Ranting

[Finnuval]

So I sometimes do some volunteer work at the local hospital supporting and mostly listening to terminal patients 16 years and under. Not a fun thing but very satisfying in its own way. However today something happend that goes beyond my understanding...

There is this one patient, He is 12 yo and probably won't make 13. So today he asked me if I wanted to be there while he told his parents something important and I agreed (of course).
Turns out, while he was in hospital he fell in love with another boy on the same ward... His parents did not take the news well.

At first they blamed me (seeing as I am a gay male) for giving their son weird ideas that it is alright to be gay...
Now I didn't argue with them 'cause I didn't think it the time or place and if that's the way the need to cope... fine, in the interest of their son I will take the blame if need be.
But then they turned on their own kid! Going so far as to say to him they were glad he was dying so he couldn't spread this disease!!!

Now... you may or may not agree with homosexuality, that is your right and frankly I don't care... But as a dad the only thing in life I fear is to outlive my own kid...
And if that would happen and by some miracle my son would still find love, even if it's just puppy-love in that tiny window he has... I would celebrate it!

I can not, for the life of me, understand parents telling their dying son it's a good thing he is dying...


Sorry guys, but I just had to tell someone...
If any moderator feels it necessary to close this thread, go ahead. I just had to vent as not to explode.

UPDATE : So today was rough... a lot of tears were shed.

"They can accept I'm dying, they can accept I'm in pain but they cannot accept I am in love...not the first or second but THAT makes them rage. Why? It's messed up"
I honestly didn't have a reply... I just held him as tightly as I could and cried with him.
I wanted to tell him it might just be their emotional response, that they didn't mean it, etc. but I couldn't...

But there was also a little bit of good today I wanted to share : The other boy's mom, (single parent) despite being strong Catholic accepted the situation without reserve or hesitation and was genuinely happy for both her own son and him. She said something that made me tear up and I think is really powerful :

"I believe in God. I believe even if I do not understand. If I have faith despite Him taking my child so soon from this world I can have faith in this too. It is not for me to understand, it is for me to support my son in his hour of need"

And I am to tell all of you : "Thank you so much for being nice people. Especially those that do not agree but still wish me to be happy"

 

[definite_lee]

Holy cow that's such an awful heartbreaking story. So sorry you had that experience, but most of all sorry for that poor kid to have such terrible parents.

 

[Finnuval]

@definite_lee yeah... I can take it, they are nothing too me and their opinions don't matter to my life. But imagine being that kid...

 

[BadLittleSeed]

...I cannot put into words the sheer amount of feelings this post gave me. All I can say, is when this sweet little man closes his eyes for the last time, I hope there will be countless loving angel boys waiting for him in heaven.

 

[Finnuval]

@BadLittleSeed I know, right. I'm not an easy crier but I've been balling my eyes out most of the day for this kid

 

[BadLittleSeed]

*all the hugs for you, @Finnuval !*

 

[Finnuval]

@BadLittleSeed I'll pass those on Going back later today

 

[MushroomCake28]

Wow, I guess I didn't realize homophobia is still out there since I live in a pretty liberal/atheist place (big cities tend to be like that). But man, that's a bit extreme... blaming someone for being homosexual is like blaming someone for being male or female.

 

[Finnuval]

@MushroomCake28 Yeah and even if you have some reason in your own mind to be against it... treating your own terminally ill son like that... is just beyond me...

 

[MushroomCake28]

@Finnuval Indeed. Just let the boy enjoy the short life he has left.

 

[Mrs_Allykat]

@Finnuval That poor kid. That is so sad! They *will* regret their words.

 

[AmieLK]

Oh my god. That's horrible. I'm so sorry that occurred at all. And I'm glad that kid has you there for support instead of his monster parents. What kind of awful people would do that?

 

[Finnuval]

@AmieLK a question I have been asking myself all night now... don't have an answer, just rage

 

[Mrs_Allykat]

You would think, at worst in that situation they would just pause and sleep on their reaction. It's just disturbing to me that people would act that way to a loved one in that situation. It is nonsensical.

 

[Finnuval]

@Mrs_Allykat Exactly! Silently pray it's just a phase for all I care but this... just no!

 

[AmieLK]

People do horrible things. And that's going to live with them forever. Hopefully, with a lot of love and patience, that hatred and cruelty will fade in that boy so that he can enjoy his time left.

Keep him company, yeah? Help bring love and support into his life. Don't spend the heart-space on people who are unwilling to recognize their own capacity for sympathy. Can't change the cruelty that has already happened, but there's always influence to be had in changing the future.

 

[Poryg]

@MushroomCake28 Homophobia still exists, in our country it's still very strong, although it's not as widespread as it used to be. Our distant family has denounced a gay relative, although partially it was because he confessed to his wife that the only reason he married her was that she looked like a man (instead of being upfront with her straight away). I have developed a level of homophobia as well, since I've had multiple bad experiences with gay men, because unfortunately for me, some of them find me attractive and don't take no for an answer, leaving me to have to be cunning to get rid of them. Although, as long as you don't bother anyone with it, I don't care which direction you swing in.

As for the story, while I can't say I'm happy to read it, I don't find it too surprising to be honest. Because yes, it's their child. But being gay is still a very controversial topic tied to emotions, politics and even religion.

 

[Finnuval]

@AmieLK yeah. Going back today and just be there for him. Venting now so I can do so with a loving heart and not rage anymore

@Poryg

I have developed a level of homophobia as well, since I've had multiple bad experiences with gay men

Well shouldn't I then develop a form of heterophobia based on my experiences with heterosexuals? Got plenty of those... People should be treated on an individual level not as a group. One person (or two or three) doesn't make a whole group.

As for the story, while I can't say I'm happy to read it, I don't find it too surprising to be honest. Because yes, it's their child. But being gay is still a very controversial topic tied to emotions, politics and even religion

The fact that it's controversial doesn't make it any easier to accept or understand... Besides how anyone can think saying that to your own dying child is in any way, shape or form what God, Nature, Society (of whatever it is you use as a tool to judge by) intends is beyond me!
(and my apologies if I sound somewhat argumentative, it's not directed at you)

 

[Romanticist]

I was going to say that I understood where the parents were coming from, being in shock at their young boy being gay...

Going so far as to say to him they were glad he was dying so he couldn't spread this disease!!!

but then when they said this, I definitely think that is way too far. Almost sounds so ridiculous that it sounds like a troll post you'd see on Reddit for upvotes. I wish it was.

 

[Finnuval]

@Romanticist Yeah if only it was.... Like I said I can respect people not agreeing or being shocked but this is far beyond that...