Plot and Character Feedback

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Niten Ichi Ryu

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hum...


I think you develop too much your lore and now you hit a story writing roadblock.


See, very detailed lore serves well a Pen & Paper game, because you need to open up possibilities to players and GM to expand on it. But for video game, it's a bit tedious to make sure a very detailed lore is treated you feel it should deserves.


See, the problem is that you try to make your game now fit your lore. It's should be the opposite, the lore should be there to serve the game.
 
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Huh. That's new. Can't say I've gotten that kind of comment before. 


Please don't tell me to throw out everything lore wise and just forget about it to get past said roadblock. >.<  This doesn't seem helpful and frankly, it would mean everything I have created so far is worthless.


And no, I'm not going to just say, "The towers are just there because I say so." In my mind, even if it's never said in-game yet, there needs to be a reason. Everything built and created needs a reason, a motive, for it.
 

Niten Ichi Ryu

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Little A, why do you always go to an extreme or another when I give you an advice :) ?


I don't say drop your lore, I say make your story first and work your lore into the game from your story. If you don't know story wise and gameplay wise the purpose of these towers, there lies the problem. So question: Why do you want these towers in your game? What is the purpose of these towers? Who built them? And most important of all what does clearing these towers will bring to your character or to the development of the story.


If you cam answer these questions, you will see the pieces of the puzzle will click.
 
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Sorry, I'm just been kinda frustrated and starting to go stir crazy these past couple of days over something.


To be fair, not like I have very much in terms of lore thought up anyway. Besides for stuff about the Undead (which you already know), it's mostly little things like "Give thanks to the Gods if you should need to catch or hunt your meals, lest it spoil on your plate otherwise as soon as you dig in." 


I'm actually working on a timeline recently, if that helps.


And, uh, you do know you're just repeating the questions I asked, right? I wrote that post because I'd like some sort of suggestions on what to do. I mean, besides the whole tower thing, the only reasons coming to mind for why they're going to different landmasses is either "because my characters can receive further training there and the class tiers serves as character development amongst other things" or "potential to meet future (by that I mean games 2-4, obviously I'm sticking to the main four save for one chapter where there's five characters in the party) party members as cameos".


On the plus side, I know at least four or five of the bosses that are going to be fought at the summits/ends of the respective towers. Four of them are characters that a certain party member recognizes and is very reluctant to fight, and the (potential, haven't decided yet as technically you'd be fighting them twice in the same chapter if I did go with this) fifth is something that another character recognizes and fought by herself and considers it her enemy and quite annoying to fight. 
 
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Niten Ichi Ryu

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Yes I'm kind of returning these question to you because you are in the end the one that can answer them better. But if you need some suggestions, lets see...


So right now, those towers are roughly plot devices, where a climax battle should happen that will help further character development.


Those folks that will be fought at the top of each tower why are they here? To make all coherent even opponents need to know why they are on top.


the simplest option would be the quest for the Holy 7pieces Mc Guffin, pushing your party to travel the world to collect them. And maybe those antagonists are also looking for these Mc Guffin pieces.


so for example: Since the dawn of time runs in the world the legend of the holy partition. Split in 7 pieces, the partition once assembled will give its bearer a melody that once played summon the mighty primordial Dragon, which will realize the wish of its summoner. The 7 pieces wil then disappear for a century until reappearing at the top of each of the 7 mystical towers of fate spread throughout the land. It is said that on top of each tower, the seeker will meet destiny, and that in the legend of the quest for the partition, the journey of the seeker is as important as the goal. Several times in the world history, the quest for the partition was a determining factor in turning the tide of a war. But the partition is neutral, and the primordial dragon is impartial, serving the wish of both the wicked and the wise.


The Truth: In the beginning of times, Adagio the almighty, Greatest Archmage of history raised by magic the towers as training grounds to prepare the Heroes of Harmony in their battle against the void. And when destiny calls, the chosen will start the quest for the partition, gaining that way the strength needed to defeat evil.


in truth again, the partition doesn't really hold any power in itself, but by questing for it, the chosen will gain the strength to realize their wish to save the world.


The legend of the wish is then a reason to have antagonists of all sorts become obstacles in the quest, eventually ending up at the top of each tower (thus forcing their destiny linked party member to manifest destiny).
 
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Is it weird that I smiled as I read this reply? Probably because it reminds me of an anime I watched awhile back that I enjoyed called Suite Pretty Cure, which was a magical girl anime that ALSO had a music theme.


Though I did have to look up the definition of partition to understand what that was, which is apparently another term for music sheet. Which just made me think of the Legendary Score from Suite.


Not that this is a bad thing, since I like that show! ;)  But hey, I'd imagine you were just wanting to give me something, even if it purposely sounds very familiar... ;)  


But it's funny that you brought up collecting 7 Macguffans because... I actually DO have a set of music sheets that add to 7 for Alto, though I was thinking about having them unlock his ultimate skill after getting all of them. 


