Plot and Character Feedback

[jerseyware]

Hello all. I apologize in advance as this may be vague.

Working on a side project at the moment, where you play a character at age 12 with his same-aged friends. Due to events in the story that occur pretty soon in the game, you come back at age 16 and find some of those friends aren't around anymore.

In testing this game, some of the feedback I got was that there isn't enough time given to flesh out these relationships to make the impact of their loss as powerful as it should be. Currently, these friends meet you at your house to get you, then you go to the convenience store, then you get into a fight with a pair of bullies, flee the fight (the cashier at the store calls the cops) and then the event happens.

I'm brainstorming ideas to have you spend a bit more time with these characters before the plot-starting event kicks off. I considered having you play hide and seek with them in the forest, but that seems like it just lengthens the pre-event time without solving the problem (if they're just hiding in the forest and not talking to you, you don't get to know them better). Any suggestions as to how I can strengthen these relationships while still providing an engaging experience? Thanks for reading!

 

[Kes]

'General Discussion' is not for feedback on specific, individual projects. We do, however, have a specific thread where people can comment on story aspects of particular games.

[mod]I am merging this with Plot and Character Feedback[/mod]

 

[watermark]

That's a very interesting concept. I think what you need to elaborate more on are these two forces:
1. Why don't they want to fight each other?
- They are both pacifists? Just want world peace?
- They are old friends?
- They are lovers?

2. Why do they HAVE TO fight each other?
- There is some divine force such as "Fate" that makes them do it or they die?
- Their underlings want them to do it?
- Deep hatred between the two races that can't be averted even if leaders want peace?
I personally like this idea the best as this has parallels in the real world: India/Pakistan, China/Japan, and of course the whole middle east situation. Imagine, where the people of two countries hated each other because of years of blood and vengeance. And you have the leaders of the two countries who want peace while their people would never have that. How could it be achieved?

Actually the movie Warcraft kinda had this theme now that I think about it...

 

[LightDiviner]

That's a very interesting concept. I think what you need to elaborate more on are these two forces:
1. Why don't they want to fight each other?
- They are both pacifists? Just want world peace?
- They are old friends?
- They are lovers?

2. Why do they HAVE TO fight each other?
- There is some divine force such as "Fate" that makes them do it or they die?
- Their underlings want them to do it?
- Deep hatred between the two races that can't be averted even if leaders want peace?
I personally like this idea the best as this has parallels in the real world: India/Pakistan, China/Japan, and of course the whole middle east situation. Imagine, where the people of two countries hated each other because of years of blood and vengeance. And you have the leaders of the two countries who want peace while their people would never have that. How could it be achieved?

Actually the movie Warcraft kinda had this theme now that I think about it...

I suppose I could go into more detail on the idea. Already finished the introduction sequence.

The two who have to fight are sisters. Not just any sisters though, they are both the children of the goddess of light, Palamecia. Fate and Destiny are things that almost everyone in the world believes in, except for the main character.

The first sister, and main character, isn't that much of a "royal" figure like she should be. She enjoys swordfighting, and wants to be an adventurer like she hears about in stories, saving the world from evil.

The second sister, older then the first, is a philosopher. She prefers studying books and ancient texts. She ends up finding out about a prophecy that seems to center around her doing something so horrible, she refuses it at first. But as time goes on, more and more signs of the prophecy seem to come true, until eventually, she regrettably accepts it as her fate.

In the middle of the night, the older sister murders their mother, turning her to stone. She didn't want anything to befall her younger sister though. However that wasn't going to be. The younger sister heard it while she was sleeping and came to investigate. The older sister is shocked to see her awake. Then, when the younger finds out what has happened, the older sister has to knock her out.

Realizing that if she stays here she will come to more harm, the older sister ends up sending the younger to the realm of mortals, as well as taking away most of her godly powers.

While the younger sister is in the realm of mortals, she learns that it is HER who must put a stop to her sister's plans once and for all. But this would mean killing her own sister as well. Which she doesn't want to do. Thus begins the cycle of neither of them wanting to fulfil their own destiny.

