Plot and Character Feedback

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Asclepius

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More about this 'bio weapon' why they want to take over the world, why the other nations stopped trading, ECT.
ah ok i will post once i got this writen down :unsure:
 

Usagi

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I'm not sure on this idea of mine or not, so I've came here for your feedback on both the concept and video. I am actually looking for a team to help me with this idea. I would require a mapper, scripter, spriter, and eventer. If anyone is interested, don't hesitate to inquire and send me a message or reply to this post.

Video:

Please don't mind the graphics, it is just to show you a basic of my overall idea. The sprite is actually in use for another project. The background is just a placeholder for now, yet it shows my idea a little. The spider and mushrooms are just placeholder sprites as well. As for the black space, I would like to expand more of the map, however, the map size in height will be the minimum size of the screen.

Idea:

As a character, you travel on different environment routes, each environment is a different chapter (I'm planning on having the four seasons and four chapters). As for gameplay, when traveling through these routes there will be NPCs with optional quests to boost your character's stats and gold which can be used for potions. weapons and armor. The goal of the game is to obviously complete all four chapters and when this happens and it is optional game over (player can choose to continue playing in which they can complete quests they ignored, etc. or they can finish the game) on the player's screen will be their results in the game which will include quests completed (completed quests/out of however many), level, health and mana points in total, items, weapons and armor, and lastly, the character stats. For this reason, all players can compare their progress and statistics in which they could compete for the best character results and outcomes.

Along the routes will include NPCs with optional quests and enemies to fight which will differ depending on which chapter you're in, for example, jungle environment = large spiders, etc. As for the NPCs and optional quests, I personally don't want players skipping through the game with completing no quests so there will be an overall quest for the player as well as 1 to 3 specific chapter quests.
 

Carillon Nightmares

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I need some feedback on some of my bosses that are still in beta.

The Fire Roc Twins:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3uY-S6B0dg

The Fire Roc Twins are going to be placed near the end of the game, just before the final world, and I'm wondering if it's too hard or not. Because I tried to re-play it again side-view style today and failed miserably at level 60. Do you think the levels need to be higher or should there just be one fire roc?

Queen Magpie:



The second boss of the first land, the forest. This boss is a 1 on 1 sequence with a character Tella (Renamed Celina) the fairy.

Mud Skull:



A quick mini boss battle I made last night. Planning on putting it into the swamp area. I think the fight takes way too long and is way too easy, what do you think about it?
 

ShinGamix

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Had an idea to throw a "kid from modern era" gets thrown back to the era of "ShinSword" and the 13 kingdoms and the RIse of the Zombie Army.

The modern day kid or ppl could be the main characters of the story? Thoughts?
 

prexus

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Thoughts on this? Sorry that it is phrased like an advertisement, it's just how the words came across as I wrote them.



A Sellsword, hired by His Royal Highness King Antilles to aid in extraditing a young Prince from the province, is overwhelmed by a well-organized group of vagabonds. She is declared a traitor and enemy of the state for failing to protect the Prince; A reputation that has followed her in every attempt to evade it. In a move to regain her honour, she discovers that the Prince is long dead due to the King's frugality; yet her efforts to bring this fact to light are quashed by her poor renown. She, who willingly forgot her name to cut all ties to family and obligation, must now forge an honourable name so that her accusations against King Antilles are heard, and to clear the name she never had.

This was an outline for the start of a game story idea I wrote in the bathroom at work.
 
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Velex

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Thoughts on this? Sorry that it is phrased like an advertisement, it's just how the words came across as I wrote them.



A Sellsword, hired by His Royal Highness King Antilles to aid in extraditing a young Prince from the province, is overwhelmed by a well-organized group of vagabonds. She is declared a traitor and enemy of the state for failing to protect the Prince; A reputation that has followed her in every attempt to evade it. In a move to regain her honour, she discovers that the Prince is long dead due to the King's frugality; yet her efforts to bring this fact to light are quashed by her poor renown. She, who willingly forgot her name to cut all ties to family and obligation, must now forge an honourable name so that her accusations against King Antilles are heard, and to clear the name she never had.

This was an outline for the start of a game story idea I wrote in the bathroom at work.
I like it. Just the pitch has been enough to get me interested. It seems like it would be a very compelling story. Also, I greatly appreciate the movie pitch format. Too many plot descriptions are just paragraphs of obscure details.
 

