serious advice

Oddball

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So, i know someone that has depression and tried to kill themselves, because they feel like nothing would be different if they had never been born. Like all they are is a tumble weed rolling through life

There doing better now, but im not sure how long it will last. Any advice for words if they get depressed again?
 

mlogan

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Man, I'm not a professional, so all I can really say is I hope your friend is getting the professional help they need. Meds and counseling can do a world of good.

Aside from that, I just suggest being there for your friend as much as you can. Try to let them know that they are not alone. I wish the best for you and your friend - he/she is a lucky person to have someone so concerned for them.
 

Ms Littlefish

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Agree with, Mary. Just be your friend's, well, friend. Hang out on the couch, watch a movie, and split a pizza. Or whatever it is that is fun for you two. If he needs to vent, he'll use your ears.
 

Touchfuzzy

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Step 1. Ignore Black Swordsman

Step 2. Encourage them to keep you in the loop on how they are feeling. Encourage them to talk to a professional. Make sure they know there is no shame in needing help, and you will never judge them for needing you or a therapist to keep going. Make sure they know that there is no shame because everyone has struggles, and that you are proud to know them and be able to help them.
 
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Wavelength

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Assuming he (or she) has consistently acted in a way that suggests he (she) cares about you, and wouldn't commit suicide out of a desire to shock people, then one of the best things you can do is remind him why he is so important to you and how your life is going to be worse if he isn't there.  Express that you want him to be around and that you don't want to lose him.
 

SOC

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Real talk, medication is for some people but it can be very detrimental for most people right now. I am no professional, but I would highly recommend seeking alternatives for depression. The best thing they can do in the heat of the moment is call a suicide/mental crisis hotline. These are 24/7 and completely free, people volunteer for them and they can be wonderful.

For long term help, they need to get a lot of blood work done. I would recommend first starting with many thyroid tests (it will require more than one for sure, to check many different thyroid hormone levels; I recently had one done checking my T3 and T4, as well as a urine test for a pheochromocytoma). Thyroid problems in 1st world countries are rising extremely fast, especially in each new generation, and many times this causes manic depression and/or anxiety. Another thing to check would be gut health and gut bacteria. These little guys really can control how your mind feels, as health starts in the gut and your natural ability to absorb nutrients and produce hormones. I'm sure most people who have anxiety/depression know a little about serotonin, but most don't realize it's actually mostly produced in your gut by the food you eat. Having a good and healthy diet is crucial for mental health, as well as everything else. And this doesn't just mean "eat less fast food," it means giving up grains, wheat, gluten, all processed foods and discovering what foods you can't tolerate very well. Exercise is very important too, and must be tailored to each individual. And finding hobbies/activities that make you feel like you're fulfilling something can be an amazing cure as well. For me, that's gaming and RPG Maker. Consider things like yoga and meditation. These are all far more effective and healthy than anti-anxiety/depression medicine.

That's not to say medicine isn't great for some people, it is! But it's a very last resort and other more holistic and natural approaches should be tried first, as well as trying to find any abnormalities in the physical side. As stated earlier, therapy is also a great tool. There's absolutely no shame in it. I even use it sometimes!

Best of luck. Be healthy, everyone!
 

Andar

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And if u dont have one then pay for a chick to be friends with him in the meantime while u stall for ideas.
And what do you think will happen if a depressive person learns that people have to be paid to become his/her friend?
Do you want to cause a suicide?


Talk with them, try to get them to professional help if at all possible - that is nothing to take lightly.
 
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And what do you think will happen if a depressive person learns that people have to be paid to become his/her friend?

Do you want to cause a suicide?
Come on Andar, I think u have a little more sense than that or anyone else that read it. I hope u didnt take my number 5 and 7 literally too cuz I'd hell as feel like that dood that posted

I feel scared posting on this site >_<
on his status update earlier.... =/
 

Shaz

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The Black Swordsman, everything you have said in this topic is offensive. Let's assume the OP actually wants to HELP his friend, and is not just asking for the sake of "getting it off his conscience". Do not post here again.


I have removed all of your inappropriate posts.
 
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Banquo

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Sometimes depressed people appear like they don't want to be helped, pretending to be fine or pushing you away.

Give him space if you think he needs it, but everyone, including depressed people, feel better if you show you care about them.

Always remember that Depression is a sickness, not an attitude. It helps to stay patient, because fighting a depression takes a long time.

