Tears of The Sky

[Simon D. Aelsi]

It's... confirmed...

https://www.facebook.com/tearsofthesky

 

[ElementalLight]

Part of me wishes he had kept the files and left it to a team of members to try there best to make his dream game instead of just deleting all the file for it (which i hope he did not do ) because i was looking forward to it .

 

[Mihel]

Did he really delete all the files or he just went on hiatus?

Man, I was so looking forward to play this game. I don't know why he lost faith in the project, it was shaping up to be pretty interesting. Mapping, music, characters, story all looked pretty good to me.

 

[That Bread]

@Emil all files were saved! I will be back soon from my haitius, right now I still need to fix up a few things before oficially returning. Thank you for your concern,

@Mihel, Thank you, and I will be back very soon.

 

[Mihel]

The project's back!

@Iron Croc: sad to see you go, the music you produced for the game was inspirational. Good luck with TotCL.

 

[That Bread]

@ironcroc Oookay, well that is unfortunate turn in events. If anyone is interested in the opening please do contact me. Otherwise we will stick to free music...

@Mihel Thank you! Yes we are back : )

 

[Spirit_Of_Cha0s]

I could be the musician but I am more experienced with sfx

preferably horror sfx but that is besides the point

 

[Spirit_Of_Cha0s]

but what is your style of music and would I be glad to be your musician

I was supposed to be a musician for another game but they turned me down for no other reason that two people applied at the same time after me

 

[That Bread]

The style is ochrestrial, just listen to the pieces done by iron so far that will give you a better idea.

Now do you have skype or another better way of communication? And samples, please.

 

[That Bread]

We're still moving along with production of the game, right now its polishing up the demo and getting the necessary assets to call it complete. As well as searching for a new musician as Iron Croc has unfortunately left, so far we have two potential recruits!

Until that is done I leave you with an intro screenshot

 

[That Bread]

We're searching for early demo testers to help kill off any missed bugs. PM me if interested in testing it out.

 

[That Bread]

removed

 

[Goldstorm]

Demo complete and checked, ready to go!

https://www.dropbox.com/s/o3pr2olf7z9wiqi/Tears%20of%20the%20Sky.exe?dl=0

Hey man, is it supposed to be unencrypted?

 

[Scythuz]

You might want to update your credits, there's a lot of people missing.

 

[That Bread]

Yup its supposed to be

and yes scythuz I forgot to do that. Iron croc leaving was a big surprise.

 

[Scythuz]

Cool, just make sure we all get credited as soon as you can.  

To be honest, the demo is in serious need of some polish right now as I'm sure other people will confirm, maybe you should hold off on having it playable until the problems have been ironed out by testers?

 

[That Bread]

that I will, and yes you are right looks like it isn't polished enough. Need to find more testers I am going to take it down soon enough.

 

[Makio-Kuta]

I gave this a quick play, though I didn't make it far because as you yourself say, this needs more testing. I'll include my 'as I played the game' notes in a spoiler - though most of those are grammar and punctuation corrections. There were a LOT of errors in the writing. Please have someone proof read this over more thoroughly. There were sections of text that just plain made no sense and a slew of punctuation errors that are pretty common for people who are beginners at writing, but that anyone with experience could easily catch in a proof read.

Since I didn't really get to much game play, most of what I'm going to talk about here is the writing. It was rather weak. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't interesting. The characters tried to have personality, but ultimately fell flat. The story tried to be interesting, but also fell just as flat. This all could have been fine enough, but couple that with the fact that the game had zero agency and my interest to keep playing stopped. Let's break it down.

The intro bits weren't bad. I liked that it was a lore dump with actual scenes attached to it. Always better than scrolling text. It helped build some tension along with the world building, but then all that tension was lost and it never came back, even when it really should have. Everything fell apart for me when that person entered the classroom and told the teacher that the church was under attack. This is a thing that can build both urgency in the story and in the player - but instead that sense of danger never came. Everyone continued talking like normal, the soft lapping waves continued like normal, the town music was normal, I meandered my way towards the church like whatever was happening wasn't really a big deal.

No one seemed to care! You tell the blacksmith that you're in a hurry because the church is under attack, and he just laughs it off like 'ain't my daughter cute! now here's a tutorial' (a broken tutorial I might add) and since not one person in this game seemed to care about what was going on except maybe the healer chick, it made it impossible for me to care.

If you want a lackadaisical opening scene where we get to learn about the game mechanics and the characters and the town or whatever, then take the time to make that. Spend a day with the characters without the church attack. If you want to dump us right into the action, then dump us right in the action and press us, the plot, and the characters forward with tension and danger and whatnot. Trying to do both just makes things a mess, confuses the player and the story towards what you are trying to accomplish.

