Plot and Character Feedback

[Velex]

Hey all, I wrote a back-story template as practice, and although I have my own ideas of how a game could arise from it, I'd like to see if you could come up with anything. I'll also take feedback on writing style & tempo, if that's a forte of yours. Cheers!

Spoiler

Given the chance, how would you play out a story from these elements? What role would the characters play?A wise King had three sons, each who desired the power to follow in their father’s footsteps. The eldest, Dawn, ruled his people through strength of arms. For, he figured, if he had power over life and death surely no one could have as much power as he. The middle son, Paul, unable to overwhelm the strength of his brother, ruled his people through his clever mind. For, he figured, if his men believed he held the power of life and death, surely no one could have as much power as he. Finally, the youngest son, Jobs, who had not the strength of his eldest brother Dawn, nor the wit of his elder brother Paul, ruled his people through ownership of wealth. For, he figured, if he held all the wealth, then men would kill each other for the chance at the smallest slice, and surely there was no way anyone could have as much power as he.

Many years passed and the wise King had no more sons. The crones all said that his seed had run dry, but that he should be glad, for the gods had blessed him with three mighty sons. Surely, they believed, what more could a King ask for? But the wise King was not content, for though his sons had much power, they had not the wisdom to use it. In his sadness, he exiled himself to the mountains of the gods to ask for guidance. For many months he prayed alongside his servant Patsy, who loved the wise King greatly and looked after him during his exodus. When he could bare it no longer, Patsy begged the wise King to return to his Kingdom, surely the gods had heard his prayers and had ignored his plight. But the wise King would not give up so easily, and asked Patsy to stay with him for one more month of prayer. When the month had come and gone, Patsy asked the wise King once more to give up on his prayers and return to his family and his Kingdom. But the wise King said “Surely this must be a test of my conviction. Give me one more month dear Patsy, and then I shall return to the Kingdom with you.” This gave Patsy a heavy heart, for he dearly wanted to return to his own family. But the love for his King held strong, and Patsy agreed to stay by the wise King’s side for just one more month.

Thirty days and thirty nights passed on the mountains of the gods without answer. The wise King, though strong for many months, had begun to lose hope. “Thirty days have come and gone, my King.” said Patsy “You gave me your word that you would return when the month was up.” But the King replied, “There is still one night left in this month, for this month is graced by thirty-one days. Let us stay this one night longer, then I shall return with you on the morrow.” Patsy, the ever loyal servant, said these words to the King; “I asked you once, months ago, to return to the Kingdom with me. To which you replied that we should stay but one month longer, and I accepted those terms. When that month was up, I came to you and said that the month was up and that we should return to the Kingdom. Yet once again, you asked for month longer, and though you had broken your vow, I agreed to these new terms. Now you ask me but for one more night. But will this truly be the last night? Or will on the morrow, you beg me for another, knowing my love for you?”

The wise King thought about the words of his servant, and knew there was a ring of truth to them. “I will make a covenant with you” he said, “Though I intend to return home with you on the morrow, should the strength of my promise leave me once again, I give to you a token by which you hold me to your will.” And to Patsy the servant, the wise King gave over his crown of many colors. “With this crown, you hold the power of Kingship. For whichever of my children receive this crown, shall become the next King, claiming all power and authority that comes with it. And Patsy knew the wise King had given him a valuable gift and agreed to stay by his side for one more night.

Suddenly a voice called out from the darkness, “Wise King, you have stayed upon this mountain for many a night, even against the advice of that whom is closest to you. What is it that you have come for?” The wise King replied, “I have been blessed with three sons, each who have learned power, but none who have the wisdom to rule. I have come to beg for the gift of a wise son who can carry on the Kingdom after my death.”

“I hear your words, wise King.” said the voice. And from the shadows stepped a frail old woman, who spoke, revealing herself to be the voice of the darkness. “A wise child you shall have, one who can carry on your Kingdom after your death. But she will be no son, but a daughter, for I am the god of two halves, and each is no more important than the other.” With these words the old woman vanished back into the night, never to be seen by the King again.

The wise King returned to his Kingdom and though the crones all said that his seed was dry, one more child was born to him. She was a child born of wisdom, a hero who could lead the Kingdom for the benefit of all its people. Her name was...

[Enter name processing]!

Here is how I would frame the story; (although I put it in spoilers for those who might be interested in writing a taint-free version of their own.)

Spoiler

I would start with the wise King on his death bed, passing this story on to the daughter. That would be the call to action, for the daughter must prove herself stronger than each of her brothers, somehow wiser and then finally find Patsy and receive the crown-of-many-colors so she can become Queen. In order to defeat her brothers, she must prove herself better to each of her brother's men, stronger than Dawn, to earn the respect of the warriors, more virtuous than Paul, to earn the respect of the clergy and more wealthy than Jobs to earn the respect of the merchants. Only then will Patsy reveal himself and deliver a final test; the test of wisdom, which if passed will earn her the crown. In order to pass this test, the daughter must recognize that her brothers feel forever inadequate in the eyes of their father, and help them out of the pit of defeat and despair, which her actions helped cause. For the wisest of leaders helps all their people, no matter how wretched. Only then will Patsy bestow the crown and make the player ruler of the kingdom.

 

[pershgn]

So I've been experimenting and tinkering with rpgmaker for a while now. My experimenting has evolved into two distinct projects, I like both, and have chunks of each in varying stages. I figured my best bet would be to toss both ideas out to get input on how to improve each, and which to pursue.

These "summaries" became rather long-winded, apologies if it seems to be walls of text below...

(And special thanks to anyone who wades through to provide feedback )

-First Idea- Deepdark (working title)

Spoiler

The game opens with a cinematic of four powerful cultists fighting their way through the last heroes defending an altar to an ancient imprisoned god. The cultists prevail and perform their dark ritual, releasing the once-god onto the world. As it emerges from the prison realm its been trapped in it lashes out at the cultists, flinging them into the open portal as its closing. You control the four cultists now locked in a madness inducing prison-maze. Learn the secrets of the ancient prison containing the oldest horrors of the realms as you try to not just survive, but escape...(that sounded way too much like an advertisement... )

-Explanation-

Spoiler

This came about from my possibly unhealthy obsession with maps and building them. First thing i did with rpgmaker is make maps, lots of maps.. Lots and lots of maps..Some of these maps evolved into what is really one huge 3-dimensional dungeon, made entirely of very different sections of normal "flat" rpgmaker dungeons (getting the 3d form while playing makes for shortcuts...), these sections not only have very different themes visually and in creatures, but actually affect different aspects of your characters(more on that later). I never cared for the uniformity in so many rpg dungeon designs and I did a lot of playing to see how much i could do as far as atmosphere and depth in dungeon mapping, i tried to really make it a dungeon designed to drive its inhabitants made, in atmosphere as much as layout. The game takes place entirely in this massive dungeon, the prison (the deeepdark). It is very much a survival/dungeon crawler rpg, but built in the standard overhead rpgmaker perspective. There are non-hostile npcs (though by no means sane) scattered about, including some vendors (drops and loot play a larger role than vendors). So it does blend in elements from outside dungeon crawlers. Combat does take place in the first person view, though using faceplates, gauges and colored popups, instead of a realiance on text feedback (going for combat that feels alive and dynamic, otherwise the strong gameplay focus would grow dull.)

As far as character development (mechanics wise) each of the four start fairly similar, with only slight focuses towards martial or magic. As you progress you can invest in either ability increases or skill increases (abils do still increase small amounts naturally with lvl). you will also never get a skill you already have (i.e. fire 2, fire 3), skills scale with ability score and level. Same applies to items. The result is a good deal of customization, you can have a mage with a wide variety of spells and decent power, or a specialized powerhouse of a caster, or a specialized spell set with strong off or def capabilities, or speed. Same applies on the martial side of the spectrum, with different weapon skills and skills, many martial skills are also elemental. The differing terrains and areas play into the combat system by providing potential bonus to attacks of an aligned element (or hampering opposing).