Dunago

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Genre: Classic RPG (think final fantasy)

Inspirations from tons of RPG games and fantasy books

EDIT: okay so I've fleshed out what I want to do and the world itself a lot better. It's very long but feedback is requested!

Hi there :D . I've just started coming up with ideas and forming my story while I collect resources for my game. This is a very rough outline of what I want the world to be like. Just would like some feedback to see if anyone finds this interesting at all.

The world is cold and empty. Devoid of any piece of what it once was, no technology or life left. No cities or trace there ever was one. It’s as if every piece of life on the planet just up and disappeared. The few people left don’t remember what happened. They all only have memories of what the world was and then waking up to what it is now. The world is dangerous. Creatures no one remembers ever existing now roam the new wastes. People do what they can to survive and protect themselves but there are no great weapons against these creatures.

The world has been like this for 30 years. Very little has changed. Technology is scarce. Small pieces of what is now known as “Pre-lapse Tech” have emerged but no progress has been made on what happened. No one knows exactly how many others are out there. Most just started living how they could when they woke up. Forming small settlements and living off what little the land could give. Not many left with the smarts to progress into advanced technology. There are talks of some places that might have slightly more advanced tech. Some talk of electricity even, but most think that’s crazy. People don’t travel out beyond where they live much. Some pre-lapse tech scares off the creatures but people don’t know why. They keep that close. Most settlements have a small piece just in case. The others deal with attacks best as they can. People aren’t as fertile as they once were, it’s like they dried up like the land did. When someone has a child it’s a great thing and the children are protected almost as close as pre-lapse tech. Magic too, it’s become less and less potent over time. Less and less people can use it too. It’s almost faded out of use entirely and those who can use it are hailed as great warriors or healers.

There are a select few, those who found pre-lapse weapons, the most valuable of all pre-lapse techs and those still skilled in the use of magic, who travel the wastes. Looking for answers, or looking for things of value. Some just is looking to map what the world has become. One thing is for sure; whatever happened to the world…it’s not over yet.

Everything here on out is spoiler pretty much but there is MUCH more info in the spoiler box below

Magic is derived from the energy of the planet itself. To use magic you have to be born with the innate ability making people who CAN use it very special. Not to be known until much later but magic was used in large quantities by the governments of the planet before the lapse and this is what caused the planet to degrade to the point of self-cleansing.

All life on the surface of the planet was originally born from the energy of the planet itself, when something dies before old age the energy is released back to the planet. Anything dying naturally has expended the energy and it is gone. When something reproduces the planet still gives a small portion of its energy but much less than the original people who were much more gifted in the ways of magic. The planet gradually generates more energy on its own but the overuse of humans caused the energy to reach a breaking point. People born with the ability to use magic are tied to the planet more than most and able to tap into its energy.

The world was destroyed when the energy of the planet was lowered to such an amount that the planet itself began to die. Plants, animals, and people would simply die out. This was noticed by few at first but once it reached small towns and even hit entire blocks of cities the people began panicking. The government started using magic to try and discover what the cause of these things was but this only sped the process. Eventually the planet in an act of desperation tried to absorb all the possible life it could. This destroyed everything and left only hundreds of human’s left and very little plant and animal life. Most cities ran off the power of magic so they crumbled to dust when the event happened. This great act of so much energy being released and returned at once caused the blackout and memory loss of the remaining humans.

Cities in the world run off the power of magic, not through a constant stream but through the imbuement of magic into the very fabric of the cities and its structures and technology. It powered nearly everything. Electricity was discovered but the generating of energy through this way was deemed inefficient and not enough to create without great labor and was seen as a danger to the environment (ironically). Real technology was seen slightly in certain areas but it was considered contraband as the governments (mostly magic users) saw that this could lead to a possible uprising of the non-magic people one day. Most of the pre-lapse tech that exists in the world today run off of part magic part real tech.

Very few people that knew the truth behind the way society worked before the lapse still exists and those that do find the previous life either irrelevant or shameful at this point. The lessening of magic in the world is a result of the planets reduced energy and the fact that it tried to absorb most of the energy back.

The main character of the story is actually a man comprised almost entirely of magic. In the planets infancy all people were created from the planet entirely. After the planet absorbed all the life it could it went into a hibernation but not before creating another man (and unbeknownst to most a woman) made again entirely of energy to begin life anew.

