RMVXA The Menace Below (Idea)

Nightblade50

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I had an idea for a game that kind of just came to me. The base idea of a "Technomancer" (defined in a little bit) interested me and I invented a story, just rolled with it. It's pretty dark and violent (lots of death) but I really like it and am considering making a game with it. Some of the story is based on real events that happened to me (namely, the suicide, the love triangle). Feedback?

The Technomancers are a people under the earth’s surface, unknown to the surface world—which would be us. They use magic abilities enhanced with powerful technology. Their purpose to keep an ancient evil beneath the earth contained. If the evil is allowed to escape, it will swallow up all of the earth and everyone on it. This has been going on for hundreds of years. They are forbidden from going to the surface world.

All I have so far is Part 1.

-Part 1: Outcast-

The characters:

Viridian
Bio: One of the Technomancers and one of the main characters. Advanced in technomancy. Though very young, people look up to her. People sometimes call her Viri (pronounced Veer-ee) for short.
Gender: Female
Age: 18

Sienna
Bio: Viri’s best friend, though under her in technomancy. She is three years older, and very attractive.
Gender: Female
Age: 21

Leonard
Bio: The leader of the Technomancers. He isn’t in any of the bases of operations - rather, his location is unknown. He communications to the Technomancers via their powers, and they can teleport to his location, though no one knows where it is.
Gender: Male
Age: 35

Cyler
Bio: A teenager in high school, suffering from depression, failing grades, and a violent disposition. He has unknown powers like the Technomancers. Though not even he knows about them.
Gender: Male
Age: 14

Melissa
Bio: Cyler’s crush. She has a boyfriend, however. She’s a little shy, and a good student.
Gender: Female
Age: 14

Jonathan
Bio: Melissa’s boyfriend. While a jerk, he is fairly attractive, which is Melissa’s reason for liking him.
Gender: Male
Age: 16

Story: (major spoilers)
  • Viridian, underneath the earth’s surface, rescues another Technomancer from near certain death from mutant insect creatures.
  • Cyler gets into a violent fight at his high school; he beats up another boy, and after insulting his teacher and swearing at her, he is sent to the principal. The principal warns Cyler that if this behavior continues, he will be expelled.
  • Sienna, Viridian’s friend, risks a trip to the surface world, although she is not allowed, because of her curiosity. She is discovered by the Technomancers, and she is put on trial.
  • Viridian sneaks into the jail cell after the trial and attempts to get Sienna out. The guards discover this and Sienna is accidentally killed in crossfire. In a burst of anger, Viridian kills all the guards brutally.
  • The massive power burst from Viridian’s rage trembles the earth above her, which causes an earthquake at Cyler’s high school.
  • One of the main buildings is knocked down, killing around a hundred students. Cyler escapes, helping his crush, Melissa, to get out as well. Her boyfriend Jonathan escapes as well, which Melissa is overjoyed to see, though she gives Cyler an odd look he can’t place. A couple of other students get out as well.
  • The high school is shut down, suspending the children's education for the current moment. After Melissa gets to know Cyler better, she starts to fall in love with him as well. She still loves Jonathan, however.
  • Viridian, after her uncontrolled massacre, is exiled from the Technomancers and banished to the surface world forever.
  • Cyler and Melissa go on a date and kiss each other. Jonathan sees through the restaurant window. After the date, he confronts Cyler. They get into a fight, and Cyler accidentally uses his hidden powers to rip a hole through Jonathan.
  • Horrified, Cyler flees from the scene. Nobody sees. Melissa hears what happened, though nothing about Cyler’s involvement. Heartbroken, she meets with him one last time, then hangs herself in her backyard.
  • Cyler is struck hard after hearing of this. After sobbing in his room for a long time, he packs what he has and runs from his family, whom he hates. Not thinking about where he is going, he walks into the street and is nearly hit by a car. Viridian, seeing this, runs into the street and grabs Cyler, then teleports with him. This causes a huge car crash that knocks out much of the power. <End of Part 1>
 

Wavelength

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The story, as you've laid it out so far, seems really interesting.

I particularly like the way that different characters' actions and decisions affect one another, and it all comes together when Viri runs into Cyler in the surface world. One thing I don't like is that Viri is simply "banished" to the surface world after breaking laws, killing guards, and causing destruction up above - that doesn't make a lot of sense after Sienna was going to be tried simply for taking a trip up there. It's like - is it a terrible thing for them to go up above, or not? And if it is, why give Viri a free pass up there? If anything, I'd say have Viri set to be executed, and have her find a way to escape up to the surface world, where no Technomancer dares to follow.

Right now, it feels like a (quite good) story-driven piece. I don't necessarily see where the game elements would fit into certain pieces (like the love triangle). On the other hand, the Technomancer powers and the escape sequences could make for cool gameplay. It's worth thinking about whether you want to make this into a game, or whether it would be better served as an animated feature or a novel.

Good work so far!
 

SpicyNoodleStudios

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The story is interesting with some dark plot twists. I'm wondering what the gameplay would be like? Are the mutant insects a constant threat above and below surface? Would it be mostly story driven until a certain point, where fighting off a source of evil becomes prevalent?
 

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