-Story-

Spoiler

The opening scene sets the stage with your characters obviously not fighting for the good of the world, with them plainly stating their intent to release what they believe to be an ancient demon imprisoned eons ago. Then they have the audacity to succed! What!? The demon theyve released has its owns plans and wont be controlled though, it immediately betrays them for their efforts. You are now banished in the same eternal prison you just freed your "god" from. After a short time fighting the mindless inhabitants of the prsion you begin finding the odd strong-willed individual who has maintained some semblence of sanity. You learn that things werent nearly so murderous before you freed the demon. He was the only being strong enough to bring the most powerful creatures of the prsion into submission. The moment everything sensed his absence, it become a battle for supremacy between the most powerful of the beasts and the hordes under their domination, as it was eons ago. In some places you even find small colonies of these survivors of the prsion, some with very sad stories of how they came to be there. From these individuals you learn that the being you released was no demon but a damaged god. He was once a true god, and his aspect was justice. In times long past he crafted this prison to lock away the most fearsome of the horrors of creation. This won him many followers, and in time he became the chief diety of the pantheon, his followers flourished. Unfortunately they were never satisified, they had expanded through out the realms, until they held sway over all the mortal realms. Eventually even this wasn't enough, and some arose who sought the power of a god. They quietly crafted a ritual to bring their god down and kill him, in order to claim his power for themselves. They succeded in calling him down from his lofty inattention, but failed in killing him. He was wounded, disfigured, broken, but alive. His fall and the near-fatal blow had shattered the realm, and the priests who had sought his power now feared his recovery, and no longer had the means to attempt to kill him. So he was imprisoned in his own madness inducing eternal prison. Broken and imprisoned the god began to lose his mind, he still represented justice, but it became dark. He fought the creatures and gods he had imprisoned into submission, the strongest of these became enforcers of his justice in the various warrens of the prsion. It was cruel, and it was brutal, but it was a kind of peace in the prison, though nothing keeps its sanity in this place. By defeating the various wardens vying for power you can open in the way into what had served as the gods sanctum in the prison, which you learn may be your only hope of escape. While nothing may escape the prison, anything that has been summoned from the prison never fully leaves, a piece is always left behind. With this you could force the gods return to the prison. By defeating him once and for all you destroy the prison itself also. Exactly what this means for your party and everything inside the prison will remain less certain till the very end . By the end of the story your originally evil characters, while quite obviously not the best of people, really are playing the role of the good guy, even if only for their own self intrest. Through the story and the enviroment the perspective you see the world and the characters from shifts, turning them from horrible villans into conquering heros without ever changing their motives.

-Second Idea- Web of Destiny (again, working title)

Spoiler

This second idea came about from wanting to do something revolving around personal choice, and experimenting with ways to make it function. The idea is to have a story progressing through your character, marcus', life. Beginning in his youth at 8 years old, on through to old age and his final days. The choices you make through out, be they big or small, begin to accumulate and affect not just peoples reactions to you but the story (think of it as karma in a way). As the story progresses it begins to branch from the weight of these stories. You are in control of Marcus' destiny.

-Explanation & Mechanic-

Spoiler

I'd be happy to expand on this if anyones interested, and would love to hear peoples thoughts...In dealing with choice a couple things occured to me. First, if I'm in a new place, surrounded by strangers who dont know me, then no one knows if I threw a rock at a little girls cat 6 months ago*; as a matter of fact, neither does the little girl if she didnt see or hear about it. So "karma" alone doesnt determine our outcomes (many games that allow you personal choice fail on this point, even very well made games that i love). Second, is that choice can be very complicated to pull off in rpgmaker, and very time consuming. Yeah, I know, captian obvious. What I'm using is a couple of categories of variables with well-defined purposes. The primary variable here is "karma", it represents the accumulation of your deeds. This affects broad aspects of gameplay in minor ways, but acts as the control for the points where the story branches. It does this by controlling OTHER characters actions (NPCs, PMs) at various points in the story, much like a train switching tracks. The next is a group of variables I think of as "reputation", its the accumulation of acts a particuar region/locality/organization know of (face it, everyone gossips). The effects of the levels of these variables are more visible than that of karma, they affect some peoples attitudes, side-quest availability, prices in some cases. Certain levels of these variables will affect karma, because the hatred of a whole town cant be good for your karma (this is weighted based on size/importance of locality).

How this works out is regularly seeing the results of your actions and decisions, while in the background those same choices are accumulating to determine small shifts in the story down the road that you dont necesarily have a decesion in. It also you leaves you the opportunity to decide to atone for your sins at some point in the story, as long as later more major decisions are weighted properly against earlier minor decisions. The more neutral paths will actually require a balancing of acts both good and bad to achieve (yin and yang baby )

*Disclaimer: In no way do I condone or practice the harming of furry innocents or other such inhumanities.

-Story-

Spoiler

Story I could use a fair bit of input on actually, what I have so far isnt really fleshed out yet. Honestly I'd love to hear other peoples ideas for the story, a combination of ideas would make a story about personal choice that much more engrossing.So far its a story split in four chapters, each representing a different part of Marcus' life. You start as an 8 yr old Marcus in an isolated village lving happily with your family. The opening chapter is confined to this village and the surrounding woodlands. After classes and a few childhood adventures (along with a number of possible side-quests/decisions in the village) an earthquake occurs, opening a cave out in the forest. While playing in the woods nearby soldiers begin emerging from the cave. Following an emotional couple of decisions involving your family and village Marcus is captured and enslaved by the invaders.

The story resumes at 16, with Marcus enslaved by a rather cruel master. This chapter revolves around marcus' escape from slavery (and the means by which its achieved). After escaping and being on the run for a time the chapter closes with Marcus' conscription into the same army that had invaded his home.

The third chapter opens sometime later, Marcus has risen to become a low-ranking officer in command of a hardened unit. This chapter revolves around the expansion and realization of imperial ambitions of the kingdom Marcus serves. At this point the decisions you've made (and will make) begin to have a broader effect on the story. As the empire becomes ever more powerful, factions have begun to form, and as marcus becomes more reknowned (for good or ill) he plays a larger role in these interactions. This chapter closes with the completion of the empires conquests, and the solidifying of key factions.

The fourth chapter takes place later in Marcus' life and will open in different ways depending on choices. This chapter revolves around the death of the emperor and the struggles for power afterwards. At this point the weight of your decisions, and your final conscience ultimately decide not just Marcus' fate, but the fate of the entire empire. At the moment I'm intending 6 potential conclusions, which I'll sum up (without being too revealing) as follows. (from one end of the spectrum thru to the other)

Madman - Greedy/Power-Hungry - Free the people - "Save" the people - The Spanish Inquisition

Again, sorry for the long-winded explanations and digressions.

Any feedback, input, criticism, suggestions, tips, or info; be they helpful, critical, or just plain silly, are greatly appreciated.

Thank you

 

[RyanA]

You're ideas seem a little cliche, but I like the first idea and how you play as the bad guys locked inside the realm of the demon they just summoned, quite nice :3

 

[Povincci]

Here's the current story I've come up with and still can't finish. Please give any constructive criticism as you can and please point out the strengths and weaknesses that you can find. I really can use some help.

