Plot and Character Feedback

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BottleCapGames

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Ohh... OK. You're right @Ebontope, ChaoSaga sounds less generic.

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What is everyone's thoughts on splitting your game into four parts, Act 1, Act 2, Act 3, and Act 4?
 

Builds_a_lot

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@Ebontope, I vote for ChaoSaga also. It is catchy. Think of the Logo/Title screen art?!? Maybe the S should overshadow the C in scale.
@BottleCapGames Do you have a feel for her personality besides her hating her school and wanting to defame and potentially close it down? Why is she in the school? Who made her go, since she obviously doesn't want to be there? What is the point of the school, is it normal education or something more? Is it a semi realistic setting as in no magic, or modern high fantasy type settings, or medieval mash-up type setting? What are her interests, motives, friends and why? How deep into the character are you wanting to go? Tolkien or Standard heroine to fill a plot point?
 

Ebontope

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@Ebontope, I vote for ChaoSaga also. It is catchy. Think of the Logo/Title screen art?!? Maybe the S should overshadow the C in scale.
I haven't thought of a logo yet, but that sounds like a good idea to include! Thanks for the advice.
 

watermark

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Is "Battlesuit Morpheus" a good title for a game? It's a title we're kicking around for an upcoming game.

If you see this, what kind of game do you think it is?
 

trouble time

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Is "Battlesuit Morpheus" a good title for a game? It's a title we're kicking around for an upcoming game.

If you see this, what kind of game do you think it is?
Well I like it.
 

Ebontope

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Is "Battlesuit Morpheus" a good title for a game? It's a title we're kicking around for an upcoming game.

If you see this, what kind of game do you think it is?
It sounds like a good title for a sci-fi game to me. It's kind of giving me Metroid vibes.
 

Builds_a_lot

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Is "Battlesuit Morpheus" a good title for a game? It's a title we're kicking around for an upcoming game.

If you see this, what kind of game do you think it is?
What sort of game is it? Morpheus is the Roman/Greek god of Dreams and sleep. Do the battlesuits (guessing from the title) enabled the characters to enter dreams to battle demonic nightmares that could actually kill the dreamers?
 

Metabot

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I'm creating a character based on one of my favorite characters of all time, Kreia, from KOTOR 2.

In my game, this character will assume the form of an animal and will serve as the player's teacher, dodging questions that may reveal her identity and trying to teach the player about her ideals, and in general, make the player get attached to her.
After defeating what seems to be the final boss, the big bad guy, she reveals herself as the Banished Prophet, a character the player learns about throughout the game that was banished by the pantheon after defying their ideals, but nobody knows what she said to suffer such a terrible punishment.
I don't want to fully explain her ideals and thoughts but basically, she admires the player character because you're the only person in the world who can alter fate by making their own choices, and she wishes to free the whole world to taste what true freedom feels like, since she hates that everything in the world happens for a reason, and everything is manipulated by the gods.
She asks the player to help her achieve her goals and this decision can result in extremely different endings.

I want to know if this is a good idea for a main character, and if the players would join her if I make them get attached enough to her?
And yes, I know this is probably a little edgy. :p
 

RabbitFire

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Hey there, I would like to ask your opinion on the antagonist of my first game.

So this is a post-post apocalyptic world where humanity managed to rebuilt their civilization after having another catastrophic fudge up (This is the second apocalypse to happen to human race, the first one happened during the late 21st century and the second one a 100 hundred years after.)

The main driving antagonist in my game is a loose organization called the Helios, their main gist is that they are all influential and powerful people who were brain washed to obediently follows the Helios Doctrine, a guide of some sort that dictate the pace of humanity advancement in all fields of science such as robotic, biology, chemistry etc. Any discovery that is deemed 'too fast' should quickly be destroyed, no matter how beneficial, on the ground that rapid scientific advancement not tempered with equally developed social/economic awareness would always have the potential of dooming the human race for the third time.

The Doctrine is a bunch of devices, made at the middle of the second apocalypse (The Blank Age) by a certain scientist in order to prevent future catastrophe from happening ever again. These things basically rewrite a person's mind so that they will follow the doctrine without question, and the doctrine itself gives a set of guideline to decide whether a discovery is dangerous enough to be purged or not. The doctrine is put in a very hard to reach place with ancient recording spread throughout the world, telling the legend of ancient treasure/machinery along with a clue on how to find it so that only the wealthy, influential or at least the most resourceful people could find it.