There is also a way to reach the center of the planet, for it is not hot but made of pure energy and since it created most of the world around it they rotate around it because they are part of it. In the near center there is a way to commune directly with the planet but none have used this in centuries because eventually no one had the connection to the planet to summon the energy to teleport themselves that far.

One of the recurring villains of the story is to be a man who is a genius who studied both magic AND technology and way to use them in tandem. But in the final months before the lapse he figured out on his own what was happening. Rather than tell anyone (for he did not know what was to happen when it reached a critical point) he began creating a way to leave the planet to explore other areas outside what he knew, he believed there to be other planets whose energy he could tap into and start life anew. He lived in a small but established village with his family and planned to take the entire village with him and possibly come back for more later. He did not know that the planet was dying so quickly though and he tried to build a craft too large for he had not enough time. One night when he was testing a special chamber he invented which enveloped the user in a very heavily layered cocoon of magic the lapse happened. When he awoke everything he had worked for and everything he loved was gone. The cocoon protected him from being absorbed and in its destruction actually further increased his magic potential and left him with all his memories while most others lost months. After this he vowed to do what he could to destroy the planet for what it had done.

This man while is the main villain is not the only threat. The monsters of course are as of yet unexplained. Monsters actually existed before the lapse but very deep underground and in small number. They were creatures that existed within the planet before the planet was even formed fully. When the planet wasn’t even a planet but just a mass of pure and massive energy, pieces of things floating through space would gravitate around it one of these things happened to be a rather large mass of land (the size of a small continent. Think Australia) inside of which lived many monsters. From this land the energy created more land around it and eventually formed a planet and life which to live on it. The monsters were suppressed by the planet for the entirety of their existence but with the planet in hibernation there is nothing to stop the monsters from breeding further and roaming the surface world.

I plan in the end to have the Man and Woman created entirely from the planet at the lapse to discover they have the power to create an almost infinite amount of energy and communing with the planet directly is the only way to do this and release the planet from slumber and pretty much save the human race and all life.
Thanks for checking it out :) . Any feedback is welcome and much wanted.
 
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Chaos Avian

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This here is the prelude to a book I thought about writing and I'm deciding to pretty much go with a game version first.

"Children of the Fallen

-Prelude-

A woman named Gabriella desperately wants to have children however, she is unable to do so due to being infertile. Just as she is about to commit suicide, a small strange meteor crashes near her. Upon inspection, a small jewel-like insect leaps onto her stomach and embeds itself unto her. Screaming in pain and panic, Gabriella desperately tries to pull the being off of her however, she felt a sharp pulse and the creature on her stomach is no longer visible, the woman runs off back to her home.

The next day, the woman feels strange pains inside her stomach, when she informs a doctor of this; the doctor concludes that Gabriella is pregnant. Overjoyed, she nurtured and cradled her unborn child for weeks. However, over these weeks, changes started to occur within Gabriella... She began to develop the urge to have more and more children.

As 4 days passed, she bore the child, several months too soon for a child to actually be born. Gabriella was shocked at what came out of her; a pulsating mass of slime-like substance. At that moment, Gabriella's body began grotesque physical changes. Her body was so malformed; it caused a male friend of her to grab an axe out of fear and attempt to murder her. Suddenly, Gabriella grabbed and pinned down the man with her overwhelming new strength and size and forced herself upon him. The man was drained of his reproductive abilities in an instant and upon this, Gabriella devoured the man. She then gave birth to many creatures from that one man, all twisted and monstrous in size, form and shape. Gabriella still was not satisfied and began an assault of all the men, and the deaths of women until she had ‘children’ the size of a large army which then spread across the land harvesting new men and conquering new lands. Gabriella then came to be known to all as "The Grand Mother", spreading her infection throughout the world…

Over the years, The Grand Mother and her ‘Children’ completely wiped out the surface world and its inhabitants which forced the last of mankind to migrate deep underground. It was then the human race began plotting the assassination of The Grand Mother, which unfortunately all resulted in meaningless sacrifices. It was decided that the human race would have to start anew and make due with life underground.

178 years have passed. Due to the evolution of subterranean life, lack of technology and failure to adapt, the human race’s numbers have been cut to the severe hundreds and resources are running thin. What’s more is that The Grand Mother’s infection has affected subterranean life which has malformed and mutated them into what humans call; Fallen.