But on the other hand, I also have these items made that add up to twelve called the Chromatic Keys and pertaining to the Elements (apparently the circular thing in the VX Ace/MV tileset that can be split in half is a key according to Yanfly's Icon Generator) and that'd be good if I went for twelve towers instead of seven as they could be like inserted into a slot to unlock the door or something. But that'd also mean that there are a LOT of towers to climb! Though I guess seven is a lot too. You'll certainly be getting a good workout if you're an adventurer and do that.  


Actually, I do have motivations for some of my bosses, why they're up there. At least four of them are (I don't know why I tried to obscure this earlier) some old friends of Quintus's. Friends who are supposed to be dead, but are instead still around, their corpses being used as puppets by The Void and their souls trapped within, unable to communicate with anyone or pass on to the afterlife. All they can do is watch in horror as their bodies do horrible things that they never would have done in life. Luckily there is a way to set them free and let them rest, but not these fights unfortunately, it comes up later.


 The other possible fifth boss is a giant octopus. It wants to eat Quintus. I say possible because I'm unsure if I want it to be an actual boss that you fight twice or just a miniboss that you fight once.
 

Niten Ichi Ryu

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Not surprised it's very anime indeed, it uses common anime tropes (though the 7 Mcguffins are mostly inspired by the Dragon balls)
 
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If it's any consolation, I am trying to write down my quests in the Quest Editor I have. So that's technically story, though it is out of order. Should probably fix that later.
 

Punamaagi

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@Little Adventurer I somehow found myself musing about some of the things you asked in the previous page, so hope you don't mind me rambling a bit. :)


First, in regards to all elements having deities: what is the purpose of Physical element? Is it actually an element of its own which can be summoned or just a game mechanics meant to represent physical attacks like punches, weapon attacks etc.? If the answer is the latter option, I'd probably go with Physical "element" not having any deity. If you wanted it to stick to the theme of twelve towers, you could have the last one having been built by people, perhaps as a way to reach or surpass the gods (à la Babylonians in the Bible). Alternatively, it could be (or have been) a place of worship for all the deities.


As for Sound, I'm not sure if this idea would work in your game world, but since music seems to play a central role in your story and setting, instead of a deity Sound could be a "presence" which permeates everything. I might have misunderstood the importance of your song music, though: I admittedly only looked at the last two pages of the discussion.


Your idea about twelve pieces Chromatic Keys sounds intriguing, and you could partially avoid the problem of having too many towers by throwing in some variation. For instance, a couple of the places where the Keys are could be temples instead, possibly with underground parts, and so forth.
 
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@Punamaagi *awkward* "Physical" is indeed the latter here. At least so far.


But if I go with twelve, then I could have the whole pantheon represented and honored. There wouldn't need to be a tower dedicated to all of them if they have their own. Though a friend of mine did give me the idea of one of the towers has you explore from the top down because all you can see is the tip because of a volcanic eruption. And another idea was (this is assuming I go with seven, not twelve) having a lost eighth tower that was underwater and dedicated to my Water Goddess. I'd actually considered putting a tower underwater, near a certain city in-game anyway, but not really being that specific about why it was underwater whereas he said maybe it sank due to a natural disaster or something.


As for the Sound thing... well, firstly, that reminds me a lot of the concept of Mana in RPGs already, but also what's funny is that I was actually kinda considering having Sound be like a "balance" type of element that's tied to and/or influencing/influenced by all other elements. I kinda like yours though! 


And I actually have an idea pop into my head about my plot/potential conflict... but I'm not sure if it makes sense. Like, my idea is... uh... maybe because of The Void attempting to rise again (it's plan this time btw is to attempt possession in any way it can of people whom nobody would expect to go bad like, say, using a person's then fresh corpse as a puppet, trapping their noble soul within where all they can do is watch, or say, the head Wizard at the Academy who's a very nice and calm lady), and the other Elements are being lessened in power over time because of it trying to get into the world again? And you have to collect the Chromatic Keys and scale the towers and maybe tie the music sheets I mentioned earlier into this too somehow, in order to prevent The Void from coming back? Or restore the other Elements to their regular strength which will help that?


But that doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, from a gameplay perspective at least, because that would mean that magic would be doing less and less damage. Yeah, I figure that Minuet's basic Fireball spell wouldn't do much damage, but I figured that would be because she's inexperienced, not that her magic is being made useless. 


