Plot and Character Feedback

[l8rose]

I'm of the opinion to have both. A decent length game and side quests when you can manage them. Depending on what your game is about, you might already have just the right length for the core game play.

Expanding your plot would really depend on what the story is about. I don't know what your plot is (or even the genre) so it's hard to really say what to add to help lengthen it. If this was a story, I'd say use more back story or perhaps even start the story earlier in the Main Character's life.

You could do playable flashbacks (instead of cut scenes, have the player take on the role of whomever the flash back is about).

 

[Kes]

@Nutty171 'General Discussion' is explicitly not for feedback on individual projects, though you may use your project as an example to to start a general discussion.

I shall merge this with Plot and Character Feedback.

 

[Tea's Jams]

@Nutty171 I've heard some people say that about cut scenes and have been giving that a lot of thought lately. Just yesterday I played a section of Suikoden 2 (considered by some to be the best RPG...ever) and it had a cut scene about the main character his sister and best friend growing up. It was definitely on the long side. Well, even though I've played that game like 6,000,000,000 times I was getting teary and emotional during the scene.

I guess my point is , I've personally settled on this, it's not the length of a cut scene that is significant, but rather the quality. That's just my own take, but there may be plenty of people who will play your game who feel the same, look at how loved suikoden 2 is. (another one that comes to mind is Cyans (long) flashback in ff6, that one was interactive, that may be the way to go like @l8rose said)

 

[Nutty171]

@just1witness It's ironic then that I've never even heard of suikoden 2. Plus I've never played a Final Fantasy game in my life...

 

[Tea's Jams]

@just1witness It's ironic then that I've never even heard of suikoden 2. Plus I've never played a Final Fantasy game in my life...

You don't know what your missing! : D

 

[Nutty171]

@just1witness Looked it up, and suikoden 2 is $100 and for the PlayStation, which I don't have? Nope. What I was trying to say was asking you to extrapolate a bit more. What kind of interaction is there in Cyan's cutscene?

 

[Tea's Jams]

@Nutty171 Oh, my bad, I didn't get that vibe at all, haha!

Anyway, you can get Suikoden 2 on the playstation 3 store (digital copy) for like $10. (worth EVERY penny BTW)

As far as Cyans interactive flash back, check this out.

Spoiler: Cyans Flashback

 

[Nutty171]

@just1witness Erm, I fail to see how that's interactive... The video must do a bad job of it. I saw a couple jump cuts in places... Maybe there's more interactiveness there? But from what I can gather, it's basically you're playing through Cyan's story?

 

[Tea's Jams]

@Nutty171 Yeah, it's a mix of cut scenes and (carefully controlled) player actions. Instead of explaining his story through dialog the developers explained it this way. (I would love to do that in my game actually, but I have the opposite problem as you, mine is in danger of being too long...)

 

[Nutty171]

@just1witness Okay, but I think it would be awkward to have the player control anybody except the main character in the overworld, since he's the only one you ever control in the overworld. (by overworld I mean outside of battle) Don't be afraid to make your game too long. If it's fun, then why should it ever end?

 

[Tea's Jams]

Don't be afraid to make your game too long. If it's fun, then why should it ever end?

@Nutty171 True, true.

 

[MobileSuitSonic]

I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with names for some enemies from a package I purchased. If I can post some of them with a watermark across it, would it be ethical?

 

[RetroBoy]

Just make them black and white and give us a little discription of what the monster does in your game. I think that would be fine.

 

[EseQueL]

a description of what the monster looks like, it's origins, where can it be found, etc. will do as well.

 

[Kes]

Threads in 'General Discussion' are for examing broad issues concerning making games, and are not for feedback on specific, individual projects.

[mod]I am merging this with Plot and Character Feedback.[/mod]

 

[Metabot]

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I'm looking for some feedback on a class in a pseudo-open world game I'm working on.
The main character has no backstory to expand on the roleplaying aspect of the game, and they start with a class called "Adventurer".
A class in this game may have up to 6 skills, and my idea for the Adventurer class is to be kind of a tutorial to teach the player about the skills they may learn later in their adventure.

Spoiler: Adventurer Skills

Skill 1 - Power Strike:
Focuses to deliver a stronger attack with their current weapon. Costs 10 AP.
Skill 2 – Arcane Dust:
Evokes arcane dust that hits 2 random enemies with Arcane damage. Costs 22 MP.
Skill 3 – Carrot Barrage:
Calls a barrage of carrots that hits every enemy for low damage. Costs 18 AP.
Skill 4 – First Aid:
Heals the target’s small wounds with a weak spell. Costs 18 MP.
Skill 5 – Weaken:
Casts a debuff on your target that reduces their defense to 80%. Costs 12 AP and 20 MP.
Skill 6 – Encourage:
Casts a buff on your target that increases their attack to 120%. Costs 14 AP and 18 MP.

