Rough day?

[Traveling Bard]

I've had one....Youtubing One Piece always seems to help a bit

Spoiler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXaIgVH63u0

What do you do when you're down and having a rough day?

 

[Amysaurus]

Well, I...

 

[Alkorri]

I still think Elsa had the worst parents evar.

 

[Laptopdancer]

Well, I...

Horrible advice for real life. My friend said the song let it go is about accepting your real nature. There is no "bad" parts of one self. Just things to be understood better.

 

[Amysaurus]

@Alkorri: Oh, she did. She totally did.

@Laptopdancer: Agreed! Unless you want to implode

In all actuality I throw in my earphones and read for a bit, or take a walk. They're all pretty good for blowing off some steam.

 

[iMaple]

I'd say that's debatable. Not every human trait is worth keeping "just because".

As for me:

Feeling okay-ish -> Make games

Feeling bad -> Play games

Feeling really bad -> Waste bandwith on youtube

Feeling downright terrible -> Cigarettes, asphalt flavor with enough tar for another highway

Feeling I don't want cancer today but need distraction -> Sleep

 

[Touchfuzzy]

I hate the song Let it Go. People try to make it about being strong and independent, but the song is basically "screw everyone else, screw my responsibilities, I'm going to hide away, I'm the only person who matters"


Anyway. On bad days, I watch Parks and Recreation. Its both funny, and at times really sweet. It lifts my moods a lot. (Also, if you have Netflix, all of it out so far is on Netflix, at least in the US, also, first season is kind of meh, its only 6 half hour episodes though, so just push through it to get to the deliciousness that is the rest of the series).

 

[whitesphere]

@iMaple

From personal experience, when I judge parts of myself, what happens is they "submerge" and are still part of me.  They still are visible to everyone else, and still impact my actions, in some cases significantly.  I just am mentally plugging my ears and going "la la la la" when the trait shows up.   I think the song "Let It Go" is specifically saying to stop doing this --- blinding yourself to parts of yourself because you don't like them.

Now, once you accept everything in you as it is right now, THEN is the next crucial step.  That is when you can say "OK, this trait is unhealthy for me/loved ones/makes me unhappy/etc"    But, throughout the entire process of changing that trait, it's crucial to accept the present reality, at the same time you're gradually changing it.  It takes time to change something, and it's not a linear process --- sometimes I've made great strides in something, then had a sudden setback.  I tried my best not to judge it, and continued working on it.

So I agree 100% that it's silly to just say "Enough of this, I'm outta here!"    But to change yourself, you need first to KNOW yourself, and you can NEVER know yourself if you judge how you are at this moment.  And that's easier said than done.

On topic:  When I've had a very bad day, I sing karaoke to some of my favorite songs, eat some chocolate and pet my kitties.

 

[Laptopdancer]

I think if people want to excise parts of themselves that hurt others or are less than attractive, it can be done, but usually requires a lot of self-blame, shame, self-will, control and judgement.

Or you can understand the behavior and what need it's meeting however bent and mal-adaptive, where it comes from and why that is understandably human, and take away its power over you, by having compassion for yourself in equal measure to others you may affect.

That way if and when an element of yourself you don't enjoy shows up you can make amends to those it affects, while loving yourself enough to keep fighting the good fight.

You'd be surprised how often people don't want you to do that. How they would rather see you suffer with guilt in payment for your error. As if shame or guilt shows your truly sorry. I feel compassion for those people.

 

[bgillisp]

When I was in high school and had a bad day, I would fire up the video game doom and let loose into the demon hordes. I only had the shareware version back then, so had to settle for playing the same maps over and over and over on harder and harder difficulties to let off steam, or to just do something mindless.

Now...youtube, or a mindless Netflix movie. I've been watching Red dwarf when I need something mindless to just forget about everything.

 

[iMaple]

I don't think trying to change a trait someone doesn't enjoy is necessarily a sign of low self-esteem. (Assuming it's not done because of peer pressure or trying to "fit in".)

I'm all with you when you say you first have to understand something in order to change it, but to me that does not have a direct connection with how I "love" myself.

I'm proud about who I am, but I do have a lot of flaws I'd like to improve. I don't do that because I want to be perceived as "a better person" by other people, I do it because I want to be

a "better" human being, in my very own definition and opinion.

And I don't think doing this is a sign of weakness either. True, others might really want you to change to the person they want you to be, but hey, sometimes others just know better. The people around me are the

people I care about, and sometimes they tell me things I didn't know/see. To me not changing because "that automatically means giving up yourself" is stubborn and not really related to loving yourself. (Well maybe, in a overblown sense)

But then again, I haven't lived long enough so it's easy for me to say. Maybe my opinion will change, who knows.