But also I wonder if this would effect the rest of the series if that's all we have to do to stop it? The Void's plan changes each time it rises again (first time it came back it brought help in the form of it's own little demon minions created from within itself to be pawns, the second time it tried the possession thing on people whom nobody liked initially like bandits, the third time it went similarly only it was trying for people whom nobody would expect and were close to, the fourth time is when it tries to merge it's dimension with Orchestralia, and the fifth time it tries to attack both Orchestralia and the afterlife which doubles as the realm of the Gods as it's getting desperate, and that last one is the finale), though they might obviously change over time, be tweaked so they make more sense enc. But seriously, what's stopping them from just getting the items again, going into the dungeons again, doing the things they did last time and stopping it before it becomes a real problem? Time passes between each game, so you'd think that they'd have gotten stronger both as an individual and as a team, so it's not like the dungeons will be any trouble. 


I really don't mind btw of spoiling everything about the games because firstly I need to get it out somewhere and secondly, because things might change over time and so for all I and you guys know, things could be totally different once release comes around.
 
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Hey folks, I have decided that I have gone further than originally planned with the story and party members.


I would absolutle appreciate any feedback anyone has to offer.


This is a story I came up with when I was still in highschool (not saying how long ago that was lol)


I wasnt planning on turning it into an rpg until I seen how easy it was coming together :)

Plot.


Willow Mist


Story takes place a long time ago, when mankind first inhabbited the world, and were for a time sharing the land with the Djinn.


The story focus's on a young man named Ovni and his 3 friends.


The djinn have now turned evil (or have they) and are causing havoc in Agartha. (the land inside the earth where they were bannished to)


Ovni (Monk): The strong, sensitive type who has the most experience in fighting and combat.


Therise (Summoner): Ovnis good friend who takes on the nurturing mother roll. Lost her father before the beginning of the game and is having a hard time adjusting.


Marc (Templar): Ovnis best friend and confidant. He is the comic relief and gets on therise's nerves all the time.


Nav: (Djinn) Nav is a hybrid between an ancient Djinn and a Human woman. He has the powers of dark and light. He is able to see and communicate with both Humans and Djinn.
He becomes very good friends with Ovni and helps Ovni and Therise to fall in love.



The world is earth, but a distant version of earth.
There are only 3 continents.
The main continent is called Mara, the second in line is called Hespal, and the final is called Nordica.


The world has 3 dominant races, White, Brown and tan.
All three races trade and there are no wars.
People of different races are even encouraged to meet and fall in love.
They are aware we are all the same.


The capitol city of Mara is Blackmill, this is where Ovni and his friends live.
The second largest city is West Castle. This is where the more wealthy people live.
The third and final city on Mara is called Thourn. 
Thourn is an important city to the people of Mara, It is the place where the Djinn and Humans last had contact. That is also where you will find the entrance to Bala.



DJINN INFORMATION:


GHUL


The ghul (ghoul) are shape-shifting cannibalistic and blood-drinking creatures that feed on the flesh of human beings, especially travelers, children or corpses stolen out of graves. The oldest references to ghul in Arabian lore are found in The Book of 1001 Nights. There are several types of ghul. The most feared is a female type (ghula) which has the ability to appear as a normal, mortal woman.  According to lore, such a creature marries an unsuspecting man, who becomes her prey.


The ghul are nocturnal creatures who inhabit graveyards, ruins and other lonely places. Sometimes they are described as dead humans who sleep for long periods in secret graves, then awake, rise and feast on both the living and the dead. Ghul also personify the unknown terrors held by the desert.


In Persian lore the ghul has the legs of a donkey and the horns of a goat.


HINN


The hinn are weak djinn, close to animals, and they especially like to appear as dogs.


‘IFRIT


The ‘ifrit (variation: afrit) is cited only once in the Qur’an, in reference to a djinni who fetched the throne of the Queen of Sheba at the command of King Solomon. In lore, it is evil and powerful, and difficult to control.


JANN


Jann are shape-shifters who lives in the desert, and take the forms of whirlwinds and white camels. They are open-minded about humans, and were among the first djinn encountered by people. They have the power to hide or reveal oases in the desert, depending on whether they like or dislike a party of travelers. They are the enemies of the ghul.


MARID


The marid is unruly and rebellious, and the most powerful of djinn. The marida (plural) possess great knowledge of magic and have assisted kings and priests. They are also known as “blue” djinn and are the ones most often associated with wish-granting genies.


NASNAS


The nasnas is another weak form of djinn, hybrids of human-like and animal-like forms, and may account for some of our encounters with mysterious creatures. It is described in The Book of 1001 Nights as a half- human being, that is, it has half a head, half a body, one arm, one leg. It hops about on its single leg. The nasnas was said to be the offspring of a shiqq (see below) and a human being.


PALIS


The palis is a vampiric foot-licker that lives in the desert. It has low intelligence and can be easily outwitted, according to lore. It attacks sleeping people and drains their blood by licking the soles of their feet. It can be fooled by two people sleeping end to end with their soles of their feet together or under each other’s head.


SHAITAN


The shaitan (shaytan) is a rebellious, malevolent djinni associated with demonic forces.