Summary

Spoiler

Invited by your friends, you went to see the release of your most anticipated game in the popular game market called Arcade.But, even before you arrived, white light began enveloping the area. You tried to escape but the light grew faster than your feet can take you away. Soon, you were enveloped by the light and moments after you found yourself together with your friends on a forest. You tried to explore the area and was later on approached by three ghostly figures. The figures talked to you about being brought to another world. You tried to ask things but they quickly disappeared, leaving you with an advice to keep going and fight. Soon after, a man/woman approached you from afar. He/She seems to have been surprised about your presence and quickly, he/she offered help to you. Together with him/her, you helped your friends out in their unconscious state. You asked him/her about where you all are and what happened. The man/woman only told you he/she was just in the same state as you are, lost and curious. After gaining consciousness, you and your friends together with the man/woman decided to find a way out with some guidance from the man/woman. You walked through the forest and when you were near the exit, an angry mob of townsmen approached you. You tried to ran back into the forest but you were cornered. The mob were bringing weapons with them, fitted with attires you have only seen in games and speaking in terms you have never heard before. They looked at you with deep intent to kill you. You, feeling only natural, decided to defend yourself. The man/woman supported you with this idea and suddenly took out a couple of strange weapons for you and your friends to use. You fought well and had managed to set the mob running like babies. You were surprised of what happened but you felt unsafe after that incident. Quickly, you chose to find the nearest settlement you can step on to find some place for security. But the moment you have been able to, people only began throwing off suspicions from your lot, being called pawns of the "seers" as you have heard. It seems that you have been mistaken to be these people. You searched for answers but no one was wiling to tell you except for a merchant who happened to went by and saw you.

The merchant answered every single one of your questions and filled you with what you just needed. You were told about the "seers", the master magicians of the land that initiates a so-called "seer wars" to see who's the strongest one to gain rule over the land. And you were mistaken for soldiers by one of them. You assumed you were taken into the game and is required to finish it while inside it. You thought things through and decided to approach one of this seers, hopefully having more answers on how to get back to your world. You departed at once and set for a quest and hunt for a seer, meeting more people along the way. You crossed different lands and traveled seas. You met downsides and arguments but you were able to make it through, thanks to your now strong team's help to you, their leader.

You were getting good about dwelling in the world but when you met the first seer, things were needed to be thought through. Finding a seer was the opposite of what you expected. It seems like they were the hindrance, not the help, that could bring you to your doom.You tried to evade any possible meeting with a seer in the future and tried to look for other ways to go back. But along with this, luck seems to be not on your side. Your friends leaving you, more seers trying to get your team, more people getting hurt, all was not good. And at the peak of the events, the identity of the man/woman who helped you from the start is showing its true color. You alone can decide your fate.

Idea

Spoiler

First of all, the story is intended to be in the first person POV, with people talking to you, etc. You also pick your character and would be able to name yourself in the game to produce an effect that will draw the player into the game like he/she was really there.About the story, I am not so sure about the seer and seer wars concept myself. I kind of used it to actually just complicate things to bring out character and story development at its best state. I'm really sorry for it being like that but I want to be honest. I can't find any way to bring more emotion into the game without causing some frustration part in it. The game, as I want it, I'd like it to be aligned with Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor's character and story development wherein the player gets to see different reactions from different people all under the same situation.

Please feel free to give some spice, if you like.

 

[Muffinette]

@Mashi: I don't really understand some of the plot points. Why, if people hate and fear you enough to try and kill you, does some random merchant decide to fill you in on things? And if seers are so hated and feared, why would people be joining you on a quest to go meet one? I apologize if these issues are resolved within the story itself; those are simply the things that jumped out at me.

For my own story, there's a particular element I want feedback on.

Inspiration:

Spoiler

The inspiration for this particular element comes from an anime called Ergo Proxy. In that anime, humans have android companions called Autoreivs. A plot point in the story is a thing called the Cogito virus, which causes an Autoreiv to become self-aware (it's suggested that they literally gain a soul). Most Autoreivs infected with the virus become violent and rebel against their human masters.

I really enjoyed this part of the story, because a lot of interesting questions come up. What would a being do if they were designed and built for a single purpose, have been fulfilling that purpose their whole existence, but suddenly are freed from having to pursue that purpose? Can real emotions come from artificial beings? Lots of food for thought. These are the sort of questions I want to bring up in my game.

Idea:

Spoiler

Similar to Ergo Proxy, humans in my story have created artificial beings to assist them. Called golems, they are normally completely incapable of disobeying their masters. Depending on the skill of the person who made them, they can appear very human in their appearance and actions, but fundamentally they are tools.

And, again similarly to the anime, things start to go wrong. A group of golems appears that have gained free will and are actively working to grow their numbers and overthrow humanity. They charge that it is wrong to create beings that in many respects are like humans, and in fact have the potential for emotion and free will, and then abuse them as humans have done.

While this conflict is not the main focus of the game, it does play a role and affects the development of the characters. The main character of my game comes into contact with golems both free and not- both types eventually join the party. It is a important point that not all free golems agree with the idea of overthrowing humanity- some are happy to work alongside humans. (why that is is a long, major-spoilery plot point)

Feedback:

Spoiler

What do you think of this idea? Does it hew too closely to the inspiration? Does it have merit at all? What do you think of the questions posed- are golems no different computers, tools that don't require any rights or ethical standards regarding their use? Does the fact that they can gain free will and emotion mean that they should be given it? Does a human-like tool deserve things like respect and dignity?

I personally lean one way, and so does the direction my story takes, but I'm really interested in hearing what others think.

I would greatly appreciate any response.

 

[Velex]

@Muffinette: I wouldn't worry much about being too close to the inspiration. The idea of Robots gaining sentience has been played around with by a plethora of authors and story tellers. Isaac Asimov has done short stories on the topic, even Frankenstein is of a similar theme and that was from 1818. And of course it ties in with the ethics of slavery, especially in regards to ideas racial inferiority, which legitimized human on human inhumanity many times throughout human history.

What you would have to do is create a golem character capable of convincing the audience, as well as other characters, that it has a sentient and creative will. Throw in characters with different viewpoints on the issue and let them try to convince each other of their perspective.

If you want my personal view on those ethical issues; human-like beings deserve my respect and dignity if they ask for it. If they have enough will to ask for it, who am I to deny it too them?

 

[GameBoyLovve]

Hello all~ I've been having an idea for my game and so far I like what I have but I'm very interested in how others will feel about it and if they want to even play it. I'm new to the maker but I've been learning and have made 'starter' games to get a feel on how it works. However enough about that and I'll explain my game, and also point out any negatives or strong point I should focus on. Anything that could make my plot or characters stronger.

While I don't have a title atm here is my idea

Main Characters

Spoiler

Kole: the main character of the game and who you'll be in control of. He was a banished king of his land due to a rebellion. He was a ruthless young king who didn't seem to care much for the 'lower' classes of his empire. Rather he enjoyed running their lives as a sport from burning homes if he thought that family was out to get him or increasing taxes on many small owner shops. Oddly enough though he spends much time in church gatherings and considers the priest to be almost a second father to him as well as loving his dear little sister more than life itself. It should also be stated that I plan to show his childhood through flashbacks and how he was very much forced by his family to be a certain way, therefore how he became so cynical in his ruling days.Klara: Kole's younger sister. A rather frail and small looking young girl who always looks up to her big brother Kole. Having been stuck in the castle due to her parent's wishes she didn't know much of the world or how her family made others suffer. She is very much a dainty princess and has been taught to be like this in order to be a prize to potential princes. However when Kole took ruler after the deaths of their parents he allowed Klara to live the life she had always wanted. However she did not know what he meant by this and had trouble breaking the patterns and lifestyle her parents had given her. She had tried to do her own thing by tending to a garden all by herself and being more playful which made the castle a little bit more exciting. However after a terrible raid of the castle she was found and killed by the rebellion army and now her ghost or what Kole believes to be her ghost brings him much torment or relief. He is unsure if she wishes to curse him or give him comfort.

