The Great Fortune

Discussion in 'Games In Development' started by Krishna Siva, Jul 13, 2014.

  1. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    The Great Fortune

     

     

    Please give some feedback! This is my first game!

     

     

    Information

    The Great Fortune is a game on  the 3 most fun topics,

    mystery, comedy, adventure. It's gone into the 50/100 finished stage.


    Story

    You are a archaeologist in the mysterious mountain range called the Kirola Range in a Island. everything is fine with it as it is a major tourist spot, because of it’s aesthetic value.  but something’s going on inside the ruins of the ancient civilization of the Kirola Mountains. You set to put a full stop to the mystery of it with your friend Aaron and your senior Dr. Sanfore.

    Main Characters

    Ellis

    Ralph.png

    You are the main protagonist in The Great Fortune. you are a brilliant archaeologist with a keen mind but 

    a little childish.

    Aaron

    Irfan - Happy.png

    Aaron is your friend who is also a archaeologist. he is very childish and loud in nature.

    sometimes he is very tough. he is trained in martial arts.

    Dr.Sanfore

    Dr.Sanfore Smiling.png

    Dr.Sanfore is your senior whois always cheerful and smiling. he is very knowledgeable in

    ancient languages, things and other matters.

    Kirola Prince

    Monster1.png

    He was denied the throne by his magician father because he was very evil in nature before 3000 years.

    He is well versed in Dark Magic and is out of Magical Energy in the past 100 years.

    Monra

    Evil.png

    The loyal servant of the Kirola Prince. He is very patient in nature and has

    some Dark Magic left.

    Screenshots

    Screen1.png

    Screen2.png

    Screen3.png

    Updates

    'The Great Fortune v1.4----------------------Whole game was proofread.maps were redesigned with new tilesets.Kirola mountain was remodeled.More ruins were added &Doors were added in ruined city.The Great Fortune v1.3----------------------Ruins were added.tools and puzzles were added.dialogues replaced and refined.Forest way was addedThe Great Fortune v1.2----------------------More maps were added.dialogues were refined.The Great Fortune v1.1----------------------release versionCredits

    Artists
    -Enterbrain
    -Futuristic tiles
    -Modern day tiles

    Mappers
    KrishGM

    Scripts
    Nicke
    Aqurus
    Galv
    Yanfly
    Victor Sant
    Wortana
    Cremno

    Special Thanks to 

     

    Bitter bug
    Dreadshadow


    ksjp17

    for your invaluable feedback.

    The Demo and Website

    Demo v1.4 Download: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0ByYnu01dAcF-N285aGJaZXJHbkE/view?usp=sharing
     

    RGB Game Works website: http://rgbgameworks.wordpress.com
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 5, 2014
    #1
  2. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    Bump. Need Feed back on my game.

    very kindly mention where I have to improve in mapping,

    scripts, dialouges, storyboard, etc.
     
    #2
  3. Ruby

    Ruby Of the Earth Veteran

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    Your mapping isn't terrible... Just open. You definitely need to scale down in a lot of areas, especially regarding your indoor maps.
     
    #3
  4. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    Thanks a lot!!!

    I will do it right away!!!

    Edit - I have made the maps more smaller and now the version 2 of the demo will be much smaller in size

    with more elongated story.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 29, 2014
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  5. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    Bump. Please give me feedback, PLEASE!!
     
    #5
  6. Bitterbug

    Bitterbug Nami-Swaaan~ Member

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    Hi there! I'm kinda new to the forums, but hopefully I can give some good feedback for you!  :)  

    My first bit of feedback is on the storyline. Albeit brief, the premise is good and the story sounds (to me at least) original and interesting. Meaning it's not a typical "guy goes out to save the world with a group of friends" storyline that seems to dominate RPG's these days. So, for that, I say bravo! That said, some additional information on the storyline would be great.

