Plot story!!

[Balako]

Hello, i wanted people to give me feedback on the story im using for the mini game im making!! *could grow or be built on so ill edit this post when required *


since im bad at story telling i would appreciate any tips, feedback and criticism, good or bad!!!


The game world is set in fantasy style, RPG.. not sure how to explain it better xD


the game style would be an RPG, choosing ffrom 4 main characters, planning on making convos different to all of them depending on their personality...


the game would use monster essence as the primary equipment...



Lore   (??)

Spoiler

Spoiler





monsters in this world are created by blood containing spirit powers landing on elemental soul stones... the fire elemental soul stones for example lead to monsters with fire attribute.


using a fire attribute essence would give you some fire magical spells if you are an invoker, or physical skills with little to non elemental spells if you are a warrior.


the humans were driven to almost extinction by the monsters, and scattered to many smaller settlements as big cities attracts monsters of high ranks to attack...


withing those smaller settlements some would have academies, a place of education to invokers, and sometimes to warriors aswell...the Main character (refered to as MC from now on : D) is training to become an invoker or a warrior.. as higher rank invoker\warriors get more stature and live in a more comfortable situations..


also trying to get the elderly couple that raised him into a safer settlement as he advances to return the favor of saving him.


a world where the strong are recognized and the weak struggle, with everyone trying to survive daily...not a battle of good vs evil but a survival of the strongest.


the invokers have higher spiritual management, causing them to be able to extract the magic abilities out of essences better, while warrior use that same spiritual energy unconsciously to enhance their bodies abilities.


*more lore to be added??*

Main story

Spoiler

Spoiler



the story begins with a character called blake, hes an apprentice invoker\warrior..



the game starts with a scene of a burning house in the middle of a forest...
even though it is raining the flames are spread everywhere ...Blake wakes up in front of the house,
his vision blurry and body is heavy..he turns around to see the house almost charred and burned to ground,



he staggers and walks towards the house and calls for his parents...with no answer,
turning around he heads to the bodies of his sibilings, no responce.


his mother and father assumed dead in the burning house, bodies of his brother and sister thrown
outside with no sign of movement or life.


He tries to recall what happened, a large horde of monsters attacked the house lead by a nightmare demon
magical fires burning the house...the rest is blur.


hearing a screech in the forest he gets scared, turns around and tries to escape..just before leaving
he turns around and apolgizes to his family for not being able to save them or properly bury them.


and heads towards the town for refuge, along the way he finds a monster essence, invokers\warriors
use those to enhance their strength and magic to be able to fight on par with monsters.


a blue tiger essence, an extremely rare type..he equips it to fend himself against the chasing monsters
being an invoker he does it with ease, and continues on with his way, he starts to move easier after
equipping the spirit..it enhanced his attributes.


following the trail to the town, he finds the nightmare demon awaiting him..knowing that hes chasing him
and wont leave him alone he decided to fight and take revenge.


the scene changes back to the hut where on of the siblings starts awakening ..."er...ergh...."


again the scene goes back to Blake, he has suffered deadly injuries, yet he
defeated the Nightmare demon...but in its place a weird round shadow took place.



"d..o.....your...wor..st.." Blake says, the scene fades out with the shadow attacking and blake screaming.


and the game begins 11 years later.


the sibling that awoke in the forest the night miraculously survived and was found by an old couple that took him\her in and raised him\her for the past 11 years.


its the day of the academy exam, and you are to partake the invoker\warrior exams (tutorial) and begin to adventure on your own (not following a story line, but can find clues about what happened in the past scattered around)

will try to update soon with more of the story, i just need some inspiration from above : D

 

[Sieginder Niederlage]

Hmm...well, that's way too vague and short to even start to make any constructive criticism. You should define more of it like the genere, setting, story events, etc.

And, when you say minigame, do you mean a short game? Or a game that is inside a game, like the ones found in FFVII's Golden Saucer?

 

[Balako]

Hmm...well, that's way too vague and short to even start to make any constructive criticism. You should define more of it like the genere, setting, story events, etc.

And, when you say minigame, do you mean a short game? Or a game that is inside a game, like the ones found in FFVII's Golden Saucer?

oh thanks, first time doing this so i tried placing things bit by bit !!


and i meant it as a short game, with possibility of growing... ill edit first post with genre and settings.


also what do you mean by story events? isnt that in the story? :0

 

[Mimironi]

hmm... well if you want opinions on your plot, this place is probably your best bet: 

 

[Balako]

there is a separated thread for this? O.O


im sorry i thought i can do it here since its not an early project or anything....


so should i ask a mod to close this or just post over there?

 

[Sieginder Niederlage]

there is a separated thread for this? O.O


im sorry i thought i can do it here since its not an early project or anything....


so should i ask a mod to close this or just post over there?

Not necessarily, I think, but the choice is yours.

oh thanks, first time doing this so i tried placing things bit by bit !!


and i meant it as a short game, with possibility of growing... ill edit first post with genre and settings.


also what do you mean by story events? isnt that in the story? :0

By story events I mean saying what happens in the story in few sentences. Like...:

1. The Hero arrives to a kingdom. The King tells him that there is a monster and he needs a cool sword to kill it
   
2. The Hero goes looking for the sword and arrives at X-city.
   
3. In X-city he meets an Archer who wants to join him to find a cure for his ill-sister
   
4. They go to The Forest of X and Y to find a rare herb
   
5. ...
   

And so on and so on. Basically, list of events that happen in chronological order.

 

[Balako]

By story events I mean saying what happens in the story in few sentences. Like...:

yes im planning those still, my idea has the begining and the end ... the middle part is missing thats why im looking for inspiration ;-;

 

[Sieginder Niederlage]

yes im planning those still, my idea has the begining and the end ... the middle part is missing thats why im looking for inspiration ;-;

I see. No worries, as much as I like to think that a journey is less about the destination and more about the road taken to get there, I believe it's very important to define those two aspects first while writing a story: where do you start and where do you go.


After that you should decide the mood. Is it going to be fun and uplifting? Cruel, callous and full of spite? Nonsensical? Idealistic?
Once you make your choice you can start working on it.