The Legend of Yaedith

[JayDee15]

So the little hero's quest is to find out about his origins, correct?

Spoiler

One of the flaws I see in it is that, if he only knows Elven traditions, customs, cultural aspects, etc., that boy is essentially "an Elf in mind" (even if not in body). So, he is technically not supposed to be a threat to the Elves who raised him as if he were part of them--unless some Elder-Elf finds out that the little hero will be of a great threat to the Elven community, when he grows up (in this case, why would they even bother with him and not leave him in the wild to starve and die, or simply kill him?). But, going back to being raised by Elves, one of the challenges te hero can face is prejudice, because of his human traits that will be more visible as he grows up--and if Humans and Elves don't get along in your world, that is one good factor to think about.

Here is another problem I remarked: the hero is an Elf (in mind), and he learns that he is human (do I have the plot correctly?). The Elves don't know what to do with him (yet). Their decisions would be based on their relationship with the humans. As in, if they are allies with the humans, it is not supposed to be a problem; and if they are enemies with them, what point would it serve to kill the hero, if all he knows are elvish morals and values (again, he is an Elf in mind)--unless his existence will allow the fall of their civilization (as I suggested before). And, if the scenario in which the hero will allow the fall of the elven civilization is chosen, then you can choose to make the hero flee from his "parents."

But, if you choose the route of "searching for the hero's identity," then some factor has to open the hero's eyes, so that he can see that he is not an Elf (remember, he is still an Elf in mind). In this case, he can learn that he was a newlyborn prince, but a group of Orcs/Ogres slew his entire kingdom in a war--but then, his only goal would be revenge, and not truly a quest for identity.

So, to conclude, I should ask again: what is your plot and/or logline? I see 3 possibilities:

Spoiler

1- A young human child, who lost his entire family/kingdom during the Orcs/Ogres raid, is raised by Elves but he must learn to overcome prejudices from his fellow Elves. (Internal Journey)

2- A young orphaned human child, who was raised by Elves, is destined to bring doom to the Forestfolk. (External Journey)

3- A young orphaned human child, who was raised by Elves, eventually learns of his origins and seeks revenge on the Orcs/Ogres who have slain his family/kingdom. (External Journey)

I hope it helps.

 

[Usagi]

You're a great help, jaydee15. It's the third one, I'm just not great at explaining. ^_^

Every race gets along, I guess, yet still they don't particularly like them 100% as most of them (Humans, Gnomes and Dwarves) are power-hungry. All the races don't trust the Orcs and Ogres and after the peace treaty they all understand why. However, in-game the Gnomes and Dwarves become sick of the Orcs and Ogres and seek war as well. Eventually, everyone is battling at least one race which is secretly the Orcs and Ogres plan all along to get every race distracted and out-numbered before they even strike so they can rule the world.

Meanwhile, the young boy grows to be a man who has learned the ways of an Elf from birth and he is the main character as he shows the good races (everyone except Orcs and Ogres) that different races can get along as he is a perfect example being a Human (in body) and Elf (in mind). As he goes through this quest of reuniting peace once more in the world, his family finds him and he has to choose stay with the Elves or his birth-parents (which is a player choice).

Then, there will be multiple ending opportunities for a sequel. :lol:

 

[JayDee15]

@Usagi:

If I may add a word, you should leave the "multiple ending" business out for the moment, because it is irrelevent (again, for the moment). As far as the plot goes, I don't see a clear structure yet. But I can try to help you (and there are even better writers than me, in this forum, for sure) get your ideas straightened out. Here is what I understand, so far, from the plot:

Spoiler

- The Human race is at its peak of civilization, after discovering a way to use Energy efficiently;

- The Humans celebrate the coming of a newborn, after a peace treaty is signed, and are attacked by Orcs, Ogres, and Mutated Creatures;

- The Orcs/Ogres kidnap the baby, to use him for bargain, but the baby (Oliver) is involuntarily saved by Elves, who take him and raise him as their own, thinking that the baby is own of their own;

- Oliver grows up, and physical changes that occur in him (him being human), and the Elves don't know what to do to the hero;

- Oliver decides to embark into a journey to find out about his origins--and perhaps seek revenge for the murder of his nation...