    Secondly, this may seem a small thing, but the screenshot of the control scheme is excellent. The layout may be a bit plain and easy, but at least you've put a darn information screen in there. Most RPG's I've played recently (mostly made in RPG Maker) don't even bother telling you what the controls are. So, you get a cookie from me for actually adding that in!

    Thirdly, what Ruby said is true. Your indoor maps seems a bit... barren, for lack of a better term. Either scale back on them or fill them with other things that the player can interact with. While having a lot of room in a real-life house is perfect, sadly the same can't be said for RPG's. Give me something to look it that is visually appealing and vibrant in your game and I'll be more willing to spend hours in the game-world! 


    Lastly, you said you wanted feedback in dialogues and so on. Here's a few pointers:

    • Use grammar correctly. Capital letters, full stops, commas, etcetera. No-one likes having to read lines of text that aren't properly laid out or spell-checked.
    • While I appreciate that your title screen for the game may be a placeholder, I'd heavily suggest that you replace it before "finishing" the project. It looks a bit pixelly around the edges.
    • Flesh out your story a bit more. It feels a bit basic. Add some more meat to the bones and I reckon the game will have a pretty good storyline (from what I've played in the Demo!)

    Anyway, I hope that feedback helps you in some way. Keep up the good work and I'll be keeping an eye on on this project!
     
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  7. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    @Bitterbug-That's a hell lot of information you gave! thanks forthat!

    lately my laptop has been just a piece of junk and I couldn't get anything out of it.

    Anyway, I am planning on major updates of TGF.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 12, 2014
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  8. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    Sorry guys, my computer is totally repaired. It will take a while to fix it.
     
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  9. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 28, 2014
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  10. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    Please give some feedback!
     
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  11. Dreadshadow

    Dreadshadow Lv 38 Tech Magician Moderator

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    Suggestion for your topic: Build your game also without RTP included, so it would be easy to download it.

    Keep the RTP_Included varsion but provide us with a small version.

    Currently downloading it and will come back with feedback.

    Cheers.
     
    #11
  12. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    sorry, but it isn't the rtp included version. it's the compression of many tilesets , soundtracks and pics.
     
    #12
  13. Dreadshadow

    Dreadshadow Lv 38 Tech Magician Moderator

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    It's ok.

    Check your inbox.  ;)  
     
     
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  14. Kes

    Kes Global Moderators Global Mod

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    Here is some feedback on the first 11 minutes.  It's in a spoiler, because it's 2 pages of A4 size, detailing things that need attention.

    The Executive Summary

    You need to pay a lot more attention to detail.  This can feel tedious until it becomes second nature, but the cumulative effect of lots and lots of small things is the impression that you haven't given much care and attention to your game.  This is probably not true (or at least, I hope it's not true), but that is the inevitable impression you will give to the player.

    The things to pay particular attention to include grammar (use of upper and lower case letters, punctuation) proof reading for typos. how you do your events, and your mapping.

    Here is the detailed version.

