not possess magical powers.  This race had little contact with the dragons during their conflict as well as an avoidance with human affairs, being that they were viewed as ants.  Unknowing of the threat The Scourge impose, this unknown race is quickly taken by surprise during The Scourge's new campaign.
  
 
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redscores

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Hello guys, I post this as an brainstorm topic for one of my projects...

I am really stuck in terms of ideas... as in how to start it, what kind of premise the story should have and such...

So far I wrote up this stuff:

Genre: Cyberpunk/Steampunk/Modern Punk Turnbased RPG

there was a highly technological world combining magic and technology

kinda like cyberpunk/steampunkish but, a long time ago (like 10000 years)

a weird rift split both worlds in two

a rift through reality

seperating the magical aspect from the technological aspect

the weird part is, that rift is passable, as in, if you enter the rift you walk through kind of an "dungeon"

its a enormous, labyrinthian cave.

the idea is, that the aspect of magic and the aspect of technology were seperated (as in the gods)

and my idea to implement the main character is, that he is always dreaming about the magical side of the rift, he himself lives on the technological side

and on the technological side it has long been forgotten how to even enter the rift, people live on without magic
A world that has been seperated by an mysterious rift, splitting open reality itself
Abilities should be learned through secrets, interaction with certain teachers and maybe some other events.
I really like the basic idea... but I have problems bringing it together, it doesn't feel wholesome for some reason.

I would really appreciate if you have an idea or see an missing puzzle piece.
 
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Rule665

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@Redscores  

I think you need to begin by explaining to yourself how this world came to be in order to explain how it fell apart.  Did the magic create the technology or did the technology create the magic?  Is this a land with two ideologies or races that had previously not come together before?  What caused the rift, was it the inability to control something, or nature resisting to radical changes from people who did not fully understand what they were doing?

As far as it feeling not wholesome, it may be that you need something or someone to care about to bring it all together.  Will each world disappear if not brought back together?  Is someone that the main character cares about trapped in the other world?

A world of technology and magic, as a general idea, has many possibilities and i think is worth exploring.

And there's plenty of room for mechanics once you iron out your story.  Who knows, you could come up with an amazing plot point that could change your view on the mechanics entirely. 
 
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redscores

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Yeah.... thats my problem :( I have problems with figuring the whole picture out. I dunno, currently I am just idealess o,o... I thought that magic and technological was born from mankinds hand. As in, a person found a way to harness arcane energies and by that "corrupted" the earth beneath him with arcane energies. 

This knowledge spread, the more people used magic, the more it became a part of them. And this caused the rift, kind of an imbalance in the natural laws, magic could be like a disease here.

And then a accident in combination with arcane corruption (maybe by a wizard) caused a crack in reality (as in, magic bends reality, it can also break it when abused)
 

Rule665

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Are you doing the mapping yourself?  I find that once i start mapping my opening scene or starting area that my ideas begin to flow more naturally.   Realizing my world is much bigger or smaller than I had previously planned.  

What is your main characters motives?  Was he/she once just a bystander, or is he/she the lead mechanic in this relationship between magic and machine?  Maybe he/she actually started out with good intentions of restoring the world back to its magic roots by destroying the technology but in his/her attempt, some highly dense magic destabilized and exploded.

Perhaps the destabilization rid the world of magic and banished it to another realm and created a rift in its wake.  Now the technology in the current world is void of power and people are freaking out.    
 

redscores

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@Rule665

Actually the protagonist doesnt know anything about that the world was once magical, he finds out through weird dreams how to reach the magical world.

Later in the game, I plan to reveal the protagonist as the son of the man who discovered magic.
 
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Jaggedjaw

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Well, I want to make a game, but right now, I have got two ideas stuck in my head that I am attempting to figure out which one I should focus on for now because...I just don't really have the time or skills to focus on two right now. These ideas are:

1. The Rain Never Falls

-set in a fantasy post-apocalypse, the main player is a female water hunter who heard legends of an artifact to the south that can turn dust into water, but is forced to bring along and protect the only person who knows where it is. The game was going to be built entirely within the limitations of the Lite engine for VX ace, and was mainly more of a learning project. Still, I was going to put a lot of effort into character and story,and I would be able to more or less make it on my own.

2. L S D M

-you are a boy in the Town of Hell who, through a misplaced insult, ended up with the Death Touch. From now on, anyone you touch, either on purpose or accident, will instantly die, and anyone who you attempt to tell you have this curse will be forced to take your place, killing you as well. Additionally, you are now a magnet for all sort of creatures who can sense your ability, and desire to kill you in order to inherent it. This game is going to take longer for me to create than the other, and I will definitely need some help making it. On the other hand, I would probably have more fun making it then "The Rain Never Falls", but it would still be next to impossible on my own.

So, I can provide more info on these as people request (like character profiles, enemies, etc.), but for now, I'm just curious as to what other people think.

Until then, please have a nice day, and I hope to hear from you guys soon.
 

Nebuerys

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...I just don't really have the time or skills...a learning project...
Since your sole reason for starting up a project is to learn the basics, then I would suggest that you start with the first, simpler title and do everything yourself. You should know and be familiar if not very skilled in all aspects of game development to be able handle a team.
 

KeroTani

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@Rule665

Actually the protagonist doesnt know anything about that the world was once magical, he finds out through weird dreams how to reach the magical world.

Later in the game, I plan to reveal the protagonist as the son of the man who discovered magic.
Hello guys, I post this as an brainstorm topic for one of my projects...

I am really stuck in terms of ideas... as in how to start it, what kind of premise the story should have and such...

So far I wrote up this stuff:

Genre: Cyberpunk/Steampunk/Modern Punk Turnbased RPG

I really like the basic idea... but I have problems bringing it together, it doesn't feel wholesome for some reason.

I would really appreciate if you have an idea or see an missing puzzle piece.
Someone once said that there is no difference between advanced technology and magic, i'm not sure who. The point is a good way to go may be to have people that are born with magic and others that have magic like skills but use tech for the effects, There could have been an event that pulled the world apart along those lines and now it's coming back together. Just my thoughts. 
 
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