 

[whitesphere]

Sometimes, choosing to change something about ourselves is a true act of self-love.  When I take steps to silence my inner critic, the parts of me which insist I'm not good enough, or something's wrong with me...when I take steps to live more fully in and enjoy each moment by releasing my attachment to the future or the past...these are true acts of loving myself so much that I want to unshackle myself from parts of myself which no longer serve me. 

Those have nothing to do with self-blame, because we always do the best we can do, each day, and our best at age 16 will be profoundly different than our best 20 years later.  It's sort of like a caterpillar going into a cocoon.  The caterpillar needs that cocoon for a time, but eventually the butterfly inside breaks free of the cocoon because it is ready to fly.  The entire point is to be free of self-blame of our past, present or future.  But, as long as we are doing what feels right for US as individuals, NOT because we want to impress someone or please them, change is an act of growth and self-love of the highest order.

 

[Laptopdancer]

Am I speaking a foreign language and not knowing it iMaple? You have said exactly what i mean. I don't know where i communicated that changing yourself for the better is is about low self esteem of that external approval is the reason for it. I think your reading into or misreading what I've said...

 

[iMaple]

about accepting your real nature. There is no "bad" parts of one self. Just things to be understood better.

while loving yourself enough to keep fighting the good fight.

No worries, I probably misread those parts. I shouldn't have complex discussions at this hour, my brain starts interpreting on its own. Sorry! Time for bed

 

[Laptopdancer]

@ iMaple: I don't think you misread them. I think they meant something to you I hadn't intended when I wrote them.

Bettering myself with patience and understanding for my own benefit is the good fight too me. And I as well don't see having a fault as bad, however i know it to be a very common response. Changing for others exclusively is obviously not ideal but being motivated to change by the hurt I cause others is healthy under a few circumstance.

If it's a didactic battle of negative and positive messages it only creates more duality,

Thanks for taking such an interest in my post! 

 

[captainproton]

For the OP?

It depends on how bad the bad day is. Most things I can just say, "you know what? It's not a problem." And I just keep going. Maybe I need to grab a cookie and look at pictures of Grmpy Cat or Corgnelis & Stumphrey if it's a bit worse. Diving into DVDs of shows like Big Bang Theory, Keeping Up Appearances and Are You Bealong Served? are good for making me laugh, though i also relax with DVDs of mysteries like Rosemary & Thyme or Poirot. Baking helps, too.

As for the various OTs:

I like Let It Go as a song (though it has gotten damn tired in a short time). But i agree with Touchfuzzy that it's really less about personal empowerment than it is about saying to the world, "up yours, b*****s, I'm building a fort and you can suck it." (She doesn't even conjure a toilet, how's that for planning?) Being a strong, independent person doesn't mean you avoid your responsibilities or run away from the consequences of your actions.

And overcoming your flaws is all a part of personal growth, otherwise known as "growing up." (Which I've noticed most people of my generation staunchly refuse to do.) Yes those flaws are a part of you and need to be understood, but they shouldn't just be accepted Just Because. Sometimes those flaws are hurtful and destructive, and just clinging to them because they're part of you is narcissism. Accept that your are flawed, but do something about those flaws.

 

[Galenmereth]

I don't know the song that's being talked about, but "letting things go" should be about letting go of things you have no control over. Did someone call you something cruel on the subway for no reason? Let it go. Did someone close to you hurt your feelings? Don't let this go: find out why. Sometimes it's external, sometimes it's internal, and usually it's a combination of the two. Let go of things outside your control, when you need to. Like war and pain and suffering that you feel you cannot deal with right now: let it go.

As for what I do when I feel really bad, I usually take a walk. Rain, storm, snowstorm, what have you: I'll just walk for a bit. Other times I do repetitive tasks that require little thought, like washing the dishes. It can be hard sometimes when I feel really bad to motivate myself to do anything, but I've managed to imprint washing things as an "automatic" task I go to when I feel like that. Washing dishes, or the toilet, or the table, or even the floor: I just put my body into motion doing something it can deal with without much conscious input. Usually this clears my head relatively quick too.

 

[Caitlin]

When I've had a bad day, it depends on the level.  If it's minor, I play a game and I stop thinking about it.  If I've had an even rougher day, I might eat something I enjoy (chocolate or some other sweet) which allows me to take deep breaths and calm down.  But no matter what level I've had, the thing I do is to go to sleep at night and for some reason, for the most part those bad days stay in yesterday.  =o.o= I've never completely understood it, but only rare times do the feeling go with me to the next day.  And when they do, those are the things you deal with.

 

[Laptopdancer]

When I am at my worst I put on my housecoat drink something adult and watch old black and white movies on Turner Classic. 

 

[Touchfuzzy]

I also eat Butterfingers. How many depends on my level of sadness. I have yet to encounter a 3 Butterfinger sadness.