Trice: the leader of the rebellion army that took over leadership of the land and claimed the life of Klara. His motive was his hatred of Kole and what he had done to his father and mother. Kole had ordered his parents to be burned at the stake for reasons of treasons and witchcraft. It had been Trice's life purpose to destory Kole by taking what was dear to him and then ending his life. He will not rest until Kole is dead. Though for a person with much hate you would never know, he keeps a cool attitude and is rather cold and relaxed about his plans or his emotions. He plans accordingly and rarely acts out of his own mental plan.

Ivarice: Trice's older brother and head general of the rebellion army. Even though he is the oldest he is clearly not in command and that is fine with him. He is rather brash and hasty and while the rebellion army stands for freedom for all he is very violent to others and acts on pure instict. He can be rather ruthless and enjoys taking the lives of others. Often when he was young he enjoyed kiling small animals. For the longest time it had always been Trice that has to watch over Ivarice to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. When he is caught within Trice's cold eyes however he humbles himself to that of a child who made of mistake and wishes nothing but to have his brother and family be proud of him.

Lyra: a city girl who bumped into Kole while he was on the run. She serves more of his mother even though she is slightly younger than him. She is to represent a future for Kole. While she does not know his true identity she keeps him safe and is a very good cook. She is also in charge of a small boy she found alone in the streets one day. She is rather lively and has a fire in her heart. But wants to help Kole as she suspects his heart is heavy with pain.

Lucky: Lyra's adopted brother. She took the responsibilty of taking him in and had him in his care before they ran into Kole. He is an energetic 12 year old and despite his name he always seems to end up in trouble. He is rather nosey and doesn't appear to trust Kole at all. But he is a good natured boy and is just protective of Lyra.

Gulp: the job offerer of the town and is able to help Kole find jobs in the city

Chris: the priest of the chruch within the kingdom. He is the only one who knows of Kole's true identity and offers him advice on life.

Plot:

Spoiler

It begins as Kole is being chased out of kingdom and with Trice walking slowly being him. Kole is trapped and after seeing what Trice did to Klara has made Kole act unstable and on the verge of breaking down. Trice beings to slowly approach Kole as he stands on the edge of the outside portion of the castle. Before Trice could stab Kole, Ivarice bum rushes Kole down and starts to beat him. Trice tries to control the situation but by accident Kole loses his footing and falls off the castle walls. Ivarice begins to shout in happiness as he killed Kole, though Trice does not want to take any chances. They go to where he should've fell and they see he is gone. Word beings to spread that the old king is banished and that he is to be brought to the new ruler Trice, alive. If someone is to be to accused of helping Kole they will be severly punished and ruined. And to a reminder to Kole and of how much of a coward he is to leave his castle and family, Trice hangs Klara's body to the bell and makes it known for every time the bell rings it is another moment where Klara's body is uncovered and had not gone through the proper procedures of rest for her soul.It has now passed 2 years and Kole's appearance had changed due to being on the run. He is rather poor and lives off of scraps and uses every ounce of his coins to survive. He bumps into Lyra and Lucky who now make a permanent addition to his life and give him a softer side. While these 2 years he had went to Chris for help and forgiveness and it is Chris that had given him the idea to take back his throne. However through the years Kole has seen what he did to his kingdom and wishes not to be a ruler. He truly wants forgiveness of his past and overall he wants to lay Klara's body to rest.

So far this is the main point of the game and how it will play out will be like this. Bear with me it's still a work in progress. The goal of the game is to obtain enough weapons to raid your own castle so that you can get Klara's body and properly put her to rest. How you will do this is that everyday you will go to Gulp and look for a job. Once you do the job the day will be over and you will start the new day and do it again and again until you have enough money to aquire your weapons. A week will be 7 days and each day you will have different jobs. Like Mondays will be the only days to do flower arranging while only tuesdays can you work to be a cook. However each job ( I have 5 planned) will have side npcs which you can befriend and see their backstory after you stick with a job for so many days. Also you can do grunt work where you will join the NEW rebellion army as the leader Trice is too harsh and unfair and his brother Ivarice is just bat crazy. This will be one of the only times you can actually fight and again you will learn a lot of backstory and you will see the growth of Kole through all of these jobs. At first the jobs will pay low however the longer you work their the more trust you will gain from these npcs and as such more money.

Also I do plan to have other side quests with the npcs of the town.

A side note~

The game is very story based and while there are battles there will be times where you aren't fighting.

To get the ending of the game you must obtain all the weapons you need. Have a lot of trust with Lucky and Lyra by offering them meals and gifts, as well as gaining the trust of all the job npcs.

I plan to have cutscenes at certain days to progress the story and show how the state of the kingdom is and what Trice and Ivarice is up to as well as Kole's own internal battle with himself.

I plan to have a limit on how many days the game will be. So far I have to balance it out so its not boringly slow or too fast and easy. It's still a work in progress how I can do this but I'd like to hear if people like the idea and would actually play it?

As you can see the story is rather dark and even the town itself will be rundown and shabby. However through the actual story I want to show hope for these characters and the future of the town. Which is where Lyra and Lucky do come in to show potential hope to Kole and give him something to laugh and care about as well as showing how more humane he has become as a person.

So I hope to get some input on my early ideas for my game

 

[omen613]

@Gameboylovve

Interesting ideas you have there. You seem to have flushed out the character's personalities really well and I really like the ghost sister aspect of it all. My only concern is actual game play interaction...I know you stated its going to be very story heavy (and thats fine) just have to do it correctly for it will Make or Break the game.

My idea takes place in a high fantasy-post-apacalyptic world where all living things have Crysts (Elemental Crystals) instead of hearts that power their bodies giving each living thing an elemental affinity.

Nations of Interest (Before Ragnarok)

Spoiler

Luca - Unified tribes of Lalafell (small child like race with the ability to communicate to each other, and animals, telepathically called the Whisper) best known for their rich farmlands. Being able to communicate with animals has made them live in harmony with mighty beasts who protect one another from danger. They don't trust other races because they can't read their minds and see their true intentions but do trade with other nations out of necessity.Jueno - Desert Nation of dark skinned humans who are governed by the Church of Ajora. They are famous for the church's white magic that can heal the sick and even revive the recently dead. They wish to enlighten the world to the teachings of Ajora.

Gondo - Nation of Samurai and Monks that dwell in the thick bamboo forests. They are an honor bound people that worship their ancestors and the balance of Mind, Body, and Soul. Best known for their lumber and high quality bows. They look lowly on other nations for they aren't as disciplined as they are.

Arcadian Empire - The ruling nation of the land, they're capital is the merchant city where all the nations come to trade and live peacefully. Their unmatched military numbers is what keeps them in power for it is made up of all races and tactics that is funded by Arcadia's wealth.

Beastmen - Barbarian tribes that live all across the lands and are shunned from cities for their monster like appearances and customs. They raid and loot travelers and merchants on the roads. They are the never ending threat to the prosperity of the great nations.

Ragnarok - what the survivors call the day the world ended

Spoiler

The world is in total ruins...Crystals erupted from the ground in massive sizes and quantities and bursted with magical energies that altered the landscape and destroyed most the world's populations (~75%). The world's nations are no more, money is worthless, flora and fauna have been mutated, and people will kill to survive this harsh new world.No one knows what caused Ragnarok....but that doesn't stop people from pointing fingers and acting on such notions.

There is no single MAIN character...