SHIQQ


The shiqq is a  lower form of djinn, a half creature,or  literally only half-formed and thus monstrous in appearance.


SI’LAT


The si’lat are expert shape-shifters and the smartest of the djinn. They can mimic human appearance with ease.


COLORS


Djinn are also denoted by colors:


BLUE


Older, intelligent djinn, often ambivalent about humans.


YELLOW


Leaders of families and small clans. Less powerful than Blue but more powerful than Green.


GREEN


Young and immature djinn, often playful and mischievous.


BLACK


Powerful djinn, thought to be kings. It is not known if there is one king or multiple ones.


RED


Hostile and aggressive djinn.
 
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Well, I have some good news!


You guys remember when I was fussing about my endings awhile back, worrying about my Narrator reveals? Well, I at the very least, have an idea for Bad Ending 3, which is the one where everyone dies.


If @TheOriginalFive doesn't mind, I'm actually combining your idea, that being The Void using Alto as a vessel, with a friend of mine's where they had the idea of having the narrator revealed to be a random Bard who's telling a cautionary tale to someone. As creepy as I found the idea of Alto being used as a puppet of The Void, I thought it didn't make sense because I thought that The Void wouldn't really KNOW Alto as a person, so how would it know what he was in life let alone keep him "in character"...

But then, as I was walking my dog today, I suddenly got the idea of... what if The Void actually DOES learn how they are as people when it takes them as vessels/minions of it's plans, since after all, it's plan this time is, "possess and go after people who others won't expect to go bad all of a sudden" and a good way to manipulate people is to take them as their vessel, then on the outside, act like they would normally until the time is right to strike when everyone least expects it.


Picture this: Quintus is out somewhere and stumbles across, say, Lyric who was his mentor when he was younger. He's initially quite shocked and surprised that he's here, seemingly alive and well (btw, I'd imagine that any corpses taken by The Void don't rot/smell funny until the facade drops so they look perfectly normal otherwise due to glamour) after what happened to them all those years ago. At first, once he gets over his shock, he's suspicious since he remembers that Lyric and his Knight Quintet were gravely injured and near death when he got sent back to the castle to send word of their failure (the specific reason why Quintus was chosen was because he was the youngest, the fastest currently, and the least injured out of all of them, that and they probably figured that it's better he not see them die) and there was no sign of them afterwards and everyone, including him, took them for dead. Lyric just says something along the lines of, "The Gods have blessed us and given us all a second chance at life. We were just too dayum stubborn enough to die that easily," and Quintus concedes to that since I'd imagine that's something that can potentially happen in a fantasy world like this.


And actually this is giving me ANOTHER idea of having these false visages of Quintus's former comrades joining The Band for a time. Until their inevitable betrayals, that is.


But anyway, back to the main thing I was trying to talk about, that being the worst bad ending.


In-universe, the whole final attack and world consumption and subsequent destruction by The Void wouldn't be instantaneous (though of course it wouldn't be so for the player watching that cutscene), but instead take place over the course of a day or so. People would run, hide, panic and get to any sort of shelter they can reach, hoping and praying futilely that they would be spared the wrath of the coming being of pure Darkness. In these trying times, one of the best comforts is to be told a story to calm down the little ones and keep their minds off their incoming doom.


That's where Alto comes in. Gathering around as many people as he can, he sits down and proceeds to tell the tale of a young Bard, much like himself, who wished to make a difference... and he failed. The little children listen intently to his story, completely enthralled by Alto's words, and only realize that things have truly gone pear shaped in this tale when they get to the end of the story, that "Alto" is not who he seems, and that it's suddenly gotten rather dark and chilly in their room as the fireplace suddenly goes out...
 
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NarikoStudios

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Come up with a idea for a short game to make to like have as a refresher course for MV so I can relearn everything it's about a guy called The Hunter who looks who legendary items and is known as a outlaw and he meets a castle knight who also works as a treasure hunter on her missions she'd look for pricy items to sell on the black market they end up working together when a huge mission involving a legendary item is up for sale and the first to find it gets millions of pounds so The Hunter aquires this with his many talents but then ends up knocked out in a field not long after the game begins with the castle knight finding him on a mission as she was following a lead to find the item he had in his possession and then they end up teaming up to protect the item from those who would use the reward money for the wrong reasons and to get it to its buyer before it's taken


It's genre is like a adventure puzzle game using The Hunters talents and The Castle Knight's expertise as a Treasure Hunter to solve puzzles


If the item gets taken from the player or damaged then it's game over and they have to continue from before it was damaged


It's meant as like a puzzle solving adventure involving a Treasure Hunting like gimmick kind of in the style of Sly Cooper how he steals things and does jobs to find items
My inspiration was the writing and cast of Fire Emblem Fates


let me know what you think


I've attached the faces of the main cast below there names are Ryo and Kat

Ryo.png

Kat.png
 
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...Why is the Knight working with black market stuff? Isn't that illegal? Wouldn't her boss find out and fire her?
 