I know a girl who suffers this for over 10 years already. We are not close, but she told me that she's already working part-time - as part of a process to slowly finding back into a daily routine.
 

Touchfuzzy

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Ok, guys. This is a serious situation. I do not like censoring, but I'm removing any advice that tells anyone to not encourage a depressed and possibly suicidal person to seek professional help. Any person who is suicidal SHOULD seek professional help, and I will not put up with suggestions to the contrary, end of story.
 
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Oddball

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Thanks for all of the advice everyone.

And SOC. This is a person that tries to eat healthy and excersize and doesnt like to take medicines. They were perscribed zoloft anyway, and resent it. But sense they were sent to the psycward. They didnt really have a choice
 

Andar

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and doesnt like to take medicines. They were perscribed zoloft anyway, and resent it.
Tell him/her that the psychic medizine usually isn't ment to heal at all - it's ment to stabilize and reduce the depressions in order to gain time for the real healing, that usually is achieved by talking and mental exercizes and not by medicines.
But those mental exercizes won't work if the person doesn't have a minimum of stability and concentration, that's why they start with medicines if the problems are already too far along.
 

The Stranger

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I've dealt with clinical depression (which at times led to suicidal thoughts, plans, and actions) since my early teens. Before getting some real psychiatric help I was a complete mess. I still suffer, but I have various coping strategies, people I can speak with, and medication. The greatest help I ever recieved, though, was my psychologist - she helped me to understand so much about myself and why things were they way they were in my head. Depression is a very serious psychiatric condition, I feel that too many make light of it, as if it's just someone experiencing a bad day - it isn't. It's a suffocating darkness that slowly consumes every ounce of will you have left in your heart until you're nothing but a hollow husk - a shadow of your former self. Depression shouldn't be treated like a cold or the Flu, it's not an illness which goes away over time or with the right combination of meds. There's always a chance that it will return, even when you think you've overcome it. Once you reach the point where you begin to think of ending your own life it's because the internal suffering is beyond coping with. No one wants to die. Sometimes, however, the pain can be so great, so unbearable, that the only solution we can think of is death.

There's not a lot you can do, other than be there for your friend. Make yourself be known, but don't be overbearing. Encourage your friend to seek psychiatric help. It takes a long time for the psychiatric help to have any real effect, because it's all about forming relationships with the doctors and opening up to them. It's not a matter of cheering your friend up. A person can wear a smile to conceal their depression. Just be there for your friend. Support him\her. Don't try to push them into explaining why they're depressed, because they might not fully understand themselves.

I feel for your friend, I really do. The path to recovery is a very long one, and he'll\she'll need all of the support he\she can get.
 
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SOC

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Ok, guys. This is a serious situation. I do not like censoring, but I'm removing any advice that tells anyone to not encourage a depressed and possibly suicidal person to seek professional help. Any person who is suicidal SHOULD seek professional help, and I will not put up with suggestions to the contrary, end of story.
It's a good thing I never said "don't try professional help." -_- I'm offering serious advice, as the title/topic requested. I'm not here on some personal agenda or crusade. Just trying to help.

Thanks for all of the advice everyone.

And SOC. This is a person that tries to eat healthy and excersize and doesnt like to take medicines. They were perscribed zoloft anyway, and resent it. But sense they were sent to the psycward. They didnt really have a choice
Yeah, that happens sometimes. I was forced to take Zoloft too when I was in the hospital for my chest pains, but my psychiatrist was really awesome and was very complying with allowing me to get off it ASAP and finding holistic ways to help me and not take medicine. Psyche wards can definitely be a hard place for people, how did he handle it? I'm very glad to hear he's taking those steps already.
 
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Sharm

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As someone who's been suicidal and has problems with chemical depression (possibly bipolar) here's my advice:

They're going to do a lot of verbal and mental gymnastics to always put themselves in a position where they don't matter, the cause of any and all problems, or other such things to keep themselves in a state of deserving punishment.  Basically, there's a lot of pain and we do crazy things to justify or have an outlet for it, because we can't figure out how to get rid of it.  Call them on it.  If they say "yeah, but" you stop them from completing the thought.  If you give them a complement, don't let them brush it off or turn it into a negative.  Be stubborn.  Don't be passive about your affection and how worthy of life you think them to be.  Treat it like an absolute that they're being silly for not recognizing.  If they say they're going to do something, make them also choose when they'll have it done by.  Follow up, and find out if they did it.  If they haven't done it, don't pressure them or make them feel bad about not doing it.  Just say "Okay, let's pick a new time to have it done by."