Main Characters:

Spoiler

Rith - A Warden (Arcadian soldier) who is very devoted to the empire and its fundamentals of order and equality. Even tho the world ended, he acts as if the empire is still in charge along with all its laws and customs. He is also a 2nd generation of beastmen that has integrated with the empire peacefully...Many people disrespect him for being a beastman but he quickly reminds them that he is a warden of the empire and will not tolerate such actions. He wishes to reestablish the empire to its former glory and protect all citizens of the empire. Despite being a beastman, he was raised as noble in the capital and acts accordingly. There are only 3 types of people in his eyes....citizens of the empire who he must protect....People who earn his respect and are seen as equals....and low life criminals of the empire. He refuses to show weakness of any kind which often gets him into trouble. When he speaks to people he often acts as if he is the face of the empire even tho he is but one solider. "Fear not good citizens, the Empire is here to protect you!"

Squee-nix - A House Goblin (Hob) slave who used to steal goods from merchants for his master to sell in his shop. Unlike most Hobs who were treated very poorly by their masters, Squee-nix's master took good care of him for he generated his master lots of money...for free. During Ragnarok his master was killed and now he has lost all direction in life. He joins the group after Rith arrests him for being a thief and now must find a judge to give the Hob a proper trial. He is a very nurturing person, always wanting everyone to like him for he is very lonely now that his master is gone. He goes out of his way to make others feel better and gets upset when people don't appreciate his thoughtful deeds.

Mirri Ross - A woman from the past that time traveled to the present during Ragnarok's magical disruptions. Her people have been extinct for thousands of years and are referred to as "Sky People" for they build flying mechanical cities that are now dormant and littered with mechanical golems that attack anyone on sight...no one knows what happened to the sky people. She travels with the group hoping to find a way back to her time. See also documents her travels in a notebook hoping that when she returns home, she can write a book that will make her famous. She is very intelligent and always speaks her mind which often gets her into trouble.

Battle Mechanics - she pilots a rusty, Mechanical Droid, she fixed up from a ruin named CiD (Civilian Industry Droid) The robot is player customizable for its roles in battle based on parts that Mirri scavenges from ruins.

Toby ??? - (working name) A young lalafell boy (10years) who was raised on a farm his whole life with fellow lalafell. During Ragnarok he was caught up in a magically created tornado that carried him far from his home. He also lost the ability to speak and can now only communicate with the whisper to other lalafells. He knows his family and friends are probably all dead, but he refuses to stop looking for them until he knows for sure. He is very found of Mirri because for some unknown reason, he can communicate with her using the Whisper...which makes him trust her. He butts heads with Rith through out the story because Rith refuses to let the boy join the group for he is only a child and its to dangerous. He is often left behind with survivor communities, but always finds his way back to the group.

Anima - A samurai warrior who was resurrected from death during Ragnarok and has little to no memory of his past life. He joins the group hoping to reclaim his memories and the fact that he is undead scares people into thinking he is a monster and would most likely try to attack him. He feels safe with Rith who in-scripted Anima as a new Warden for the Empire and must fight for its glory and honor. Being a zombie, he gives mostly one word answers to questions...and is very obedient to commands. His personality changes drastically as he regains his past memories.

Zeke - A Tonberry Potion maker, from the Swamplands. Like most Tonberries, he is a bit odd... slow...and loves to eat frogs. He used to make a living mixing and selling potions made from the rare ingredients from his insanely dangerous swamp homeland that only the tonberries live in for its covered by poisonous plants and animals. His goal in life is to have a son and teach him all there is to know about the world, just like his father taught him. He doesn't have much luck with the ladies, but always asks them if they will bear him his son.

Many More.....

Villans

Spoiler

Ifrit - A beastman that was infused with powerful fire mana during Ragnarok and now possesses super natural strength and agility...he quickly gathered survivors of his clan who now see him as a god and now hunt and enslave other survivors.

Ramuh - A Dwarf that was mutated by lighting mana during Ragnarok....granting him the ability to actually communicate with machines created by the Sky people ages ago. This lead him to become very intelligent and possibly know what happened to the forgotten race. He now leads a group of surviving Dwarves ( cave men intelligence like beastmen) on a mission to take over the surface world.

Shiva - A female human assassin in the old world that was mutated by ice mana during Ragnarok...she likes to shoot ice arrows that freeze her foes solid...then shatters them. (Possibly a playable character for a short period)

Garuda - i simple bird that was mutated with wind mana during Ragnarok that made it grow to the size of a dragon....it's just an animal that's only motive is eat....but it takes alot to feed such a large animal....people also refer to Garuda as "siren" for it's loud screech it makes that can be heard for miles.

Odin - A mad king of a lost kingdom from hundreds of years ago who fought against the empire and eventually lost. During Ragnarok he was resurrected and full of Dark Mana...he has the ability to raise the dead and wishes to rebuild an even greater kingdom then he had in life while exacting revenge on the Empire.

If you couldn't figure it out by now, its a Final Fantasy inspired game. But I try to make it unique. I really wanted a post apocalyptic setting in high fantasy for I think it's a little more out of the normal in fantasy. I also don't know if I want to explain what caused Ragnarok directly to the player because its kinda irrelevant to the story, and the characters will all make up their own independent theories.

Interested in hearing some feedback

*Edited the post*

 

[Carillon Nightmares]

(Since the Character Feedback topic was locked and I never got a response, I am reposting it here. It does have some plot in it)

The story takes place in a fantasy world. (If you've seen the screenshots, you'd know it's full fairytale fantasy). There's a dark atmosphere to the game. There's lots of death and sad moments. The main storyline is: The nymphs were mysteriously wiped out 12 years ago and the elves are working to bring the population back. The nymphs are the green-haired sylphlike creatures that take care of the forest and help it grown and without them, the forest would die out and many other races would die with them, including the many spirits that protect the forest and other parts of the world. (*Note, All the nymphs have green hair. All the elves have blonde or brown.) One of which happens to be a great dragon that is respected by many cultures in their region and without him, the other dragons of the world would be rendered powerless. The four dragons keep the balance of life and this would also cause trouble in other nations.

Kalevi, elf prince:

When he was young, he ventured out into the woods, hoping to find a life outside of the castle. He was never allowed to leave or have any friends. He always was forced to study, study, study. The only thing the little elf wanted was to have some adventure. In the woods, he was met up by a pack of angry wolves, and Aria (Second Character) saved him from the pack of wolves, and thus, they became friends. After that, the Queen granted Kalevi permission to leave the castle as long as he was with Aria, knowing that she would protect him.

Aria:

Aria, a young nymph, the first daughter of the leader of her village, is a fun-loving, adventurous heroine (Hope I spelled that right!) As mentioned in the last paragraph, she is the friend of Kalevi. Little does Kalevi know, that Aria is in love with him, however, in the next 14 days she is going to be forced to be married to a stuck-up nymph named Lyrith the II from the Nuithian Province on her 21st birthday. Not wanting this, she has plans of running away from home, leaving everything she loved behind. Her 4 brothers and her 3 sisters. Her parents. Everything.She knows that if she leaves, The Queen will send out a search party, looking for her son's guard, and she knows if she stays, she will live an unhappy life with someone she doesn't love. What will her decision be?

 

[omen613]

@Rimmintine

May I ask how the elves are helping the nymphs get their numbers up? Are they cross breeding?

 

[Carillon Nightmares]

@omen613

No, they are not. There are a few nymphs in other places of the forest, but most of them were wiped out.

 

[Developous]

Name: The Nexus Chronicles.

This is not one, but many rpgs that will eventually unite to create the nexus rpg.

The nexus... is meant to unite ALL the games of this world, so it will be a long and grueling set of rpgs to achieve such.

Don't talk about the nexus, but instead, part one.

You can see the progress in my sig. Let's begin with that rpg.

 

[Domin0e]

@Rimmintine

I have a few problems with Aria. She's the daughter of the chieftain of some Nymph village. Why is she a bodyguard for the elvish prince? Is the village part of the kingdom, was she taken hostage or something else? What is her connection to the elves? If she doesn't want to marry the guy from her village, but she is living at the castle (Is she? I mean, she's a guard.. x: ), so why not simply stay there and do some kind of "eff you, Dad!"? Maybe you could clarify some of this?