Due to The Grand Mother being human originally, her infection passes her genetic code on its victim meaning any form of life infected can copulate with humans which increases the amount of Fallen and Children if not fended off the last of humanity… "
 

RyanA

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Wall of text lol (^w^)b
Sounds good so far, a little like o_O and o_O but good stuff! :3 Actually I want to hear what happens to the humans underground :3
 

Chaos Avian

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@RyanA That's when the story starts ^^ The current situation of us humans~
 

ellalowell

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"The Viceroy of Lunetia"

PLOT

Faela je Razbâne is an 18 year old florist residing in the town of Fanenham. Living with her family in a cramped house, Faela seeks freedom and longs for knowledge of the outside world. When her family was forced to relocate to Fanenham two years ago, they had abandoned everything for the costly price of safety.

Just when things seemed to fall to its lowest, they are given a shot at a new beginning: Faela's younger sister, Ammyra, shows an aptitude for magic. But they must send a volunteer to work in Be'Heya, a desolate and ghastly place caught between geographic and civil turmoil, to compensate for this opportunity. Except the officials do not include the last part.

The time comes for the Razbâne's decision. Faela volunteers to go, as this is her last chance for honour and for change. Mislead under the pretense of a secure job and good pay, Faela je Razbâne journeys to Be'Heya. In this struggle between good and evil, Faela becomes stuck in web of deceit, treachery, and power. Will she rise to change the future of this obscure world, or will she become a mere pawn in its destruction?

CHARACTERS (Protagonists)

Faela je Razbâne: 18 years old, former florist. She had remarkable talent in the arts, but when she committed an unspeakable act, her family was persecuted and she had to give up her dreams of becoming a world renowned painter.

Zachéry La-Lune: 17 years old, Be'Heya rebel. He lost his younger brother and mother in a protest against the Nayulia Army. To acquire revenge, he joined the Be'Heya rebels as an archer.

Héléne Prinçipe: 19 years old, pharmacist. One of Faela's first friends in their homeland, Héléne now works in the prestigious kingdom of Celestine. Gifted in the arts of magic and medicine, she agrees to resolve this conquest. Unfortunately, it was not the only thing that she signed up for.

CHARACTERS (Antagonists)

King Cazzia (Cat-tsy-ah): The ruling king of Nayulia currently, he belongs to the ancient Yulia line.

General Benyamin Ret: Leader of the Nayulian Army, he is a vindictive and calculating man. He enjoys war and planting seeds of discord in peaceful nations.

(There are more characters to add, but I still haven't set the whole concept/plot of the game in stone yet xD)

OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS THAT I DO NOT HAVE SUITABLE HEADINGS FOR

Nayulia (Or the Kingdom of Nayulia): Established in 1348, Nayulia is a superpower in the world of Azura. Evolving from a small colony into a powerful kingdom of progressive technology, they terrorize smaller nations and conquer lands in the name of freedom and world peace.

I would appreciate feedback. :)
 
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LightningFlare

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I have a game idea that I would like rated or some feedback on please. This is my first project, so give as much criticism as possible! (I'm new to the forums as well, so if I do anything wrong, please tell me.)

Okay, the idea...

Story

!Spoiler! (Sorry, I don't know how to put in the spoiler button)

Prologue

A man (Erik) and his wife (Evylyn) live happily with their baby boy (need name) on a farm next to a large cornfield.

One day, Evylyn takes child along with her through the cornfield.

Erik sees them, and begins to follow them.

A dark man (need a name for him - he is the main villain) suddenly appears, separating the two.

He kidnaps the Evylyn and child, and attempts to escape.

Erik attempts to attack dark man to save his family.

(First battle of game - dark man does not attack for first two turns. Erik's attacks only deal 1 damage. Dark man uses an attack dealing an insane amount of damage.)

Erik is left to die in the field, as the dark man reveals his true form. He leaves.

Angels from the heavens revive Erik, and inform him of his task - he must kill the dark man, before he covers the world in darkness.

Main Game

Erik sets off on his quest.

He journeys through four dungeons, each based on the four elements (Water, Air, Earth and Fire) meeting three companions on the way.

The End?

Erik finally reaches dark man's castle.