Now, Helios is not necessarily an Illuminati like organization, with centralized power structure and the intention of being the secret leader of the world. Instead, they are more like a bunch of like-minded individuals, independent of each other who works for the same goal; that is of course to observe the pace and course of human advancement and to intervene when they think we're advancing too fast for their liking. Now, the reason for this is two fold: One, it's to avoid being too centralized, and thus would collapse as soon as the head is cut. By making sure that they are independent, fighting them would be really hard because killing a member usually does nothing to other members. The second is that because most of them who managed to be indoctrinated by the devices are, usually, the wealthiest/influential/resourceful people in a region, having them together would be a really bad idea because they could amass power and corruption (The Doctrine only makes them follow the ideology, they could still have ambition for power and wealth) would inevitably appear.

Another antagonist (Although they are more on the neutral side) is a race of brain parasites that infect human and take control of their body. This parasite call themselves the Halcu, and they are a major economic power and the main driving force of the slave industry both legal and illegal. They need the slaves as a breeding factory to produce bodies for their young because a Halcu-infected human is sterile. Of course, because of their nature, opinions on the Halcu themselves are very varied; some are obviously disgusted, some fascinated, other felt that going along with them is simply logical. The government itself tolerate Halcu because they understand going to war with them would be too costly for both sides.

The main theme of my game would be 'Indoctrination' 'Cause' and 'Freedom' as you can see, the story is heavily inspired by Deus Ex and Fallout games ;)
 

Sami-Fire64

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@Metabot I do like the idea, but you have to be careful- a character that is too cryptic or evasive can be frustrating (though in my experience, having someone in-universe share the frustration helps).

@RabbitFire I can see you've put a lot of thought and imagination into this. I feel like there needs to be another context for me to better evaluate the "goodness" of the antagonists. Namely, what conflict is the Helios a part of? Is the main character trying to disband them or stop them somehow? The Halcu, however, seem delightfully unsettling on their own (though I still think I'd need conflict context for them).

My game's possible plot is very much in the wibbly-wobbly conception stage, but it goes something like this. The first part of the story starts with a young prince running away to escape his betrothed (because he finds her super creepy/scary). He encounters lots of different people and places and probably nearly gets killed at least once (learning why it's a bad idea to just take off in the process). You get introduced to the faction mechanics on a small scale during this portion, as it's largely about making friends with people who won't dump you back in the castle. Eventually, he is "retrieved" and returned to the castle, which ends part 1/the prologue. Part 2 skips ahead some years to when the prince is finally marrying his betrothed and assuming the throne; he learns how to manage the different factions in his kingdom, plus some key individuals (his new wife included). Depending on the player's actions, you might get a nice romance story, or you might get some uncomfortable tension. During the course of this section, a faction appears wanting help from the kingdom to defeat an evil that is following them from another world; this is where all the management has a payoff, conferring different bonuses and goodies depending on faction/person relationships. This part is where I'm really hazy on where things will go, but I'm pretty sure there will be multiple endings and variations depending on how you treated everyone (and you will get called out if you're one of Those Players that treats everyone awfully just to see what will happen).

My question is, does that plot seem interesting and unified at all? I'm worried that the division into two parts may make things seem disjointed, even if they're unified by the faction/relationship mechanics. You might need more of the nuances to evaluate the plot; if you have questions, please ask. Thank you.
 

RabbitFire

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@Sami-Fire64 Hey, thanks!

Here is a (Somewhat) heavy spoiler reason for the reason our protag is up against Helios:
So begin with the backstory; There is this one big, mega city which is the major trade route in the region. Two inventors by the name of Alsec "Lord" Almont and Joseph Wiseman are best friend. Lord is beloved by the citizen because he's also a successful businessman and a philantropist, who regularly give funds to orphanage and school. Secretly however, he is also the creator and overseer of a murderous Vigilante A.I "Black Bunny" that murder corrupt politician, thugs and mob boss, exploiting the city sophisticated surveillance system (that Lord also develop) to hide its track and avoid capture. The reason for Black Bunny creation is rooted in Lord's grief over his daughter's death at the hand of an escaped convict, and his charity is in fact an attempt to cope with what he perceived to be a sinful act (Seriously, Bunny's pretty brutal in murdering people) believing that this good act will balance out his karma and ease his guilt.