    [SIZE=10.5pt]The Great Fortune[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Notes taken as I go along.  Map numbers are simply the order I reached them, obviously they have no connection with the map numbers in the editor.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Spelling – almost first screen has typo – Intuiging instead of intriguing.  A typo so soon does not give the player confidence that care has been taken with the rest of the game.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Going from Name Selection screen to first map, a sprite shows up for a brief moment.  You need to rethink where you put your fadeout/fadein commands.  (That’s probably it, though it might be your transparent on/off command).[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Map #1[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]What function did the sleep perform?  Felt like it was just a filler, as there was no obvious reason for it.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Your passability settings need adjustment.  There is a huge non-passable section in front of the computer desk.  I should be able to get at least one tile nearer it, possibly 2 if the event were actually on the desk itself.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Same problem in front of your TV.  I should be able to stand directly in front of it.  As I can activate the dialogue from the side, I think you must have placed your event there instead of on the TV.  If you put it up and have ‘Same as characters’ for priority, it will still work when you click on it.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]The wifi router “This almost cost me $400” – implying that it didn’t cost him anything (maybe he stole it).  You mean “This cost me almost $400”.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]The screen for the Journal in the menu reads “Your Journal where you” and then there’s a rectangle instead of further words.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]The line ‘Letter’ in the Journal brings up the same words as for the notebook – all about Aaron, even though the description says that it is a letter written by someone.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]The wording of this entry is awkward.  [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]This map is too big, and therefore feels empty.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Map #2[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Not surprised that this building needs a map if the size of things so far is anything to go by.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Plain wooden walls and floors – but a ‘royal’ carpet.  Don’t go together, try something simpler.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]There is no transfer event on the bottom tile of the corridor, only the top and the middle.  [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Both the top and the middle take you to the same tile on the next map.  It would be better if they each took you to the corresponding place i.e. top tile to top tile, middle tile to middle tile and (eventually) bottom tile to bottom tile.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]You have also used the default ‘Retain’ for the transfer event, so I ended up facing up when I transferred, not facing right.  It is better, imo, to always specify which way the player is facing after a transfer because you can never be absolutely sure, without any shadow of a doubt, which way the player is facing for all transfers.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Map #3[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Daniel: You bet! and what are you doing[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]             Here, anyway[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]The exclamation mark should be followed by a capital letter, and Here should not have a capital letter.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Same problem with his next dialogue.  The ?! is followed by a word beginning with a lower case letter.  Question marks and exclamation marks end a sentence, they do not pause it like a comma.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Section of corridor going up – use your shadow pen to continue the shadow up to follow the wall.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Map #4[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]I leave map #3 going up and I arrive on map #4 going down.  Sometimes these awkward transitions cannot be avoided, but I doubt that is the case here.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]I’m not going to specify every instance where you have not used capital letters correctly, or have omitted them.  I suggest you go through your dialogue with great care and correct it, or get someone to proof read it for you.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]The “thought” dialogue for Ellis telling me who Aaron is bad.  Not the content but the fact of it.  Who would think that to himself?  It is unnatural.  I think you need to find another way to tell the player details about Aaron.  E.g. Ellis says “I suppose it’s normal for a 10 year old like you to be all eager, but I wish you’d tone it down a bit.”  Or whatever would suit Elliot’s character.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Ellis:  We ar going by car     Example of poor proof reading.  Should be We are…[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Map #5[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Aaron: Lets go lets go lets go.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Without the apostrophe so that it reads Let’s go, it means that someone is letting go of something e.g. lets go of a rope.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Will not comment further on bad grammar.  Get it proof read.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]The player can reach every edge of the map but can go no further.  I think it is better to arrange trees, logs etc., so that the player can’t do that.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Your stairs should stop at the top of the cliff.  To continue on up like that they would have to be supported by something, but what?[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Your long, rough grass is far too regular.  I don’t think mixing the dried out grass patches with it works.  [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Same issue with the shadow ending before the map does.  This is something you have to add manually to most maps where the trees/walls continue up to the edge of the map.  The auto shadow stops before the edge.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Map #6 (Forest Way)[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]The transfer event lands me on the same tile as the transfer back, so if I want to retrace my steps I have to go forward and then turn round and go back.  It is generally better to land the player one tile further on than the transfer event back.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Why is this map smaller than the screen?  It would be easy to flood fill the small area either side with the auto trees and it would look much neater.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Better than just flood fill, however, would be to ‘carve out’ a couple of small glades in that great mass of trees, just to make it more interesting visually for the player.  Simply drop a few grass tiles in the middle of those big blocks and the glades more or less make themselves.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Map #7[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Everything too regular.  Another bland map.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Your dialogue with the 2 unknown characters is not clear.  Nor is it clear what the ‘roar’ has to do with him overhearing something.  Those seem to be 2 quite separate unrelated phenomena. [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Map #8[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Don’t get the white flash transfer event.  Wasn’t needed by the context and just jarred.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]If you are going to prevent the player going back to a previous map as e.g. here in the town and earlier when you first entered the forest area, then you need some explanation to the player, some dialogue, even if it’s something as simple as “Now I’m here, I’m not wasting my time going back for nothing.”[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=10.5pt]Stopping here, at least for a while.[/SIZE]
    I hope you won't feel discouraged by all this.  There is nothing to say that you could not get a good game out of this.  Just that, at the moment, it is far too rough in execution for public consumption.
     