@Developous

First of all: This thread is for people who want feedback on their game concepts, not for imbecile advertising. If you really want feedback on your Plot or ideas present them in a form anyone can understand and try to use more than one sentence.

Now, let's end this with one blow. "Unite ALL the games", eh? I could offer you a long, boring explanation on why I think you should go see a doctor and trash this idea, but I will but it blunty: It is IMPOSSIBLE to achieve anything like this, dude. Get real ffs.

 

[Celianna]

Developous please keep vagueness out of this thread. It's for plot and idea feedback, you presented neither. Stop it.

 

[Carillon Nightmares]

@Domion0e the village is right next to the elf city. Unlike most RPG games, the cities are a little close together, but some of them don't have anything but people and sidequests in them.

She's the bodyguard of the elvish prince because she saved his life from something from an unnamed "dark world" when he was young, so they made her the guard. She still lives at home even though she is a guard for the prince, but that's only if he decides to travel.

It's kind of an arranged marriage she can't avoid. She's more of a loyal character and not like that, so she runs away to avoid the situation.

Don't bomb me for a WIP. D:

 

[omen613]

Hello, was hoping to hear some feedback for my plot and character summary. (8 posts before this one.)

~Hope everyone had a nice weekend!

 

[Omnimental]

My idea takes place in a high fantasy-post-apacalyptic world where all living things have Crysts (Elemental Crystals) instead of hearts that power their bodies giving each living thing an elemental affinity.

Nations of Interest (Before Ragnarok)

Spoiler

Luca - Unified tribes of Lalafell (small child like race with the ability to communicate to each other, and animals, telepathically called the Whisper) best known for their rich farmlands. Being able to communicate with animals has made them live in harmony with mighty beasts who protect one another from danger. They don't trust other races because they can't read their minds and see their true intentions but do trade with other nations out of necessity.Jueno - Desert Nation of dark skinned humans who are governed by the Church of Ajora. They are famous for the church's white magic that can heal the sick and even revive the recently dead. They wish to enlighten the world to the teachings of Ajora.

Gondo - Nation of Samurai and Monks that dwell in the thick bamboo forests. They are an honor bound people that worship their ancestors and the balance of Mind, Body, and Soul. Best known for their lumber and high quality bows. They look lowly on other nations for they aren't as disciplined as they are.

Arcadian Empire - The ruling nation of the land, their capital is the merchant city where all the nations come to trade and live peacefully. Their unmatched military numbers is what keeps them in power for it is made up of all races and tactics that is funded by Arcadia's wealth.

Beastmen - Barbarian tribes that live all across the lands and are shunned from cities for their monster like appearances and customs. They raid and loot travelers and merchants on the roads. They are the never ending threat to the prosperity of the great nations.

Ragnarok - what the survivors call the day the world ended

Spoiler

The world is in total ruins...Crystals erupted from the ground in massive sizes and quantities and bursted with magical energies that altered the landscape and destroyed most the world's populations (~75%). The world's nations are no more, money is worthless, flora and fauna have been mutated, and people will kill to survive this harsh new world.No one knows what caused Ragnarok....but that doesn't stop people from pointing fingers and acting on such notions.

There is no single MAIN character...

Main Characters:

Spoiler

Rith - A Warden (Arcadian soldier) who is very devoted to the empire and its fundamentals of order and equality. Even tho the world ended, he acts as if the empire is still in charge along with all its laws and customs. He is also a 2nd generation of beastmen that has integrated with the empire peacefully...Many people disrespect him for being a beastman but he quickly reminds them that he is a warden of the empire and will not tolerate such actions. He wishes to reestablish the empire to its former glory and protect all citizens of the empire. Despite being a beastman, he was raised as noble in the capital and acts accordingly. There are only 3 types of people in his eyes....citizens of the empire who he must protect....People who earn his respect and are seen as equals....and low life criminals of the empire. He refuses to show weakness of any kind which often gets him into trouble. When he speaks to people he often acts as if he is the face of the empire even tho he is but one solider. "Fear not good citizens, the Empire is here to protect you!"

Squee-nix - A House Goblin (Hob) slave who used to steal goods from merchants for his master to sell in his shop. Unlike most Hobs who were treated very poorly by their masters, Squee-nix's master took good care of him for he generated his master lots of money...for free. During Ragnarok his master was killed and now he has lost all direction in life. He joins the group after Rith arrests him for being a thief and now must find a judge to give the Hob a proper trial. He is a very nurturing person, always wanting everyone to like him for he is very lonely now that his master is gone. He goes out of his way to make others feel better and gets upset when people don't appreciate his thoughtful deeds.

Mirri Ross - A woman from the past that time traveled to the present during Ragnarok's magical disruptions. Her people have been extinct for thousands of years and are referred to as "Sky People" for they build flying mechanical cities that are now dormant and littered with mechanical golems that attack anyone on sight...no one knows what happened to the sky people. She travels with the group hoping to find a way back to her time. She also documents her travels in a notebook hoping that when she returns home, she can write a book that will make her famous. She is very intelligent and always speaks her mind which often gets her into trouble.

Battle Mechanics - she pilots a rusty, Mechanical Droid, she fixed up from a ruin named CiD (Civilian Industry Droid) The robot is player customizable for its roles in battle based on parts that Mirri scavenges from ruins.

Toby ??? - (working name) A young lalafell boy (10years) who was raised on a farm his whole life with fellow lalafell. During Ragnarok he was caught up in a magically created tornado that carried him far from his home. He also lost the ability to speak and can now only communicate with the whisper to other lalafells. He knows his family and friends are probably all dead, but he refuses to stop looking for them until he knows for sure. He is very found of Mirri because for some unknown reason, he can communicate with her using the Whisper...which makes him trust her. He butts heads with Rith through out the story because Rith refuses to let the boy join the group for he is only a child and its to dangerous. He is often left behind with survivor communities, but always finds his way back to the group.

Anima - A samurai warrior who was resurrected from death during Ragnarok and has little to no memory of his past life. He joins the group hoping to reclaim his memories and the fact that he is undead scares people into thinking he is a monster and would most likely try to attack him. He feels safe with Rith who in-scripted Anima as a new Warden for the Empire and must fight for its glory and honor. Being a zombie, he gives mostly one word answers to questions...and is very obedient to commands. His personality changes drastically as he regains his past memories.

Zeke - A Tonberry Potion maker, from the Swamplands. Like most Tonberries, he is a bit odd... slow...and loves to eat frogs. He used to make a living mixing and selling potions made from the rare ingredients from his insanely dangerous swamp homeland that only the tonberries live in for its covered by poisonous plants and animals. His goal in life is to have a son and teach him all there is to know about the world, just like his father taught him. He doesn't have much luck with the ladies, but always asks them if they will bear him his son.

Many More.....

Villans

Spoiler

Ifrit - A beastman that was infused with powerful fire mana during Ragnarok and now possesses super natural strength and agility...he quickly gathered survivors of his clan who now see him as a god and now hunt and enslave other survivors.

Ramuh - A Dwarf that was mutated by lighting mana during Ragnarok....granting him the ability to actually communicate with machines created by the Sky people ages ago. This lead him to become very intelligent and possibly know what happened to the forgotten race. He now leads a group of surviving Dwarves ( cave men intelligence like beastmen) on a mission to take over the surface world.

Shiva - A female human assassin in the old world that was mutated by ice mana during Ragnarok...she likes to shoot ice arrows that freeze her foes solid...then shatters them. (Possibly a playable character for a short period)

Garuda - i simple bird that was mutated with wind mana during Ragnarok that made it grow to the size of a dragon....it's just an animal that's only motive is eat....but it takes alot to feed such a large animal....people also refer to Garuda as "siren" for it's loud screech it makes that can be heard for miles.