A few things that don't click are:

Spoiler

- Why would the Orcs/Ogres bother to kidnap a baby--of little significance--, when they can create a disorder in the Human society by killing everyone present at the time of the raid, or at least the rulers, and steal their technology (assuming that they are not the typical idiotic, barbaric beasts we read in our everyday Fantasy books) and threaten the world with the technologies? The Orcs/Ogres raid is likely to be a successful one, if the humans are distracted by the celebration of the peace treaty (and the King and Lords of the human society would thus be easy targets), because their guards would be down, in my opinion. :huh:

- What are the motives of the Orcs/Ogres acting in such a radical way? Do they want acceptance, because they have been mistreated and ignored/overlooked by the "good races?" Are they causing an uprise, because they have been enslaved and been close to being exterminated and desire now to take their revenge? I think you had to add some humanity to the Orcs/Ogres. I think that you have to feel some pity or anger, empathize with these creatures. Otherwise, they are plain useless to the plot--you could do the same for the Dwarves or Elves and completely ignore the idea of adding Orcs. :huh:

- After the raid, are the birth-parents of the hero alive or dead? If they are alive, how come they never sought to search for the heir of the human throne? If they are dead, then you are contradicting what your story is about, when you say that he will have to choose between his foster-parents and his blood-parents. Remember, Oliver has lived all his life thinking that he is an Elf, and just because he learns that he truly is human will not make him accept this fact voluntarily--he would generally still think that he is an Elf, and he would think and reason and act like an Elf no matter what, until some external or internal factor forces him to change his mannerisms, etc. :mellow:

- "Meanwhile, the young boy grows to be a man who has learned the ways of an Elf from birth and he is the main character as he shows the good races (everyone except Orcs and Ogres) that different races can get along as he is a perfect example being a Human (in body) and Elf (in mind)."

That part made no sense to me at all, friend. The first question that would pop in my head would be, "Why not someone else? Why not choose an Orc to do that instead of a human?" I would side for the Orcs, personally, because they are overlooked and hated by everyone for no apparent reason that they are "more" evil than the other races. If it was up to me, I would make the story of an Orc, being raised by an Elf who had pity on him; and that Orc would find a way to unite Orcs and Elves, to show the world that they are misjudged and prejudiced because of their grim appearance and violent nature, but that they can be just as friendly if understood and given the chance to do so.

- "As he goes through this quest of reuniting peace once more in the world, his family finds him and he has to choose stay with the Elves or his birth-parents (which is a player choice)."

It just doesn't go well with the "seeking revenge" at all, in my opinion...

As I said, take your time. You're in no hurry, buddy.

 

[Usagi]

Spoiler

1. The Human Civilization will always rebuild, and they had the idea of using him as bait in the future as a back-up plan or secret weapon.2. Well, the Orcs pretend like they want peace but they really want power because they are looked down upon for their past and looks. So, I guess it is a revenge thing for them too.

3. They are alive, they did search (this information is all in the game - I just can't find a way in putting it into the story) but they had no luck as they went to the Elves and asked about the Orcs and they told them they killed every single one there and that there was no survivors, which makes the Humans think the baby was killed too.

The player can choose, some people would go back to the humans, but most would stay with the Elves. It doesn't really matter. It just changes the plot for the sequel depending on which one you picked, in which there will be a poll when the game is released asking which option people picked and the highest one will be used for the sequel.

4. I guess that sounds right, but wouldn't it be obvious it is an Orc? Wouldn't the Elves get rid of him cause they see them as feral. Or maybe the Elves want to try to change him as a baby to see if they can really be good... Then in-game, we can continue with our plot of the human and then have a twist saying something like, "Though, this isn't my story..." and then the camera view goes from the baby human to the baby orc. Then, in future, the baby orc could have been the royal newborn as well who would take over from his father and then when he grows up as well, the Orcs find out he is alive and captured by the Elves, so war breaks lose but the Orc stands up and changes everything with a speech or something.

You're really helping me out here. Thanks, jaydee15. ^_^

 

[JayDee15]

Sorry to get back at you late... :\

LOL! I'm glad I am helping. ^_^

Hmm, I have heard a saying before: "Make us feel pity for the antagonist(s) by adding some humanity to them."

I think the Orcs/Ogres have to have a valid reason to "want" this power. Why do they want this power? What do they hope to accomplish with all that power?

Right now, their purpose is very unclear.

And, normally, you're not supposed to even think of a sequel until you finish the first story completely. Sequels are made when the people want to see more.

