Plot and Character Feedback

[MobileSuitSonic]

*reading somewhere*
Preview?

I bought this set and I don't want them passed about illegally.

 

[sirgames]

This is the base idea for my project "Aetherea: Lords of the sky", it's inspired by Aion, hope to get some feedbacks:

In the past, the Seraphim (or Lords of the sky) sealed the Logos at the center of the universe (near Alfa Canis Majoris and Sirio B ), it is a divine energy in which the logic that allows the creation of conditions for the life of life lies.
Among the early worlds to be created there is Aetherea, which resides around the Logos.
The Logos maintained the universe in a perfect balance, the Aetherians lived in peace and harmony with the gods.
One day, the betrayal of a Seraphim god triggered a war that nobody knows. After this, Logos was divided into seven fragments.

What's Logos?
Logos is a divine entity in which lies the logic that governs the laws of the universe located at the center of the universe (near alfa canis majoris and Sirio B ) and born between an agreement between the Seraphim. One day, a Seraphim tried to take control of it to change its logic. Following this event, the remaining Seraphim chose to divide the Logos into seven parts, sealing a part of them on Aetherea (relying on Aetherians wisdom) but also throwing the universe into a precarious balance, large mass extinctions occurred in Universe. This caused divergences between the Aetherians: those who wanted to remove all the seals and restore the original equilibrium and those who still believed in the wisdom of the Seraphim and seal them all so it won’t be able to be unlocked anymore. Since then, the world of Aetherea is perpetuated by war. Fortresses were erected around every fragment.

Those two factions that contend the fortresses are called Elohim and Nephilim.

Mission Objective (start of the game):
The Nephilim are one step away from winning and seal the Logos fragments forever. The protagonists are part of a Elohim legion called "Sky’s Lords" charged with defending the Eastshine fortress, the only fortress left to them, to aim for it and miraculously defending it and then proceeding to the counterattack in order to eliminate all the seals from the fragments

 

[Yakly]

@MobileSuitSonic How about "bitecrawler"! Cuz you know... nightcrawlers are a type of worm...

And the other one could be "staman" ...like stamen, the male part of the flower...

 

[MobileSuitSonic]

@MobileSuitSonic How about "bitecrawler"! Cuz you know... nightcrawlers are a type of worm...

And the other one could be "staman" ...like stamen, the male part of the flower...

Perhaps.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to come up with more enemies from real-world folklore that can be used. Primarily from the Far Eastern Mythologies. The problem is that I'm not really aware of that many that could actually be used as enemies aside from a handful, as the ones I have the most exposure to, the Japanese Yo-Kai, are mostly mischievous rather than deadly. However, I think the Nue, Basan, and Kappa can be usable.

I really wish I had a source for more enemies...

 

[Yakly]

@MobileSuitSonic

If you search wikipedia for "List of legendary creatures from Japan" it gives a long list. You could also try (East) Indian mythology, Hindu mythology is full of monsters.

 

[Yakly]

@sirgames So if I'm understanding right, the protagonists are trying to restore Logos from the seven fragments? That's pretty interesting, since it would place them against established religion. The idea of Logos as the blueprint/logic of the universe reminds me a little of Ah! My Goddess, where the universe is run by a giant computer called Yggdrasil, with God and angels being the computer administration team. You might check out that series (especially the movie, which deals with someone trying to hack the computer) to see what has been done with the idea before, so you can try a different spin on it.

 

[MobileSuitSonic]

I've gotten the Samurai resources for RMVX/Ace and MVFU'd them. Opened up a whole bunch of new doors, but raised more questions.

Later in the plot, there's a country called Cham (influenced primarily by Japan, with some Chinese and Korean influences as well) which is teetering on the verge of war with Dwarfland, a kingdom of Dwarves (what else?) beneath a mountain range. Neither side likes the other and blame the rocky relations on the other.

The arc also involves a vampire warlord and random battles involving stuff like onibi and rokurokubi. I'm wondering how this would fit in with the tension between the two kingdoms.

Maybe the undead hauntings are blamed on both sides? The Dwarves blame the humans for angering a forest god with too much woodcutting and the Cham think the Dwarves angered a mountain god through overmining or something?

 

[LightDiviner]

I've had an interesting idea for a long time. Actually, it stems back to when I first started playing RPG's. In almost every RPG I've played, the Hero wants to defeat the Villain, and the Villain wants to defeat the Hero. They both have different reasons behind it most of the time, but that's usually how it goes. But me, I always wondered...what if the Hero and the Villain DIDN'T want to fight one another. Like they were destined to fight...but both of them just didn't wanna do it. And the whole game, they actively avoid having to confront one another directly. I think it's a concept not often touched upon, and I wanna make a game based off it.

