Plot Help

[Lord Chrom]

I've been working on the story for my game for two years, but oddly enough, it's never been fully fleshed out. I've got the tech issues figured out, I'm getting better at balancing the stats, and I have quite a few maps built that have been intended on the many variations of the beginning, but I still can't come up with a nice solid way to begin this game the way I want it.

The beginning takes a major Persona approach—a kid going to High School in the city, and that's intentional since only the Prologue and first chapter take place in this setting, then it goes to a more traditional fantasy RPG setting for the rest of the game, but every beginning I've attempted has been either too boring, too open-ended to the point where my testers didn't know where to go and died frequently because of some unnecessary difficulty spikes if you enter a wrong area, or just too unrealistic for a realistic setting to the point where it's just lame. I've challenged myself to have the Prologue done by July 7th for a public demo since I was supposed to release the original on May 16th, but I've been so indecisive about the story, I don't know what I'll do. Especially since I'm also composing all my own music (save for a couple pieces of music by a band I know from work who is very enthusiastic about helping with the soundtrack), I have a lot of work to do.

Here's the basic premise of the plot that's been universal despite the many plot changes. There are these two women of an ancient and nearly extinct race called Terabytes (yeah, creative name; I know) overlooking the Earth, and these two women are sisters: DATA and Janine. DATA spots a young human boy named Aaron (you can change his name, but that's the default), and she falls in love with him. Janine's motivation is draining the Earth of its resources and forcing everyone to live in the world she and DATA created, called the Database (hence the name of the game) because they've lived alone for over a hundred years after the majority of their race was wiped out, and DATA agrees to help her in hopes of getting to be with Aaron. So, yeah; Janine wants to take over the people of Earth because she's lonely, and DATA wants to do it because she's in love with a 17 year-old boy. ...Yeah. After the Prologue and the first chapter, the story follows Aaron and a plethora of other characters on their journey through the Database, which tells a rather tragic story as it goes on, but my problem is the beginning.

What inciting beginning can start in a regular High School setting that leads to the excitement of Chapter Two and beyond? I want the beginning to really grab people. How ironic, though. I've been writing novels for 13 years and have no problem coming up with an interesting beginning, but it's so different with an RPG. I don't have a visual art prowess, which means I do have to use default resources for sprites, backgrounds, and the HUD, but I'm trying to use the artistic abilities I actually do have for the game, story writing and music composition, to make an unforgettable emotional journey. With the traditional challenge of classic RPGs, of course, but not unfair challenges or ridiculous encounter rates. Just enough of a challenge to require a bit of caution and thought in battle. I can do that. Programming the numbers, the enemy strategies, dungeons, etc. are all fine with me, but I really want to work on the story and make it something people will be interested in enough for them to stay invested in it for the long run. Just out of curiosity, what would you guys recommend for changes/additions/removals in the plot?

 

[leenat40]

Don't know, if much, but I think that I could help you. Write me a private message.

 

[umbralshadows]

Uh well from that snippet I am already interested cuzz it sounds very different from most tha plots Ive seen here some which sound very all tha same at times. I more am a character focus person so as long as ya make tha charas interesting enouh then I think ya got a great start.

 

[Bonkers]

What inciting beginning can start in a regular High School setting that leads to the excitement of Chapter Two and beyond? I want the beginning to really grab people. How ironic, though.

Well do you want to be realistic with the beginning or outlandish? That is the major factor right there, ignore the rest of the story and build up and focus on this one aspect. What will draw the most people into it. I'll use the persona series as well to reference.

The person in question is new, so they don't know the area or the school. It's day 1. The school is undergoing renovations, so certain parts of the school are off limits. Luck would have it one of the students is trying to get into the closed off area to find their lost property.

The authority figures like the vice principal who introduce themselves and state the warning to keep out of restricted areas is made known directly, and the player must face the choice to disobey the rules. Construction equipment is out meaning there are weapons for the children to have.

Now you have a decision as the writer, make this a realistic beginning or take it to an extreme. Since this is persona we will try an extreme.

The construction has cut lines to the facility, showing exposed fiber cables directly attached to the database. Debris falls and the children are forced to flee further inside, and are unable to return to the halls or class. They are now trapped in a subroutine. This subroutine can hold the guide or Igor like character that gives them the means of finding the world's entrances through computers or public terminals. A code, even a a card of sorts which the characters keep on them at all times like a bank card allowing them direct access to their 'accounts'. When the protagonist has this and returns to their world they find out the police were called, not for themselves, but for a child using one of the terminals who has begun to seizure and display no brain activity pronounced dead on the scene. Your teacher confronts you and the police question you where you were during the seizure. The school is shut down for the day and broadcasted on the news, along with the protagonist. This can be relayed to a facebook account or even directly with the other children visiting the protags apartment.

Now to make things even more extreme. The dead child contacts the protag telling them that Data made a mistake. Not knowing it's a name and the message is garbled it remains an anomalous comment on their wall/twitter account. This can lead into the main villain using social media to remain in contact with humanity, and therefore never be lonely. This in turns ensnares people, but doesn't give them a choice in using it making them into techno zombies like the now dead child.

Reports of people in business and home overusing the net, and workaholics flood the local hospital and exhaustion is becoming a local plague were people are over using stimulants and energy drinks to stay above the needs and wants of daily life. This can be a good time to introduce drugs into the works, as one of the minor or middle bosses who try to address the needs of loneliness through sharing an addiction. This person can be directly contacted by data as well and further lead the protag on their way through the database.

The dead child becomes a confident, and later a recurring force when the protag slowly figures out more. All dead people's thoughts and desires are stored, and the sub quests are actually the children finishing their business or tying up loose ends along the way.

That's my just woke up before coffee take on it. You can visit my workshop for more help if you found this acceptable.

 

[Kes]

Please note that "General Discussion" is specifically not for feedback on individual, particular projects, though you can use your project as an example to get a broader conversation going. See here.

If you don't have a project thread (Early Project Feedback section, read the guidelines first) I can either merge this with 'Plot and Character Feedback' or close it, as I cannot see how this can develop into a general discussion. Which would you like me to do?