Pierman Walter

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This is a general description of the setting of my game. It is a realistic scifi story based RPG. By realistic I mean the main character spends the first two hours of the game in training before going on space marine adventures and also has to fill out paperwork to get official approval before going to another planet.


Somewhere between the years 1500 and 8000, the Earth exploded. Due to the lack of information from the death of 99% of all living things and the scattering of the planet all over the solar system, nobody knows exactly why or how it happened. It just did. Seven hundred thousand years later, the chunks of the Earth have formed into several dwarf planets, where the descendants of the survivors live. There are seven dwarf planets, one moon, and France. All these share an orbit, except for France, which slowly became an asteroid field after the entire country was blasted, more or less intact, off the surface of the planet. The closer to the beginning of the orbit the planet is, the more similar it is to the Earth. The people on each planet have evolved to best suit their lives on each new world. Near the beginning of the line, the people resemble us, but the people at the end of the line are barely recognizable as human. 


The first planet is Venedar. Formed from Central America and Eastern Europe, the people of this world closely resemble the standard JRPG settings and characters we are familiar with. They are the only race capable of using magic, powered by the life force of the planet itself. (Other races can arguably do this, too, depending on whether or not you consider geothermal energy, underground uranium, sentient plants, ancient bacteria, or big toothy sea creatures, to be a planet's life force, but insisting so on Venedar will probably get you killed.) The people of Venedar strongly believe in courage, friendship, and the goodness of humanity. Unfortunately for the rest of the planets, they no longer consider anyone else but themselves to be truly human, and have been fighting war against the Wolves of Jordan, the Mermaids of Shuzo, the Dolls of Onionland, the French, and the Demons of Hell for true prosperity and eternal harmony among mankind for the last five thousand years. They are the root of almost every single societal problem in the galaxy. Population:1.4 Billion, decreasing.


The second planet is Argentine, formed from Antarctica and the surrounding lands of South America and South Africa. Two hundred thousand years before the game, the planet was unavoidably struck by some French asteroids and was destroyed before the people of Venedar could come up with a horrible racial slur for its inhabitants. The descendants of some survivors live on Jordan, but they no longer closely resemble the records of their ancestors. However, the people of Argentine are still known for their dark skin, bright yellow eyes, complex beaurocracy, and fondness for small talk. Population: None on home planet, 10 million on Jordan.


The third planet is Jordan, formed from the Arctic region and surrounding land, mostly Russia and Canada. The climate is a lot colder and the air a lot thinner than Venedar. The wildlife of Jordan is seen by other planets as huge and terrifying, including the people. With the average adult being over seven feet tall and weighing over four hundred pounds, they would be frightening enough even without their giant sharp teeth, chemical weapon immunity, berserker panic rage, and ability to get psychic superpowers instead of PTSD. The main character, as a Jordan man, is dreaded by Venedar as the single worst thing to ever encounter ( until Hell mobilizes, but that happens way later). Jordan society is based entirely off of fighting Venedar's constant attack. There is a huge social taboo against large parades or gatherings, missiles are seen as a common weather condition, and the size of the military trumps the size of every other industry. The entire planet is led by an Admiral, who is basically an elected dictator, but they are an elected dictator on a planet where everybody instinctively hates subjugation and knows how to operate a gun, so they are kind of forced to act in everyone's benefit. On Jordan and Shuzo, robots are considered legally human, since one of their agreed upon definitions of humanity is if the being in question can meaningfully and intentionally tell another human that it wants to be human, which enrages Venedar even more. A more traditional and practical scifi setting, you will use guns and be in space stations a lot. Population: 2.7 billion, steady.


The fourth planet is Shuzo, formed by the Pacific Ocean and all the islands it contains. It is the largest planet and covered almost entirely by water, although the ice caps are strong enough to support several large cities. The people of Shuzo have either brightly colored long hair or beards, since the men are bald. Shinzo people swim incredibly well and can hold their breaths for over an hour. The sea is inhabited by creatures that can grow to colossal size, but they are friendly, so nobody cares. There are two races on Shuzo, the people with webbed hands and normal feet, who tend to live on the surface in large floating cities, and the people with normal hands and webbed feet, who live in even larger non mobile underwater cities. Shuzo people can also be psychic, but they are born with it from the trauma their mothers faced while pregnant, rather than their own experiences. Shuzo is matriarchal. Society is based entirely off of avoiding Venedar's constant attack. Mobile cities can move away from bombing sites, and the planet itself is tied with SLP as the most difficult to invade. However, unlike the warlike and proactive people of Jordan, the people of Shuzo are nihilistic to the point where they don't have a military and would rather go raving at the numerous dance clubs in every building, as common as bathrooms. There is also a huge amount of unchallenged organized crime. So far, their seemingly suicidal lifestyle is working pretty well for them, since Venedar is incapable of doing any serious damage, and their dancing, swimming, gang fighting, and living on a heavy world has given them great strength and endurance in case people of Venedar actually navigate to a population center. Population: 4.8 billion, steady.