They may resent being nagged they'll also feel more secure in the relationship.  They know you're going to check up on them.  It's going to be harder for them to justify the thought that them just disappearing won't matter.  Also, if you can get them to accept the good things that are happening instead of turning everything into a negative, their self worth will improve.  They'll be better able to handle the pain they feel.  That one is suuuper hard to do though, and depends a lot on them, so don't feel bad if you can't do it.

Never downplay or belittle the pain though.  It's real, it's serious and it's a huge problem.  But it's also something they can overcome.  Sometimes the ways depressed people act out is an attempt to get people to see what's going on.  They want understanding.  Not pity or too much sympathy though.  "That's awful and difficult, let's figure out how to beat it" is much better and more accepting of what's going on than "oh you poor thing!  That's just terrible!"  Depression is difficult for the other people in their lives too.  When you just say "I'm sorry" it can feel like "I can't handle this, you should do it yourself."  Which makes them feel more alone.

Oddball:  Compare the medication to other things people take.  Maybe it'll be like an antibiotic they need to get over the worst of it so the other methods can work.  Maybe it'll be like insulin, something they take because their body doesn't quite function correctly on it's own.  But taking the medication does not mean that your friend has failed in any way.  They really are sick, it's okay to deal with it and there's no blame.
 

TherainED

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being there for your friend as much as you can
Do this. This helps. A lot.

This is coming from a person that had depression.

Lead them to professionals. That helps a lot as well. It did for me, kinda.

And meds are not necessary. I actually wouldn't reccomend them. If the person has a lot of trust in their doctor, then go for it. Otherwise, avoid it. One wrong measure and that friend of yours could end up with an addiction to meds. It has happened to people around me, I'm familiar with the issue.

Also, please, try to be clear. I don't want to be too much of a grammar nazi, but...you know, it's kinda hard to understand some of the things you said.
Also, this may sound like a ridiculous pool of steaming, bubbling bullcrap but: Make them have a good time. Have a laugh and ****. Try and teach them to find fun in hard moments. Being a "sarcastic ass" (as some labeled me) was what got me out of depression. Not out of cognitive dissonance, but that's another story.
 
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Ms Littlefish

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I have anxiety disorders and several phobias as the result of a traumatic event. I also have obsessive tendencies that are co-morbid with my Tourette's Syndrome. While not clinical depression, like The Stranger, one of the biggest breaks I ever had is when my doctor and I had many dialogues about what is happening inside my body on a very physical and biochemical level. Being irrational is a large part of my illness and my doctor teaching me and my support network steps to address my symptoms rationally is still one of the biggest grips I hold over it when I am struggling.

I have very serious physical health issues, too. Both are treated effectively with a combination of medication and lifestyle changes.

A patient and their doctor should be making goals and they will be determined between those two bodies and relayed to their support network. Lifestyle changes have profound effects on our health and are extremely important but medications are also very, very important tools. Goals often do mention the medication. I've been able to come off a number of them successfully while I need others to stay healthy. But that's one of the many reasons why medical treatment is so important. It's hard to say otherwise.

I have a support network that helps me stay accountable for my goals, too. They don't pressure me but these are people I do trust to be the most frank and open with me. Most of the time when I'm having a relapse I really, really just want them there beside me. I may not talk a whole lot or be beaming but I do appreciate the company.  
 
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Carde

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Guys, please stop telling others that medicine is not necessary. It is very necessary for some people and should be treated on an individual basis. It's a decision that should be made between the person and their health professional, not based on anecdotal evidence.
As yet another person who has grown up with anxiety and depression disorders I can't stress enough how it really depends on the person and the mindset they're in. I personally dropped meds when I was in my teens and probably should have picked them back up, but lots of people I know swear by them and have done far better in life than I have with their problems, so I'd heavily suggest tracking down some professionals and encouraging them to try the meds even if they're the type to not really want them.

But again, what works for someone will heavily depend on them and where they are in it all. Some people just need a distraction and some friendly companionship, others need to vent or channel, some just flat out need some chemical help. Try to get them to open up and find them some help to figure out what they need specifically.

Having a good friend that worries about them is a good start, either way.
 

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