Odin - A mad king of a lost kingdom from hundreds of years ago who fought against the empire and eventually lost. During Ragnarok he was resurrected and full of Dark Mana...he has the ability to raise the dead and wishes to rebuild an even greater kingdom then he had in life while exacting revenge on the Empire.

If you couldn't figure it out by now, its a Final Fantasy inspired game. But I try to make it unique. I really wanted a post apocalyptic setting in high fantasy for I think it's a little more out of the normal in fantasy. I also don't know if I want to explain what caused Ragnarok directly to the player because its kinda irrelevant to the story, and the characters will all make up their own independent theories.

Interested in hearing some feedback

*Edited the post*

Well, first off. The idea of crystals physically replacing people's hearts is an intersting one. Are new people born with crystal hearts, or are they 'normal'?

Lalfell, goblin, beastmen, dwarves, humans, tonberries... you're going to need a LOT of different sprites to make these races feel like they're actually part of the world, especially if they each have their own culture and diversity. Is Mirri from a dead culture, or a dead race? If the latter, what is she?

Is there a specific overarching story, or is it more of a point by point this-is-people-living-after-the-end type deal?

 

[omen613]

Well, first off. The idea of crystals physically replacing people's hearts is an intersting one. Are new people born with crystal hearts, or are they 'normal'?

Lalfell, goblin, beastmen, dwarves, humans, tonberries... you're going to need a LOT of different sprites to make these races feel like they're actually part of the world, especially if they each have their own culture and diversity. Is Mirri from a dead culture, or a dead race? If the latter, what is she?

Is there a specific overarching story, or is it more of a point by point this-is-people-living-after-the-end type deal?

Yeah feed back! lol

Yes, every living thing....people animals plants etc....all have crystal hearts in the old world and in the new world filled with magical properties. This gives almost limitless flexibility in character and monster abilities.

Example: One wind elemental could have the ability to run at incredible speeds while another has the ability to blow powerful winds out of their mouth.

As for the sprite sheets, yes there will be many different kinds...and I try to keep them all the same style so they don't clash with each other...its mostly franken-spriting.

To answer the question about Mirri...i guess i didn't explain that their are really only two human races in the world... The dark skinned (african like) people of the desert nation of Jueno; and the tan skinned (asian like) people of Gondo. Mirri's people are the light skinned (European like) people that are now extinct. Back in Mirri's time, her people were the only sentient race....there was no other people like tonberries, lalafells, beastmen, etc.... Mirri sticks out like a sore thumb in the old world with her light skin, blonde hair and deep blue eyes giving her a very exotic look. But her people and culture are completely extinct...except in museums and in a handful of refurbished technology.

The minor theme of the the characters is to not judge a book by its cover....Everyone who meets the characters immediately judges them based on their appearances...

Rith - A savage Galka (beastman)

Squee-nix - a slave

Toby - a weak child

Mirri - knows everything about everything....like why the world ended....or that she caused it.

Anima - A brain eating zombie

Zeke - a stupid hill billy....well he is a hill billy...but he isn't stupid lol

There is a guiding story. A good piece of it tho is the group trying to make it to the imperial capital on foot...where Rith wishes to receive orders from the emperor on what to do to rebuild order in the land...Mirri to find a scholar or a library to learn what happened to her people...Toby to find his parents who might be found on the road to the capital or at the capital itself...Squee-nix has to be given a trial for he has been arrested by Rith....Anima to find his memories (which are recovered when finding a weapon he possessed...when Anima is near said weapons...he can hear them calling to him in his mind. These also unlock new limit breaks in the battle system for Anima.) And Zeke who just wants to adventure around in the new world so he can tell his future son about it and teach him all that he has learned just like his father taught him....but since the world changed so much....he has to relearn everything. After the capital they meet the main antagonist and his plot...and set out to stop him.

 

[DemonAbyss10]

@DemonAbyss10:

What to say…there is too little information to give you some feedback on it. You’re using terms of organizations and objects in your spoiler tags that find no explanation anywhere. I understand you don’t want to spoil details of your story. But this is what most people do, not thinking that even though a whole lot of information about their games plot is given, main twists are visible and maybe even an ending is given, the player will most likely forget a lot of it, by the time they are playing the actual game or specific parts of the story. Just because something is known, doesn’t mean it isn’t interesting anymore. You apparently have a lot more to your concept than you are giving here. These sort of teasing and yet not really clear statement, which explain no connections to whatever to nothing, don’t suffice to critique anything

Apologies for how long it took to get back to you on it, peak season started at the warehouse (10-16 hour days are not fun.)

I can easily clear up some info. I will try to do such without making it too large of a post.

I would make the game on regular VX but I do need the ability for multiple tilesets.

Game Mechanics

I have decided not to go with a side-view system as originally stated, gonna try to find, or if need be, learn RGSS3 and attempt to make the system myself. It wont have a class-change system, but you can hire on 'followers'. I also want to figure out a way to make followers un-revivable (and removed from the party roster permanently, they can be 'stabilized' and saved, yet still unusable for the rest of the battle. Just gotta figure it out.). The main characters however, if the battle is won, will revive themselves at the end of the battle if they fall. Going for more of a 'hardcore' tactics system basically.

I am likely wanting to add some frills to it, such as an AP skill learn system (which would mostly be used for passive abilities ala FFT), a combination system (think of Disgaea and setting up combo attacks.). Hell, if possible with the engine, tile heights specifically for the battle system. The other thing I want to try and do with it is to choose battler starting positions withing a limited 'starting area' on the map.

As for the corruption system, it ties into the whole 'Magic has its price to pay' concept the story has. The meter would go up for every spell said character would cast, and go down if they don't cast for a while. I want to make the meter persistent, as in it carries over from battle to battle. If the meter fills up completely, the character that it represents either dies, or they can transform into a rather... nasty mob the party would have to deal with. (other than Vela and Morrinthe, one which will revert to her original form as well as corrupts much slower: the other actually having complete control over the transformation, thus making her usable in the state)

As for how the major party members fit in, they all have a battle role.

Orionis - Melee and ranged physical damage, I do want to incorporate a weapon swap system for him in mid combat (which would also change his usable skills.)

Vela - Healer/buffer with some offensive capability but not much.

Gustav - Tank. Would have more in the way of battlefield control skills such as forcing enemies to target him. He also would have retaliation/counterattacks.

Morrinthe - The sorceress. Raw magic damage and debuffs unless she is in the corrupted state, which she would become a heavy hitting melee character. Can also summon minions if I can somehow implement it.

Moriarcis - The sage. Skilled at all forms of magic

Zaed - Spellsword, more of a multi-role character.

All six are important plot wise, and yes, only 3 are permanent party members due to story events, and even then, party lines get split and blurred up quite a bit.

As for plot and story... I am gonna go in chronological order in order to make things simple. I will highlight the games starting point. It may not make sense to some, but that is because I am horrible at summarizing stuff. Those who have read what I actually wrote have enjoyed the chapters thus far (even though they are sample chapters)

The world, much like our own, is constantly at war with some bouts of short-term peace. Moriarcis has plans to change that. Morrinthe and himself meet up with a friend of theirs, Zaed. (The player character isn't controlling them at this point.) Moriarcis is the High Magister of the grey tower of 'the empire'. Moriarcis trained his daughter in the black arts, although she had an innate talent with them to begin with. (due to background reasons as well as being the reason she can retain control if she is in her corrupted state.) Moriarcis left the tower without a word and thus is considered a missing person of high importance. He is also the head of the Zantalan religion.