The one moon, Alium, more commonly known as Onionland, orbits Shuzo, and is a giant living onion. The only other life on the moon are smaller onion and garlic type plants, beautiful insects, floating jellyfish, and some people who have devolved to the point of charming idiocy, with small frames and adorable, but creepy smiles. Rather, the onion itself is conscious, attracting visitors and attacking the ones that become too dangerous both to the onion and it's inhabitants. It has little political or strategic significance, but every now and then the giant onion flowers, producing seeds that land on a planet and must be exterminated before they grow into more giant onions. Population: 0.2 billion, decreasing.


The fifth planet, Second Largest Planet, is believed to be Italian in origin by untrustworthy sources. It is the only planet to suffer the indignity of being offensively renamed along with its inhabitants. Extremely isolationist for the last five thousand years and rarely appearing off planet, nobody really knows anything about it except for that it is bone-searingly radioactive. The four or five people we see in the beginning are either cloaked loners, goat headed Gatling gun wielding madmen, happy and mutilated science experiments, and otherwise gross and weird. Records of what they are and what they look like have been lost and stolen, so theories abound about what they really are, including the most recent one based off of decrypted ancient files and newly gathered field information. They are likely insane machines who survived after their creators all died of radiation poisoning. Or not, who knows? Population: lol


The sixth planet, Gehenna, has no humans on it because of its boiling oceans and volcanoes, but there are some newly evolved, never before seen silicon based critters swimming and crawling around the sea beds.


The seventh planet, Stuart, was named after the only man to survive on it. He lasted twenty three years in a little bunker, communicating to what will become Shuzo by radio until one day he suddenly went silent. The planet is named in his memory. It has no life and is covered in shattered concrete and broken furniture.


Last but not least, the asteroid field France, not only consists of France, but also of various other asteroids, dwarf planets, and other celestial objects colonized by the people of France. The people of France exist in constant microgravity and have extremely long limbs and no feet. The average person is about ten feet tall and so rail thin that they resemble an artsy vintage fashion ad. French technology is the greatest technology in the solar system and various factions are willing to pay huge sums for it, sometimes trading it for terrestrial meat animals, which are a great delicacy this far away from grazing land. When the people of France visit a planet, they must wear power armor, or else they won't be able to move. Many people were stranded on Jordan in the same event that destroyed Argentine, and the Jordan French subculture was formed from the hybrids between them. France literally looks down upon as fat, not as good as we are as space travel, and generally unfit to live in France. The Jordan French don't really care, since they get to eat all the delicious moose they want while having lots of friends. Less affected by Venedar than the other races, society is still based off recovering from Venedar's constant attack. Children and couples make them incredibly happy. This is sometimes a bad thing, since many people even go so far as to raise orphans of other races. While good intentioned, the child typically ends up with serious health issues from being raised in a space environment. Bizarrely, Venedar is seen as a land of good old fashioned adventure, but this makes a lot of sense when you realize that even going for a walk in France comes with a chance of being stabbed by a knife that was dropped six months ago. Population: 1.8 billion, increasing


POST SCRIPT


There are also several Jordan and Shuzo colonies on Mars. Colonies usually last about twenty years before something horrible happens and everybody dies, but colonies still receive many volunteers because some people believe freezing asphyxia or water viruses are better than the ridiculous and terrible things going on in the world. Although almost all colonies fail, some Jordan colonies have gone on for centuries and are producing a shorter, stronger Martian race. Population: 50 thousand, fluctuates wildly.


The entire story and conflict of the game is about how these planets and people of various backgrounds and ideals interact with one another, and all the insulting cultural misunderstandings, lovely friendships, political machinations, destroyed cities, and all kinds of weird stuff that arise from it. As a Jordan soldier, you go on space adventures, witness and take part in all of this, and try to live until the true end. 


TL:DR


Earth explodes, creating a lot of planets, each with their own people. Venedar is a normal RPG setting. The people hate everyone because they aren't human enough and want them to die because they are scary. Argentine got squashed by asteroids long ago, and doesn't really matter in the story. Jordan is full of sociopathic Finnish-Canadian berserker werewolves. The protagonist comes from Jordan. Shuzo is full of nihilistic raver mermaids. Onionland is a big sentient onion the size of a moon. SLP is a mystery to everyone. Gehenna and Stuart are tiny and don't matter. The French are in outer space now. Also, there are some people trying to live on Mars. Weird stuff happens, try to survive.
 