Here is another problem I see: Elves are good; Orcs are bad.... That is a big no-no. No species are "all-good" or "all-evil." And having the Elves being the "good guys" while the Orcs are the "bad guys" is unrealistic. However, having a dispute between both races because of prejudices and stereotypical assumptions--doesn't always have to be wars, though--is a much more logical approach to realism, in my opinion.

What I would suggest is this:

- The Humans have become the new world-power because of the advancement in technology. This becomes a nuisance to the Elves, who are more traditional (and thus decide to remain old-fashioned), as well as the Orcs. However, the Dwarves and Gnomes, too, enter the competition of being more advanced in techs. The Elves and the Orcs and Ogres are at a disadvantage, but they refuse to cooperate.

- The Humans (and maybe Dwarves) begin to oppress the Orcs, Ogres, and even Elves. But the Elves yield to the Humans, although they keep their distances. They eventually tag along with the Humans; the Orcs and Ogres don't.

- As the competition for power rises, a war erupts: Humans, Dwarves, Goblins, and even Elves, Orcs, Ogres, etc. are involuntarily involved in the conflict. The Orcs/Ogres are the first and only ones to lose, because they do not possess the necessary means to protect themselves. They are thus enslaved by the Humans.

- The years pass, and more and more stress is put onto the Orcs. They eventually rebel against their slavemasters, during the ceremony which you spoke about. They steal the newborn prince, for they believe that they may bargain with the Human king to include them in the peace treaty, and to be treated equally. Some of them use this opportunity to escape, others to steal as much technology as they can, while others fight to delay the escape. In all the tumult, the Orcs who remained begin to lose ground, so they flee into the forest, where they are ambushed by a group of Elves for trespassing into their lands--they are thus killed. The Elves find the baby, and you know the rest.

In this fashion, everyone is against everyone; although there are some alliances. Like this, no one is truly the "good guy," but no one is the truly "bad guy" either. But I see room for improvements in all this anyway.

 

[Usagi]

I like the idea, it is kind of what I had in the Setting how the Elves don't want to advance, but much more. I have a question though. If we do it that way, are we scrapping the idea of the baby Orc Prince or instead having all that background and past stuff that the boy learns about as he grows and then is no baby Orc Prince?

 

[JayDee15]

@Usagi:

I think the baby-Orc (Orcling) should be the main character, that he should be the son of a random Orc (not necessarily of the chieftain), and that he was found by the Elves, raised by them, and learns about his people and decides to find a away to make an alliance between the two kindreds--and later with the Humans, Dwarves, etc.

 

[Usagi]

I love it. Thanks, jaydee15. ^_^ I'll definitely credit you for the storyline. Would you like to be on a team with me or just help out on the thread?

I'm spriting the baby Orc. :

 

[JayDee15]

I'll help out. I have an on-going project, so I am a bit too busy to be full-time on the team, unfortunately. :\

 

[Usagi]

Oh, alright. Well, could you help me with making all that into a Story to be posted on the first post? :lol:

 

[LeviCore.exe]

Cant believe your just starting in this stuff

Your mapping is very nice btw .

I really like seing actor63 in high quality games it looks very epic

 

[Usagi]

Thank you, although the sprites may possibly be replaced with more realistic-looking sprites. Depending on how things go soon.

 

[ZAiKAi]

Wow. Very nice maps and I really like this original storyline ...

Can't wait for a demo release.

 

[JayDee15]

@Usagi:

Sure, I can do that.

 

[Usagi]

Thanks jaydee15 for your wonderful help. I don't know where this project would be standing without you.

Thank you for the feedback Zaiarkai! ^_^

 

[JayDee15]

I'll try to do it later, but I'll send it to you through PM, so that you can review it upon need. I hope I will have enough time, because my schedule is getting rougher, because of school. :\

 

[Usagi]

I know the feeling. Thanks, jaydee.

 

[JayDee15]

Edit:

Oops! I said I was going to send the logline as PM. LOL!

 

[Tsukiyo Shinon]

Hi Usagi, first excuse for my Bad English because I come from China...

And I'm friend of the original author so you know what I mean, because this project original name call Guardian Knight not your The Legend of Yaedith......

Here is some screenshot from original project

this is the scene title

I wonder how you crack this project cause it use some little different encryption system, but whatever

Your Thief!

 

[JessicaYYF]

Please do not steal others' game!

Here is the original authors' link: http://bbs.66rpg.com/thread-247007-1-1.html