 

[Titris Thrawns]

I like the concept. Reminds me of the Last of the Renshai book/series by Mickey Zucker Reichert.

Spoiler: If you intend to read the series... Then minor Plot spoilers Ahoy!

The series is based in Norse mythology pre-Ragnarok. The Protagonist meets and talks with the gods, Oden, Thor, Loki, etc. and learns how they are all attempting to 'escape' their fates that have been prophesied to occur in the Ragnarok. Sif looks for an antidote to the poison that will kill Thor, Odin seeks a way to not be swallowed by Fenrir, Loki has talks to show how his antics feel forced at times. Then the Ragnarok occurs and you see the fruits of those labors.

I second everything @watermark suggests. Once you decide on the setting and the characters motivations, you can craft a game around it. It also gives a chance to show that the 'Villain' may not actually be a 'bad' person, but is taking bad/evil actions that are justified by the ends. Fable 3 has a character like that.

More questions to flesh out the general idea:
Will the game culminate in a fight between the two, or will/can they find a peaceful solution?
Do you want the player to determine the outcome?
Is destiny, in your world, something that can be changed?

Edit: Added a few sentences. I'm a bad multi-tab-er

 

[LightDiviner]

I like the concept. Reminds me of the Last of the Renshai book/series by Mickey Zucker Reichert.

Spoiler: If you intend to read the series... Then minor Plot spoilers Ahoy!

The series is based in Norse mythology pre-Ragnarok. The Protagonist meets and talks with the gods, Oden, Thor, Loki, etc. and learns how they are all attempting to 'escape' their fates that have been prophesied to occur in the Ragnarok. Sif looks for an antidote to the poison that will kill Thor, Odin seeks a way to not be swallowed by Fenrir, Loki has talks to show how his antics feel forced at times. Then the Ragnarok occurs and you see the fruits of those labors.

I second everything @watermark suggests. Once you decide on the setting and the characters motivations, you can craft a game around it. It also gives a chance to show that the 'Villain' may not actually be a 'bad' person, but is taking bad/evil actions that are justified by the ends. Fable 3 has a character like that.

I'd also recommend posting your specific project ideas in the Plot and Character Feedback thread.

More questions to flesh out the general idea:
Will the game culminate in a fight between the two, or will/can they find a peaceful solution?
Do you want the player to determine the outcome?
Is destiny, in your world, something that can be changed?

Edit: Added a few sentences. I'm a bad multi-tab-er

It probably will have a proper fight near the end, but then I'd want it to branch out into two possibly endings. One where you accept your fate and fulfill the prophecy, and one where you don't. The one where you don't probably having to be unlockable, and when you choose it you either get a true final boss or another area to go through before said final boss. I want to somehow make the boss the the personification of destiny itself, not sure how to do that though.

 

[Kes]

Please be aware that General Discussion is not for feedback on specific, individual games. If that is what you want, I will merge this with Plot and Character Feedback. If, on the other hand, it is a more wide-ranging conversation, with valid points being made which are irrelevant to your game, then it can stay here.

 

[LightDiviner]

Please be aware that General Discussion is not for feedback on specific, individual games. If that is what you want, I will merge this with Plot and Character Feedback. If, on the other hand, it is a more wide-ranging conversation, with valid points being made which are irrelevant to your game, then it can stay here.

Eh sure why not. I do want some advice.

 

[Kes]

As it is personal advice you want, I guess that means that you want this merged with Plot and Character Feedback, so that is what I shall do.

 

[LightDiviner]

As it is personal advice you want, I guess that means that you want this merged with Plot and Character Feedback, so that is what I shall do.

Thanks. The more advice the better. This is gonna be my first real game after all.

 

[Titris Thrawns]

The one where you don't probably having to be unlockable, and when you choose it you either get a true final boss or another area to go through before said final boss. I want to somehow make the boss the the personification of destiny itself, not sure how to do that though.