​

(The AP and MP costs are obviously going to change in the future to balance the class)
- The first one is very basic and is just a example of a "Deal x or x% damage" skill
- The second one teaches the player about magic damage and skills that hit more than one enemy (I may add a side-effect on the targets on this skill)
- The third one is a basic hit every enemy skill, and is supposed to be a parody of an Arrow Barrage
- The fourth one introduces the player to healing skills.
- The fifth one teaches the player about debuffs, but I didn't want to make something too complex like the debuff skills the player may learn further in the game
- The sixth one is a simple buff skill, and again, I didn't want to make it too complex.

So, should I change the skills or my idea behind them? I want some feedback on how I could improve this starter class.

 

[MobileSuitSonic]

Just make them black and white and give us a little discription of what the monster does in your game. I think that would be fine.

Very well:



A plant-based enemy, clearly. Uses pollen to induce status effects.

 

[OnslaughtSupply]

@MobileSuitSonic how about Pollenator

 

[Aquachubolt]

Hi. I've been working on this on and off for the better part of a year now, and I guess I decided that it's about time I get some genuine feedback from people that fall outside my small circle of about three friends. It's your somewhat standard fair typical fantasy RPG, and as of now I'm calling it "Way to Dawn".

One-Sentence Plot Description: After seven years of hiding, a talented mage and fallen princess leads the fight against the continent's oppressive ruling empire.


Some Backstory and Lore:

Spoiler

In this world, most usable forms of magic are generated by people' souls. Everyone and everything is born attuned to one of the eight elements; Fire, Lightning, Wind, Ice, Earth, Life, Light and Dark. Despite being called Light and Dark, that’s not necessarily what they entail. Light refers to Cosmic energies and powers (though light manipulation does fall under this category), and Dark refers to anti-energy and gravity manipulation. Light and Dark are also generally stronger than the other six elements, though Light affinity is extremely rare and people with Dark are next to nonexistent, with Dark energy pretty much only existing in certain creatures and arcane objects. Everyone in the main characters' family, the Royal Family of Ginoa, is born with a Light affinity, though even among Light users, their family has extremely potent powers, since they are all born with a connection to stars. This gives them access to their signature starlight abilities that only they possess. Everyone in their family, in addition to this, also has what’s known as a Guardian Star; a star that they have an especially strong connection to that grants them unique powers and abilities.

Story:

Spoiler

The continent of Cirketh is home to many countries, but none as powerful as the two dominant empires: Ginoa and Rox. For many years, Ginoa and Rox had enjoyed a fruitful peace, but all that changed when Rox declared war on Ginoa eight years ago, and started it's conquest of the continent. Now, when Ginoa is facing the prospect of defeat, King Valen Ginoa tasks his oldest daughter, Princess Arithe, with a crucial task; legends speak of an ancient relic called the Dragonstone, said to contain the sleeping soul of an all-powerful Archdragon, hidden in the northwestern wilderness, and it is Arithe's duty to retrieve it. Arithe suceeds in her mission to retrieve the relic, but by the time she returns home, it is too late. The king is dead, along with her older brother Prince Eddard, and the castle has nearly fallen. Left with no other options as she can't just abondon her soldiers and her country, Arithe entrusts the Dragonstone to her younger sister, Liza, and sends the both of them away from the castle in order to protect them, and then waits in the castle's throne room until the enemy commander, the Black Knight, appears and defeats her, sealing the Roxian conquest of Ginoa, and ending the prologue.

After this, there is a time skip. Now focusing on Liza as the main character, she has spent the last seven years honing her abilities at the continent's most prestigious arcane college under a new name: Circe. Now grown up, and with her formidable light powers behind her, and sensing a vast magical disturbance coming from the Roxian capital, Circe moves to topple the Roxian empire, both to cast off the yolk of their oppressive rule, and to get revenge for her dearly departed family. To do this, she must unite the few unconquered territories, defeat Rox's eight elite warriors known as the Great Generals, and then infiltrate the Roxian capital to slay their evil king, all the while dealing with the terrifying abilities beginning to manifest within herself as a result of her connection to the Dark Star, Sigma. This is the story of the main game.