Reaches boss, and the other companions are killed before the battle begins.

Erik is forced to once again fight alone, where he is once again completely smashed.

This time, however, the angels cannot come to his aid.

The world is thrown into darkness.

A New Hope

Eighteen years later, the world has been enslaved by the dark man. Evylyn and her son are still captive in the castle.

They are very weak from years of slavery.

Evylyn is on the verge of death.

Her dying wish is that her son escapes and rids the world of evil.

As she dies, a sudden flash of light from outside the window of their cell catches the young mans attention.

Angels appear once more, along with the spirit of Erik and his companions. Together, they grant him the power to right the wrongs of the world. (He is given equipment & all of their spells and techniques)

The young man breaks out of his cage, making his way to the villain, and the final boss battle follows.

The protagonist kills the villain and restores the world to order.

... And that's it.

As for the playable characters...

(Set out like this: "Name - Class - Right hand - Left hand - Head - Body - Accessory")

Erik - Warrior - Sword - Shield - Helmet - Heavy Armour - ?

Larrissa - Sage - Staff - Rod - Hood - Robe - Ring

Rayner - Ranger - Bow - Arrow - Hat - Cloak - ?

Callum - Thief - Dagger - Dagger - Cap - Light Armour - Boot

? - Holy Knight - Holy Blade - Holy Blade - Holy Helmet - Holy Armour - Holy Light

This is basically all that I have come up with so far.

I do need some ideas for names of bosses

Water dungeon boss is a probably going to be a kraken

The title/description of the Earth dungeon boss is "Mechanical Terror"

Ideas for names for weapons and armour are also required - do I go with the whole "Wooden/Copper/Bronze etc..." or should I do something else?

(Also thanks to my brother for the main idea, and to my sister for some of the names!)

LightningFlare
 
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The JJ

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@ LightningFlare: Your story in my opinion is the type of story I see all the time. With the ideas of: A mans/boys family being kidnapped by a masked man, The man gaining powers (in this case being revived) and travelling through 4 dungeons of each element. Now I'm not saying I don't like cliches, every game has one, it's pretty difficult to have a game without one. But you should change it around to make it more original so your audience won't feel like it's a game they've played before and close it. For example, Maybe instead of his family being kidnapped, they are killed and he wants to get revenge or something like that (I'm pretty bad with ideas to be honest :p ). Also with your 4 dungeons think about it, Why does he have to go through the 4 elemental dungeons? What does he gain from going through there? How does it help him rescue his family? Anyway just suggesting, Hope it makes sense to you. Good luck though :)
 

RyanA

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@Lightning

It's a cliche paradise :3 I'd make things a little more interesting...maybe the mysterious man is actually Erik's son from the future, who used his dark magic to come back, kidnap his mother and his past self (or so it seems) because maybe in his time, his father did something horrible and he wanted to save them from it (of course, this whole ordeal is what made him seem evil) so while you assume your quest is noble, but then you find out the truth!

I'm not sure :3 That was just from the top of my head. I think the story needs to be a bit more interesting, at the least. I'm not saying cliches are bad, or your story is bad, I just think that you need to add your some glittery bits to the cliches you're using in the story.

Personally, I'd do away with the heroes dying at the end and the son taking over. Logically speaking, why would the angels save someone who's weak, lived in a cell their entire life and knows nothing about fighting when they could just ressurect the main characters who have been getting experience since the start of the game?

- :3
 
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LightningFlare

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@The JJ & @RyanA

Hmm... That's some good feedback. I'll try to adjust it, then re-post with some changes. I love the idea of the son (his name is now Cole) coming back to kill them.

Also, to fill in a couple of blanks, Erik's accessory is Gauntlet & Rayner's is Bracer.

I also still don't know how to put in spoiler things, so help with that please!
 

sabao

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Had an idea to throw a "kid from modern era" gets thrown back to the era of "ShinSword" and the 13 kingdoms and the RIse of the Zombie Army.

The modern day kid or ppl could be the main characters of the story? Thoughts?
Very reminiscent of LinoG's Destiny's Call Complete down to combating the armies of the undead, except there it was Dracula for kidnapping all the beautiful women of a nearby town. And that bit of the quest ends in a crazy implied orgy. Imagine American Pie meets Final Fantasy and that was basically it. Or,



! I still get laughs out of this movie.I think it's a pretty interesting concept. It may help better if you play on the fish out of water idea a bit throughout. Sometimes, people working under the same premise forget the little things.
 