Both Wiseman and Lord was subjected to the Doctrine's influence when they went looking for it in the city's depth, believing it to be a key to discover lost technology to help humanity. However, because the device is old and a bit of it is broken, instead of influencing Lord to follow the Doctrine it instead cause a 'glitch' in his brain that rendered him immune to the Doctrine's further influence. Wiseman fell to its influence though, and Lord, understandably afraid of the Device's power (Wiseman was, in fact, more Gung Ho about inventing stuff that he once become a target of assassination from other Helios member) and the change it brought to his best friend, decided to play along and pretend that he also fell into the Doctrine's brainwash. Secretly however, he began to scan his brain in order to find the pattern that gives his immunity to the Doctrine's brainwashing. Soon he develop what he calls the Daedalus Directive; the opposite of Helios, which gives anyone immunity to the its Doctrine. Wiseman discovered Lord's betrayal, the Directive and Lord's neurological pattern, and murdered him, while framing Black Bunny as the culprit. Before his death however, Lord managed to transfer and safeguard the the Directive within the A.I of the Black Bunny, hoping that someone would discover its existence and continue his fight against Helios.

Up Above is Spoiler.

Our protagonist start out in debt to a mob boss in the lower part of the city, which is not under Bunny's surveillance system. He was forced to do a high risk high reward mission on the upper level, succeed, paid of all his debt (With leftover) and decided to turn a new leaf on the upper level. Of course, because of what he did Bunny knows and soon goes for his throat, he fought the robot, and actually managed to drive the A.I away. All of this happened during the uproar after Lord's murder was discovered, and investigation was launched to find and apprehend the notorious vigilante (Even though the A.I is not the real culprit). The protagonist was a bit cocky and told his friends about how he managed to beat the Bunny, then they demand him to bait it out, beat it again and hunt it down so they can get the bounty money. He was adamant at first, but then his friends point out that unless Bunny is dead or captured, it will come back and he would never find peace on the upper level. So he did what they asked and followed the robot to its 'Lair' outside the city. Turns out an ambitious and selfish rookie cop sees him fighting Bunny, and decided to follow their trail so she can apprehend both of them and receive recognition (And promotion). Inside the lair, both were greeted by the Bunny A.I who congratulate them on finding it, saying that they are the kind of people it was ordered to find (Resourceful/Powerful) and then it used Daedalus Directive to give them immunity to Helios (Although, neither of them or the player would know what just happened). After some scuffle and explanation, the cop believe what Bunny said about its innocence regarding the murder of Lord (And its rather cheery admittance to its other murder) and asked who is the real culprit; The Bunny doesn't know who, as its creator have ordered it to not chase anyone responsible for his death, with the reason being "Too Dangerous." The cop then dragged the protagonist and Bunny to find the one responsible for Lord's murder, so that she can get recognition (And promotion)

Soon enough they would be embroiled in conflict with Wiseman, and may or may not the entire Helios at large.

And this is for Halcu
It all started in a sidequest; the Protagonist wants a slave for uh, personal reason, and goes to the slave market. There he found the younger sister of his old friend being auctioned, bought her in and asked what happened to her, her sister and her family. Turns out that they was attacked and kidnapped by Illegal Slavers and her entire family was separated and sold. Angry, the protagonist decided to find and help his old friend, but only after he discover any clue on where she could be sold; and to who.

Sadly, after I realized that with my current schedule I won't be able to work on the game as much as I'd like, I've decided to halt the development of this project and focus on a smaller and less complex projects, thinking of it as some sort of practice when I resume this project on a later date.

As for your plot, it doesn't sound disjointed at all. Though, it would really depends on the execution as I'm seeing a lot of political subtext there (Especially on the second part) and as far as I know, those things are complex and very hard to write. One question; is the queen actually evil or just misunderstood? maybe she could hold a grudge over the whole 'I don't want to marry you, I'm running away from you'? that could make for a very good drama, especially if the prince actually fell for her for good. Oh, another one: I need context for this 'evil.' Is it an army? a Creature? is it like a zombie plague?
 

Kes

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Now that the Ideas and Prototypes Forum is up and running, this thread is being closed.



If you think that you have not yet received feedback on ideas you have posted here, go to the new forum which is here. Please read the Rules carefully before deciding between posting in "Ideas which don't deserve their own thread" which Archeia will be opening shortly, and starting a new separate thread.
 
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