The Iniquitous Gospel (Demo Available)

ZeroAtEnd

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The Iniquitous Gospel
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Introduction
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This is my first ever game I've created in XP. I've worked long and hard on it; and I hope you enjoythe "beta" demo I've prepared. I would appreciate any form of criticism! Please, help me grow as a developer! There is NO battle system in this game, nor is there any other scripts besides mouse, and lighting.
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Story
The Iniquitous Gospel follows the story of Kariah R Thatcher who's soul is damned to a purgatory-state that illustrates her own perdition. After her innocent life comes to a sinister end; we'll embark on a paranormal journey across her psychosis, eternal damnation, and previous existence in order to solve her case. Leading up to the night of her death, and the repercussions of tampering with malevolent forces that takes its toll on generations of Thatchers before her; and after.
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Features
1) Original Music (created by terrabyte303)
2) Lighting script by Near Fantastica​
3) Mouse capability gameplay script by Near Fantastica & SephirothSpawn​
4) Book like illustrations specially made (in the works)​
5) Puzzle mechanics, environmental mechanics, and more ​
6) I'm currently writing a book along side this game​
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Music
This is an original theme made specially for Iniquitous Gospel. I've payed some one to make this incredible piece. Credits go to terrabyte303.
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Screenshots
         
This is Kariah when she is younger (not official yet)
Wander image 1.JPG
Wander image 2.JPG
Wander image 3.JPG
Wander image 4.JPG
Wander image 5.JPG
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Demo
                     

   
                                                                 1) http://www.mediafire.com/view/m7a460sue309uuu/Game.ini

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Credits
                         
 Enterbrain for RTP and Engine
terrabyte303 for Game Theme
Near Fantastica and SephirothSpawn for scripts
The guys at Phantasos Games for giving me wonderful constructive criticism, and pushing me to get this "beta demo" finished!​
And anyone else I've may have forgotten!​
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Thank you for taking the time to check out my game! Please, leave a comment if you enjoyed it, or if you have anything to say! I welcome criticism! I do plan on release a better demo, but for now I've left mistakes in this, so be prepared. The demo is only introducing a tiny bit of the game, characters, and atmosphere.Visit my soundcloud if you dig the music, visit my http://www.writerscafe.org/ profile @ ZeroAtEnd if you dig the writing, and thanks again!​
 

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Kes

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This looks interesting.

One thing does strike me - and please don't think this is just me being a pedant.  The impression created by your presentation is going to either encourage potential players or discourage them.  So, just a few things I noticed.

Who's is an abbreviation for Who is.  You, however, mean the possessive pronoun, and that is: whose.  You have used the incorrect word every time.

"await their premature awakening".  Sounds both awkward and odd.  The all things that are waiting are waiting to be awakened, they can hardly wait to be awakened prematurely.  This is an example (and there are several) where an elaborate use of language doesn't quite come off.

"they feared of something demonic" should read "they feared something" OR "they were afraid of something".  You have combined two verbal constructions which clash.

"The inclination to coward in fear" makes no sense.  Do you mean "cower in fear"?

" who's aplomb is equivalent to the folks that heard the truth" makes no sense to me.  "Aplomb" means "dignity and confidence" and how that can be equivalent to folks is something that I can't work out.

"who's courageous journey cost him them one affair they've dread to lose, their lives"  makes no sense to me.  Has this courageous journey cost him OR them something?  And what is that something - "one affair" is obscure, to say the least.  The rest of the sentence seems to suggest that this journey has cost them their lives, but I don't think many people would describe their life as "an affair".  And presumably you mean "they've dreaded to lose".  Taken together this sentence seems to say that an adolescent makes a courageous journey and it costs him (or them) his life.  Is that the ultimate spoiler, or cunning misdirection on your part?

These examples show, I hope, that there is a lack of clarity in your presentation.  As this is the first thing the potential player sees, it needs to be as right as possible.  Mistakes here could cause the reader to think that the game itself will be full of these sorts of mistakes and decide not to download, and therefore missing something that they would, in fact, enjoy.
 

C-C-C-Cashmere (old)

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Looks suspenseful. But these screenshots look really dark! Have you considered lighting it up a little? I think it would help things a lot ^_^
 

ZeroAtEnd

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Thank you, all for the honesty! I'll fix those mistakes, sorry it took me a little bit to answer back. I appreciate this comments thanks! I've been trying to become a better writer, but still so much to learn. :)
 

CtrlAltLee

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I tried downloading the demo. The first three link didn't do anything and the last link gave me an error when I tried to open the game. Have you had a friend try this on their computer using the links you've provided? I'm willing to accept it might just be me if so. Anyways, hope to get to play it soon. 
 

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