Kes

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@Pierman Walter I'm unclear what the features are that you are asking for feedback on.  If it is the story line that you want comments on, it would be better in the Plot and Character Feedback thread.  If you are unsure about the distinction I am making, you could read some of the earlier posts here to see what I mean about features.
 

Arithmetician

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Feedback to Sci-Fi Idea (Pierman Walter)


I'm not sure what exactly you're asking for feedback on either, Pierman Walter.  You seem to have a pretty thorough description of the setting (though as one trained in physics I will say planetoids don't work that way, at least not any suitable for life... though magic can get around this).  Otherwise, it's a case of TL;DR.  Why don't you break it up into more manageable chunks and ask a specific question?


Seeking Ideas for My Own Plots


While I'm here, I could use some help with fleshing out some general plot ideas.  I have three of them currently in mind, each of which could serve as the basis of my first serious RPG Maker MV project.  None are past the preliminary stages yet, and any titles are tentative.  Also, all of these are just for fun, but I'd still like to be able to make a half-decent game.


Idea #1:  Four Hearts


The most nebulous of my plot ideas, mainly because this one is more inspired from mechanics rather than a story.  I wanted to create my own Job System similar to that in Final Fantasy V, Dimensions, and Bravely Default.  The tentative title even comes from the name of one of the map themes in Final Fantasy V.  It also signifies that there will be four party members.   Also drawing inspiration from FFV in that it eventually had a party that was all female except for Bartz, and the "Hearts" in the title, along with my interest in visual novels, I was thinking of there being some mild harem or dating sim elements for humor.  


But other than that, I don't really have specific ideas on how to start things off in an interesting way / bring the heroes together.


As for characters, I tentatively have a protagonist loosely based upon myself, a bookish type who would like to see the distant lands he's read about, with a leaning toward magic rather than the typical JRPG protagonist's swords.  As for heroines... on one hand, it's easy to model their appearances off anime characters that I'm fond of (Saber or Rin from Fate/Stay Night, Shirley or Kallen from Code Geass, Kurisu from Stein;s Gate; etc.).  But I want to find a way to distinguish such characters from those that inspired them.  Of course, that's more than the requisite three heroines right there... but those are just various archetypes that have crossed my mind as possibilities so far. And admittedly, this aspect derives from wish fulfillment and may be unnecessarily constraining to the project.


Idea #2:  MV Meikyuu / Odyssey


I don't really have a proper title for this one yet.  The working title above simply indicates that the game is to be made with MV and that it is inspired by the Etrian Odyssey series.  This appealed to me because it simplifies a lot of the design of an RPG for the first attempt, and places an emphasis on challenging gameplay.  The story isn't such an emphasis in dungeon crawlers either, though I'd like to make it at least somewhat interesting.


I have a much clearer idea of the cast for this one, as I'd be drawing from the Cover Art Characters.  The trick is developing each of their personalities somewhat more.


Aldo is obviously designed to be your typical JRPG protagonist.  A yearning for adventure might bring him to the labyrinth.  But what else is there?


Dilara is a mage/scholar whose research has brought her to the labyrinth from some magical academy.  She's friendly, but gets flustered easily.


Nina is a mysterious young woman of elven heritage, who is likely connected to the labyrinth in some way.  Has strong innate magical abilities unlike Dilara's, which were honed by study.


Gustaf - A grizzled and grumpy old knight from the town near the labyrinth.  What other traits or motivations could he have?  Obviously a tank/physical attacker for the party.


Eisele - A seemingly cheerful young girl who travels into the labyrinth by herself and seems to have a close affinity for the wildlife.  Possibly her parents were killed in the labyrinth and she's had to brave it herself to support herself since.


Yaichi - a samurai from a distant land turned Ronin mercenary who the party meets in the local tavern.  His appearance reminds me a bit of Mugen from Samurai Champloo.


Rob - a magical robot / golem constructed by an ancient civilization, found in the labyrinth.  It was him or Hayatemaru, and I chose him so the party could have another tank, perhaps moreso than Gustaf.


Akja - a witch who travels into the labyrinth to collect ingredients for her potions and spells.  Would serve in much the same capacity as the Hexer from Etrian, though might also have the ability to mix together items to heal the party or harm the enemy.


Sophie - not sure if  I'm including her... more likely as an NPC


Frist and Chimg would be shopkeepers in the town, while Franz, Marie, and Orhan would be the local nobles.


Also, any original ideas for what they should be looking for / should lurk within the labyrinth?


Idea #3: Anima Labyrinth


Inspired by the Shin Megami Tensei and Persona series.  


The protagonist finds himself within a nightmarish maze with little idea of how he got there, and meets a young woman whom he partners with in an attempt to to find his way out.  Being inspired by Persona, she is in fact an aspect of his psyche, namely his Anima, in the Jungian sense, and other party members may be in much the same mold.  While the maze is in a sort of dream world, what happens there is not entirely illusory either,, so he will die in the real world if he perishes in the labyrinth.  