Depending on how the sister fight is resolved, you could make the elder sister become possessed by the entity that is 'Destiny'. I like redemption stories, so the extra work ending could be made so the younger sister breaks her elder sister free from the chains of fate so they can live a life made by their choices, rather than 'forced' by the prophesy of destiny. Maybe save mama too. And they retire to a nice farming cottage in the country. So the loss of 'divine royalty' is not viewed as bad, but a lesson of humility? *shrugs* That way you can beat up the peoples and end on a wholesome note.

Or you could trick the player into thinking that's the ending they are pursuing is about redemption... but when the younger sister destroys Destiny. The Universe collapses. The End. That could appeal to Nihilist? *double shrugs*

Anywho, Thems the ideas that popped into my head. Good luck with creating!

 

[LightDiviner]

Depending on how the sister fight is resolved, you could make the elder sister become possessed by the entity that is 'Destiny'. I like redemption stories, so the extra work ending could be made so the younger sister breaks her elder sister free from the chains of fate so they can live a life made by their choices, rather than 'forced' by the prophesy of destiny. Maybe save mama too. And they retire to a nice farming cottage in the country. So the loss of 'divine royalty' is not viewed as bad, but a lesson of humility? *shrugs* That way you can beat up the peoples and end on a wholesome note.

Or you could trick the player into thinking that's the ending they are pursuing is about redemption... but when the younger sister destroys Destiny. The Universe collapses. The End. That could appeal to Nihilist? *double shrugs*

Anywho, Thems the ideas that popped into my head. Good luck with creating!

Both interesting ideas, though the second one is a little dark for my tastes.

 

[aladdinisnotsane]

I have a story in development in which it's the 22nd century and people have abilities divided in four types. It's in an sci fi era and genre so I need unique names along those lines to classify these people with. The types are magic or mystic users, living armor users, users able to conjure weapons, and users able to conjure an astral double or (warrior) to fight in their behalf. Please help! Thanks

 

[Skunk]

You might have good luck checking synonyms of known classes.
Hero for example could also be warrior, fighter, tanker, etc.

 

[dreamfall887]

You could try using these random generators for some inspiration.

http://www.seventhsanctum.com/generate.php?Genname=class

http://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/class-names.php#.WXPvaumQzIU

 

[kwanzaabot]

For sci-fi magic, why not "Esper," "Psyker," "Psion" or what have you?

"Symbiont" could work for your living armour users.

 

[Skunk]

If only you knew about many times this has been asked.
Here is a really nice thread discussing just this.
https://forums.rpgmakerweb.com/index.php?threads/fun-unique-classes-any-ideas.10917/

 

[aladdinisnotsane]

For sci-fi magic, why not "Esper," "Psyker," "Psion" or what have you?

"Symbiont" could work for your living armour users.

I love this idea I think Psyker and Symbiont! I just need some classifications that can work for the other two...

 

[Kes]

Names are not a mechanic.
Also, 'Game Mechanics Design', like 'General Discussion' is specifically not for feedback on individual projects.

[mod]Merging this with Plot and Character Feedback[/mod]

 

[frzhrt834]

Well, hello everyone, I'm coming to ask your feedback about something...

In my lore, there are 6 demons : Demon of Destruction, Domination, Revenge, Darkness, Death and Fear. And on the top of it, they are all brothers. So how it works is they are living in a different world than the mortals, and in their own world, they all have a kind-of kingdom with armies and stuff. Those demons are so nasty so they try to invade their brother's kingdoms and rule over the other five demons.

Furthermore, mortals can invoke demons through rituals to make bargains, such as in exchange of their soul, mortals can have mountains of gold . In the plot, two warriors, a girl and her father, will try to stop the demon of Domination, who has invaded the realm of the Mortals, and they will fail. The father will die, and the girl hardly escaped. She will learn that she can make a bargain with the demon of Revenge to gain supreme strenght but she will loose her soul (wich implies to fight for his army once she dies.)

So, I want to know what you think about that. Does it seems awkward that the demons are all hostile to each other?