    #14
  15. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    thanks a lot, ksjp17.

    anyway, I needed an detail expression like this.

    I'm currently proof reading the game and am going to replace some events

    and change some of the tiles. the character was show deliberately in the intro to

    show who you are going to play as.
     
    #15
  16. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    #16
  17. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    Bump. Some feedback please?
     
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  18. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    Bump :)
     
    #18
  19. Krishna Siva

    Krishna Siva Extremely Insane Veteran

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    Bump :|
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 14, 2014
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  20. Kes

    Kes Global Moderators Global Mod

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    Had another look.  There is a better flow to it now, but.... I know you said you had proof read it, but see the spoiler.  Also a game-crashing bug.

    Pre-game instructions: Many errors.  This needs to be squeaky clean, otherwise the player will assume that the whole game will be littered with errors.

     

    Not “Notice for anything intruiging or suspicious” but

    “Look out for anything intriguing or suspicious” – word change and typo corrected.

     

    Not “an suspicious object” but “a suspicious object”.

     

    Not 100% sure of this, because of the differences between US and UK spelling but shouldn’t “Additionaly” be “Additionally”?

     

    Surely it should be “save at save points”, not “save in save points”?

    Opening map

    I am facing down between the TV and the book.  I check the book and still get the 60” TV dialogue.  This event could be done with the conditional from tab 3 of the conditional commands “Player is facing x direction.”  Alternatively put it on the wall where the TV is, set to “Same as player” and “Action button”  (this would be much simpler).

     

    I get dialogue on the computer desk and TV – why not the desk etc. on the left?

     

    I speak to Daniel in the corridor outside, and get the error message:

     

    Unable to find file:

    Error occurred, check the debug console for more information.

     

    It doesn’t specify which file it can’t find – the face maybe?

     

    Re-load and continue without speaking to him.

     

    Dialogues with Aaron – they start without a capital letter on the first word.

     

    On the mountain, Ellis speaks and Kirola has no capital letter.

    For your wind effect, could I suggest it set it to, say, 50% pitch?  It would slow it down and make it deeper.  At the moment it is far too fast, so recycles much too quickly.  Also the water effect is only sporadic, so it sounds like someone is turning on, and then off a tap (faucet).

     

    Water is coming down the waterfall and into the pond, and it has no escape.  That area should be flooded by now.  Your water needs an outlet at the bottom.

     

    Ellis (oh man, I am embrassing myself), should be embarrassing.  

     

    Forest Way – mapping error.  You indent the trees at the corners (fine) but you should therefore move the base of the tree trunk up one tile so that the trees are of the same height.

     

    You still have the forest auto tile smaller than the map size, and it looks ugly.  As last time, I recommend that you extend it to the edges of the map and think about creating some glades by dropping in some grass tiles.

     

    Next map up 

    “…Dr Sanford said there was no dangerous animals”  singular verb, plural noun, so either 

    Dr Sanford said there were no dangerous animals” or “there was no dangerous animal”

     

    ???? ”…I have failed to brng The Jar of ancients”  should be “bring” and as “The Jar” has capitals, so should “Ancients”.

     

    Ellis “…maybe th relic”  Maybe starts a new sentence, so capital letter and should be “the”

     

    Kirola Prince, another ancients without capital letter.  And the commas before and after “because” are not needed.

     

    Kirola Prince “What should happen, I should get that jar…” doesn’t make a lot of sense.  Maybe “Whatever happens, I must get that jar…”

     

    Town

    Ellis “Better no tell him”  should be “Better not tell him”
     
    #20

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