An option would be to have the option to choose the gender of the protagonist, in which case the Anima would be male if the protagonist is female... but that might be too much for a first project.


So the obvious questions that the game will have to answer and I'd appreciate suggestions for is what is the answer to the ontological mystery of why he's stuck in the maze, and suggestions for aspects of his psyche (or otherwise) that could serve as party members.


Obviously, there'd be a psychological horror theme to the game.  Accompanying this, the enemies would be drawn from Thalzon's Tarot Battlers, Ars Goetia Battlers, and some of his other miscellaneous free battlers, specifically those that fit into the Persona-eseque aesthetic or inner demons.   
 
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Pierman Walter

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@Arithmetician


To answer your question about the plausibility of having life on these planets, that's why I set the game seven hundred thousand years in the future. A lot of genetic drift can happen in that time, so it's not completely insane to have mermaids and celestial onions. Humans as a species have only existed for two hundred thousand years, and radiation-eating bacteria has been discovered in Chernobyl thirty years after reactor meltdown, so it is possible for life to evolve to suit the new climates on each planet. I didn't put this in my description because it would be way too long, but on Jordan, the gravitational acceleration is so low that falling out of a three story building is a minor inconvenience, the air is so thin that water boils at 65 C, and it is so cold that the largest animals must eat continuously to generate enough heat to not freeze in place. This is actually a plot point. The reason why Venedar is so murderous and genocidal is that it is very easy to convince yourself that the eight-foot-tall fanged monstrosity that is seemingly impossible to suffocate isn't a real human being. 


I'm going to comment on your ideas now.


No. 1: I can't really say anything about this because there isn't much to talk about.


No. 2: My impression of your characters is that they all have never seen the labyrinth before, but have read or heard stories about it from other adventurers. The only character who knows firsthand about it is Gustaf, which is the guy you don't have any motivations for. This is just a suggestion, but it would be interesting to see Gustaf actively discourage people from going too far into the labyrinth, because he has seen what lies deep within it and believes it isn't worth the effort. It fits with the grumpy attitude you have given him.


No. 3: Since his dream world and his party members are both formed by his own psyche, it would be interesting to see him acquire new party members by absorbing thought complexes and electrical energy from huge chunks of scenery and compressing it into a single being. Or, inversely, killing your own party members to force an impassable toxic wasteland to cease existing.
 

Arithmetician

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By the way, since I'm new here, how do I reply to a particular user?


No. 1:  Amusing as it would be, I suppose the problem itself is shoehorning a harem in there, instead of organically introducing characters.  While I was initially thinking of parodying that aspect of FFV (and many visual novels /anime) it all too easily falls to bad writing.


For a game with a job system to be plausible, the characters should not be particularly experienced in / committed to a particular job at the start.   In FFV this certainly worked for Bartz (a wanderer), Lenna (a princess, who had seen little of real combat), and Galuf (who was amnesiac).  The same mold can easily be applied to Tiz from Bravely Default and Ringabel.   Even Edea was relatively new to Eternia's military.


But even then, the problem is I have little underlying concept of the world.  And as much as I love the job systems in FFV, FFT, FFD, and Bravely Default, things would get stretched too far from inspired by to outright copying if the plot revolved around the crystals as well.


No.  2:  That' s a good idea for Gustaf.  And since I already have a fairly well-developed idea of the characters and defined roles for them, this is probably the easiest game for me to start on.  But the labyrinth itself remains a mystery, even to me...


No. 3:  That's certainly an interesting idea.  While I may not do it that way, confronting parts of one's psyche would certainly be important for opening new paths.


Of course, the whole scenario speaks to some inner conflict, insecurity, or insanity... but I haven't figured out what it is yet.
 

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Working on a project with some fairy tale themes, and the characters are drawn from fairy tale archetypes.  I want to have eight playable characters in all, but I'm having trouble pinning down that eighth character.  So, here's a brief little rundown of the characters I have, and their equivalent classes (in-game, I use different terms for their classes): 


*Ella - Red Mage.  Main character, based on Cinderella.


*Drifa - Warrior/Berserker.  Based on Snow White. 


*Claire - Alchemist.  Based on Beauty, of Beauty and the Beast. 


*Paloma - Rogue.  Based on Red Ridinghood, as a masked vigilante. 


*Subah - Monk.  Based on Sleeping Beauty. 


*Sinead - Black Mage.  Not specifically taken from any particular fairy tale, but is the third witch of her coven. 


*Lily - White Mage.  Based on Rapunzel. 


I want an all-female cast, as far as the PCs are concerned.  I'm not sure exactly who should fill in that last slot, both in terms of the character and their class.  If anyone has any suggestions or questions, they'll be welcome!
 
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