The intro is what makes a player WANT to keep playing, and this intro did not do that. It did the opposite. For that reason, I think that not only would further testing be good, but perhaps also a careful restructuring of the opening. 

Sorry if this seems harsh; it just looks like a lot of time and effort went into this project and the end result doesn't seem to suggest that. Again, the initial intro bits were well done. I also adore the character art a lot. Dubay is an adorable little creature and I feel like the chemistry between the three main characters has potential. The battle system (for the two battles I fought) seemed to work pretty well, though some collision issues with the rat (where you can hit him doesn't seem to match where you can see him) and it may be a bit fast paced for the first battles. Maps seemed fine. idk overall it just seems like something that has potential, but suffers from lackluster storytelling and lack of testing, which you know.

NOTES AS I PLAYED:

Spoiler

Title Screen- Do not like the use of the grey background, it's drowning out the logo. The logo is lovely and has great colours, displaying it on something that robs it of all it's presence is silly

- Also that isn't the best texture for what I assume is clouds

 

Sound when I select easy is louder than it is everywhere else

 

Still very much like the character art work

 

"You have friend! You must realize this, or perish by my blade!"

Improper comma use ahoy!

You have, friend! (otherwise it reads as a Tarzan level of speak to say 'you have a friend!')

Commas before or after direct addresses always.

 

You must realize this or perish by my blade. (Protip: only use commas with conjunctions like this if both sides are a complete sentence)

"Perish by my blade." is not a complete sentence. 'You' is the subject for each one. so no comma.

 

"I see no wrongs in my choices..."

awkward sentence.

I see nothing wrong with my choices.

might be better

 

Does this guy, '?', end EVERY sentence with '...'

 

"One of our brave heroes will watch forevermore in the dark, if this evil will ever show its ugly face again..."

This sentence structure makes NO sense. If that happens---what?

I think you're trying to imply that a hero will be watching over in the case that the evil rises again, but that's worded so painfully wrong here it doesn't make any sense at all.

consider reworking this line heavily

 

The breaking up of the lines

"Today marks... ...the 100th anniversary"

Loses all impact because I don't know who the Hero Alkast is. Usually when you bother to purposefully break a line apart like that it's for one of two reasons.

1) comedic timing

2) dramatic impact

This was likely aiming for 2, but dramatic impact is completely lost on the player since what is having it's 100th anniversary means nothing to us.

I suppose there's a reason 3) ran out of room.

But even that should be a careful decision where you break it (and there was plenty room left for this case)

 

"Tomorrow we will celebrate his great deeds, when the tears will fall from the sky."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure you only use a comma for phrases like 'when the tears will fall from the sky' when they are at the start of a sentence.

 

"If one awakens him he will save our world once again."

Should have a comma after the 'if-phrase'

'If one awakens him, he will save our world once again.'

 

and now would be a good time to ask - from what? We just saw them seal the great evil. Why do we need to save the world again? Unless the 'him' is being confused here??? Maybe you're referring to the evil we sealed with that 'him'?

If that's the case, that's unclear. Be careful with confusing the reader by relying on pronouns.

 

"Of recent the heat increase, and reports of entire areas dying out."

What??? This isn't even a sentence and it sure isn't TWO sentences.

 

NOW you mention that the dark era is approaching once more. Why not mention this FIRST and THEN talk about the hero saving the world again should it happen. That makes more sense logically.

Who is this 'Dama' character that they tell stories to me backwards.

 

"However, anyone who has tried to awaken the hero have gone missing."

change that 'have' to 'has'. if you had 'everyone' and not 'anyone' at the start of the sentence, you could have used 'have' but nah

 

Clarence

"Snoooore..."

mmmmmmmmmm I'm with Clarence on this one. I liked the visuals for the first part of the opening, but this part is a bit dull. Though it's probably not that long a part and it just feels like because I made a note on every sentence.

This might actually not be a big deal

 

"Dubay... is Clarence asleep?"

Okay... why not just use a comma?

 

"Uh... yeah he is..."

...

 

"Trevor needs you sir Dama! The church is under attack!"

Commas before or after direct addresses.

Trevor needs you, sir Dama!

Also, some agency here would be nice. A church is under attack. But we still have these lapping waves which make me feel calm. A church is under attack, but it's chill. Like the ocean.

 

Actually... Are we on a boat? That would be cool. School on a boat.

 

"Don't get involved with whatevers happening at the church."

whatever's. this is a contraction for "whatever is"

whatevers isn't a word.

 

Also, we are totally going to get involved, aren't we?

 

"Follow me sir!" direct address

, sir

 

"lucky day Dubay" direct address

, Dubay

 

"You spoke too soon Clarence, I've got to go in there today!"

