Story Feedback

[TheMusicalCrowbar]

So I was thinking of a story for a game and I came up with this: A boy and his sister are living in a village together. The game starts with the little sister wanting a storybook. Brother goes out to get it, blah blah blah. In the middle of the night a demonic deity that controls the dream world will cast a curse making all people fall into an endless nightmare except people who have had a horrible past/repressed a tragic memory. He won't know this and the one remaining person in the village suggests he go to the spring in the center of the forest and get mystic healing water. I'll have him acquire a party member and at the spring he'll encounter the guardian of the forest who is now corrupted and has to fight. After the battle it will explain what is happening and the main character will go on a quest to break this curse. In the end, I want the demon to confront him and the memory of him accidentally killing his mother as a child while he was hunting in the forest will be returned(hence no mother in beginning of game). And then it could possibly be where he relives it and tries to change events and then destroys the demon, I'm undecided. I would love to have feedback, suggestions, ect.

 

[Milennin]

-Where does the demonic deity come from?


-Why has it decided to curse the dream world just now and not sooner?


-Is there any reason why people with a horrible past are not affected by this curse?


-Do you mean the demonic deity does not know that people with a horrible past aren't affected by his curse? How come?


-What role does this new character play in this story... other than to serve as a second playable character in battles?


-How does the main character, a villager's boy, plan on defeating the forest's guardian?


-By changing the horrible event in his past into something not horrible, shouldn't that cause the main character to fall under the curse of the demon?


-How does the main character plan on destroying a demonic deity?


-What does the storybook have to do with anything in this story?


-What role does the sister play in this story... other than her wanting a storybook that isn't relevant to the story either?

 

[Mage Heart]

-Do you mean the demonic deity does not know that people with a horrible past aren't affected by his curse? How come?

 Not to mess your your story, but this could be because they have already lived their worse nightmare. Thus I could see them not affected if they have nothing left to be afraid of.

 

[TheMusicalCrowbar]

I was thinking that the demon feeds off of the bad experiences, so he keeps them awake. Also I think at that point The character would be in the spirit world and couldn't really fall asleep. AS for the forest guardian. The remaining member of the village is a lumberjack(previously a knight) and doesn't want to send the main character flopping into a forest with no protection. I'll have him find a mage who lives in the forest. He'll live their because he's an introvert, but will see the character wandering through the woods and feel like he should go with him. I'd do like a lost woods thing from Zelda that can't be passed without him. I'll give the mage fire spells to help with the battle. I guess when the mage finds out what is going on, he'll decide to stay. Maybe I'll give him some bad memory related to summoning demons and now he has motive to go off and fight. As for why the curse, I'm possibly thinking a summoning gone wrong, and it was unleashed. The sister is under the curse and is why the brother goes on a quest. The storybook is about dreams and demons and was meant to foreshadow. I also didn't want to plop the player into a cursed world immediately, it make even less sense. I might even have the demon shapeshift to her form during any encounters. I'll give some kind of noteable difference though. Still kinda thinking things through. I do love the feedback I'm getting.