Characters:

Spoiler

Spoiler: Playable

Arithe- Arithe Ginoa is is the older of the two Ginoan princesses. Born in the time before the Roxian war started, Arithe grew up listening to the stories of her country’s ancient knights and their exploits. She grew to deeply invoke her country’s moral standards and ideals, and decided at an early age that she wanted to be a knight herself. When the war started when she was she was nine years old, it only strengthened her resolution. By the time the game starts, she has become a paragon knight of her country.

Merric- One of Arithe's retainers who accompanies her on her mission to retrieve the Dragonstone, Merric is an earth mage who is very confident in his abilities and extremely prideful, his boasting is nonetheless warranted as he has the skill to back it up. He seeks power and fame above most things, but is very loyal despite this trait. He believes deeply in professionalism.

Senna- Senna is a very quiet, shy, and reserved shrine maiden for a small religion based in Ginoa. She's also one of Arithe's retainers, and her best friend. She’s very neat and proper. She scares easily, and has a habit of hiding behind Arithe when she’s frightened. Which happens a lot. She’s also hemophobic, and has a Life affinity.

Bors- Bors is a veteran knight who has served Ginoa for many years. Despite his advanced age, Bors is still as strong as an ox. He volunteered to accompany Arithe on her mission in order to protect her. He has a serious and disciplined personality, wizened from his many years of service, and serves to advise Arithe on many decisions.

Circe- Circe replaces Arithe as the main character once the prologue ends. A talented Light Mage, she also dabbles in swordsmanship and magitech engineering, both of which are skills she picked up at the arcane academy. A wise-cracking smart allec, Circe is generally upbeat, friendly, and easy-going, but always willing to put people in their place and bring them down off a high horse. She’s also fairly grounded in reality, and won’t hesitate to call someone out for being ridiculous. Along with this, she’s also be extremely argumentative towards people that bother or frustrate her at times,and won't back down from her opinions or statements, be they offensive or not, which has gotten her into trouble on more than one occasion. She’s also a closeted nerd. She tries to hide it, but when she finds something she really finds exciting she sometimes can’t help herself and goes full uber-nerd over it. Particularly where there’s magitech involved, but she’ll also do it with other forms of magic or sciences as well.

Blitz- Blitz is a great wolf that that Circe found as an injured puppy when she was fleeing Ginoa. It stayed with her after she nursed it back to health, and now serves as her guard dog. Blitz’s personality is that of a loyal dog. He’s a dog. Think dog things. Very protective of his master, likes to chase things, playful when not being aggressive. Not very complicated. He doesn’t even speak. He has a Lightning affinity.

Agni- Agni is a little girl Circe found being chased by ruffians when beginning her journey. After chasing off the aggressors, Circe finds that Agni has immense uncontrolled Pyrokinetic abilities, and, seeing as how Agni has no family, decides to take Agni with her to minimize the danger Agni poses to both herself and others. Agni very quickly begins to see Circe as a sort of older sister figure.

Brad- Once a monk from a religion based in Rox, Brad left his temple once they sold out to the Roxian military and started using their powers to aid Rox's conquest. Now a wandering mercenary and a drunkard, Circe recruits him to aid her in her mission. He's not stoic and is actually a bit of a lout, is prone to filthy language, and generally doesn't really care about anything, leading many arguments with Circe. Despite this, he's a knowledgeable person, and when he's not completely plastered he generally gives out very good advice. He has an Ice affinity.

Yone- A wandering Samurai from the Southern Island, Yone has come to Cirketh with the goal of defeating her older brother Yasugi, one of the Great Generals, and reclaiming her family's precious treasure, the Ven Katti, a katana with a powerful wind spirit sealed inside. She joins Circe because both of them would have eventually gone after Yasugi, and she feels it would be better to travel with a group. Yone cares deeply about honor and tradition, and fills the whole "stoic and edgy party member" slot. She has a Wind Affinity.

Senna- After Arithe's defeat, Senna has captured and imprisoned by the Roxians. Even though she would eventually escape, years of torture and abuse in her captivity turned the once shy and frightened shrine maiden into a hyper-energetic psychopath with an insatiable bloodlust, who gains no end of pleasure from slaughtering anyone she deems as a "bad guy". She joins Circe as it means more opportunities to "make it rain bad guy blood".