One, these are two complete sentences, you can't just slap them together with a comma and call it a day. you need either a contraction to bridge them together or to change that comma into a semi-colon.

Also, direct address.

"You spoke too soon, Clarence. I've got to go in there today!"

"You spoke too soon, Clarence, because I've got to go in there today!"

"You spoke too soon, Clarence; I've got to go in there today!"

 

", Daina?" direct address

 

"It is, if I don't perform the yearly praising Alkasts blessing on our town could fade... and you know what happened to other towns right?"

mmm I don't think you need that first comma, I could be wrong though. You DO however need a possessive apostrophe for Alkast's blessing. would change to this personally:

"It is. If I don't perform the yearly praising, Alkast's blessing on our town could fade, and you know what happened to other towns, right?"

the comma's after praising and before right are needed. and I took out that ellipses.

 

"No, we're not going to the church." comma after no in this case

 

"Let's go to the church!" Let's is a conjunction for "Let us"

 

"Yay! Thank you, Clarence; I knew I could count on you." direct address / two sentences

 

"Clarence, Diana if we do, Damas going to be so mad at us!"

Dubay's english has been pretty fluent so far, so I'm going to assume this is a typo and not suddenly Dubay speaks a bit off.

"Clarence, Diana, if we do go, Damas is going to be so mad at us!"

 

"Like Diana said, our whole town could dry up!"

Just like when writing normally and you have to use commas for speaker tags. (Jonathan said, "I'll be home soon, Ma.") You need to use them in situations like this as well.

 

"fine, we'll go!" need comma

 

"East exit. We should be able to get there in no time!" can't use comma like you did

 

Font looks very choppy on the menu screen in spots. In particular the letter 'C'

 

Holy snap I'm NOT on a boat!!

 

Save screen butchers the letter 'P'

 

A CHURCH IS UNDER ATTACK WHY IS THERE ZERO URGENCY AT ALL YET??? does this happen all the time??

 

"good to see you too, Mrs. Jules" direct address

 

"My husband wanted to see you, he has something to tell you."

same reason as before. you can't do this. two sentences, conjunction, or semi-colon.

 

"I'll see you around, Clarence." direct address 

Okay... She says her husband wants to see me and that he's in the room to the left but then that door is locked? that... what?

 

I TRIED to talk to your dad skipping girl! He locked me out!

 

and the door is still locked.... May I ask what this shindig is supposed to be teaching me as a player?

 

Yeah okay hopefully this ain't a thing I need to do.

 

OH HA that's a door too okay

 

NOTE: As you can see from this part here, I clearly am an idiot and didn't see that the rug area was marking another door. Not sure if anyone else had this problem hahaha

Okay, I'm going to stop talking about the punctuation issues now because there are just TOO MANY. I do not know who proof read this game for you, but you really need to consider having someone else. There are errors EVERYWHERE in the writing.

and the writing is not strong enough to distract me from them...

 

"the church is under attack, but your daughter cornered me

Hah hah hah hah!!!!"

It's official..... no one cares about the church

is this really the time for a tutorial??

okay I can't actually make the weapon in the tutorial....

aaaaaaaaaaaaand now I can't go back in and make the weapon now that I actually HAVE the ingredients. NOW suddenly it matters that I'm in a hurry...

what a useless string of events

 

NOTE: Okay, so having a tutorial totally break this part of the game up is one of my biggest issues with this. It's the largest slap in the face that says "the church I'm going to doesn't really matter" I fail to see the reason why this tutorial is so important that it needs to be NOW. The fact that you couldn't actually make the recipe because the other needed ingredient was equipped only added insult to injury.

I skipped the battle tutorial and instead get forced into a menu tutorial. Chances are if I'm not interested in a tutorial on battle, I'm even less interested in a tutorial on a menu. I'm not interested in any tutorials right now, I'm trying to get interested in the church!

 

during menu tutorial - when you open the items, text is written over Dubay's face. Either fix this, or break the fourth wall and have someone mention it. I don't care, just don't slam it in my face and expect me to accept it

 

I understand you are trying to block the player in, but the illogical blocks on the world map that I just can't walk through are silly.

 

Having the offhand note about the word 'weak' appearing in battle mid dialogue is really off putting. It breaks the scene. The scene that could still use more urgency.

 

"Alkast's mother" possessive apostrophe

 

holy snap that enemy death animation on the map is over the top

 

Clarence's age in the menu says "17]"

 

[That Bread]

.

Yes alot of time and effort was poured into this, I'll examine your notes.
 thank you for your feedback.

 

[Makio-Kuta]

S'ok dude, I already saw the sassy first version of that post. Good luck with your game.