Moriarcis is a very much power-driven individual, and with his ideal peace he would be in charge, as well as more or less wanting to kill the gods themselves. To do that he needs the full power of the orbs of Zantalan. Zantalan is an ancient and extinct empire that found a way to harness the power of the gods themselves. Their technology itself is a fusion of magic and science. Their kingdom got wiped out, and ruins of it are occasionally found. The Zantalan religion itself had been considered dead for a very long time. In reality it had been operating in the shadows for milennia, shaping world events in order to bring about a revival of the Zantalan Empire. Even though Moriarcis is the head, as stated before, he has his own, separate goals.

As for where the game itself starts, the main group (Orionis, Vela and Gustav), had been requested by the crimson company to go out and investigate a recently discovered ruin, inside of which they will discover a map of the ancient Zantalan empire as well as a reference to orbs. They return with their finding and are then ordered to investigate various points on the maps. They decide to first investigate rumors of such in Port Krosis. They already knew of rumors that High Magister Moriarcis had gone missing. Lo and behold, that is who they encounter along with Morrinthe and Zaed. Both groups decide to temporarily join up due to the shared goal of investigating the rumors of ruins. They eventually make it and Zaed stumbles upon one of the orbs, knowing to hand it directly to Moriarcis.

They wind up going back to Port Krosis, and as such, a fairly large battle ensues with a rebel group who wants to see Krosis have independence from the empire. The orb activates mid-battle and causes plenty of havok. Port Krosis and everything within gets wiped out. Vela however with her circumstances of birth (being engineered to be a host for one of the Zantalan Deities by a splinter sect) is temporarily taken over by said deity and teleports as many people away from the ensuing destruction as possible.

The group other than Vela are split due to teleportation. Orionis and Morrinthe get flung to one location, Gustav and moriarcis to another. Zaed and Vela don't get any particular focus for a while. The story alternates between the two split groups, each picking up orbs now and then, although with Orionis and Morrinthe, their main goal is to reunite with the rest of the group. They also find out the destruction of Port Krosis has triggered a large scale war. They get drawn into it due to Moriarcis' ties to the empire (although of course the church engineered all of the events to happen.) They wind up finding Zaed and Vela in a Siege upon Fort Brux (a rebel outpost).

The group heads to the Capital of the empire, Valyron in order to secure Passage back to Morveyn Monastery. As they spend the night at an Inn before heading out, Moriarcis and Gustav roam off and the rest of the group wakes up and proceeds to search for them. As they exit the inn, they are greeted by a large contingent of soldiers and arrested for 'abducting' Moriarcis and Morrinthe. Morrinthe and Vela get taken away separately while Orionis and Zaed get stuck into a cell. After a weeks time, screams are heard, morrinthe appears and breaks them two out. She had found out what her father had been up to (with the church anyways, not his other goals.) and make their ways into the bowels of the castle. They find a hidden lab in the grey tower and yet more proof of what has been going on. They then flee the castle and the city, making their way to an independent nation that hasn't been conquered yet. From there they secure passage to Morveyn Monastery and force their way in, confronting Vela's father, Captain Duvall.

After a heated battle, Captain Duvall is willing to listen as the evidence is presented. He already knew about much of it, what he didn't know was that His wife/Vela's mother was taken and became the first, and failed experiment at creating a host. As the group leaves to head into the monastery proper, Zaed states that he forgot something in the office (he didn't forget anything, he needed to kill Duvall for being a 'security risk'.) Within the monastery itself, it is empty. They delve deeping in and explore thoroughly, hoping to find any clues as to where they should go next. The words 'Aleisters Folly' pops up in multiple documents. Zaed using his 'knowledge' states they have to journey far north, Aleisters Folly being an outpost, the furthest north inhabited location. They journey there, more backstory is covered, such as Orionis' ambitions in life, his own past as they go through a town he lived in when he was younger (and in which he killed his father and went on the run due to abuse), Morrinthes attraction to Zaed, Zaeds life in the imperial army (all fabricated lies). They get to the outpost and ask around, finding that the group that owns the complex went into the mining tunnels beneath the outpost recently. The reason for the mining being that a large ruin had been discovered underneath. That itself being Aleisters folly.

They enter and find their way into the center of the ruins, finding who they were looking for. Vela is hooked up to a complex looking piece of machinery in the middle. It gets activated, causing severe pain to Vela and causing her to go into her awakened state. Moriarcis then activates a spell and binds her and forces Adastraea to completely take over. Moriarcis reveals that the machine is what was used to bind the powers of deities to the orbs and that Adastraea was the last one he needed. Gustav himself stands next to Moriarcis impassively, looking at Vela emotionlessly for a bit. The pain and trauma of the extraction leaves Vela near death as Gustav covers Moriarcis' exit. They also find out Zaed had been working with them as well, but after seeing the process himself he stood beside the group as the fight with gustav commenced. He eventually reveals that he knew magic and corrupts himself as he 'dies, only to rise again in his corrupted state. After the fight, the group (if I can program it) either can chase after moriarcis, or check on Vela. If they chase, Vela dies for good. Regardless, as they leave, and afterwards the group will be filled with plenty of tension.

After a time later, they make their way back to the capital. The towers themselves had been connected by bridges connected to a recently built tower in the middle. It is a channeling device as moriarcis takes control of the orb, calls down the gods and proceeds to slaughter them. If Vela is with, he would turn to her last, killing her. He would then absorb their power and big old boss fight commences.

The ending itself is rather dark. The orb would be destroyed with Moriarcis. As a result, all magic in the world is lost which has consequences. Those who had abilities would die or become corrupted. Technologically the world would get set back yet again. On the bright side of things though, the nations would seek a truce as they attempt to deal with the potential Apocalypse (which if I wanted to could be a sequel hook.)

 

[Mouser]

@DemonAbyss: I can tell you that a 'tile height' system is certainly possible - on a map pretty easily, in the standard battle system... not so much but would be doable.

I'm assuming you'd be using this for relatively small maps, but the concept scales: make a matrix representing the tile grid (probably implement it as an array of arrays, Ruby sucks when it comes to data structures) - then put the tile height value in each 'square' of the matrix. You could even do that part as a hashtable I suppose but that would be overkill.

For the battle system, you'd have come up with your own 'grid' for the actors and enemies, then have it work like above. Even a simple ability to move around the 'battlefield' would set your game apart from most.

The ending sounds very reminiscent of the ending to Diablo 2, where the Worldstone is destroyed. Aleister's Folly I'm assuming is a reference to the man of similar name - very interesting there.

I don't know though... maybe it's just the summaries, but I don't feel pulled in. There's a lot of strings being pulled and subplots going on (it seems like, anyway). Do all of them contribute to realizing the main theme of your game? If not, you may want to think about paring some down. Obviously feedback from people who have played the game will be more telling on this point than me looking at essentially the 'back of the box'.

Dark games are hard to do well (I'm working on one too though, so don't take that as a discouragement ). Shakespeare recycled a lot of plots in his plays: he was asked about this in an interview (he was a real celebrity in his day). Sometimes the plot would be in a comedy, and then it would show up again in a tragedy, or vice versa. He said, the difference between comedy and tragedy is that in a comedy the players see trouble/danger coming and take steps to avoid it, while in a tragedy they don't. Tragedies also generally have a point where the control of events passes from the players and is taken over by 'fate' (In Romeo & Juliet it's where they miss the messenger IIRC).

Another good read, though you can question how applicable everything is today, is Aristotle. You don't have to read the whole text of "Poetics", but some understanding of the principles he espoused can be helpful.

Be careful when giving characters the players control set motivations and goals. That tends to divorce the player from the character. It's fine for a 'guest' character, but if the player thinks of the character as part of the main party, but someone he's not really in control of, that's generally not a good thing.

All that said, it should be a good length game if you can get all that in there. If you can pull it off it could be something really special.