Rate My Game Store Page, Please

[CleanWater]

Hi there!

Can you to enter the link below to my game store page, take a good look at the page overall and say your opinion about it?

https://cleanwatersoft.itch.io/fantasya-final-definitiva-remake

What is the feeling the game page gives to you? Do you think it's appealing enough? What I could do to make it better? Would you play the game based on the page presentation?

Your opinion is really important for me!

 

[Tuomo L]

I have honest criticsm

• Change that blue background immediattely! It's really hard on eyes! On my big screen, most of the screen is blue and it makes me unable to even look at your page!
• Change the font color from blue to a more purpleish color such as 6b4ee5
• Screenshots don't look particulary good, I have no idea what's going on with the cow throne and the battle screenshot is just average RTP battle on beach.
• You have a nice logo but the "REMAKE" part totally ruins it as it clashes with overall logo and it's hard to read.

As it stands out, your page is completely turning me off, even before I read about your game. The blue background was the worst offender, had I not been actively looking to critique you, I would have closed the window.


For a reference, here is my game's store page.

https://tuomol.itch.io/save-your-mother

 

[CleanWater]

I have honest criticsm

I really appreciate criticism, many thanks for your tips!

The easy part of changing font colors, background and such I already did. For the logo, I will work on it and update it later...

 

[padr81]

The blue is really, really distracting mate. It makes focusing on the text really hard and difficult. I could barely read it. I'd say darken that background alot and I'd even darken the text a touch. The layout is pretty fine if nothing spectacular.

 

[zimzim]

In my opinion, I found the synopsis in the "About this game" section uninteresting. As a story-driven game lover, I'd firstly check the synopsis of most games. I'm not a pro writer myself, but I'd most likely take out the first paragraph since you already mention it in the Author's note. I would probably rewrite the second paragraph to something like this (I don't know your story here, so you probably need to change some of the sentences and words):

"Follow the story of Samuka, a man who had lost everything he once had. Feeling miserable with his life, he's turning to alcohol in a desperate attempt to numb the intense pain, sadness, and grief that haunts him around. However, he soon find himself in many misadventures, unveiling (..not sure what's really the story here that makes the largest impact). With pride and honor intact, Samuka (describe whatever he does to neutralize any villains or affect the world), and the whole world afterwards revered him as the greatest hero of all time."

 

[CleanWater]

"Follow the story of Samuka, a man who had lost everything he once had. Feeling miserable with his life, he's turning to alcohol in a desperate attempt to numb the intense pain, sadness, and grief that haunts him around. However, he soon find himself in many misadventures

I loved that description until that part, if you don't mind allowing me to borrow it, but the following...

, unveiling (..not sure what's really the story here that makes the largest impact). With pride and honor intact, Samuka (describe whatever he does to neutralize any villains or affect the world), and the whole world afterwards revered him as the greatest hero of all time."

... If I tell what he uncovers and what he do to save the word (twice), I will be giving too much spoilers about the several unexpected plot twists...

 

[zimzim]

@CleanWater I see. Perhaps you may be able to tell it in a more cryptic way. Again, I'm not sure about the story myself so you probably know better You could probably do something like "unveiling dark secrets of the world" or "unveiling hidden truths" or "With pride and honor intact, Samuka faces these imminent threat courageously,..." .

 

[CleanWater]

@zimzim I just updated the description. I tried to make it more interesting and letting players know what it is all about, but still trying to hide most spoilers as possible.

If you can check and say what you think about it...

 

[zimzim]

@CleanWater In my opinion, I still think the second paragraph still lacks the oomph. There seems to be little correlation between his pride and honor and how he is being dragged accidentally into the epic journey. If I may show you what I think sounds oomph: "Still attached to his sense of pride and honor however, he decides (because that's what his sense of pride and honor tells him to) to go on a journey (of self-discovery? filled with misadventures? etc.), his destiny as a world-renowned hero awaiting him (at the edge of the world? on a gold-laden chair? etc. Be as cryptic as possible here)"

However, the sentence above is just a mere example based on my limited knowledge in writing. I believe you can do much better

 

[CleanWater]

he decides (because that's what his sense of pride and honor tells him to) to go on a journey (of self-discovery? filled with misadventures? etc.), his destiny as a world-renowned hero awaiting him (at the edge of the world? on a gold-laden chair? etc. Be as cryptic as possible here)"

The main problem is that he literally IS dragged on a big mess (against his will) because of his honor and justice sense. Also, he is never public acknowledged as a hero in the game. It's hard to explain without leaking a lot of spoilers...

Spoiler

It's something like this:

He decides to save a stray dog and ends being arrested, abducted and time warped to save the world against his will.

 

[zimzim]

Ahh I see. I did have a feeling that you're making him that way. Hmm...in such case, you probably could say "Soon, he finds his sense of pride and honor unintentionally dragged him into an epic journey that..."