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RyanA

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Very reminiscent of LinoG's Destiny's Call Complete down to combating the armies of the undead, except there it was Dracula for kidnapping all the beautiful women of a nearby town. And that bit of the quest ends in a crazy implied orgy. Imagine American Pie meets Final Fantasy and that was basically it. Or,



! I still get laughs out of this movie.I think it's a pretty interesting concept. It may help better if you play on the fish out of water idea a bit throughout. Sometimes, people working under the same premise forget the little things.
I want to watch that film now :D I think I played the game but I never got far because it was too scary for poor lil' me :3 But yes, I know of quite a few stories where modern characters are sent to the past or vice versa, but it's always a fun thing, I think, as you get to see how they adapt to their new surroundings :3
 

The JJ

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Basically I have an idea in my game where some characters will have an Ability which they gain when they kill an animal or creature which is the God of it's species. Example Dog King (Theirs another word which I will call them, Just using this as a basic example), there is only one and if he is killed, you gain the soul and power of a Dog. These animals won't obviously be in the game, but have already been killed before the game's present time and some of the main characters and Villains already have them. This is just a basic overview don't want to go into much detail but I'm stuck on an idea of how I can make a feature which takes advantage of this, such as in battle or in gameplay, Any suggestions?
 

TimmyTheNerd

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A long time ago, about two years, I did a youtube series called Dungeon Crawlers. The series followed the adventures of four heroes in a parody of sorts that blends elements from DnD (With A DM) and Final Fantasy (With the Classes) among other things and was inspired by 8-Bit Theater.

I went back and watched the entire series and began to think of how it may be fun to turn the series into a game. This was my original play with my current main project on RPG Maker VX Ace, but I decided to go for a more serious note.

Now, I still want to make an RPG game that parodies the RPG genre featuring my characters from Dungeon Crawlers, Tim, John, Josh, Sam and Robert. Of course, they wont be what they are, class wise, in the series due to copyright issues. I plan on having the game continue from where the series left off, with Tim, John, Josh and Sam stuck in a robotic shark and the bad guys essentially working on taking over the world.

I'd like to use a side battle system, like the ones used in the SNES FF games, as I feel it would be better for the theme of the game. I'm looking for suggestions on what program to use and what I should call their classes and so on. This is in a very early developmental stage right now, as I'm just working out details and planning the game.

Also, is there anything against using the monsters from the RPG Maker 2003 RTP if I find a decent side battle system? I don't want to get in trouble.



This was the last video I had released.

Here's a link to the whole series:
 
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Alcortiza

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I got these mediocre plots but I don't know which one to pick! Here's a very short summary of the ideas I've came up with.

1. You play as the son of the recently deceased Necromancer looking for a way to prove the world that you're not evil and you being the newest Necromancer will now end the reign of the evil Necromancer bloodline. With your undead friends, you must

now travel the world to gain everyone's trust and save the world from other evil.

2. Due to some unfortunate accident, your little sister will slowly become reincarnated as the Demon Lord. Together with her, you must search the whole world for clues of a cure before it's too late.

3. The U.D. Project has been made. A project for the king of the capital to make the ultimate defense system that involves making a dimensional barrier and anything that touches the outside of the barrier will be transferred to a parallel dimension. A prototype of this machine was tested. However, a malfunction in the machine caused the two parallel dimensions to be closer to each other and beings from the other dimension can directly go into yours. You play as a soldier in an organization that fights these eldritch abominations.

4. In a world where every country is at war, you play as the new king of a small country after your father died. With your desire to end this 50-year war and to make the world a better place, you must now conquer every country in the world and unite them as one.

5. You play as a robot created by a mad scientist bent on conquering the world. However, you're just a failed prototype so the scientist hid you away in the dump. Then, the four legendary heroes came into his castle and defeated the mad scientist. Abandoned by your creator, you must go on an adventure to achieve your true purpose.

I hope they don't feel too familiar with you guys. It happened to me twice now with a game I didn't know until recently called Final Fantasy Tactics and Persona 3. I don't really play games that much but I want to make one.
 
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I been rather busy lately with non RM projects so, it will take some time for me to release something.
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