Merric- Like Senna, Merric also returns in part two. After Arithe's defeat, Merric was captured, and due to his magical proficiency was deemed an excellent test subject by Roxian mages. For a long time, Merric was the subject of many cruel and unusual experiments conducted to unlock the true potential of a soul. Their experiments eventually succeeded; Merric's body was entirely stripped away, and his consiousness merged with his soul, transforming him into a very powerful Earth Spirit. In this new form, Merric struck out against his captors, and nearly annihilated them. With the last of their strength, the mages used a sealing runestone in order to imprison Merric within the body of a Golem, and then sealed the underground laboratory they were in to prevent his escape. Now stuck inside a Golem, Merric has two goals; to take revenge on the Roxians for turning him into his current form, and to find a way to break the rune stone imprisoning him. He joins with Circe when she uncovers the underground laboratory he was stuck in.

Spoiler: Great Generals

The Black Knight- Records of the Black Knight stem back as far as do records of Rox itself. For all time, he has been Rox's most elite warrior, never revealing his face and never being defeated. Considered the most dangerous and powerful man in Cirketh, there are few who would stand up to his overpowering might. He first appears at the end of Arithe's story, and from then on serves as a looming presence throughout the rest of the game. He will always be the last of the Great Generals to be fought, and serves as The Dragon of this story, with the player finding out more about him as it progresses.

Agitha- Agitha is the niece of Rox's king, and is a powerful illusory sorceress. She loves tormenting her enemies, but her sadistic tendencies are often kept in check by the Black Knight, who is one of the only people she is genuinely afraid of. She will always be the second to last Great General fought.

Gundji Ado, the Stone Champion- A champion knight from Rox, what he lacks in magical talent and cunning he makes up for with brute strength. He wears a mask made of stone, and will always be the first Great General to be fought.

[From here on, the Great Generals can be fought in any order., but some will be much stronger than others to enforce a sense of progression.]

The Old Iron King- Long ago, an ancient king ruled over a vast mountain kingdom. He held the power of fire in him, and he built up a great mining kingdom in the mountains and conquered vast territories by leading vast armies into battle. On one such conquest, the king discovered a great spirit that offered him one wish. The king wished to be able to rule over his kingdom forever, The spirit granted his wish by burning away the king's body and imprisoning his mind, soul and power inside his horned battle helmet. Now, the helmet is cursed, and should any man put it on, the helmet burns into their flesh and fuses with the skull for the body to serve as a host for the king. One fool made that mistake, and so now the Old Iron King walks the earth again. He has promised to serve as one of Rox’s Great Generals in exchange for large tracts of territory to rebuild his kingdom in.

The Overgrown Watcher- Long ago, in the ancient Shrouded Forest, a group of warriors made a pact with the ancient forest spirits that they would watch over and protect the woods for all eternity. These warriors were known as the Watchers. During a great war that took place in the forest at one point, one Watcher was captured and imprisoned inside the jail of a stone fortress, where it was killed and left there. Eventually, the war ended and all the Watchers suddenly disappeared. Except for the dead one chained inside the tower. It lay there for an extremely long time, where it’s body and armor were slowly reclaimed by nature. It’s soul, however, never passed on. Eventually, the plants that had grown on it fused with the corpse and armor, reanimating the Watcher. Now the last one remaining, this lone Overgrown Watcher protected the Shrouded Forest as it always had. Eventually, Dark Mages from Rox managed to use Hexes to bend the Watcher to their will, making it into one of Rox’s Great Generals, but turning it into no more than a rabid beast.
The Maiden of the Mist- The Maiden is the leader of a fanatical cult that worships the Kracken, a powerful ocean spirit, as a god. Gifted great power by the Kracken, she has agreed to serve the Roxian empire as long as they leave her religion be.

Yasugi- Yasugi is a samurai from the Southern Island, and is Yone's older brother. When the empire invaded their island, Yasugi chose to swear fealty to them rather than fight back. His skill and power quickly propelled him to being a Great General. He wields the Southern Island's sacred Ven Katti, a katana infused with an ancient wind spirit.

Julius- Julius is a great Roxian knight who rides a giant eagle into battle. His great mind for battle strategy makes him a fearsome enough foe on it's own, but on top of this, he is also a mighty warrior with a vast army of sky knights at his command.

Well, that's some of what I have so far. What do you think. Any comments would be appreciated, since no one I've talked to really has an opinion on it past "whatever, it's ok I guess".

 

[Atomix]

'It's okay, I guess.'

Your backstory is brilliant. Sure, the progression you have planned in the game-play may be a tad formulaic, but it's still well-done. I especially love the versatility you add to an oft mundane assortment of elements - especially in the light and dark.

Not sure if already planned, but I'd love for you to add in the middle of the game the ability to access some of the archDragon's might. Sorta like jinchuuriki in the naruto anime. But I'm sure that's already planned.