 

[LightDiviner]

(I hope it got put in the right place this time. .__.)

 

[Frogboy]

Sounds interesting.

 

[LightDiviner]

Sounds interesting.

I hope I'll be able to make my dream game a reality.

 

[BadMinotaur]

It does sound interesting. I love themes surrounding the force of destiny and those who fight against its current. It tends to churn out some interesting plotlines.

 

[Alice's hat trick]

I'm totally following you for that game!

 

[Kes]

@LightDiviner
Actually, 2 things - first please do not double post. If you want to add something, just edit your earlier post.
Second - if you want feedback on your project only, then I'll need to merge this with Plot and Character Feedback. At the moment, that is all you are asking for, and so it cannot stay here as General Discussion is not for individual project feedback, but is meant to be more wide ranging than that.

On the other hand, if this can be a broad discussion of the concept in and of itself, it can stay where it is. I personally think this could become an interesting discussion, but it would help that to happen if you edited your opening post a bit, so that it doesn't just invite one line general answers. Maybe remove the references to your demo and specifically invite a discussion of the concept?

 

[LightDiviner]

@LightDiviner
Actually, 2 things - first please do not double post. If you want to add something, just edit your earlier post.
Second - if you want feedback on your project only, then I'll need to merge this with Plot and Character Feedback. At the moment, that is all you are asking for, and so it cannot stay here as General Discussion is not for individual project feedback, but is meant to be more wide ranging than that.

On the other hand, if this can be a broad discussion of the concept in and of itself, it can stay where it is. I personally think this could become an interesting discussion, but it would help that to happen if you edited your opening post a bit, so that it doesn't just invite one line general answers. Maybe remove the references to your demo and specifically invite a discussion of the concept?

I...don't remember making this same post earlier. But OK. That edit good enough?

 

[Kes]

A double post isn't the same post repeated, it's when you reply in a thread, and the last one was also from you.

If you could make your OP more obvious e.g. add something like:
What are your thoughts on the concept, and what advantages/disadvantages do you see?

 

[LightDiviner]

A double post isn't the same post repeated, it's when you reply in a thread, and the last one was also from you.

If you could make your OP more obvious e.g. add something like:
What are your thoughts on the concept, and what advantages/disadvantages do you see?

I don't even remember an original post. I must be just super dumb or something ._.

 

[Kes]

Your original post (OP) is the first post you made which created this thread.

 

[LightDiviner]

Your original post (OP) is the first post you made which created this thread.

Well if I double posted I'm very sorry.

 

[DeathBlaze]

Hey people, after weeks of story writing i decided to drop a small sypnosis of the story here, leaving you to decide wheter it's good or not. Feedback is always welcome

The Tales of Expellion I
Thousands of years ago, there was the planet we called Expellion, the world was created by the god they called ''The Creator''. He made the world as it was in that time, and created the 4 archgods, Deanor, Juno , Versago and Elanor, whom sat in the legendary place known to men as: The Rydiant, an mythical place where one would go upon death. For years to watched the planet during their wake, until that fateful day...

It was during a time of peace, a meteorite fell from the heavens and crashed on the Illudir Empire. Many tought of it as an mere spectacular event, but sadly it wasn't, Soon after impact, demons began to appear from the crash site. As they grew in numbers, they began to assault the towns and cities, eventually taking over the entire Empire. One boy named Kiratsu managed to escape the raid on the main capital after his parents sacraficed their own lives to give him a chance to escape, something he can't forget and blames himself for ever since.

Now 9 years later , the 3 remaining nations Ullmis, Apsheria and Trivon fight hard against the still unknown enemy. The horde changed the once peaceful nation of Illduir into a wasteland of death. The ruined Illudir castle was now home to the demons and their dreaded leader ''Elrandil'', an fallen archangel whom has already slaughtered many men in some sieges. The demons were on verge of destroying the entire world by taking over each and every continent, slaughtering everyone who doesn't agree with his ideologies or opposes him...

Kiratsu, now older lived on Ullumis, working for a blacksmith. During the years, he trained himself in the art of the blade, hoping to fight on the front lines one day in order to end the war and to avenge his parent's deaths. One day he and his friend Ashton, an aspiring knight, stumble upon an ancient temple during a mission, and what they discover inside, may change the course of the war...
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All right people, there you have it!, i intend to use this story for the game. If you have any questions you would like to get awnsered about the story, feel free to ask them!, and as always feedback is always appreciated

Have a great day!

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